Weight of the World, by debxena RATING: PG CHARACTER: Mal SPOILERS: Our Mrs Reynolds; Trash FEEDBACK: Finally I'm back! So I'd be delighted to have some feedback to keep me going ... DISCLAIMER: Mal isn't mine, although he's great fun to write about. Joss and Nathan Fillion can take the credit though. NOTES: Written for astarte99 as part of the Fireflyfic Challenge (go here to request, or to read other challenge results). Thanks to neongraal for the beta.

Sitting on a rock. I'm sitting alone, and naked, on a rock. Alone and naked on a scratchy rock, surrounded by sand and stones and not a damn thing else. There's no one here, and I don't know how long it's going to be before they pick me up. I'm alone and naked in the middle of nowhere.

slow grin

This feels good.

***

It's kinda peaceful out here. I don't see any animals or plants other than stubby cactuses, and I imagine if the sun was higher I'd be a mite more uncomfortable that I am right now. By rights I should be cursing my stupidity for ever getting involved again with 'Mrs Reynolds', but really, I always knew she'd double-cross me, triple-cross me, cross me any way she could manage. So no surprises there.

I wonder if Inara managed to catch up with her?

It's been a long time since I could just sit. There's always somethin' to do - food bars or cattle or whatnot to ship around; villains to outwit and bad men to outrun. Bar fights and bein' polite until the cargo's sold, supplies to get or passengers to aquire. Always busy. Always the captain. But that's how I wanted it, so who am I to complain?

Ah, hell. I can complain all I want to, out here. There's no one to hear me, after all. Just rocks and cactuses and me with no clothes. Still, it's nice to be carrying no weight but my own, for a bit. All I have to do is sit and wait. Someone else can do the rescuing.

I'm just going to sit here, feel the sun warming my skin, and feel the headiness of no responsibility. Think about just wanderin' off into the desert and not going back. Think about Inara and her soft hair. Think about Serenity, and the first time I laid eyes on her. Think about where I've been, where I'm goin', whatinthehell I'm doing out here.

Think about being Captain. Captain of my own soul? Captain of many souls. So many faces lookin' to me for guidance. Not to Book and his book, but to me. And I can't let them down. They trust me to do right by them. Trust me to be there.

This desert isn't the place for me. For a visit, sure, but I can't stay.

I have responsibilities. And I won't let down my crew.