“No sudden moves now, Cobb.”

“Don’t think that’s a worry friend,” Jayne replied through clenched teeth.

“Good. Now that we’re exploring all sorts of new life-experiences, why’n’cha try somethin’ else and walk the straight and narrow. Into that alley yonder.”

Jayne hated to be prodded, but even he recognized the effectiveness of prodding when it was done with a high-caliber smoothbore. Least that’s what it sounded like. Walking done, Jayne took an extra step forward and turned on his heel to confront the Angry Voice.

“Don’t remember ever shootin’ at you before”

“That’s cause ya didn’t. Ya never will, neither. Cause you’re just gonna be a nice quiet agreeable prisoner till I git the coin from thems that want ye.”

The mercenary managed to furrow his brow at that one. In his line of work, the vast majority of his customers were either satisfied with the job, or were the job, and thus no longer among the living. How many –

Jayne’s train of thought, such as it was, was then cut off by the blunt impact to the base of his skull.

“OW, gorram it!”

“hwoon-dan must have a skull like an elephant!”

A second strike brought the matter to a close. Though he would not recall it, Jayne took mild pleasure in the last words he heard:

“Now why’d ya go and do that? Ya know what? Just for that, you’re gonna be the one t’carry him.”

[…]

“I always wonder at the fact that my stack of chores doesn’t fluctuate nearly as much when our resident gunhand isn’t about,” a smiling Meria Book observed

“Hm. Going to have to agree with that,” replied Simon. “I win more often too,” his deep concentration spreading into an impish smile.

“You. Guys. Suck.”

Wash was mentally preparing himself for septic vacc duty for the next 482 cycles. And not liking it one iota. Maybe if he’d fought in the war he’d have picked up some sort of trick for this sorta thing. Like using his well-honed unarmed combat skills to expunge those cocky grins from the pair across the table. However, being merely semi-muscular, his well-honed wit was all he had. It was not working. Maybe he could fly a bit and churn their stomachs so bad that they… Hm… More on that later, perhaps? If you play cards for more than 10 minutes and can’t recognize the sucker, chances are you’re it. Wash needed a new sucker. But where to find it?

Wash evaluated his chances. Who else was on board? A trained socialite? She could probably outplay everyone already here. Two hardened soldiers? Nah. A psychic? Not a chance. Well, He might stand a chance against…

“Kaylee should play!” Announced River.

“Aw, I couldn’t…” was the blushing reply.

“I can help,” River quickly interjected. “You’ll learn fast!”

Another 10 minutes later, Wash was feeling better. This was not due to any comeback on his part. He was still hovering at about 400 cycles of septic vac duty. However, Simon and the Shepherd were no longer smiling. That was good enough for him for now.

“We seem to be out of chores. Is there anything else of similar value that can be brought to the table? 3 months of dishes is quite a lot. I’d like to win some off-time back. Perhaps with some dignity.” Of all the people with dignity to spare, if Book was desparate for more action everyone could recognize how deadly serious this session of TallCard had become.

“Well, I can have y’all do some engine maintenance. Might be good to have someone be able to look at the engine if I’m…otherwise engaged,” Kaylee’s doe-eyes were fully deployed in the good doctor’s direction.

Even simon had come to recognize when he was being flirted with “Well Kaylee,” he said, smiling, “are you sure we’re ready for grunt work? I mean…if…you…”

Simon stopped bothering with the joke at the sight of Kaylees retreating form, balled fists and all. He thought he even saw steam coming from her ears. “Did they have women on Osiris, Simon. I’m just curious, is all,” was Wash’s contribution to the situation.

River, getting up for the foreseen ‘girl time’ supplemented that with “Without proper training and sufficient experience, those unfamiliar with complex workings can wreak complete disaster on delicate systems. Grunt.”

“This is the captain,” Mal’s voice chimed over the loudspeaker. “We’re about ready to grab some space. Anybody seen Jayne?”