These days, more often than not, River's thoughts are her own. Slowly, methodically, she is growing accustomed to the deafening quiet that unsettled her so in the long days immediately following Miranda.

These days, her mind is clear and open, uncluttered and unchaotic. She follows Mal and Kaylee about the ship every chance she gets, thinking and questioning, absorbing as much as she can about Serenity's inner workings. She is a quick learner, and takes over most of Mal's day-to-day duties almost immediately. He grumbles and makes a tiny fuss, but she knows he is secretly pleased at how naturally she has taken to piloting.

She also knows that sometimes, as much as he loves the old girl, he can hardly bear the feel of his own hands on the controls. This wakes her in the night, causes her to find her way to the bridge, surprising him less and less each time. Moving silently, she creeps into the co-pilot's chair and takes over the controls before he can even register her presence. On these nights, he doesn't grumble, not even a little -- just sighs and settles deeper into his seat.

On these nights, he never makes it to his bunk, never leaves her alone. They wait for morning in silence.

River is beginning to feel whole again.

* * *

One of these nights, only after she confirms that Mal has indeed dozed off in the pilot's chair, River slips into the engine room, roots around until she finds Kaylee's most recent batch of home-brew, and fills a mug from the kitchen with sweet-smelling wine.

She has never been drunk before, but the potent blend quickly seeps into her system and makes her dizzy. She is sitting crosslegged on the floor, contemplating what Kaylee has only recently told her is the port-pin-lock, when Jayne finds her.

"Girl? What're you doin' up? And where's Mal? He ain't in his bunk, an' sure ain't keepin' you out of trouble. What's that you got there anyho--" He sees the mug in River's hands. "Oh."

She smiles.

"Gorrammit, girl, you know how much trouble I'm gonna be in if Cap'n finds out I seen ya and didn't do nothin'? Give it here."

"Nothing to give." She hands Jayne the empty mug, giggles.

Jayne examines it closely and cocks his ear toward the bridge, listening for any sign of Mal. Examines River too. "So help me, if you tell your hundan brother about this ..."

"Won't. I don't tell him secrets anymore. Too distracted. Tell her instead."

"'Nara?" Jayne fills River's mug, but does not hand it over.

"Her." She runs her fingers over warm steel, closes her eyes.

Jayne shakes his head and tosses back the last of the wine. River can still feels the burn in her cheeks, long after the alcohol wears off.

* * *

These days, Inara spends more and more time in Serenity's common areas, leaving her shuttle empty and open. She is no longer afraid of the damage that an unsupervised River might do to her fancy things, and so has given her permission to linger there as long as she pleases.

River fingers the detailed pillows, the glass bottles filled with perfumes, but does not move anything from its intended place. She examines each earring and gown in close detail, and blushes when her fingers brush a silky nightgown and she is inundated with thoughts of Mal and what he might look like under that brown coat, under those suspenders, below that belt.

Inara speaks more clearly to River during these solitary moments in her shuttle than she ever does in person.

* * *

In the beginning -- because that's how she thinks of things these days -- they are all quite happy about Simon and Kaylee, with the exception of Jayne, who mutters under his breath if they get too friendly in his presence, but otherwise keeps quiet.

Mal is the first to tire of their lovey-dovey behavior; she sees it in his face one night at the dinner table. After that, she can't help but see it again and again. He hasn't said anything -- yet -- but she waits for that day to come, knows it will, can already see the look on his face as he instantly regrets it, too late as usual. She can't quite see Simon and Kaylee's faces yet, but it takes some effort not to, and she squeezes her eyes shut and hopes that she will not be around when Mal breaks.

A few days later, as River is preparing dinner alone in the kitchen, embarrassment that is very clearly Mal's washes over her; startled, she drops the bowl in her hands with a loud clatter, spilling most of its contents into the sink. She retrieves it quickly, but the damage has already been done.

* * *

Zoe has always been a bit of a mystery to River, even before Miranda. Closed off, difficult to read -- a glimpse of Wash, perhaps, and occasionally the vaguest impression of a hilltop scattered with bodies, but never anything more.

These days, River has difficulty seeing Zoe at all. She hides in Serenity's curves and shadows, wishes herself invisible, avoids River's sharp gaze, Kaylee's sympathetic eyes, and any mention of Wash or the preacher.

"When you gonna quit following me around, little girl?" High up on the catwalk, Zoe whirls around and catches River only a few steps behind. She sounds tired, looks tired, even though things have been quiet lately and they've all had plenty of time for sleep.

"Not following."

"Fine. Mind if I ask what it is you're up to, then?" Zoe is not amused.

Swiftly, quietly, River sits, tucking her feet beneath her long dress, and looks up at Zoe as she pats the space next to her.

"River, I've got more than enough to do right now, and I certainly don't have time to figure out what in the guai you want from me." She does not turn and walk away like River expects her to, just stands with her arms folded, still, unmoving.

Only a few seconds of silence pass before Zoe sits, surprising them both. She stares at the floor of the cargo bay, far beneath them. They do not look at each other.

"It's hard for you, being alone. It's more than just Wash. Used to have Mal, but he doesn't know the right words anymore."

"Might be he never did." River is surprised at the bitterness in Zoe's voice.

"You lost them both -- one for good, and one for now, but he'll never find his way back if you keep getting smaller and smaller." Zoe shuts her eyes, breathes deep, but says nothing. "Need to get bigger instead. Need to fill the empty spaces."

"Mite harder than you're making it sound, River."

"I know."

They stay there, together, high above the cargo bay, until Mal stumbles across them on his way to Inara's shuttle. River sees him before Zoe does, and he shoots her a questioning look, but Zoe's face is enough to keep him quiet for once, and he passes wordlessly, and things that were undone begin to come together again.