He couldn’t sleep. Again. Sighing heavily, Mal pushed himself up off his bunk and grabbed his shirt. He considered going up to the bridge, but River was up there and he didn’t feel like having her read his thoughts tonight. Especially tonight. Maybe some of that bad-tasting sleepy tea Inara had brought on board would help.

It had been a month since Miranda. Things still weren’t back to normal and Mal was starting to wonder if they ever would be. Zoe was still Zoe, but the light in her eyes was out. And he never saw her smile anymore. Simon and Kaylee were just about driving him up the wall with all their sneaking around for quick makeout sessions…turnin’ his engine room into a gorram sex playground. Hell, even Jayne was actin’ different… grumpier than ever and goin’ stir crazy what with the fact they ain’t had no work since their little run in with the Alliance over the PAX.

And Mal ain’t had a good night’s sleep since…well, since before he brought River back on board after the Maidenhead incident. Now, with no work to be had…hell, there wasn’t a soul who would hire the crew of Serenity after all their recent “publicity”. They were on their way to Persephone to try their luck with Badger, but Mal wasn’t hopeful. Truth to tell, after the Operative’s rampage on Serenity’s known contacts, he didn’t even know if Badger was still alive.

‘You know that ain’t why you’re not sleepin,’ a voice inside his head grumbled as he stepped down into the galley. He went over to the stores and started flipping through the packets till he found what he wanted. No, what really had him on edge was Inara. She was plannin’ on debarking at Persephone. Leavin’ again. And it was drivin’ him crazy. After the closeness they had shared on Miranda, it hadn’t taken long for Mal and Inara to start trading barbs again and that small window where it had seemed possible for them to reach some kind of understanding…well, it had slammed shut.

Earlier this morning, whatever question there might have been about her staying on board Serenity had been obliterated. Mal had pushed her for an answer, a decision, some indication of what she was thinking with regard to staying. Not his smartest move ever when it came to Inara.

He had found her sitting on the catwalk between the two shuttles. She was obviously stewing on something. “Inara. Wanted to let you know we’re headed to Persephone…figured we’d try payin’ a call to Badger, see if he has any work for us.”

A bitter laugh. “You must be desperate, Mal. You’re going back to that piece of go se? He’s never struck me as one of your favorite business partners.”

Mal came to stand over Inara where she sat. “You may have noticed that we happen to be down to the last of our food stores, ‘Nara. We gotta eat. Hell, I would take work from Niska at this point.” Mal’s response was met by silence. Inara continued to stare out at the empty cargo bay.

“Uh, anyway, thought you might want advance notice so’s you can get your stuff together if you…you know…wanted to ---“

“I’m sorry, Captain, am I taking up much needed space on your ship? I hadn’t noticed there was such a demand for room on Serenity these days.” Inara’s tone of voice was unruffled, sweet even, but Mal caught the edge in it; she was obviously pissed. Ta ma de, where was this coming from?

Mal found his own voice taking on an edge in response; an automatic reflex in answer to her tone. He spoke very quietly, and Inara knew from experience how angry that meant he was. “Look, I didn’t come tellin’ you this to start a fight. I’m tryin’ to be sensitive to your…whatever it is going on in that crazy head a’ yours. Why is it such a gorram impossibility for you to make up your mind, anyway?”

Now Inara stood up and spoke through gritted teeth. “If you resembled something even remotely close to a human being, Captain, you would understand why this is so har--,” Inara bit off the end of her sentence, realizing that she was treading dangerously on “the line” that helped preserve her pride when it came to this man. Something hardened in her eyes; in that split-second, the decision had been made. She took a step closer to Mal and looked him dead in the eyes. “It was obviously a mistake to consider staying. Let me know when you plan on arriving at Persephone and I’ll be sure to have my things ready.”

And for the second time in his life, Mal had watched speechless as Inara stalked away from him to her shuttle. No tears this time, just anger and frustration pouring off of her. What the hell did she want from him? He strode back up to the bridge, his brain refusing to admit that he knew the answer to that question.

Now, almost twenty-four hours later, as Mal waited for the tea water to heat up, he felt himself getting more and more angry. Angry at Inara, angry at the situation, angry at himself for not doing a damn thing about it.

Clumsy from lack of sleep, Mal managed to slosh hot liquid all over himself as he went to grab the now steaming mug of water. Cursing, he slammed it down on the counter. Enough was enough. Can’t captain a boat if you ain’t sleepin’. And the only thing gonna help that was him gettin’ a few things off his chest. He didn’t know exactly what he would say, but gorrammit he was going to say something. He strode up the stairs out of the galley, turned right into the stairwell and immediately collided with Inara.

“Mal!” Inara backed off quickly to put distance between them. “You scared me.” She was looking all beautiful, as usual, even though it was obvious from the circles under her eyes that she hadn’t exactly been getting a lot of sleep lately, either.

“What’re you doing u--- “ Mal was cut off mid-question as Serenity suddenly lurched. Both he and Inara were thrown towards the bulkhead; he grabbed her and broke their momentum by bracing his forearm against the wall above her head.

“River! What the hell is ---“ Mal didn’t even have time to finish his question before River yelled down from the bridge. “Sorry! Wrong sequence!”

Exasperated, Mal rolled his eyes and looked down at Inara. Suddenly he became very aware of her head cradled in his left hand and her hands splayed against his chest as she looked up at him. She was jammed in between him and the wall. This was normally the exact second when they would flinch from each other and walk away all flustered. Only, oddly enough, neither one of them was making any attempt to move just at the moment.

“Mal…,” Inara started, clearly unsure of herself. The fact that she was visibly nervous didn’t even register with him. He was busy having an argument with his brain. ‘It’s now or never,’ it said, over and over. ‘I can’t do this,’ he countered to himself. But something about the nearness of her, the feel of her so close to him all of a sudden, overrode his fear. ‘You’ll lose her again if you don’t say something now.’ And that he couldn’t argue with.

His mouth opened and words miraculously came out. “Inara….I was, uh, actually comin’ to talk to you…” Concentration was eluding him just at the moment; her lovely mouth was about three inches from his and his eyes kept straying to focus on it. The feel of her hair in his hand and the scent of her…

“I was just…” Inara started, then stopped. The look in Mal’s eyes was not the angry one she had been expecting. What she did see there set her heart beating faster than any glare from him could have. Unconsciously, her hands had softened against him, no longer bracing her against him, but resting on his hard chest muscles. “Uh…what about?”

No turning back now. Don’t blow this. He took a deep breath and dragged his eyes back up away from her mouth. “Inara, I…this morning…I didn’t mean to…I wasn’t trying to…..I obviously said something wrong. I can’t afford to be losin’ another one of my crew right now…hell, Kaylee’s so upset about you leavin’ again she won’t even speak to me.” ‘Way to go,’ said the little voice in his head as Inara looked down at the floor, obviously uncomfortable. ‘Heaven forbid you let her think it’s YOU that wants her to stay.’ Mal wished his brain would shut the hell up. Gorrammit, why did this have to be so hard?

Mal took a deep breath and tried again. Somehow it was easier talking to the top of her head then when those beautiful brown eyes were locked on his. “Look, I know I made a huge mistake not trying to stop you from leaving…after Nandi. And I don’t mean to make that mistake again. How the hell I let you just walk away from me then, when I…,” he trailed off as she looked quickly back up at him, not a little shock in her eyes. He started again. “I was afraid of how much I…how much you were starting to mean---“

He was cut off by her fingers covering his lips. “Mal.” And he knew from the way she looked at him that he didn’t have to say anything else. Not at exactly this second, anyway. She took her hand away from his mouth and slowly…so slow it was hard to tell that there was actual movement involved…their heads came closer and closer. The whole time their eyes were searching each other’s to be sure this was really happening; to be sure that neither was going to pull away at the last second, leaving the other to feel the sting of rejection like so many times in the past.

And then their mouths were touching. They both paused as though resting from the effort of getting this far. Finally Mal gently took her upper lip between his and started to kiss her…softly…like he was afraid to startle her, afraid she would suddenly realize the impossibility of what they were doing and it would be over before it started.

He needn’t have worried. Inara’s arms crept up around him, her fingers twining through the hair at the nape of his neck, and before Mal knew it, she was kissing him back and wrecking any chance he had at not losing control. With a moan, he gave up trying, crushing her to him and kissing her with all the passion he had kept locked up over the past year and a half. He couldn’t take his eyes off her even as he kissed her…lao tian, she was beautiful. And to have her kissing him back like this…the heat that sprung up in him shocked him with its suddenness and he pulled away, taken aback by the power of it.

They stared at each other in wonder and not a little trepidation that “the line” had most definitely just been crossed. Mal stroked Inara’s cheek with his thumb so tenderly her eyes started to well with tears.

“Inara,” Mal whispered, his voice thick with the emotion he was desperately trying to keep in check, “don’t leave Serenity.” He pulled her head down to his shoulder in an embrace, holding her as he had longed to for so many, many months. “Don’t leave me.”

Inara thought her heart might explode. Had she ever suspected Mal could be this tender, this vulnerable…well, it certainly would have made it that much harder to have ever left Serenity in the first place. She clung to him, afraid to let go now that she finally had him in her arms. With a sigh she lifted her head to look at him. “I’m not going anywhere, Mal. I---“

Before she could finish they both heard giggling coming in their direction through the galley…sounding suspiciously like Kaylee and Simon, probably on their way to Kaylee’s bunk. Mal and Inara hurriedly pulled away from each other and cleared their throats.

‘Ta ma de, here comes the part where it all gets awkward,’ Mal thought, chagrined that the moment with Inara was most likely over. He was already steeling himself for the inevitable end to the progress they had made towards some level of true intimacy when Inara surprised him by smiling conspiratorially at him. “Perhaps we can continue this conversation in a more…private setting,” she said as she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the steps down to the shuttle walkway. Mutely, Mal allowed her to lead him down.

Inara’s shuttle was a far cry from the way it had looked when she was renting it. As she had been weighing her decision about staying on board Serenity, she had never taken the time to move back in, afraid to commit that much. Her things were still pretty much stuffed in the one crate she had left behind except for a few clothes she had out for every day use.

Mal hardly noticed his surroundings. He was completely enthralled by the sight of this woman…this beautiful woman that he had dreamed about, longed for, and yes, gorrammit, loved…leading him by the hand over to her bed. As if coming to his senses, he suddenly tugged back on her hand, stopping their movement.

“Inara. Wait.” She turned to him. “You and me both sittin’ on your bed just now not be exactly…safe.”

“Malcolm Reynolds. Don’t tell me you’re scared of a girl,” she teased with a small smile.

“I meant safe for you.” The look in his eyes as Mal spoke sent a shiver up Inara’s spine. She knew exactly what she wanted to have happen when she led him down to her shuttle, had used those seconds to imagine what it was going to be like to finally know Malcolm Reynolds, but nothing in her career had prepared her for the passion and heat pouring off this man.

Mal took two steps to close the distance between them, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes locked on hers.

“I ain’t tryin’ to speak for anyone but me, but this…this…whatever we’re doin’…it ain’t about just a heat-of-the-moment tumble in the sheets. I need to know that you want this. That this ain’t just…,” he trailed off. Gorrammit, he was having that thing again where he couldn’t concentrate. God, what if he had misread her? What if he was presuming? He was flyin’ by the seat of his pants here, terrified that at any moment he would crash and burn spectacularly.

Inara was stunned by the vulnerability in Mal’s eyes. The realization that he thought this could be something merely casual for her tore at her insides. “Mal.” She took his face in her hands and let the love she had felt for him all this time show in her eyes. What a relief to finally stop hiding. “Please. I want this. I want you.”

That was all the reassurance he needed. Without a word he locked the hatch to her shuttle from the inside and strode back over to Inara to show her just how damn much everything was going to change. There was no hesitation as he took her in his arms and brought his mouth down on hers, massaging her lips with a fierceness that surprised even him. Inara pressed her body close to his in response as she felt his tongue between her teeth. The feeling of her against him like that sent a shudder through Mal and he knew if he didn’t slow down that this amazing thing that was happening…these first moments of discovering each other…would be over way too soon. He lifted his head from her and just gazed at her, thinking that if this was a dream, it was damn near perfect.

Still looking into Inara’s eyes, Mal bent down and picked her up, carrying her to the bed. It was a small double bunk, the one that came with the shuttle as opposed to the luxurious king-size bed that Inara had installed when she was the official tenant.

Mal smiled as he laid her down gently, thinking the smallness of the bed would be no problem considering how close he intended to be to her in the next thirty seconds. Inara smiled, too. “Mal. You don’t have to be so gentle. I’m not some sacred thing…,” she trailed off as she saw the look in his eyes.

“You are to me,” he answered simply. Leaning down, he unzipped his boots and kicked them off. Hooking his thumbs under his suspender straps to pull them down, he lowered himself down on the bed beside her. Wo de mah, was she crying? Those were tears running down her beautiful cheeks…but her radiant smile erased any fear that the tears showed reticence on her part. Mal gently kissed them away, cradling her face with his hands. “Hey. None of that, now. I know I ain’t done this in a long time, but I can’t be that bad,” he teased to lighten the mood.

“Sorry,” Inara smiled a little self-consciously, all her Companion training discarded in the wake of how Mal was making her feel. “Why don’t you try another kiss and see if you can distract me from how ridiculously happy I’m feeling?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Mal murmured as he covered her lips with his own and proceeded to show Inara with actions what he had never been able to put into words.

It was as though they had been lovers forever. Even with the passion that exploded between the two of them at every new touch, there was a familiarity between them, a sense of trust. Holding her in his arms, kissing her, every inch of his body pressed against hers, it felt like Mal was finally coming home after endless years of floating around lost in the black.

As for Inara, she had never thought being intimate with Mal like this would feel so…new. She tried to put her finger on why it was so different…and realized that while most of her clients certainly worshipped her body and her skills, it was her very soul that Mal seemed to treat with awed reverence. He rarely, if ever, broke eye contact with her, not losing himself in a quest for selfish gratification, but staying with her in every pleasurable moment. Quite simply, she had never felt so treasured for who she was, rather than what she was.

Their time together was so intense that there were images that Mal was sure would stay burned in his brain forever…her lovely fingers slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt; her glowing skin as she lay naked beneath him; the look in her eyes as their bodies were joined and they began that ages-old dance which took them both completely over the edge…

When they lay exhausted and spent in each other’s arms, sweat-slicked and breathing heavily, Mal thought he hadn’t been this happy since…well, certainly before Serenity Valley. Maybe never. He held her close as their heartbeats slowed down and gently stroked her hair off her forehead. He could not stop looking at her.

“Say that part again where you’re not leaving Serenity,” he breathed in her ear.

Inara looked at him, her eyes shining. “I’m not leaving Serenity, Mal. Not ever again.”

“Good.” Mal smiled and hugged Inara closer to him. And then for the second time that night, he did something else he had not done in a long time.

He slept.