Online dating can be scary for shy people!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Okay, so I've decided to try online dating, and I've signed up for this free version ('cause I'm poor!) of this site that will remain unnamed. That means that I can only view other people's profiles, send flirts, and answer invitations to instant messages.

Quite frankly, I am a very friendly, fun-loving person, and can be quite chatty with friendly strangers. But, when a guy I don't know starts to flirt with me... well... I tend to have this instinct to freak out and run away.

So, I'm on the site a little while ago, and I get an invite to IM. I click okay, and it's this guy. Cool , I casually think, and I start chatting with him. About 30 seconds into it, he gives me all of his phone numbers. Now, when it comes to communicating with people online, I can be quite paranoid about protecting my identity and personal info. (Which is why I love sign-on names! You could be totally anonymous!) I don't give him my number, but I gave him my e-mail address that I've set up specifically for this online dating thing. And, we start chatting a little more. He asks me what kinda of guy I'm interested in, and I say that I'm looking for a guy to respect me and my opinions because I can be quite passionate about some things. Then he starts telling me that he lived with a woman for 11 years and they never had an argument.

Uh-huh. Sure. Like I'm going to believe that right off the bat.

So, I decided to tell him that my laptop battery was about to die, and after some goodbyes I signed off the site.

And, unfortunately I had already given him my e-mail address. I'm afraid this guy is going to stalk me.

Am I wrong just lying to him like that?


Tuesday, January 8, 2008 1:49 AM


well phyrelight,i hope it works better for you next time.havent a clue what an Im invite is but you just be carefull .

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 6:36 PM



The same guy just sent me an IM invite. I clicked "No Thanks". Because of what you guys said in your comments, I'm going to be real to this guy and not lead him on because I don't want to appear "rude". It'll waste time for both sides and do no one any favors in the long run if I do talk to him.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 12:52 PM


If your instincts are saying NO, then listen to them. Even if they are sometimes wrong, it's better to be sure than sorry.

As for the contact info, guys aren't shy about giving out our information, in a situation like that, because we don't, as a rule, feel we have anything to fear. Women should be more careful than we are, (I mean most of you tell us how much smarter you are than us anyway, right? lol)

And a guy who's a man, and not some low life? He'll understand your need to ba both careful and cautious. If he's not understanding, hit the IGGY button, and move on.

Good Fortune to you!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 6:56 AM


trust your gut and move on

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 5:48 AM


Honey go with what feels right. If your gut is stopping you, it probably has a good reason ( and the no fight thing would make me think he's a liar and likely trying to make himself look good and that's worrying)HUGS and good luck. 'Cause when you find the right one for you... IT"S AWESOME!!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008 6:54 PM


Oh - and as for lying... Man, I had so many contacts (the m/f ratio was quit favorable for me) that it was just better to end the ones I wasn't interested in right away. Don't lead them on out of being nice. Go on and lie, I say. Move on. It's not an important lie, just convenient and best for both people.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008 6:51 PM


I've tried that. I found that men tend to give up the info quickly, but they expect women to take more time about it. Men seemed surprised when I gave them an email with less than a week or two of chatting. Even so, I did it like you are, with a throwaway email account.

If he bugs you, send a polite no and I'm sure he'll go away. I never encountered anyone scary. Weird, but not scary. But if he does become a problem, don't be shy about reporting him. There's no reason you should ever feel unsafe or even uncomfortable.

Good luck with it! Just make sure that when you decide to quit you cancel. They will keep your account active and take your money without telling you they are indefinitely, until you shut them off. (Bastards.)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008 5:16 PM


No, not at all. With these types of things you've got to trust your instinct. Good luck!


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