ASARIAN'S BLOG

asarian

It's ghosts
Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I just read the "Dead or Alive" script. Maybe I shouldn't have. :( Look what River sings, at the fair:


"And the beautiful princess every
night prayed for her handsome
prince...

... to fight through the terrible ivy
of thorns and climb up to her room
and slay all the wicked, evil
demons...

And then the beautiful princess got
tired of waiting for her handsome
prince and tried to escape, but they
found her and to punish her they
locked her in a smelly, white, cold
room where the evil blue demons
strapped electrodes to her face and
started to shock her. Zap, zap, zap,
until she couldn't stop screaming.
Only no one could hear."


I know, I'm supposed to say something really inspirational now, make it all better. I could say how River stretches out her arms to a little lost girl; and how she finally holds and hugs that child; and how beautiful that is. But I'm not going to. :( What they did to River was sooooo wrong. :( *tears* So alone! So isolated!

You all know how much I Love my precious River! And if there's any hope to be found in the story, I'm usually the first to point it out. But tonight I feel the best way for me to Love River, is to respect her suffering in full; undiluted, and unmitigated: the raw footage. :( River as River is.

I'm so near my River, right now. *cry* Standing right next to her, in fact, in Dr. Mathias lab. And I'm trying to contain my tears; unsuccessfully. :( But what matter, she cannot see me, anyway. I'm like a ghost. And I gently rest my hand on her shoulder, but she knows it not. And I have no response to her screaming anyway, except to whisper the most comforting thing I can think of now:

"Little one, I hear you! I hear you."

COMMENTS

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 10:19 PM

ASARIAN


Dear Jessica,

You are such a wonderful friend to me. Now I feel all happy and restored again! Friendship covers a multitude of sorrows. :)

River, as you know, always gets to me, big time. :( But, please, no worries. At times, people have called me too cheerful, here. And, indeed, there's a great amount of Kaylee in me. But, more than cheery, I am, above all, a believer in the beauty of the human soul; and this, my outlook on humanity, is near indestructible, far as I can tell. It's just that I sooo feel for River. :(

Sometimes, however, the most respectful thing you can do for a person, is to just listen; and not try and detract one iota from their pain, or even try and pretend that you can make it better. And when I read River's last line: "Only no one could hear," I just, well, to borrow your beautiful words, my heart just stopped, too. :( Long enough, at least, for me to just see her clouds, you know? And not insult her with silver linings.

To just be there for her; if for nothing else, just to tell her I hear her; and that I'm near, and that she's not alone, in that gorram awful place. :( In reality, I must admit, I was not whispering at all; more like screaming off the top of my lungs: "River, I *do* hear you! Sweetheart, you are not alone!" And if space could carry sound, she would have heard me, too.

If River were real, Jessica, she would truly feel my Love for her. I just know it. And if you were standing anywhere near me now, you would assuredly feel it, too. In fact, I'm hoping you feel some of it right now, even from afar, for I'm sending plenty your way. :)

*hug*

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 7:46 PM

JESHIKAT


That's so touchy Asarian! And Kayna, you are truly right - there is so much truth in that...
I feel so still, I don't know why but I feel as though my heart has just stopped...
Please stay happy though, Asarian! And just think, she may not be able to get the demons out of her head but River is no longer at that brutal place!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 6:57 PM

KAYNA


That's real poetical
You may not think it's uplifting but I do. Sometimes that's all you can do.
And even if it is about a fictional character it's real. There's a lot of truth there.


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