The Other Brother
Thursday, June 2, 2005

Yes, I have five brothers. No sisters. Five...count them all, I just know you won't.

But, four of them are half brothers, produced by my family splitting and building new annexes. One, the one just younger than me (I'm the oldest) has been a thorn in my side for more years than I care to count...okay, its 29, the math isn't hard on that one. He got his growth spurts the same time as me, so it wasn't long before he was just as big as I was, and he terrorized me without end. He used to beat the living shit out of me on a daily basis. I love that bastard.

He is the one that taught me to tie my shoes. When I was 17, he taught me to shave. I got more driving lessons from him than I did my parents. He was allowed to do what he wanted with almost no supervision. He would come traipsing home at six in the morning on the weekend more like than not, and this was when he was fifteen. When I was 17, I came home an hour late, and found my mother on the phone with the police!

He now has three children. They are all lovely, but his firstborn was a girl! I loved it. My parent's couldn't bring themselves to do it, so I placed the curse on him. "I hope she acts exactly the way that you acted." It appears to be working. She's six, you can tell she's going to be a beautiful woman, and just as mischievious as the day is long. She does what she wants, and when he gets on to her, she almost always manages to make him feel guilty.

So, to my brother...My revenge is now enacted upon you with my niece. May your sleepless nights rival our mother's!



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