GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Worst Endings You Can Think Of For Serenity?

POSTED BY: DARKHOOD
UPDATED: Wednesday, July 14, 2004 06:07
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 9611
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Saturday, May 15, 2004 7:23 AM

DARKHOOD


What is the worst ending you can think of for the end of the Serenity film?

The whole crew dies and Joss anouncess a TV spin-off called Book - The Abby Years. The show is put on Fox and cancelled after 5 episodes (3 of which are shown in the dead of night).

________________________________________________________________________

Mal's on the ground, about to get speared by Crow. A shot rings out. Crow is kneecapped.

Mal: Nice shot.

Jayne: I was aiming for his head.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 7:39 AM

SERGEANTX


Filming has completed when Universal gets jittery and brings in Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay to retool it for a more mass market appeal.

SergeantX

"Dream a little dream or you can live a little dream. I'd rather live it, cause dreamers always chase but never get it." Aesop Rock

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 7:43 AM

FIREFLYTHEMOVIE


Quote:

Originally posted by SergeantX:
Filming has completed when Universal gets jittery and brings in Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay to retool it for a more mass market appeal.



[puts fingers in ears]LalalalalalalalaIcan'thearyoulalalalalalala

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 8:01 AM

BADGERSHAT


Quote:

Originally posted by SergeantX:
Filming has completed when Universal gets jittery and brings in Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay to retool it for a more mass market appeal.

SergeantX





........................ that's just wrong....... even as a joke........... dear GOD, can you imagine?

There'd be jets flying overhead in every shot, the American flag waving in the background in every close-up....

--Jefé The Hat

***************************
"I like smackin 'em"--Jayne

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 8:04 AM

SUCCATASH



After Mal and crew save the day, the movie ends with a musical number and the crew dances around and gives each other high-fives to the song "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 8:14 AM

SOPRANOSBROWNCOAT


The worst ending? Well, if Bruckheimer and Bay get involved (and they will, unless Joss unleashes Angel and Buffy on them, maybe with a little help from SpiderMan), Serenity will end like this: Shepherd Book will struggle to his feet, just to prove that it can be done. Then the entire crew will go on a suicide mission to bomb the Alliance capital, but after it's done, they'll crash in the wilderness of Whitefall, chased by Alliance troops. Wash will bravely throw himself on a grenade, saving Mal's life. Then a bunch of Reavers will show up and escort them to safety, just in time to arrive back at Serenity Valley to inform Zoe that Wash is dead. Then we'll see Mal and Inara together, with Mal Jr., on a farm somewhere, learning to fly. Then cue a bad Faith Hill song. . .yeah, that's definetely how it will end if Blue Sun. . oh excuse me, Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay, get involved.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 8:37 AM

DARKHOOD


The film is wrapped and Joss shows it to Universal. They love it but think it needs a bit more star power. So they decide to replace the whole cast.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is Captain Malcolm 'Mal' Reynolds
Whoopi Goldberg is Zoe Warren
Cameron Diaz is Inara Serra
Adam Sandler is 'Wash' Warren
Jackie Chan is Jayne Cobb
Jennifer Aniston is Kaywinnit Lee 'Kaylee' Frye
Leonardo DiCaprio is Simon Tam
Haley Joel Osment is River Tam
Anthony Hopkins is Shepherd Book
and Mr. T as the voice of Serenity

________________________________________________________________________

Mal's on the ground, about to get speared by Crow. A shot rings out. Crow is kneecapped.

Mal: Nice shot.

Jayne: I was aiming for his head.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 8:45 AM

HEB


Quote:

Haley Joel Osment is River Tam




That's really funny. I could just imagine some studio doing that.

They'd be horrific but I could actually imagine that cast.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 9:36 AM

BRITCHICK


Worst ending? How about this/

Mal and Inara get hitched, in a double ceremony with Simon and Kaylee, Book is the Minister. At the reception, Zoe announces she is pregnant, and River and Jayne announce their engagement.

Patience is a guest at the wedding, and she and Book lock eyes across the crowded room. It turns out she is the reason he went into the Abbey. They were in love years before, but she left him after discovering she was pregnant by another man. She just disappeared, never explained to Book.

Wash discovers that he has a long lost half-sister, and she arrives at the Reception. It's none other than YoSaffBridge.

Meanwhile, Patience tells Book that his sister, whom he hasn't seen for about thirty years. had an illegitimate daughter. She was adopted by some ranch folk.

Book steps in to stop a fight between YoSaffBridge and Patience. YoSaffBridge recognised the mother she had only seen in photographs, and attacked her mother for abandoning her.

Book is badly gashed and needs a transfusion but he is a rare blood type. Turns out Zoe is the same rare blood type. Coincidence?

In the last ten minutes of the film, all is resolved and everyone is happy. YoSaffBridge and Patience are reconciled, Book and Zoe realise they are uncle and niece.

They all realise the value of family

How sweet.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 10:52 AM

MALICIOUS


You know what's REALLY bad? Even if any of the above were the movie, I'd still go see it.

How pathtetic is that??

Mal-licious

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 11:14 AM

STIZO


How about:

It's revealed that the leader of the Alliance is actually Book, who then challenges Mal to a sword duel to the death. After minutes of fighting, Book cuts off Mal's hand and...

Book: No, Mal. I am your Father.

Mal: NOOOOOOOO!

Fades to reveal:
"Conclusion to follow in Episode II: Return of the Tightpants. Written and directed by George Lucas. Brought to you by FOX."

Just thinking about that one makes me nauseous.
I think I'm gonna have nightmares..

----------------------------------------------
Conquering the galaxy with terrifying space monkeys, one ship at a time...

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 12:21 PM

CALHOUN


The whole crew except for River die. River finds a subspace/temporal distortion or some such and plows serenity into it going back in time just far enough to bring the crew back and change history.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 12:57 PM

ZOID



Stizo:

Is that as in 'mestizo'? ¿Que pasa, hombre? Okay, here's a shot at your JotD: "The Reaver gets 'Fed' up and leaves the bar wearing a new Shepherd-skin coat." 'Just keep wokkin', Preacher Man'...

Sounds like you'll be first in line to see "Star Wars III: The Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal". I've got a fantasy in which the poster for the flick portrays limp-noodle, 6'1" Hayden Christensen draped in the original Darth costume worn by former weight-lifting champion and 6'7" David Prowse. Hilarious. Maybe the Dark Side makes you 6" taller and deepens the voice two octaves. And then they could end the movie by having Darth Hayden board Leia's diplomatic shuttle in a reprise from Ep IV (25 years ago), and strangle a midget by holding him suspended in the air by the throat.

Y'know, I used to think George Lucas was a genius; but then he started believing his own press. Now, when he does 'interviews' with Leonard Schmaltzin on those increasingly mangled Star Wars re-releases, he has this God-like quality to his speech and facial expressions. One is distinctly reminded of Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Babs Streisand and every other celebrity that falls prey to this horrifying disease.

Please, Joss, if you're out there somewhere, listening: Don't let this happen to you, when Firefly: Serenity hits big. Keep your head.


Respectfully,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Even back when, River had that indefinable 'it', y'know? Inquisitive, insightful -- Very focused... Some things never change."

- 'Wash' Warren, Chief Architect and co-proprietor, "Cretaceous Park", Hera; from A Child Shall Lead Them: A History of the Second War of Independence Wilkins, Richard

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 1:20 PM

DAVCO92


Absolute worst possible ending...

You watch from the bridge of Alliance cruiser as Serenity is destroyed...one of the shuttles launches at the last second...but is consumed by the explosion. The camera pulls back and someone off screen asks the Alliance Captain "Any survivors"? He responds "None". As the camera pans right you see two Blue Hands Alliance "suits" standing by the exit. "What a shame" one says, and they both turn to leave the bridge. As they leave you see an small pin on one of their lapels. It says "FOX"...

He he...sorry, had an evil moment!


Burn the land, boil the sea...

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 1:39 PM

BADGERSHAT


Quote:

Originally posted by britchick:
Worst ending? How about this/

Mal and Inara get hitched, in a double ceremony with Simon and Kaylee, Book is the Minister. At the reception, Zoe announces she is pregnant, and River and Jayne announce their engagement.

Patience is a guest at the wedding, and she and Book lock eyes across the crowded room. It turns out she is the reason he went into the Abbey. They were in love years before, but she left him after discovering she was pregnant by another man. She just disappeared, never explained to Book.

Wash discovers that he has a long lost half-sister, and she arrives at the Reception. It's none other than YoSaffBridge.

Meanwhile, Patience tells Book that his sister, whom he hasn't seen for about thirty years. had an illegitimate daughter. She was adopted by some ranch folk.

Book steps in to stop a fight between YoSaffBridge and Patience. YoSaffBridge recognised the mother she had only seen in photographs, and attacked her mother for abandoning her.

Book is badly gashed and needs a transfusion but he is a rare blood type. Turns out Zoe is the same rare blood type. Coincidence?

In the last ten minutes of the film, all is resolved and everyone is happy. YoSaffBridge and Patience are reconciled, Book and Zoe realise they are uncle and niece.

They all realise the value of family

How sweet.

Like fireflyfans.net?
Help keep the site running.. Why not donate?
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..............................

--Jefé The Hat

***************************
"I like smackin 'em"--Jayne

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 1:47 PM

SUCCATASH


Quote:

Originally posted by Calhoun:
The whole crew except for River die. River finds a subspace/temporal distortion or some such and plows serenity into it going back in time just far enough to bring the crew back and change history.

LOL, hey, don't be stealing from Star Trek!

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 1:47 PM

TRACER


don't this could be a worse ending compared to those above me but here goes:

Mal has a life changing experience and decides to open a fast food chain on a small planet where the rest of the crew work for the rest of their happy lives flipping burgers in the arse end of nowhere.

still working on the life changing experience..maybe he eats haggis..

i dunno it changed my life

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 4:11 PM

FLAMETREE


Seriouly but if Kaylee and Simon get together I will have to stop watching it.

The whole point of firefly is to make sure they are never alone together. Where is the fun if it does work out!

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 4:11 PM

FLAMETREE


Seriouly but if Kaylee and Simon get together I will have to stop watching it.

The whole point of firefly is to make sure they are never alone together. Where is the fun if it does work out!

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 5:27 PM

SANMI


fox stops the entire production saying the rights still belong to them

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 5:33 PM

GAMBIT3


Quote:

Originally posted by sanmi:
fox stops the entire production saying the rights still belong to them





this one got me.

I'll be in my bunk.

__________________________
http://www.gambit3.com

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 5:36 PM

SUCCATASH


Succatash runs over to the deflated Gambit and pulls out a tire pump. He sticks the needle into Gambit and after a few minutes of furious pumping Gambit is okay. Gambit hands Tash a 20 dollar bill.

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Saturday, May 15, 2004 8:10 PM

CALHOUN


Quote:

Succatash wrote:
Saturday, May 15, 2004 13:47
Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Calhoun:
The whole crew except for River die. River finds a subspace/temporal distortion or some such and plows serenity into it going back in time just far enough to bring the crew back and change history.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOL, hey, don't be stealing from Star Trek!



Hehe, you noticed the slight trekist flair.

Maybe not so slight. Seems just about every episode of trek had some sort of subspace or temporal distortion didnt it :)








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Sunday, May 16, 2004 8:46 AM

HELL'S KITTEN


There are far too many bad endings I can think of, mainly cuz I'm a pessimist. Here are my top two for now...

1. Mal stands over Jayne's dead body and says "Yep." (beat) "That was an interesting day...."

2. The End.

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Sunday, May 16, 2004 9:25 AM

BENDIS


Quote:

Originally posted by Calhoun:
Quote:

Succatash wrote:
Saturday, May 15, 2004 13:47
Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Calhoun:
The whole crew except for River die. River finds a subspace/temporal distortion or some such and plows serenity into it going back in time just far enough to bring the crew back and change history.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOL, hey, don't be stealing from Star Trek!



Hehe, you noticed the slight trekist flair.

Maybe not so slight. Seems just about every episode of trek had some sort of subspace or temporal distortion didnt it :)












Weren't Federation ships the worst made ever. Enterprise flagship of the Federation! And yet every backwater race could knock out their engines and shields with one gorram shot! Rather fly on Serenity. Had no shields and they didn't kill the engine when they were shooting at them (The Message).

----------
"We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis.
You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw."

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Sunday, May 16, 2004 9:28 AM

BENDIS


At the end of Serenity a FOX exec comes on and explains everything that was going to happen in the TV show leaving Joss with nothing to work with to bring it back onto television.

----------
"We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis.
You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw."

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Sunday, May 16, 2004 9:42 AM

DARKHOOD


Mal and the crew of Serenity spend the whole film waging a war against The Alliance. It's a war of epic proportions and makes the fights in Return of the King look like a pre-school play. Near the end Mal stands over the dead body of the leader of The Alliance. In the background you see Zoe and Wash hugging and smiling (Zoe is holding two new born babies). Simon and Kaylee kiss and Simon gets on one kness and proposess. During the war River bumped her head and now she is no longer crazy. Book becomes head of the church and also helps Mal find his faith. Inara walks up to Mal and kisses him. Mal stops the kiss but then pulls her back. Jayne is also seen having sex with 5 sexy ladies in the background. Everything is perfect when suddenly we hear voices.

Voice: Malcolm get of your ass! We got customers need serving.

Mal is sleeping in a chair in a small room. He wakes up with a startle. We see he is wearing a McDonald's uniform complete with a McDonald's cap. He stands up quickly.

Mal: Sorry sir. Won't happen again.

We pan round to see Jayne wearing a fine suit. He is wearing a badge which says "Manager Jayne Cobb".

Jayne: It better not of I'll sling you back out on the dirty street you came from.

Mal: Sorry sir.

Mal gets up and runs to the counter in the front. When he gets there we see Kaylee wearing a similer uniform.

Mal: Hey Kaylee

She just stares at him and gives him that disgusted look.

Kaylee: Where you been loser? I had to cover for you jackass.

Mal: Well, I---

Kaylee: Whatever dumbass. I'm off with my boyfriend.

She turns and walks out the resturant. Outside we see Simon head to toe in leather near a Motorcycle. Kaylee jumps on the back and they drive off. Inara then walks in with Zoe and Wash. They are all dresses in casual clothes. Wash with his arm around Zoe. Mal gets all tongue tied when Inara walks up to the counter.

Inara: Two happy meals and a Big Mac. Coke for all of them.

Mal: Erm...Hey....Ah....What----

Inara: Could you hurry up please?

Mal looks slightly hurt as he runs off to get the order. Just as he is doing it he notices a girl spraying graffiti on the wall outside. It's River with a group of friends. They all laugh as she writes "Old Men Suck". She then runs off as Book yells out at them from a window above waving his walking stick around. It turns out that the whole Firefly universe was the dream of a pathetic 30 something year old virgin that still lives with his mum.

THE END

________________________________________________________________________

Mal's on the ground, about to get speared by Crow. A shot rings out. Crow is kneecapped.

Mal: Nice shot.

Jayne: I was aiming for his head.

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Sunday, May 16, 2004 9:44 AM

AMG88


worst endding

they all turn into clowns coz thats scary bahh im scared thinking of it im gonna go hide under my bed where there are no clowns oh even worse the clowns then get eatten by giant spiders ok im going now hide under bed

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Sunday, May 16, 2004 2:37 PM

MUTT999


If after the closing credits, they don't have a short funny clip

"That's the buffet table....."

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Sunday, May 16, 2004 3:56 PM

RIV


The crew fights an awesome battle against the Blue Sun, which is really the Alliance. In the end, they win and there is a large battle. As Mal stares at the ruins of the Alliance, a soft song strikes up. We leave Mal and go to....

Zoe and Wash with tons of little children. They're outside a city and Wash is teaching them to fly while a smiling Zoe looks on.

Book, now in a church and saying a Mass to a rather large group of people on some border planet.

Jayne, is in a bar playing darts. He gets a call on his com and walks out to his brand new ship. It's time to go to work.

Kaylee and Simon, walking hand in hand, both wearing matching wedding bands. They walk into a small town. Simon with his bag and Kaylee with her tool belt.

River, who magically got sane again and who is no longer disturbed by what happened, on a stage dancing to a ballet.

Finally, Mal comes walking up to his farm house on Shadow. Inara comes from the house, a hand on her large belly and three older kids following her. Mal picks one up, kisses Inara and they head inside, but not before Mal can say... "It's been a good day."

The credits roll with that stupid soft song.



_______________________________________________
Two by two. Hands of blue.-River Tam

I support River and Jayne!
I support Zoe and Wash!
I support Simon and Kaylee!
I support Mal and Inara!

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Monday, May 17, 2004 4:44 AM

DTT


Simon and Kaylee, finally having gotten over their foolish pride have become a couple. They're sitting together in a boat when suddenly, an alien ship appears and fires an energy weapon at them. They crystallize, then shatter.

THE END



?????

"You didn't have to wound that man."
"Yeah, I know. It was just funny."

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Monday, May 17, 2004 4:55 AM

BROWNCOAT1

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.


Quote:

Originally posted by SergeantX:
Filming has completed when Universal gets jittery and brings in Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay to retool it for a more mass market appeal.

SergeantX



Dear God man! That is not even funny!

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."


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Monday, May 17, 2004 5:04 AM

BROWNCOAT1

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.


Quote:

Originally posted by Succatash:

After Mal and crew save the day, the movie ends with a musical number and the crew dances around and gives each other high-fives to the song "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister.



As creepifying as that sounds, it might be hi-larious. That seem right to you?

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."


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Monday, May 17, 2004 5:13 AM

MAUGWAI


Quote:

Originally posted by britchick:
Worst ending? How about this/

Mal and Inara get hitched, in a double ceremony with Simon and Kaylee, Book is the Minister. At the reception, Zoe announces she is pregnant, and River and Jayne announce their engagement.

Patience is a guest at the wedding, and she and Book lock eyes across the crowded room. It turns out she is the reason he went into the Abbey. They were in love years before, but she left him after discovering she was pregnant by another man. She just disappeared, never explained to Book.

Wash discovers that he has a long lost half-sister, and she arrives at the Reception. It's none other than YoSaffBridge.

Meanwhile, Patience tells Book that his sister, whom he hasn't seen for about thirty years. had an illegitimate daughter. She was adopted by some ranch folk.

Book steps in to stop a fight between YoSaffBridge and Patience. YoSaffBridge recognised the mother she had only seen in photographs, and attacked her mother for abandoning her.

Book is badly gashed and needs a transfusion but he is a rare blood type. Turns out Zoe is the same rare blood type. Coincidence?

In the last ten minutes of the film, all is resolved and everyone is happy. YoSaffBridge and Patience are reconciled, Book and Zoe realise they are uncle and niece.



That's the Charles Dickens version, except there needs to be a lawyer in the story name Mr. Bimblybrook, who has twenty children who constantly fall down and get dirty.

**sigh** And that joke will only make sense to Dickens fans...



"Dear diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy."

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Monday, May 17, 2004 6:26 AM

WEERWOLF


Quote:

HELL'S KITTEN
Some people juggle geese. Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 19:46






There are far too many bad endings I can think of, mainly cuz I'm a pessimist. Here are my top two for now...

1. Mal stands over Jayne's dead body and says "Yep." (beat) "That was an interesting day...."

2. The End



You know, that actually ain't half bad as a plot device... New mercenary needed of course (Jayne's twin brother, Suzy, perhaps), but I'd love to see the story of how Jayne got on the wrong side of Mal and then lost the fight.

---------------------------------------
"Damn it Mal... I forgot my line!"

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Monday, May 17, 2004 8:20 AM

DTT


That would be a good start for an ep. -- you know, one of the many beginnings where the rest of the show is a flashback? Some kinda setup where Jayne turns out to still be alive...'cause you can't kill the Hero of Canton.

"You didn't have to wound that man."
"Yeah, I know. It was just funny."

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Monday, May 17, 2004 8:46 AM

GUNHAND


The crew winds up fighting the Alliance and Blue hands with some rememant Browncoats, they come close but just get whooped hard. They have to run but are low on ammo, food and fuel.

Wash dodges the last Alliance cruiser with a hard burn but burns up the last of their fuel so they're moving but on the drift. The crew is worried but Wash thinks he has an idea even though they're way off the map, he got a good reading on a planet that isn't on any charts and thinks his trajectory was good enough, and that there's just enough fuel in the reserve tanks to land.

After some tense interactions between the crew a planet hoves into view, green and blue like Earth that Was. The crew gets even more excited when Wash tells them that he's picked up what he thinks are very low frequency radio transmitions on the planet.

Mal looks at Book and asks him if it's possible that Blue Sun lied to get everyone off Earth that Was and that the place could still exist. Book nods sagely tells him a myth, a secret text from the monestary that says that is indeed a possibility, that Earth didn't die.

The crew hears the covesation and gets excited, they made it to Earth that Was and it's Earth that Is!

Wash brings them down through the atmosphere safely and then comes running back to the cargo bay where the rest of the crew is gathered. He's been monitoring the radio transmissions more closely since they could be picked up better on the way down and discovered they're English!

A ripple of excitement goes through them all as they open the hatch and lower the ramp. From a camera pan we can see there are people waiting for them, or at least we see legs outside. Then a closeup as the crew comes down the ramp, all of them wearing an amazed expression.

Realization hits that the "people" are in fact aliens! Jayne, Zoe and Mal all draw their guns in one motion and fire, as they all make clicking sounds they remember they're empty...

"Hello dere! Mes'sa Dar-Dar Jinks and tees are mes'sas peeps! Welcomes to ours planet homies!"

THE END

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
"Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?"

My eerie-ass website:
http://gunhandsfirefly.homestead.com/Index.html

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Monday, May 17, 2004 9:29 AM

WEERWOLF


Quote:


Originally posted by Gunhand:
The crew winds up fighting the Alliance and Blue hands with some rememant Browncoats, they come close but just get whooped hard. They have to run but are low on ammo, food and fuel.

Wash dodges the last Alliance cruiser with a hard burn but burns up the last of their fuel so they're moving but on the drift. The crew is worried but Wash thinks he has an idea even though they're way off the map, he got a good reading on a planet that isn't on any charts and thinks his trajectory was good enough, and that there's just enough fuel in the reserve tanks to land.

After some tense interactions between the crew a planet hoves into view, green and blue like Earth that Was. The crew gets even more excited when Wash tells them that he's picked up what he thinks are very low frequency radio transmitions on the planet.

Mal looks at Book and asks him if it's possible that Blue Sun lied to get everyone off Earth that Was and that the place could still exist. Book nods sagely tells him a myth, a secret text from the monestary that says that is indeed a possibility, that Earth didn't die.

The crew hears the covesation and gets excited, they made it to Earth that Was and it's Earth that Is!

Wash brings them down through the atmosphere safely and then comes running back to the cargo bay where the rest of the crew is gathered. He's been monitoring the radio transmissions more closely since they could be picked up better on the way down and discovered they're English!

A ripple of excitement goes through them all as they open the hatch and lower the ramp. From a camera pan we can see there are people waiting for them, or at least we see legs outside. Then a closeup as the crew comes down the ramp, all of them wearing an amazed expression.

Realization hits that the "people" are in fact aliens! Jayne, Zoe and Mal all draw their guns in one motion and fire, as they all make clicking sounds they remember they're empty...

"Hello dere! Mes'sa Dar-Dar Jinks and tees are mes'sas peeps! Welcomes to ours planet homies!"

THE END

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
"Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?"

My eerie-ass website:
http://gunhandsfirefly.homestead.com/Index.html






YEEEAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Gunhand go wash your mouth! That's a horrible thing to say! I'll have nightmares for weeks now, awful!

------------------------------------------
"Damn it Mal... I forgot my line!"

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Monday, May 17, 2004 9:34 AM

GUNHAND


On it. I'm a bad bad man.



~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
"Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?"

My eerie-ass website:
http://gunhandsfirefly.homestead.com/Index.html

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Monday, May 17, 2004 10:58 AM

STIZO


Hey Zoid:
Actually i never thought of the "Mestizo" thing untill you said somthing (it's been awhile since high school spanish); It's just a nickname derived from my initials (s.t.z).

Quote:


Y'know, I used to think George Lucas was a genius; but then he started believing his own press. Now, when he does 'interviews' with Leonard Schmaltzin on those increasingly mangled Star Wars re-releases, he has this God-like quality to his speech and facial expressions. One is distinctly reminded of Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Babs Streisand and every other celebrity that falls prey to this horrifying disease.



But I totally gotta agree with your take on Lucas. He's really starting to piss me off.

----------------------------------------------
Conquering the galaxy with terrifying space monkeys, one ship at a time...

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Monday, May 17, 2004 11:03 AM

GUNHAND


I watched Star Wars in a drive-in when I was a pup the day it came out. Loved Empire Strikes Back and dealt with the muppethell that was Return of the Jedi.

Then he went and did the Special Editions.

Then he went and did the Prequels.

So even though he helped define my childhood, I have to be of the opinion he is on a personal quest to mind all my happy memories and turn them to ash.

In short Mr. Lucas has become, to my mind...a hack.

I really need to start working on 'Verse Wars some more...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
"Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?"

My eerie-ass website:
http://gunhandsfirefly.homestead.com/Index.html

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Monday, May 17, 2004 11:19 AM

STIZO


Congratulations Gunhand,
You just hit the bullseye dead on.
Lucas is out to kill what good memories we have left.

All Jedi had was a bunch of muppets
- Dante, Clerks.


----------------------------------------------
Conquering the galaxy with terrifying space monkeys, one ship at a time...

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Monday, May 17, 2004 2:25 PM

ZOID


Stizo:

Sorry about the name thing, I just try guessing what some of the more arcane names might mean, especially if they seem suggestive of something. zoid means nothing either, it's just one I've been using since 1995. No offense intended, just playing around...

As I'm sitting here writing, dissing George Lucas for becoming an egomaniac or at least delusional of his own grandeur, I'm actually watching SWII:AotC on HBO Family. While I stick with my original assertion that the entire franchise has been diminished, mostly by this second prequel trilogy, I've also got to say that Ewan MacGregor is damn fine actor. In the space of like 5 minutes we go from Obi-Wan's very subtle and physically nuanced interrogation of Jango Fett to Hayden Christiansen's whiny "I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me." This guy's not only never gonna pick Amidala's lock, but is there anyone who believes he's gonna turn into Darth-freakin'-Vader?!?

Still, gotta give MacGregor props. I've never seen him do badly, and he takes some serious risks in terms of roles and subject matter.


Respectfully,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"History may say I saved River; but it's not like that. No, that's not it at all. I saved my sister."

- Simon Tam, M.D., husband and father of 4, Jiangyin; from A Child Shall Lead Them: A History of the Second War of Independence Wilkins, Richard

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Monday, May 17, 2004 2:59 PM

EBONEZER


Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Book and Wash infultrate a huge aliance cruser and single-handedly defeat over 50,000 aliance thugs to save River after she was re-captured.

They get on Serenity and fly away just before the entire aliance cruser explodes for no apparent reason.

Simon is glad to see river and finds that the whole experience has unlocked some hidden memories and she is suddenly all better.

Mal goes down to his bunk to find Inara waiting for him. She kisses him but he suddenly falls to the ground, dead or asleep. Inara has been a spy for the aliance all along and is about to wave the Aliance to tell them she has the fugitives, when Jayne shows up and stops her.

Why Jayne didn't fall for her 'femine wiles' is never explained.

They push Inara out of the airlock, revive Mal, and the credets begen rolling on Simon kissing kaylee and Zoe anouncing her pregnancy.

And they all lived happly ever after.

Except Inara.



-----------------------------------

Four out of five denstists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

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Monday, May 17, 2004 3:03 PM

GUNHAND


I agree Zoid, Ewan MacGregor is definately a very fine actor and I've thought that for quite a while.

That's part of the problem his talent is wasted on these scripts. He and Liam Neeson need to slap the crap out of their agents methinks. At least Liam had the good sense to demand his character died in the first one.

But MacGregor's definately the highpoint of the prequels for me so far. The thing that struck me is how much he sounded and moved like Sir Alec Guiness. He had to have studied him as Obi Wan for quite a while because not just his voice but his infliction are spot on.

And honestly his perfomance is the only good thing I can say about the whole Prequel mess. Hell I thought the special effects lacked the...grace perhaps? of the originals. I'm not sure the word but even though the special effects are much more technically advanced than the old ones they just scream "HEY LOOK! CGI HERE!!" to me and it distracts me from what's happening. Then again that may be a good thing...

Hell the effects in Firefly integrate seamlessly into the story while those in the Prequels distract and take away from the story. And there ain't that much to take away from there in my opinion.



~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
"Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?"

My eerie-ass website:
http://gunhandsfirefly.homestead.com/Index.html

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Monday, May 17, 2004 3:41 PM

PEACE


Someone has already spoken my worst nightmare re: Serenity-- Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay. The two-man cinematic wreaking crew. Bruckheimer's not bad as a producer, if he has a strong director to tell him where to stick it (e.g. Ridley Scott). Bay, on the other hand, is a total waste of space. Together they create some sort of weird, evil cinematic synergy that takes good concepts and turns them into utter cow pukie.

And what truly, utterly gripes me is-- THEY'RE MAKING MONEY AT IT! Bags of it. Makes me wonder about the tolerance and taste of the American viewing public....

As for Lucas-- how could such a visionary go so badly wrong? It stopped caring about SW sometime ago-- except that I'm hoarding my tapes of the first three films (Episodes 4-6, for those who insist on numerating them in sequence). Maybe there is such a thing as too much fame....

Oh, bugger! Now I have to wait for someone to wake up!

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Wednesday, May 19, 2004 2:35 AM

MANTICHORUS


Quote:

Originally posted by dtt:
Simon and Kaylee, finally having gotten over their foolish pride have become a couple. They're sitting together in a boat when suddenly, an alien ship appears and fires an energy weapon at them. They crystallize, then shatter.

THE END



?????

"You didn't have to wound that man."
"Yeah, I know. It was just funny."


Well, DTT, no-one's done THAT before
I think the worst thing they could do would be to totally change the characters. For example:
Jayne becomes a really nice guy who wouldn't sell you out for the entire 'verse.
River is completely sane and does some kinda gorram Jedi crap to the 'Blue Hands' fellas.
Kaylee is 100% serious, never smiles, and harbours a grudge against everyone.
Simon becomes an action hero.
...You get the idea.
If this happened, the only reaction we could give would be:
Universal, you have been warned!

"BADGER: You think you're better than other people.
MAL: Just the ones I'm better than."

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Wednesday, May 19, 2004 2:49 AM

DTT


Quote:

Originally posted by Mantichorus:
Well, DTT, no-one's done THAT before



I was wonderin if anybody would get that.

"You didn't have to wound that man."
"Yeah, I know. It was just funny."

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Wednesday, May 19, 2004 4:30 AM

CYBERSNARK


Quote:

Originally posted by Stizo:
Congratulations Gunhand,
You just hit the bullseye dead on.
Lucas is out to kill what good memories we have left.

Methinks it's because Lucas wants to "end" the series; when he stops making money off it, everybody stops making money off it.

Which is sad 'cause the EU novels/comics/games are so much better than the movies.

NJO is what the prequels wish they were: dark, and gritty, and downright creepifying at times, and Jaina Solo (Han & Leia's daughter) does a far better Fall to the Dark Side than whiny little Annie Skywalker.

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Wednesday, May 19, 2004 4:49 AM

INSIGHT SPINNER


Quote:

Originally posted by weerwolf:
Quote:


Originally posted by Gunhand:


A ripple of excitement goes through them all as they open the hatch and lower the ramp. From a camera pan we can see there are people waiting for them, or at least we see legs outside. Then a closeup as the crew comes down the ramp, all of them wearing an amazed expression.

Realization hits that the "people" are in fact aliens! Jayne, Zoe and Mal all draw their guns in one motion and fire, as they all make clicking sounds they remember they're empty...

"Hello dere! Mes'sa Dar-Dar Jinks and tees are mes'sas peeps! Welcomes to ours planet homies!"

THE END

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
"Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?"

My eerie-ass website:
http://gunhandsfirefly.homestead.com/Index.html





YEEEAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Gunhand go wash your mouth! That's a horrible thing to say! I'll have nightmares for weeks now, awful!

------------------------------------------
"Damn it Mal... I forgot my line!"




Thank you, Gunhand. You just reminded me that I have an appointment with all urban U.S. black folks everywhere to kill George Lucas. Be right back.... (except Eddie Murphy. He doesn't get to play)



There. That's better.

insight spinner
__________

Just an object. It doesn't mean what you think....

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