GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

What if the Crew of Serenity ran a McDonalds?

POSTED BY: CHRISTINUE
UPDATED: Thursday, December 7, 2006 10:22
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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:08 AM

CHRISTINUE


Silly little game, but I've had fun with it before.

-Of course, all the Happy Meals would come with toy dinosaurs.

-If the Frosty machine broke and needed a new part, Mal would get shot.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:13 AM

REDLAVA


Mal would scream at the kids in playland to stop running around because they would slip and fall and die and he wasn't going to clean up the mess.

No McFluries, just ice planets.

The drive thru would be mule accessable.




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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:15 AM

MALSNARA


Inara would be out of a job for one thing. I doubt she'd find many eligible bachelors coming in for a big mac! Hang on then her and Mal would have a better shot at getting together...yay i want this to happen!...Quick! Somebody make them run a McDonalds!

" gettin' awful crowded in my sky "

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:25 AM

CHOO1701


"GOOD DOGS!!!" bwhahahaha!!!!

(refrence to the dog burgers/stand mentioned in the pilot episode script. Not sure if it is in the actual episode, havn't watched it for AGES!!! )

-----------------------------

CLONE!!!

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:25 AM

MSG


hmm I hate to think of the chaos which would ensue if River was filling orders. Though Wash has been fired from a fry cook opportunity so he does have some experience.

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."- Albright



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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:39 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Shepheard Book would be the mellowest cashier in the 'verse. But Jayne would F it all up by hittin' on the girlies and beatin' down mouthy mallrats and greasy teenagers.



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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 11:48 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


Jayne would actually be working for Burger King and selling them trade secrets.

Simon would try to suggestively sell a Big Mac combo, but use the wrong words and make them only get a water.

~Jimi
jimi dot spettel at gmail dot com
Self-Proclaimed Grand Vizier of Georgia
Medic for the 76th Indepentent Army Battalion


- Animation by DesktopHippie

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:04 PM

LITTLEALBATROSS29


And maybe Kaylee can fix that drive through intercom that never works right.


Bryce
******************************************


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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:07 PM

CITIZEN


Despite being made from recycled artifical powdered protien and smelling like crotch the food would still taste better than under the current management.

Also the special sauce content of customers hair would be far greater.



More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:33 PM

JLIN


Zoe would make sure none of the food contained grenades. --You know, they cost extra.


Thank Universal for airing Firefly in HD at
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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:35 PM

ZZETTA13


Here my take on the situation,


Wash and Zoey would work the take-out window. Simon and Book would make the hambergers and more complicated dishes while Jayne would take care of the fries. Here he could whisper "Pain is scarry" as he lowers the little tots into hot bubbling oil. Inara and Kaylee would be up front taking food orders and River would be moping the floors (Having any thoughts she pleased). Malcolm is the manager of course and he's in the back in his office wondering how a gorram piece of roof could fall off his gorram McDonalds :)

Z

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:43 PM

DERANGEDMILK


Wife soup would probably be a new combo.
All the cans in the storage room are without labels.
Theres a sign on the register that says, "We ID before selling any Milk."
Strawberries cost extra.
-e

"Storms getting worse."
"We'll pass through it soon enough."

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:44 PM

TRISTAN


"Gorram it, Mal, you don't pay me to talk pretty!"

"What do you pay him for?"

"Customer Service"...

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:45 PM

DEEPGIRL187


Quote:

Originally posted by derangedmilk:
Strawberries cost extra.



Only there wouldn't be any strawberries to serve, because Kaylee would have eaten them all.

*************************************************

"So long and goodnight."

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 12:49 PM

CHRISTINUE


-Jayne gets paid 7%... 'cause that's standard.


"I will do this, nothing else matters except this. No moment exists except this moment. I am born in the moment and, if I fail, I die in this moment." -Majere

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 1:12 PM

MRSCOBB


Everything would come in one size... "BD" as in BD Fries, BD Soda.

All of the hamburger comes from cows processed using the River Tam method: Cattle placed in small hold of a Firefly class shuttle, yelling and throwing of books ensues. Cattle stampede and we have the meat grinder! Can also be used for processing black-market beagles.

Simon analyzes the Fry kids to find out what the Alliance did to their brains to make them so darn crazy!


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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 1:54 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Oh...the hilarity that would ensue! Definitely would make for a brilliant "concept" episode like Buffy's "Once More With Feeling"...



Personally, I would think the following hierarchy would fit well for our BDHs:

Franchise Owner: Inara. Cuz as it's been said, how would Inara make her living if the crew ran a Mickey D's? Meeting clients in the back room? That and it would make for some great banter for Mal and Inara if she owned the restaurant and had to answer to the bigwigs at Corporate, while Mal was the manager

Manager: Mal. Like I said, Mal's gotta be "in command" at the McDonald's. Basically the same kind of duties as he does now, but with the expected twist of keeping people coming in to eat the fei hua McDonald's serves its customers. That and lots of UST and hilarious banter with Inara over profits and nutty employees

Assistant Manager: Zoe. She's Number Two and does it with flare as usual. Capable of doing any of the jobs on site if need be, but definitely best suited towards keeping Mal's ass safe and riding herd over the rest of the "crew"

Fry Cook: Wash. Just cuz he fired from his last fast food job doesn't mean he's incapable. Besides, I am sure Zoe made it worth his while to learn how to ensure he doesn't set fire to everything. That and could you imagine the schtick he would pull every time he fried the taters? Think of the "This Land" skit from the pilot with frozen fries

Janitorial and "Customer Service": Jayne. Cuz it truly would be freakin' hilarious to see Jayne try and deal with the usual bunch of crazy customers wanting to order some dumb crap they don't serve or change the order at the last minute. Oh...and the janitor part? How do ya think Jayne would get punished for going all on the customers

Cashier and Maintenance: Kaylee. You know she would make the perfect "perky-as-Hell" cashier who wishes you a good day after you've just ordered some crap combo on a really bad day. Plus, she would the one who keeps all the equipment running right, since the franchise outlet of McDonald's they work at is one of the older and run down ones...ya know, one of the ones that doesn't get the newest gear and furniture that you might find in a less-than affluent neighbourhood

Food Preparation: Book. Cuz if he can do wonders with moulded protein and some touches of herbs and spices, you better believe he could make the burgers actually taste worthwhile. Plus you just gotta have the wise cook who spouts advice and comfort

Trainee Cashier: Simon. Picture a bright and well-meaning college/university grad who had a great job till he had to take some less-than-desirable action against the company he worked for. Now, the only work he can find is fast food cashier positions and he ends up working for Mal and with Kaylee (who's not formally educated and actually loves her work)

Drive Through Window: River. Can't you just imagine the looks on peoples' faces when they pull up and their orders are ready to go...even before they've ordered! That and all the crazy stuff she would pull with the customers while the try to order

So...any thoughts?

Literature has shown us some of humanity's greatest achievements; history, some of our greatest failures -- Alun Lewis

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 2:34 PM

ZZETTA13


ROFL,

This is a really fun thread. Lots of things to laugh about. browncoats are pretty imaginative ppl. I'd stop in for a burger

But what of the competing Burger King next door where:

The Hands of Blue Guys are taking your food orders and they look so sanitary wearing those blue gloves. Niska prepares the food because we all know that he knows how to slice and dice. Jubel Early is at the take out-window because who's going to argue with him if their order's wrong. Badger is managing the place because he's got that cool hat and tie. And if there's a problem with your food they send out Saffron to smooth things out. I mean who could argue with such a sweet an innocent young lady?

Z

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 2:44 PM

WILLIAMJAMESW


Wow, that's about perfect.
Alliance could show up as health inspectors.

I could stand to hear a little more.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 2:49 PM

PIRATECAT


The Brig stole my thunder, you got it man, we must be on the same page. I just add teeny weeny bit.
Inara- would assist in the soft serve if any young man wanted a cherry on top. Kinda of a code.
Wash- fries, previous experience driven a chippy van.
Zoe- assistant manager of course, handels the cash.
Kaylee- cashier with that smile.
Jayne- cleanup on isle two.
Book- Cook everthing tastes better with rosemary.
River- Brigs got it right.
Simon- dishwasher nobody would get food poisoning
Mal- customer service.

I like smacken em.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 4:20 PM

TRAVELER


I can here River now. "You don't want that."
"But I havn't ordered yet."
"Then you're lucky I told you that you don't want that."
Simon would walk up and tell her to give the nice woman what she wants.
River will then shout "But she will die!"
Oh yes. This will work out. Another of Mal's great plans.

Special orders don't upset us because we brought grenades.


Traveler

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 4:22 PM

DAVESHAYNE


You know, I just don't see our BDHs at an Alliance establishment like McDonalds. If they are going to be doing food service at all I'm seeing something more like a real greasy spoon diner. The kind of place that you can't tell from the outside weather the food is utterly horid or the best short order available in the 'Verse. Since our heroes are involved I think we can assume that the food will be on the good side but customers won't have our priveledged viewpoint.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 5:01 PM

BLACKBEANIE


All the meat patties would be computer generated because they won't cook on on a grill.

The Crow: Serenity
Coming 2007

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 9:13 PM

REDLAVA


Quote:

Originally posted by citizen:
Despite being made from recycled artifical powdered protien and smelling like crotch the food would still taste better than under the current management.

Also the special sauce content of customers hair would be far greater.





LOL! So true!!!


Kaylee would serve chocolate like protein cake for the kids birthday parties.

The parking lot would be spaceship accessable.





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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 1:47 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


Book, Simon, and Jayne would play tall card to determine who had to clean out the fryers.

The metallic wrappers for the burgers would double as solar sheeting.

~Jimi
jimi dot spettel at gmail dot com
Self-Proclaimed Grand Vizier of Georgia
Medic for the 76th Indepentent Army Battalion


- Animation by DesktopHippie

"Marijuana not only should be legal, it should be mandatory." - Bill Hicks

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 5:25 AM

CHRISTINUE


Oh man, you guys are great.

I love the idea of the crew running some corner of the verse diner too.

"Vera's Diner" is a little place, floating on some moon on a well populated, but edge planet. Best known for its "Explosive Chili." 1 in 10 bowls comes with its own grenade.

Apple pies. You have to cut up the apples first... so their safe.

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 6:29 AM

MRSCOBB


I think Jayne would make the perfect Ronald McDonald to visit all of the kiddos when they have their McDonald's birthday parties. He would flirt with the moms...but not kiss them on the mouth of course! He would also take pay-offs from the kids to rig the party games in their favor. And wearing the cunning big red shoes? People would know he's not afraid of anything!


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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 6:58 AM

MAVOURNEEN


Oh, I love fun threads like this...

Happy Meal toys would be the previously mentioned toy dinosaurs (for boys) or bobble headed geisha dolls (for girls).




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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 7:04 AM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.


I realize this thread is about if the crew of Serenity were working in a McDonald's...but, I wrote a bit of fluff fanfiction a while ago called "Pit Stop" about a visit to a McDonald's the crew had to make.

Here's the link:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=3851

It was fun to write, and most people who read it seemed to enjoy it.

Anyways...thought I'd slap it on the grill for you!

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 7:04 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


stolen from MrsCobb, because she forgot/neglected to post it

The burgers weren't cows in the freezer, they forgot how to be, but then they felt the heat of the griddle and remembered what they were.

(don't kick my ass too bad for stealing it babe, but it was too funny not to post)

~Jimi
jimi dot spettel at gmail dot com
Self-Proclaimed Grand Vizier of Georgia
Medic for the 76th Indepentent Army Battalion http://76thbattalion.homestead.com/index.html
Ever marched with the Independents? Wanna?
Sign up and info here:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=25704

"Marijuana not only should be legal, it should be mandatory." - Bill Hicks

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 1:27 PM

ASARIAN


Quote:

Originally posted by Christinue:

Silly little game, but I've had fun with it before.

-Of course, all the Happy Meals would come with toy dinosaurs.

-If the Frosty machine broke and needed a new part, Mal would get shot.



Well, for one, we'd probably get served horse meat. :)

And the Happy Meals could come with little geisha dolls with big heads that wobble! And I guess they'd change their ad from "I'm loving it!" to: "People love those!"


--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 2:01 PM

SHAMELESS


Gorramit, I was gonna put that...

Well, admittedly, Kaylee would always fix the drive-through comm and the cashiers, but there would be times that she would need parts that Mal wouldn't provide, seeing as how they don't get enough customers to pay for them. So Kaylee would have to bypass some of those parts, making it impossible to navigate the drive-through and difficult (at best) to use the cash registers. "Were there space monkeys? Terrifyin' space monkeys?"

------------------------------------------
RPG launcher bought in third world country illegally - $10
Landmines - $50 per
Attack/track dogs bred 1st class - $250-500 per
Highpowered assault rifles - $600 per
The look on your face when I show up on your doorstep with a bigfoot - ... Priceless

When watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in theaters:
In the Shrieking Shack, with Sirius Black (Quote #1) and Harry Potter (Quote #2):
"It's Jesus!"
"Harry Potter's the AntiChrist!"

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 6:53 PM

TRISTAN


BlueEyedBrigadier,
This whole thing:
Quote:

Personally, I would think the following hierarchy would fit well for our BDHs:

Franchise Owner: Inara. Cuz as it's been said, how would Inara make her living if the crew ran a Mickey D's? Meeting clients in the back room? That and it would make for some great banter for Mal and Inara if she owned the restaurant and had to answer to the bigwigs at Corporate, while Mal was the manager
---snip----
So...any thoughts?



Had me laughing out loud, and actually imagining what it would be like! Thank you for the tears of laughter that are streaming down my face!



______________________________________
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Ever marched with the Independents? Wanna?
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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 7:26 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Quote:

Originally posted by Tristan:
Had me laughing out loud, and actually imagining what it would be like! Thank you for the tears of laughter that are streaming down my face!



Glad Christinue and I can bring a happy tear and a sore gut to ya, Tristan!

Literature has shown us some of humanity's greatest achievements; history, some of our greatest failures -- Alun Lewis

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 8:03 PM

VERSEEXPLORER


The Happy Meals need a little dessert. A Fruity Oaty Bar is included in each box. Of course it is labeled "Not Mandatory." Kaylee always whispers to each customer not to mention "Miranda" as she slips them the Happy Meal.




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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 11:16 PM

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT


Quote:

Originally posted by manwithpez:
I realize this thread is about if the crew of Serenity were working in a McDonald's...but, I wrote a bit of fluff fanfiction a while ago called "Pit Stop" about a visit to a McDonald's the crew had to make.

Here's the link:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=3851

It was fun to write, and most people who read it seemed to enjoy it.

Anyways...thought I'd slap it on the grill for you!

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."


THanx for the link. Funny story. good stuff.

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Thursday, December 7, 2006 1:02 AM

KHALOR


I wish I could take credit for writing this, but 'tis the work of a friend, to whom I mentioned this idea... and he took it and ran with it.
More coming daily. One A4 page a day or so.
And without futher ado, I present to you...
McFirefly!
Quote:


A street in Eavesdown on Persephone, early in the morning. Hustle and bustle is minimal compared to later in the day. Serenity is parked next to the road, cargo ramp opening onto the side of the street. A big yellow M has been erected on top of the ship’s cockpit and a drive-through path directs customers around the ship, placing orders at the cockpit and picking them up at the airlock. Directly opposite the ship is another fast food franchise displaying the Blue Sun logo.

MAL : So, how long ‘til we get her flying again?

Cut to MAL’S office, one of the shuttles. His desk is covered with promotional material. MAL is sitting with his feet up on the desk, talking to ZOE and INARA, who are standing in front.

ZOE: At least a month, sir. It’s not going to be easy to get the parts we need, or the fuel.

MAL: And what if Corporate actually starts paying a decent wage? (Looks pointedly at INARA)

INARA: I’m doing all I can, Mal.

MAL: And that ain’t enough, so do more.

INARA: Have you ever tried dealing with Corporate yourself? I can go work the cash register with Kaylee and let you be corporate liaison if you prefer?

MAL: Well... I don’t. Prefer. So you just go and do your job.

INARA rolls her eyes, sighs, and leaves.

ZOE: You’ve got to give her some credit, sir. Reporting to Badger is one hell of a job.

MAL: Hey, she volunteered to be liaison! Didn’t want to get her pretty little hands dirty fingering all the grease in the kitchen. Inara’s made her bed, now she can lie in it. Now go and wake the crew.

ZOE: Yes, sir.

Cut to the engine room, where WASH is already firing up the deep-fat fryer (which KAYLEE has rigged to be powered by the engine). The oil begins bubbling as WASH leans over the fryer, absentmindedly playing with his plastic dinosaurs.

WASH: Yes, this is a fertile land, and we shall thrive, and we shall call-

WASH accidentally drops his T-Rex into the fryer. He gasps and his eyes widen.

Cut to the cargo bay. It is filled with tables, and two cash registers have been set up next to the cargo ramp. KAYLEE sits down at one of the registers and pushes some buttons. The register goes “bing!” and the drawer pops out. KAYLEE grins, pushes the drawer back in, and sits smiling as she waits for her first customer.

Cut to JAYNE’S room. JAYNE is in his bunk, snoring. ZOE raps on the door.

ZOE (VO): Jayne!

JAYNE snorts loudly and comes to his senses, looking around.

JAYNE: What? Someone shooting at us?

ZOE (VO): It’s opening time.

JAYNE (shrugs): Call me when the shooting starts. (Goes back to sleep)



"We want to put you in a safehouse, where you'll be safe."
-- Ryan Templer, Graduate Massacre

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Thursday, December 7, 2006 3:30 AM

ZZETTA13


The story:

Family walks into a McDonalds run by reavers.

Papa asks " What's on the menu?"

Reaver replies "You!"

Not the start of a happy,fun, meal :(

Z

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Thursday, December 7, 2006 10:22 AM

PHYRELIGHT


Quote:

Despite being made from recycled artifical powdered protien and smelling like crotch the food would still taste better than under the current management.

Also the special sauce content of customers hair would be far greater.



Yeah, and Book will make everything taste better with a little rosemary.

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