What's your best joke? by EvilBungle

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

What's your best joke?

POSTED BY: EVILBUNGLE
UPDATED: Tuesday, December 5, 2006 18:14
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 11548
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Saturday, December 2, 2006 3:14 PM

Dayve, Gladiator32 and ChrisMoorhead are trekking through the jungle, when they see the trees thinning ahead. They get to the edge of the scrub and realise they've reached a clearing. Right in the middle of the clearing they see a plinth with a giant idol of a naked woman, carved out of bone, sitting cross-legged on it. There's a fist-sized diamond set into its belly-button.

"Cool! I'll take that!" Dayve says, and he scoots across the clearing to the idol. Just as he gets to it, its eyes open!

"If you want my diamond, you must make love to me!" the idol says. Dayve screams and runs to hide behind a tree.

Gladiator32, meanwhile, doesn't understand what the fuss is about, but thinks the diamond looks pretty cool, so he goes up to the plinth and the idol. He's reaching for the jewel when the idol's eyes open again. "If you want my diamond, you must make love to me!" she insists. Gladiator32 screams and runs to hide behind Dayve.

ChrisMoorhead's been watching all of this and starts to realise there's something wrong. Still, he wants the jewel just as much as the other two, so he goes over to the plinth. He's just about to touch the diamond, when the idol's eyes open and she booms, "If you want my diamond, you must make love to me!"

ChrisMoorhead thinks for a moment and pulls out his mobile phone.

Dayve and Gladiator32 pop their heads out from behind their tree. "What're you doing!" demands Dayve.

"Phoning the guys from Kelkhil and Nico's Pub - they're a bunch of bone idle f*ckers!"

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Sunday, December 3, 2006 4:59 PM

RMMC

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:
Originally posted by RMMC:
Hey, I waited almost 20 years for Doctor Who to return, so yeah, I can wait a bit more.

Me too. We had false dawns, promises again and again, compromised returns, disappointments and just when it seemed like we really should give up on a proper return... we come back and kicked so much arse it was untrue. A lesson for us Firefly fans too.

But I've had this lesson, gorrammit! And with Star Trek as well, to boot! *pout* *pout* Want more FF now! *pout*

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
And the answer to my joke is, of course, "I'll tell you next week."

*giggle*

More jokes! Found some lawyer ones.

Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm cell have in common?
A Each has about a one in a million chance of becoming human.

Q: Why are lawyers forbidden from having sex with their clients?
A: No firm wants to give the same service twice without being able to bill for it.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

This one could be told by Reavers:

Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

*******
RMMC

When we're down, don't frown. Come join the camp-out at serenitymovie.org.

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Sunday, December 3, 2006 5:28 PM

PINBALLWIZARD

A panda walks into a bar and asks the barkeep if he could eat some of the nuts he had in a bowl on the bartop. The barkeep says sure, the panda eats all the nuts, takes out an uzi, and shoots everyone in the bar. Just as he's about to leave, the mortally wounded bartender screams "WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?" The panda says "Look me up in the dictionary." The bartender does so, and it says "Panda: bear native to the mountainous reagions of China. Eats shoots and leaves."

No, I am not insane, I am crazy. Thank you for asking.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 5:03 AM

DAYVE

Quote:
Originally posted by Eloisa:
Dayve, Gladiator32 and ChrisMoorhead are trekking through the jungle........

Thanks so much Eloisa for including me in that joke.... i have been the butt of a few.....

here's an old joke...

Q: How many Surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb..?

A: FISH

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 6:49 AM

SERENITYINSCOTLAND

Quote:

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

A: Because sheep can hear zippers for a mile.

LOL I've never heard that before. My local pub quiz has a joke round every week, thats def going in next time!

OK, my joke:

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 5:43 PM

RMMC

Quote:
Originally posted by SerenityinScotland:
Quote:

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

A: Because sheep can hear zippers for a mile.

LOL I've never heard that before. My local pub quiz has a joke round every week, thats def going in next time!

I'm glad you liked it. I originally heard it on the radio and was amazed they got away with telling it, puritanical country that I reside in and all.

*******
RMMC

When we're down, don't frown. Come join the camp-out at serenitymovie.org.

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 6:14 PM

VETERAN

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Why don't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

Why do Austrailian men make love so quickly?

So they can get down to the pub and tell the fellas.

What's the most common last words of a Redneck?

Hey fellas, watch this!

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