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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ROMANCE
Inara's guilt causes many sleepless nights. The plan is set in motion. Kaylee and Simon have an intimate moment. Rated R for adult situations. Simon/Kaylee. Mal/Inara. PLEASE read the warning at the beginning of this story. 32nd story in a series.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2465 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
Beginning with my last story 'All Good Things Must Come to an End' and continuing to the end of this series, there will be a common theme contained throughout the ongoing story.
It deals with the topic of rape. I urge you not to read if you don't think you can handle such an offensive and controversial subject.
I've truly tired of looking at this specific story so I decided to post it so that I could move on and get to the rest of the stories in the series.
Thanks for the great support while I've been writing this. It's not an easy topic but it is a real world one.
People handle this type of trauma in different ways, and I really wanted to explore what would happen if it happened to someone in the Firefly 'verse.
As always, please let this play out to its end. Right now there are quite a few stories left in this series. You may be surprised, or not, where it ends up leading.
And - for those who I know will ask - Don't worry, Inara will spill it all eventually, just not all at once.
Title: Moving On
Rating: R for adult situations.
Synopsis: Inara’s guilt and memories overwhelm her as Mal sets in motion a plan to interrogate Badger.
Timeline: 6-7 weeks after wedding, 2-3 weeks after All good things must come to an end
Notes: Next part of a series beginning with : And So It Begins, Kiss Me, Coming Together, Tell Me, What’s Proper?, Tears , Peekaboo, Impatient, Waking Up is Hard to Do, The Talk, I See You, Exhaustion,.Moving Day, Celebration, Surprise , Vacation, Reunion, Manipulation, Baby Talk, A First Time for Everything, The Way It Is, A Special Day, Girl Talk, The Gift, Breaking It In, Making Plans, Friends and Enemies, Where I Belong , Private Time , All good things must come to an end, Moving On
Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun - and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful ‘verse Joss Whedon created.
“It wasn’t your fault.” The councilor said softly.
A young Inara sat in a plush chair, her legs curled beneath her, her eyes red and swollen. The bruises on her skin had begun to heal, but the bruises to her spirit and her soul would take far longer.
Inara hesitated. It was her fault. She had willingly gone to his home. She had willingly put herself in that situation. She had opened that door and walked through it.
“You are stronger than this. He beat your body, but he did not beat your mind.”
Inara swallowed convulsively, shaking her head.
“It was not your fault,” the councilor repeated.
Inara met her eyes after a long, long moment. “It was not my fault.” She wasn’t sure if she believed it. But she said it anyway. Maybe the councilor would give her some peace now.
Inara woke with a start, her body trembling, panting as the memories and the feelings came back to her in a rush. Sensing a form beside her, her head snapped towards Mal, fear for a moment that it was someone come to assault her barreling through her tense body.
“Another dream?” Mal asked, concerned. He didn’t slide closer, giving her the space he knew, from experience during the last few weeks, that she needed.
“It’s all in the past. My mind just won’t let it go.” Inara sighed and moved into his arms amazed that after all that had happened to her she could still find comfort in a man’s embrace. It was still difficult, but the best way to heal was to confront her fear and move on. She’d done it once before, and she’d done it again this time. She had faced her past attacker – given him the humiliation and justice he deserved. And she had killed the most recent, a most permanent form of retribution.
But the dreams still wouldn’t go away and deep down, Inara knew why. The guilt over what she had done to Kaylee had manifested itself in several forms. Her dreams had been plagued with more than just a handful of nightmares, memories, and fear of what the future might bring should all her secrets be revealed.
Mal pressed a kiss to her temple and tightened his arms around her waist. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
Inara smiled and snuggled closer to him. “I know. Thank you. I will. Soon.” She looked at the timepiece on the nightstand beside the bed. She knew he was frustrated that she hadn’t confided in him, but she couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“Time for another lesson?” Mal asked as he followed her eyes.
“Should I be worried that you an lil’ Kaylee have taken a likin’ to this training?”
“Zoe was very kind to provide some instruction in self defense that everyone should know. I definitely could use the refresher.”
“Not so keen on you two learnin’ how ta kill.”
She appreciated his honesty, even if she disagreed with him. “Danger is a fact of life on this ship, Mal. Everyone needs to learn how to defend themselves, even Kaylee.”
Mal’s voice dropped and his tone had a solemn lilt to it. “It ain’t ever happenin’ again.”
Inara smiled sadly, reached up and touched his face. “Not even the great Captain Malcom Reynolds can make such a promise.”
They all sat around the table with varying expressions as Mal went over the plan one more time.
“I know everyone ain’t on board with this,” Mal said as his gaze swept across each of his crew member’s faces.
Kaylee and Inara sat beside one another, in this, as in everything else as of late, they agreed. Simon sat on the other side of his wife, his face holding a scrutinizing look Mal was not accustomed to seeing on the younger man’s face.
Kaylee was pale and nervous. She truly didn’t support this plan. Everyone was ok. No one had died. Now, she was afraid they would lose someone because the Captain couldn’t let it go. Simon didn’t support Mal’s plan either now, since he’d learned his sister was going to be key in its execution. Kaylee was grateful to have her husband’s support.
“That’s an understatement,” Simon said as he squeezed his wife’s hand. His sister was still not behaving normally and he didn’t think it was a good idea if she went along on this little mission.
“This will work,” Mal insisted, looking at husband and wife.
“It is a good plan,” Zoe agreed, casting an almost apologetic look at the couple.
“He liked me last time. He won’t recognize me now.” River could feel the anger radiating off her brother. For as much as he wanted Kaylee and everyone else to think that he was supporting his wife, he really did want a swing at Badger. He’d get his chance. Just not this time.
Mal turned to Inara. “Everythin’s set?”
“Harrow will be expecting you,” Inara confirmed with a resigned sigh.
Inara had contacted Warrick Harrow not more than a week prior and enlisted his aid in luring Badger away from his protected little hole. She hadn’t spoken to him since he’d acted as Mal’s second in a swordfight that should have ended more than one of Mal’s nine lives. But the man was all too happy to take part in a plan to bring Persephone’s biggest crime lord to his knees. Especially after hearing he had orchestrated the attacks on two helpless women.
He looked around the table. “Good. We’re all clear, then?”
No one protested and so he dismissed the crew with a wave of his hand. “You got jobs to do, go do ‘em.”
Kaylee and Simon headed back toward their bunk, presumably to commiserate on their disapproval of Mal’s plan.
River went to the bridge to check on their course heading. Jayne and Zoe remained at the table and Inara followed Mal toward the bridge.
“Don’t wanna hear it ‘Nara.” He knew all she wanted to do was tell him not to do this. Not for her. Not for Kaylee. He kept walking.
She caught him just before he reached the stairs leading up to the bridge. He turned so quickly that she was caught off balance. For a moment, her world tilted and her vision blurred.
Mal grasped her arms and she stiffened for a moment before relaxing. “’Nara?”
“I’m fine, Mal.” Inara regarded him with an exasperated glare.
Silence fell for a moment as he waited for her to begin. “I’ve already spent the last week disagreeing with you over this. I’m tired of arguing.”
“You’re not getting enough sleep.“ He gently touched her face.
“Have any of us since –“ she trailed off, not wanting to discuss that subject with him either.
“We’re a week out from Persephone.” River called down to them from the bridge.
When Mal and Inara glanced up toward her, she was at the top of the steps looking down on them, her lips curved into a tight smile. “The plan is good. It will work,” River confirmed before returning to her chair.
Inara nodded slowly. She may not approve of Mal’s stupid little plan, but she found some comfort in the fact that River seemed confident. After everything they had been through together, there was no denying the girl was psychic, Alliance-made or no. She either calmed or agitated those around her. Mal always joked it was a gift her brother shared in spades, even if Simon didn’t share her deeply intuitive abilities.
“He’ll never know what hit him.” They all turned to see Jayne lumbering up behind them. He answered his own comment with a gruff laugh. “Oh, yeah he will. No one forgets it when my fist hits their face.”
“She hasn’t been well. I don’t want her to go.” Simon pushed a hand through his hair as he paced their room. He felt guilty for not spending as much time with River as he should have. He’d been torn in two different directions during the last few weeks, finally choosing to leave his fiercely independent sister to her own devises and concentrate completely on helping Kaylee heal.
“Capn’s just bein’ stubborn. Wants ta get back at thems that did this.”
Simon stopped and looked at his wife. She was much better now. The bright happy glow had returned to her eyes. Her seclusion with Inara for those few days had done wonders. She still had dreams, nightmares even, but she slept in his arms again, and was comfortable letting him hold and kiss her.
“I’d like to get a punch in myself, actually,” Simon admitted with a sigh.
Kaylee frowned. Simon had never raised so much as a hand against anyone unless he had no choice. So his admission now shocked her. “An’ what good would it do now? Theys all dead.”
“It would make me feel better.”
Kaylee stepped into his arms and hugged him tightly. She knew the last few weeks had been difficult on him. He had healed. She had healed. It was over and done with now. It was behind them. They could move on.
When his arms came down around her and returned the embrace, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his jaw and nuzzled her nose into the crook of his neck.
“Somethin’ else can make us both feel better.”
Simon raised an eyebrow. He simply stood there as she leaned back from him and unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it slowly off his arms. When she leaned forward and pressed a few open-mouthed kisses down the center of his chest, he inhaled sharply.
“Shh, Simon. I want to do this.” Her fingers rested at the waistband of his pants. They hadn’t made love since the day of the attack. With him healing and her almost daily nightmares, he hadn’t pushed. Though the absence of sex in his life had made sleeping beside his beautiful wife much more difficult.
Something felt different now though. Kaylee moved quickly, eagerly, as if she was someone who knew the steps by heart and simply wanted to dance them to prove that she still could.
“Are you sure?” Simon asked, his voice full of tender concern.
“I was attacked, Simon.” Kaylee couldn’t mask all of her frustration. He was so concerned and the love in his eyes made her want to tell him the fear that repeated over and over in her dreams. But what could he do now? She didn’t even remember. Inara had assured her that the hypnosis would have revealed something if it had been there. Still, she didn’t even want to put the thought into Simon’s head. It was bad enough that it was in hers. “But I didn’t die.” She wanted to feel again. Feel his weight on her, his body moving within hers. She was ready for it now. More than ready.
“I know, bao bei.” He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheeks and down one arm to where her hand rested at the waistband of his pants. He traced the wedding band on her finger with a smile. “I love you, you know.”
Kaylee’s bottom lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes. “I know, Simon.” She slowly unfastened and pushed his pants to his ankles.
He kicked his shoes off and stepped out of them, wrapping his arms around Kaylee as he did so. He could feel her relax in his embrace as he slowly, reverently, undressed her, careful to caress and rub each bit of flesh as he bared it.
He kissed her, lightly moving his mouth against hers, as he lay her back on their bed. When they parted, he could see the flicker of hesitation in her eyes. He rolled away and pulled her into his arms knowing, from his research, that she needed to feel that she was in control. If she wanted to do this, he would give her the option to take only as much as she was comfortable.
He was aroused at the sight and feel of her body against his, and he knew that she could feel it. His body always betrayed him where his wife was concerned.
She shifted so that she was lying half on top of him and rested one hand on his chest. “I wanna do this. You ain’t them. You ain’t gonna hurt me.”
He brought her fingers to his mouth and kissed every one, lingering a bit longer over the finger that held the ring. “Never.”
“Then make love to me.” She leaned forward and kissed him, pushing her tongue into his mouth.
In the weeks following the assault, Kaylee had barely been comfortable sleeping in the same bed with her husband. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the men holding her down, see them knock out her husband, see him shot. She woke night after night screaming, her body trembling and covered in sweat.
Simon had been patient, waiting for her to talk to him, to share her fears. She opened up a little at a time, confiding her fears in him, like she had done when Early threatened her. He desperately wanted to make love to her, to wipe away the bad memories, to create new ones.
Simon could feel his body respond as Kaylee kissed him almost desperately. He groaned when her hands slid into his hair and tugged his mouth closer, trailing her tongue along his. He slowly rolled her over and let his hands rub and caress her breasts. Finally able to pull his mouth away, he trailed hot, wet kisses down her neck to the rosy peaks already hardened at the top of the soft mounds. He tugged one into his mouth, sucking deeply, laving it with his tongue before moving on to the other.
Kaylee’s hips shifted restlessly beneath him and a breathy sigh escaped her lips when his roaming fingers dipped between her thighs and touched her wetness. They probed gently, circling teasingly around the sensitive bundle of nerves before finally brushing across them. She fisted her hands in his dark hair and squeezed her eyes shut as a rough voice sounded in her head.
“This one’s pretty.”
Kaylee gasped at the memory and squeezed her eyes tight, trying to drown out the sound of the rough voice and concentrate on Simon’s soft, gentle touch. He whispered to her, in a few languages. Something he knew that she loved. His voice brought her back to the present and she opened her eyes to stare down at him. To watch him touch her.
Simon took his time kissing and caressing every inch of his wife’s body. When his warm, wet mouth closed over her clit, laving and sucking at the sensitive little bud, Kaylee’s hips arched off the bed and a strangled cry left her lips.
“That’s it, bao bei,” Simon encouraged, eagerly lapping up her release and continuing to use his fingers and mouth to bring her up to another peak.
She cried soundlessly into the room, scrunching her eyes shut as her husband touched and teased her flesh with maddeningly slow precision.
“Come on! We got a job to do!”
“Aw, can’t we –“
Kaylee gasped and she glanced down at Simon, a flicker of momentary fear in her eyes.
Sensing the sudden tension, he stopped his attentions and crawled back up her body, touching her now healed cheek tenderly. “They’re not here, bao bei. They can’t hurt you.”
Kaylee trembled, fighting off the wave of nausea that filled her throat when she thought of what they could have done to her. They’d only tried. She knew that now. They hadn’t succeeded in their dirty task. She needed to be with her husband again and let him drive away all her fears.
“They won’t hurt me.” Kaylee shook her head.
Simon regarded her with a concerned look. “Kaylee – are you sure you want to –“
He was instantly silenced by her kiss, hard and demanding as she pushed him onto his back. “The only way I’m gonna get over my fear is to do this, Simon.”
Simon nodded and let her take control. She needed to set the pace. Everything. When her hand closed over his length and stroked firmly, he bit back a groan and sank his head back against the pillows. As her hand worked over him, his hips moved with it and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.
“Love your face when I do this.” Kaylee smiled down at him, her eyes bright and expressive.
Simon gave a short, sharp cry when she straddled his hips and rubbed him against her wet folds.
Kaylee held him tight for a few long moments, reveling in the pulse of the hard flesh against the palm of her hand. When she sank down atop him, a flood of warmth filled her body. Relief swept through her and she instantly collapsed against Simon’s chest, sobbing.
“Bao bei?” Simon’s voice was warm, concerned, and just a little strained with her body encasing him so tightly, so completely.
“I’m ok, Simon.” She pushed herself up so that she could look into his eyes. Smiling at the love she saw reflected there, she bent down and kissed him.
They made love slowly, taking their time, kissing and caressing. It was a long time later, before they finally collapsed against one another in a tangle of hot, sweaty limbs. Kaylee pillowed her head on Simon’s chest and his arms protectively encircled her shoulders.
“Love you, Simon.” Kaylee muttered sleepily.
“I love you, Kaylee.” Simon held her tightly as she drifted off, exhaustion and relief causing her to sleep dreamlessly for the first time in weeks.
Simon followed her into dreamless oblivion, relieved that they’d been able to put this hurdle in Kaylee’s recovery past them.
Hours later, as had become a routine over the last few weeks, Jayne and Zoe stood at the weights talking and flexing, using up excess energy.
“I’m lookin’ forward to rippin’ that little man’s balls off and stuffin’ ‘em down his throat.” Jayne huffed as he looked up at Zoe.
Zoe stood above him, spotting. “You may have to get in line, there, Jayne.”
“I’m faster and a better shot.” Jayne stared up at the dark-skinned woman. “He don’t have a chance.”
“Let him live long enough to give us a name, then, ‘k?” Her voice was strained. There wasn’t a person on board who had not been affected by the attack and Serenity’s resident heavies had spent many an evening plotting Badger’s demise.
“Preacher woulda had heart failure to hear us talkin’ like this. Man saw good in everyone.”
Zoe nodded slowly, a sad smile coming to her lips as she remembered their deceased friend. But even that smile faded when she saw Kaylee, walking with Simon on the catwalk above. She waited until they were gone before speaking. “Kaylee used to see good in everyone too.”
Jayne snarled and sat up, following Zoe’s eyeline. “Girl’s changed too much. She deserves the first shot at thems that did this.”
“She’s doing better.” Zoe stared at the door through which Simon and Kaylee had just walked. “I would be more worried about Simon getting his hands on them.”
Jayne snorted a short laugh but when he noticed the serious look on Zoe’s face, his smile faded. “The doc? Man can barely hold a gun right side up.“
“Simon may surprise you. He may surprise us all one day.” She knew, when push came to shove, Simon would exhibit life-altering behavior to exact revenge on the person that orchestrated the attack on his home and his family. Somewhere deep inside, she hoped he got his chance. And she hoped she was standing right beside him when it happened.
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