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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR
Even on the quietest days, Dinner gets a bit to interesting. They tell you never to watch someone elses' dispute, but it is on occision hi-larious.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2280 RATING: 8 SERIES: FIREFLY
Few people took quite as much issue with things being interesting then Malcom Reynolds. Sad thing was, even the quietest day he’d gotten in some months led to a dinner that got things a bit to interesting. At least it was amusing and not particularly dangerous sort of interesting, still, as the ship rumbled a bit more n’ she ought that night while they all sat around the table, it put Mal on edge. Kaylee hurried out to check, and something of a tension fell. Jayne didn’t help it much by commenting “Maybe we oughta ask the moonbrain what’s what so as not to get Kaylee back up here to get on with the eats.” Simon stiffened, visibly grinding his jaw. He’d been trapped in Jayne’s company all afternoon as they’d sorted through the cargo they’d been asked to “just get sold” for a 25% cut. It had been worse then tedious, it had been nerve-wracking. From the look on his face, Simon was beginning to understand why some folks would tell another “you’re on my last nerve.” It was kinda amusing, really, long as it didn’t blow up in all their faces.
Jayne recognized the glances that suddenly aimed at him as disapproving. Piticularly Simons. “What?” he demanded, of the general public. Then, to Simon “woulda thought you’d want lil’ Kaylee back moren’ the rest of us. Heard you was gettin’ mighty comfortable on the couch couple days back. Bet she’s real warm.”
Simon almost chocked. Kaylee’s voice crackled over the intercom. “Sokay, couple transits got loose. Serenity was just lettin’ us know she was fixin’ to pop a fluxuatior. I’ll have it fixed in no time.” There was a short pause before she added “but you might not wanna wait up. The wires are all mixed up.”
The tension only grew worse with that input. Mal seriously thought about taking his eating knife and pretending to cut at it. Before he could put those thoughts into anything resembling action, a burp resounded from Jayne that, while quiet for Jayne, would disturb any man with even the least bit of civilization in him. It disturbed Simon, who glared patiently, waiting for something resembling an ‘excuse me’. When none was forthcoming, he took a bite off his own plate, winced as he chewed, then, attempting to salvage some sort of comfortableness by commenting “food’s…good, tonight. Who cooked?”
Jayne popped his tongue against his teeth. The annoying cracking sound it made echoed through the quieted room. “Kaylee.” He supplied simply.
Mal had seen many a good man reach his breaking point. Some broke by crying it out and were fine. Some broke by lashing out at the first thing their hands got to. ‘course, then there were them who did that regular. While Simon wasn’t like that, Mal was getting a frightening feeling that Simon’s version of a breaking point would be to up and speak his mind real loud-like and make a fight break out. Verbal or physical, was hard to tell as his target was Jayne. It was a little to interestin’ for Mal’s tastes, but no way things could run smooth anymore tonight, may as well take in some live entertainment. He’d but in if it got too out of control.
“I…” Simon stared at Jayne, searching for the right words.
“Strong words.” River whispered warningly from just to Mal’s left in such a way that a chill worked its way along his arm. Simon didn’t seem to have heard her. “Shouldn’t say them if you don’t mean it.”
“You what?” Jayne prompted, seeming to enjoy the prospect of getting into an argument that might justify a few punches.
“I hate you.”
The words were out. Everyone recoiled. River’d been right about the strong words bit. Hate wasn’t something that got tossed around lightly. Not on his boat anyway. Mal was about to speak on that, but Jayne just quietly returned to his food, then, with a smirk “Well…I hate you more.”
“No, no you don’t.” Simon answered “Because I hate you most.”
“Hate you dead.” Jayne said, so casually Wash almost snickered. Only the look he caught being shared between Mal and Zoë of utmost concern kept him from it. Jayne wasn’t stupid…well…not all the time, and he picked up on the reactions. “What? Ain’t a threat.”
Simon was the first to stand. “I hate you dead, too!”
Jayne rose to meet the silent challenge. Even from across the table, there was no denying who was taller here. “I hate you deader.”
“More dead.” Simon corrected instinctively. Then, using it to his advantage “I hate you more dead.”
Picking up the pace, Jayne responded instantly. “I hate you deadist.”
Unwilling to be left behind, Simon responded instantly. “I hate you deadister!”
There was a long pause, and Wash lost it. Laughing hysterically, knocking his tipped-over head into the table. Zoë glanced at her husband in concern, then at Mal. The corners of Mal’s mouth were turned up in something resembling a smile, and the bubbles of laughter just wouldn’t stay down. Even River was smiling at what amounted to a stare down.
The funniest part, in Mal’s own not-so-humble opinion, was the absolute reversal in their expressions. Jayne wore a twisted version of Simon’s own patented “What kind of moron are you?” expression while Simon’s face was locked into a look of pissed off cluelessness, usually worn only by Jayne.
Finally, Jayne smirked. “Deadister ain’t a word. Thought you’d know that, educated boy like you.”
Wash proceeded to fall out of his chair, holding his stomach. The Shepherd had been observing this whole exchange from across from River with a cool eye. Now, even it sparkled with merriment. Mal and Zoë were trying, unsuccessfully, to contain their laugher. They were no longer even trying to look at each other, that only made it worse. River herself giggled some, commenting “told you. Words too strong, get strange if you don’t mean them.”
When Kaylee bounced back in with her usual cheerful manner, she was met by quite a sight. Wash collapsed on the floor in laughter, Simon and Jayne standing and staring at each other, Simon quite embarrassed, Jayne rather amused. River giggling, and Mal and Zoë trying especially hard not to. Even Shepherd wasn’t looking at the main spectacle. In fact, all eyes turned to her when she entered. Simon was the last to look, whirling, his cheeks flushed a deep crimson. Before Kaylee let how pretty he looked like that really register, she asked “What’s…goin’ on here?”
Everyone lost it. Mal and Zoë first. Side-splitting laughter echoed throughout the room, muffling Wash’s own loud howls. River’s giggles gave way into full, sparkling laughter, and Shepherd chuckled. Jayne soon entered into the laughter, though not quite sure why, and soon, Simon had started spouting little embarrassed laughs.
Yep, even on the quietest nights dinner got a mite interesting. ‘Course Mal was now starting to wonder if interesting always had to be a bad thing.
Saturday, March 18, 2006 7:21 AM
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