BOOK OF DAYS SERIES: #10. "The Talk"
Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Simon forces himself to talk to River about sex. Simon/Kaylee. 10th story in a series. Rated R for discussions of adult themes.


Title: The Talk Rating: NC-17 Synopsis: Simon forces himself to talk to River about sex but Kaylee comes to the rescue. Timeline: Takes place a month or so after Serenity, the movie. Notes: Next part of a series beginning with : And So It Begins, Kiss Me, Coming Together, Tell Me, What’s Proper?, Tears, Peekaboo, Impatient, Waking up is Hard to do and The Talk Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful ‘verse Joss Whedon created.


Simon couldn’t find River. It didn’t matter where he looked. She was nowhere to be found. As he passed the crew bunks, he cringed as he looked at Jayne’s closed hatch. She wouldn’t. He continued on his way to the bridge, casting one glance back at the closed hatch. He hoped. After waiting what he deemed long enough – 5 minutes – he shuffled off the bridge, hoping to run into someone who was awake. As he made his way through the cargo bay, he actually called out to her. “I’m not mad, River, but we need to have a little talk.” After spending what seemed like hours looking for his sister, even stopping to talk to Kaylee for a while, he once again found himself at the hatch to Jayne’s bunk. As he raised his fist to knock on the hatch, Mal came down from the bridge. “Have you seen River?” Both men asked at the same time. “Huh, guess not,” Mal said with a frown then glanced at Simon. “Need Jayne for something?” “Oh, ah, no. Just wondering if he’d seen River.” Mal’s brows drew together suspiciously. “He usually works out this early in the morning. He’s probably in the cargo bay.” “Right.” Simon stepped away from the hatch. “I’ll go check.” Mal’s eyes narrowed as Simon walked away and the Captain decided he’d follow to see what the doctor, notorious for truly disliking Jayne, wanted with him so early in the morning. Mal didn’t have long to wait, because they could hear the voices before they even entered the bay. River and Jayne. Talking about – “Gorramit girl. Go ask your brother. I ain’t your ruttin’ parent.” He puffed sharply as he lifted the weights. “Neither is Simon. And he doesn’t like to talk about it with me.” “Well, crap he’s doin’ it often ‘nuff. Why not?” Mal nearly laughed at the horrified look on Simon’s face. He didn’t think he’d ever seen the doc move so fast to interrupt a conversation. “This is not a subject you should be discussing with my sister, Jayne.” “Damn right it ain’t.” He puffed some more, not even bothering to look at Simon. River frowned at her brother. “You’re just mad I saw you and Kaylee this morning.” Jayne stopped suddenly and glanced at the siblings. Even Mal leaned against a wall and listened with interest. “The door was locked, River. When doors are locked it is usually for good reason.” “She got through a locked door while you two were –?” Jayne chuckled and laughed even harder when Simon sent him a scathing look. Even Mal had to admit this was amusing. The doctor’s hastily donned clothing was more apparent now that he stared at the younger man. “I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed. Kaylee didn’t seem to care –“ “That is not the point, River.” Simon exhaled an exasperated breath. “Than what is?” “Do you really need someone to explain sex to you? You know how it’s done. Clinically if not –“ “I know where the pieces fit, Simon.” River rolled her eyes. “Why do you do it over and over all the time? Why is it so fun? Why is there such a powerful release of –” “Because its fun,” Jayne offered with a big smile. “Thank you, mister obvious,” Simon scowled at Jayne. “I know its fun.” River scowled at Jayne. “I just – I’m not normal. I don’t have those feelings, those needs, those urges.” Simon’s older brother instincts kicked into overdrive. “And you’d better not be having them for a very long time.” “She’s almost eighteen!” Jayne exclaimed. “Why, I had them urges when I was far younger than that.” Simon’s eyes shifted to Jayne. “You’re not helping.” “Good!” Jayne cackled and rested his elbows on his bent legs. Anything that made the stuffy doc feel uncomfortable was mighty amusing to him. Simon sighed and stepped closer to his sister. “Making love is an expression of one’s feelings for another person. When you love someone, you want to make them feel good, and you want to feel good when you’re with them.” “That’s how you and Kaylee feel but its not how everyone –“ “Don’t listen to that overly romantic crap, Crazy. Ruttin’ is just a fun physical exercise. When ya feel a woman’s mouth around your –“ “Jayne!” Simon gaped at the man-ape. River cocked her head at Jayne. “Men seem to like that a lot too. Why?” “River –“ Simon began but his bratty sister turned the tables on him. “You like it too so don’t even try to deny it.” Mal covered his mouth so that Simon wouldn’t hear his laugh. Simon sighed. “I wasn’t going to.” Jayne cackled and stared at Simon. “You can field that one, doc.” “You brought it up,” Simon shot back. Neither man noticed Kaylee siddle up to Mal and watch with growing amusement as the two argued over talking to River about the birds and the bees. “Fine.” Jayne turned back to River. “Men love watchin’ a girl go down on ‘em. It feels so nice.” Simon winced at Jayne’s apparent excitement at talking about this subject with his little sister. He even groaned at one point when he heard the very tangible lust in the older man’s voice as he explained everything he felt when a woman had him in her mouth. “I think this talk is gettin’ a little one sided.” Kaylee walked over to Simon and kissed his cheek before turning to River. “Wanna hear it from a woman’s point of view?” River’s eyes brightened. “Yes.” Simon groaned at the thought of Kaylee telling anyone what she did to him in any kind of explicit terms. “Do it elsewhere then, please.” “Oh, hell no. I wanna hear.” Jayne grumbled. Kaylee caught Simon’s pleading look and took pity on him. She leaned toward him and whispered something about paying back a debt before taking River and heading toward the passenger dorms. “Well at least that’s one debt I’ll enjoy repaying.” Simon smirked at Jayne as he followed Kaylee and River, hoping to at least hear a little about what his girlfriend was going to say to his little sister.


Kaylee bounced onto the bed and patted the mattress, a clear indication she wanted River to sit beside her. River glanced at her skeptically. “Did you wash those?” Kaylee rolled her eyes and scowled. “The beds all made, River!” “Oh, so you only mess the sheets, I get it.” River climbed onto the bed and leaned against the wall for a moment before glancing over her shoulder. “Simon. Don’t just stand out there. Come in.” Kaylee looked over River’s shoulder and grinned at Simon as he sheepishly poked his head around the door. “No. Ah – I don’t think I’m needed for this conversation.” “Not unless you are going to act out some of the –“ “No,” Simon said quickly. “Then go away and let Kaylee talk to me about sex.” “I am your brother, I should be here.” As soon as he said it, he realized it might have been a bad idea. “But you don’t want to talk to me about it.” Kaylee gripped River’s hands. “Oh sweetie, one day you’ll find a guy ya wanna do it with and there’ll be no stopping ya.” “Except the psychotic big brother who doesn’t think I’m old enough.” Simon stepped into the room then and leaned over her shoulder, his breath ruffling her long hair. “Runs in the family.” River stuck her tongue out at him as Kaylee offered him her hand. “Come here, honey. We can talk to her about this together.” Simon glanced from Kaylee to River and back again. “No. I’m – I’m sure I don’t want to be here for this.” Kaylee pouted at him. The kind of pout that he wanted to wipe off her face with a long, passionate kiss and – River turned around and stared at her brother. “Bad thoughts.” This time it was Simon’s turn to make a childish face at his sister. Kaylee giggled and siddled up to Simon, wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him toward the bed. “C’mon. She’ll be good practice for when we have our own kids.” Simon stared at her, hoping she wasn’t trying to give him a hint. “Not pregnant.” River offered with a smile. Simon glared at his ever helpful sister again anticipating a question she might have. “We will not demonstrate for you.” River pouted. “But – Jayne has all these strange positions in his head. Didn’t think some were possible. Wanted to know.” Simon groaned loudly and Kaylee giggled. “Sweetie, when you find a guy of your own, you can try them all out.” Kaylee leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially. “And then you can tell me if they work.” Simon’s eyes widened and he shook his head to clear the disturbingly arousing image. “What else do you want to know, River?” “It’ll just embarrass you.” Simon shook his head. “I couldn’t possibly be more embarrassed than I am now.” River turned to Kaylee, her eyes bright. “What does ejaculate taste like?” Simon paled wishing he had left when he had the chance. END


Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:43 AM


It's entirely possible that I have never laughed quite as hard as I did at the last line.

Oh, River, how I love you. Psycho. *giggles*

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:48 AM


*damn near dies laughing*

I don't know what to say except:


This was hilarious!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 7:25 AM


Holy Crap! I actually gasped and covered my mouth at the last lines! LMAO! He was to late to save River from Jayne's perverted mind! This was GREAT! Can't wait for your next post!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 7:49 AM


Laughing too hard to be coherent! *literally crying* Loved this!

"I love my captain."

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 10:57 AM


I love that last line! Perfect.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 12:12 PM


LMAO LMAO LMAO!!! That was just GREAT. My hand flew to my mouth at that last one! LMAO, please give us more of the talk :P

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 12:21 PM


>please give us more of the talk :P

More of the talk will be mentioned in upcoming stories - primarily by River in her funny little way.

Glad you all liked this. It was pretty funny to write.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 4:16 PM


Can't express how funny that was.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 5:23 PM


I had just about the same reaction as everyone else, my hand flew to my mouth over those last lines, I was laughing so hard.

I was having a really crappy day and then I read this and now I'm smiling so ... thanks!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 8:10 PM


OMG! I just stumbled upon this and I just about died laughing!!!! What a great way to end the day!! LMFAO!!!

Sunday, April 9, 2006 12:55 PM


From Simon's point of view, this is definitely a story that belongs in the horror section. Great job.

Friday, May 19, 2006 11:05 AM


You keep up with the wonderful River interactions and I might just have to offer to make you cookies.


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Simon and Kaylee discuss other - avenues, as they lay in bed. Oddly, this is a pretty PG story.

Simon and kaylee disturb the ship with their nocturnal activities. Post BDM. Part of a challenge table. Rated NC-17 for adult content.

Broken Wings: Conclusion (Repost)
The crew take Kaylee home to be buried and the reason for Simon's secrecy is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 18 (Repost)
Simon, Mal and Jayne have a moment with Kaylee. Inara and River are reunited with the rest of the crew. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 17 (Repost)
Simon has a conversation with Zoe, Mal and Jayne - separately. Sequel to 'On the Edge.' Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 16 (Repost)
The crew is reunited - mostly, as Simon arrives to treat the wounded. River rushes to Inara's aid before her deception is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 15 (Repost)
Simon's escape is halted by his father. But River comes to the rescue. Jayne - sees the light - far too up close and personal for his safety. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 14 (Repost)
Simon and Inara's deception is discovered. Mal, Jayne and Zoe continue to fight what looks to be a losing battle. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 13 (Repost)
Simon has some unexpected help with his fussy son and River receives another assignment. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 12 (Repost)
Inara and Simon continue their work while a message gets out to those on the front lines. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.