Title: Playing with Fire Fandom: pre-Firefly Rating: G – definite G – really. Characters: River Author: bookishtype

“River.” “River.” “River Tam, you come here this instant!” Uh-oh! I ran down stairs into the kitchen where I was met with Miss Glynis’ rolling pin slapping the palm of her hand. “River, can you tell me what happened to the stew I left on the stove?”

Think! Lie! No, no, no…

I hid my hands behind my back and looked up at Miss Glynis’ and gave her my best smile, “nothing.” “Honey, I don’t think so. I know your mama didn’t touch it nor did your brother”, she replied, “and when I left you sittin’ on that stool in the kitchen I gave you strict instruct-shuns not to fiddle with the fire, and you ain’t leavin’ this kitchen till I know what hap’nd to my stew”. I exhale,

...give it up River, you know she will figure it out. No she won’t, just tell her the gas line must be playin up. Puh-lease… like Missy G is gonna believe that...

“I didn’t mean to burn dinner! Don’t tell Mama please! I swear I won’t touch the stove, ever again!” “River, darling, I ain’t gonna tell anyone anything you don’t want me to. What happened?” “The flames… they needed to be tested… no not tested. I wanted to see what would happen if you decrease the pressure on the gas valves and allowed the gas to be free. What was the reaction to the action? I created the catalyst and allowed the reaction to be conducted and I wanted to see what the experiment leads to. I was trying to work out what heat combined with oxygen and the close proximity of the saucepan would do to each other.”

“Well, hun, I guess we figured that one out didn’t we…” Miss Glynis responded to my outburst, “I guess that dinner is going to the dogs. Now what are you gonna do bout my dinner for tonight?” “Baked beans on toast?” I replied.

Title: Lessons Fandom: pre-Firefly Rating: G Characters: Kaylee Author: bookishtype

“Kaylee, sweetie, did you get the onions?” “Yeah Ma, I got ‘em, whatcha making” “Oh, I’m not making anything sweetie, you are” “But Ma, I don’t know how to cook!” “Well you’re gonna learn fast coz dinners in an hour and your brothers are gonna be starved when they come in” “Oh man!!! What do I have to cook?!? I hope it’s not too hard.” “Nah, hun, it’s just some meatloaf and vegies” “Okay I know how to do the vegies part – but do I do for meatloaf?” “Well I’ll explain it to you and you can cook it up nicely”

20mins later

“Okay so it’s in the oven now for a half an hour and then I take it out and slice it up, right?” “Yes Kaylee, that’s all there is to it…”

10 mins later

Turns oven temperature from 180C to 200C

5 mins later

Turns over temperature to 220C, then decides to go to 230C

5 mins later

230C ain’t cutting it… goes to 280C

10 mins later

“Kaylee! What’s that smell? “ “Oh man!!!” “Kaywinnett Lee, what did you do to our dinner?” “I just turned up the temperature to cook the meatloaf faster, I thought it would be okay…” “Honey, that don’t work, you gotta let the meat cook at its own rate and if you fiddle with it you can’t regulate it” “I was only trying to help, I didn’t mean to burn dinner.” “I know sweetie. Now you know.” “Can you cook something now instead of me?” “Well I guess we can’t exactly give this to the men now can we?” “They probably wouldn’t notice the difference”

sound of a smack

“Ow!”

Title: Domestic Goddess: part 1 Fandom: pre-Firefly Rating: G Characters: Zoe, Mal Author: bookishtype

Zoe entered the cave up on the hills aside the Valley, “Sir, we have a few hours before the rest of the squadron land in the Valley. Should we prepare the men for the next battle?” She squatted next to the Sergeant who was cleaning one of his pistols. “Tell them, we got an hour till we regroup and that they should eat and prep their weapons ready for the next surge.” “Eat, sir? What have we got to eat?” Zoe queried, unsure of this request, the Sergeant was being mightly vague at the moment. “Rations, what else”, he replied not looking up, “maybe some of the men have a few fixins’ tucked in their sacks” “what will you be eating, Sir?”, Zoe asked as she got up to deliver the message to the troops. “What ever you’re eat’n?” he replied… Zoe froze midstep for a sec and then continued.

When she returned the fire that had dwindled had be restacked with wood and was eagerly awaiting a brimming pot of food. The Sergeant was nowhere around. Zoe emptied out the rations pack and some of the food a few villagers had given them and began cutting up the food and throw’n it in the pot on the fire. Before too long there was a feisty looking brew bubbling away. Zoe smiled, wiped her hands on her trouser legs and got up to stretch her legs. Dinner would only need a few more minutes and it would be ready.

Mal Reynolds had an iron stomach and could eat anything. The thought of a nice hot meal before the next ship arriving made him smile. He walked into the cave where he had left Zoe and the fire going. ”What in the ‘verse is THAT smell!!!!” He rounded the corner of the cave to find Zoe dishing up two servings of something that may have once been food. “Here you go, Sir”, she handed him a plate and bread. Mal sat on a rock and took in what sat on his plate, it was black, but also green, there was chunks and something that may have once been a leafy vegetable. His stomach grumbled. Zoe looked up from her rock, her plate untouched. “Sir?” she questioned. Mal dipped his bread into the blackness and took a bite. He chewed. He blocked his nose. He tipped his head back. He chewed some more. Finally he swallowed. Zoe watched this display of movement, still not eating her food. “Zoe, if there is one thing I ask of you not as your Sergeant but as a human being, do not ever, ever cook dinner again” “Did I burn it, Sir?”

Title: Domestic Goddess: part 2 Fandom: Firefly Characters: Zoe, Wash Author: bookishtype

Zoe cleared it with the Capt’n, she could take Wash off the bridge for the evening. Capt’n could handle Serenity for one evening. She even got Kaylee to go food shopping with her when they were planet-side the other day. She got all the fixin’s for a fine meal.

“Wash, can you come up to the bridge for a moment”, the Capt’n voice come over the ‘com. The plan was in place, Zoe went down to the kitchen and began the meal, it was gonna be the finest meal ever to be served on Serenity. Normally she didn’t go into the whole Valentine’s day thing but the last coupla months on board with Wash, wasn’t too bad at all. Actually it was very, very good.

“Capt’n, you needed to see me”

Zoe had the noodles happening, the fried rice was done, all that was left was the duck. She took a deep breath and starting frying… see, it’s not that hard, she told herself now all I need to do is add the soy sauce and some herbs and we will be all set. The last place Zoe could remember those ingredients being was in one of the lockers. Leaving the duck to sizzle away, she began rifling through the lockers…. “Yes, Wash, I need to know about the, uh, video link from up here. I would like to use it tonight and I need you to make sure it’s set up”

It’s gotta be here, I know it is. 20 lockers down and 10 to go, Zoe knew that the sauce and herbs were here somewhere. The duck still sizzling on the stove had started to smoke up the kitchen. That’s strange, what’s that smell? Zoe turned back to the cooktop, and yelled.

“Okay…, just press this button here and put in the coordinates and you’re all set” Wash grinned at the Capt’n and left the room.

Zoe sat at the table. The fried rice and noodles were dished out. The duck sat in the middle of the table mocking Zoe and that’s where Wash found her when he walked in. “What’s all this?” “Well it was dinner.” Wash picked up a duck leg and started chewing. He chewed. He blocked his nose. He tipped his head back. He chewed some more. Finally he swallowed. “Til I burned it”.