Finding Our Way - Conclusion
Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Simon is given a solution to his captivity. Mal comforts River and Adrian Bai reveals a darker side. Angsty.


Well, this is the end of this story. Thank you to everyone who continued reading.

I've never written something so long and I'm glad it was as well received as it was.

I'm very interested in hearing your opinions of the end. I wrote it with one intent in mind and my beta, after she recovered from her crying hysterics, thought I had intended something different.

I'm eager to know what you think happened at the end.

The Epilogue (if I decide to post it. I really think the end as I have written it is more poignant) will give you my original intent.

Thanks to Wanmei for the beta.


Simon sat in a small, colorless chamber, his arms and hands bound in front of him. He’d been questioned, but not as intensively as he might have anticipated. He was in a military brig, not in the, surprisingly, warmer confines of a Fed prison.

He’d been there for hours, lost with his thoughts, wondering, waiting – secretly hoping – that they would just kill him and be done with it. He should have simply injected himself with a fatal amount of potassium. He had plenty on hand in the infirmary. But he couldn’t – not until Serenity was safely away. If he was lucky, he would get the opportunity to end his own life before having to endure the torture he knew would come once the Fed’s came. He knew too much about Serenity and its crew and he knew there were methods that he would not be able to resist should they be used upon him.

His mind wandered to Serenity, to the family he had left behind. While not blood related, the crew of that beat up old ship had become like a family to him, and he would miss them terribly. He couldn’t have left River to the care of anyone else. He trusted them. And he knew they would protect her with their lives.

Kaylee was another matter entirely. She would be utterly broken by his lie. She loved him so deeply, and he her. But, he held some measure of hope in his overly romantic mind, that when the time came, she would open that bright, beautiful heart and find love again.

His mother and Alexandra were greater mysteries. There had to be more to the story than they had revealed to him. Could such a perceived betrayal have torn these relatives apart for twenty years? There had to be more. Political motives, career differences and choices. He would ask his – uncle, when he saw him next. If he saw him again.


Admiral Adrian Bai sat at his desk, re-reading the wave that would seal Simon Tam’s fate to one far worse than death. As he glanced over the text that would bring the special federal agents to his door, a twinge of guilt crept into his eyes and into his heart.

He had alienated his family for his power and his position. And it had given him great wealth. He had punished his wife for her inability to give him a child. His long, successful career had come at the expense of many a young life. And even now, it would come at the expense of another.

It wasn’t the first time he had sold his blood for power, prestige and position. As Adrian Bai sent the message, he reflected that at least it would be the last time.

He sent another message, this time to his wife and Regan Tam, detailing events he had witnessed and apologies he had never made.

He stood and walked to his waiting hovercraft. He had a few last things to finish before this chapter in his life had concluded.


Kaylee played and replayed the message, over and over, crying until she had no more tears left to cry. She fell asleep sitting on the floor, her head leaning against the end of the bed, with her arms wrapped protectively around the data pad containing Simon’s last message to her.

That was how Mal and Inara found her, looking so young and childlike with stringy hair stuck to her face and the salty stain of tears on her cheeks. Mal scooped her up and placed her in the bed, knowing that she would prefer to be here than in her own bunk. In fact, he had a sinking suspicion she would be moving into this room permanently, despite the lingering bad memories.

Kaylee muttered in her sleep, and they waited for a few moments to see if she would wake. She didn’t. Simply cuddled the data pad closer to her body and snuggled into the softness of Simon’s pillow.


River stared unblinking at the data pad as Simon’s message played. There was no hint of emotion on her face, no tears in her eyes. She simply watched and played the message back over and over while Mal stood to the side, waiting, expecting her to have a breakdown to rival any he’d ever seen.

After what seemed like the hundredth time, she simply laid her head back with a heavy sigh and closed her eyes.

For a moment Mal thought she had fallen asleep, until he looked down at her hands, knuckles white from where they clutched the data pad so tightly.

His breath caught when he noticed the tears roll down her cheeks from beneath tightly closed eyes. Her body shook with the effort of trying to keep the emotion bottled inside of her. For the first time, she wanted to be in control of her emotions, of her feelings. But she was not a whole girl. Not anymore. She felt it all; the steaming anger radiating off the man standing beside her to the intense physical heartache spilling out of Simon’s bunk. Her own emotion was lost among all the others, but it swept through her body like a thousand falling stars pelting her from above, threatening to burn her to ashes.

A sob escaped her lips and then he was there, holding her, supporting her, letting her cry. Mal wrapped his arms around River’s shoulders and she buried her face in his chest, the hard, hoarse cries flowing out of her in such a rush, she felt she would choke.

She cried hard and long for the brother who had risked everything, given up everything he had ever known for her – including his life. She had never hurt like this, so completely and absolutely. Even when they’d cut into her, over and over. She could protect herself from that kind of pain. She had done it for years. Retreating into the different parts of her mind.

She was out of her element entirely when the emotional impact of her brother’s unconditional sacrifice struck her like a thousand shots to the gut. The pain of her injury returned, but it paled beside the overwhelming pain that had driven itself like a stake through her heart.


The three men who had accompanied their commander to Serenity stood at attention waiting for their commander to speak. The proud looks on their faces revealed that they expected to be well-praised for their work in apprehending such a high-level prisoner.

Adrian Bai’s voice, professional and authoritative, echoed through the small shuttle. “I have deposited double your annual salary into your accounts, effective today.”

Bai paced in front of them, reached into his uniform and pulled out a long, cylindrical object. “Further compensation for your excellent work will be granted for every year of service until the age of retirement.”

The object clicked open as he paced, emitting a low, hypnotizing hum. “Your families will be cared for and they will be notified that you died honorably in service to your government.”

The men’s eyes widened as blood began to seep from their noses. Each stood in shock as their commander continued to speak. When fresh crimson began to spill from their eyes and their ears, each man screamed, one right after the other, until they lay motionless on the floor.

When the sounds had come to an end, Bai replaced the object in his uniform jacket and left the shuttle, sealing it with an unbreakable authorization code.


Simon glanced up as Adrian Bai entered the room, his face an emotionless steel mask. When Simon opened his mouth to ask the questions he’d been pouring through his mind since he’d arrived, Adrian raised his hand.

“I will do the talking. You will speak only when asked a question. Is that understood?”

Simon nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“Stand up.”

Simon complied without hesitation. There was no use in fighting so soon. He knew he would need to save some of his fight for later. If there even was a later.

“Follow me. Now.”

Simon did as he was told and as he walked with Adrian, beside and not behind the large man. He briefly wondered why man did not have an aid, or an escort. Did he think Simon so cowed, unable to free himself if provided with the opportunity? They walked in silence until Adrian stopped before a dimly lit panel and pressed the control, causing a large metal door to slide open.


Simon moved cautiously into the dark room and glanced around at all of the large containers stacked against the walls. His eyes narrowed as he recognized the all too familiar design. These were top of the line models and government issued only. Not typically available to civilians.

Adrian unlocked the restraints binding Simon’s arms and gestured at the containers. “I believe you know what these are.” A reclining chair from which hung thick restraints, and a table on which sat many different vials, waited nearby.

Simon swallowed nervously. “Yes.”

Adrian moved to the table that held a syringe full of an aqua-colored liquid. “Roll up your sleeve.”

Simon swallowed and did as he was instructed, instantly recognizing the medications lining the table.

“You want to know why.”

Simon raised his eyebrows and glanced around the room. “Yes.”

Adrian raised the syringe and approached Simon. “The sacrifices and choices I have made in my life are my own. I have done things, seen things, that you, one of only a very few people seeing the outcome from the outside, are capable of understanding. You’ve seen the destructive results of my work. These are deeds, because of who you are, you will never forgive. Nor should you. I will not watch you befall the same fate as all of the others. I will not let them cut into another innocent.”

Simon swallowed reflexively, understanding dawning behind his eyes. “You knew.”

Adrian exhaled a short puff of laughter. “I knew. Yes. I sent them to your parents. Just like I did so many other child prodigies. For our protection. For the good of the union of allied planets. I did my job with intense determination and I have the blood of hundreds of innocents on my hands because of it.”

“You gave my sister over to them.” Simon’s hands shook with anger. “You let them cut into the brain of a fourteen year old girl!” Simon pushed himself forward, fists clenching. “Why? Power? Prestige? Money? What did they pay you to sell out my sister?”

Adrian laughed, sending disturbing chills down Simon’s spine. He stepped over to a nearby container and pressed a button, revealing a small storage chest. He slid a data book out of his uniform jacket and with it a data stick. “All of the answers, all of the secrets, are contained within. Enough to topple a government, and then some.” He glanced over his shoulder at the closed door and Simon suddenly felt that time was running out.

Simon flinched as Adrian grabbed Simon’s arm and shoved the needle into it.

As the aqua fluid spilled into his bloodstream, Simon shivered, his veins constricting as the medication worked its way through his body. Simon knew what was going to happen next as his body metabolized this first injection. It would take some time, but each injection controlled a different part of his body, neural functions, motor functions, brain function. They would stop in specified, sequential order.

Adrian Bai dropped the empty syringe on the small table and walked to the door. “I trust you know how to measure the next set of injections.”

Simon swallowed thickly and glanced toward the table, upon which were two more syringes already prepped and several bottles of familiar drugs simply waiting for the proper dosage to be measured. “I do.”

“Then I will leave you to it.” The door slid open and Adrian didn’t look back as he walked out. “Goodbye Simon.”

Simon took a deep breath and walked to the table, eyeing the vials. He didn’t want to feel what would come next. He wanted to be blissfully unconscious. His hands shook as he carefully measured each dosage of medication, according to his body weight, and injected them into his bloodstream, wincing as the liquid burned through his system. A calm, weightless peace settled over his body as he felt the final sedative begin to take effect. It was only a matter of time now.

As he lay down on the chair, he closed his eyes, his heart rate slowing. His last thought before losing consciousness was one of Kaylee and his sister, running through a field of colorful flowers, sunshine lighting their faces, and laughter brightening their eyes.


Authors Note: The ending has been left ambiguous for a reason. I like to leave some imagination up to the reader and after my beta had finished this, she told me she hadn’t cried so hard in a long time. She thought what happened at the end was something different than my original intent. So, I leave it to you, the reader, to take from this story what you will.


Wednesday, March 8, 2006 6:15 AM



It's computer class. Now everyone is looking at me strangely.

I second the "No epilogue unless it's happy" comment, because dammit, I don't need to be sad anymore.

I'm envious of your writing skills (or perhaps I'm just envious of the fact you have ideas!)


Wednesday, March 8, 2006 6:18 AM


All right, I'll jump...

I think he just suspended cerebral yadda yadda yadda - Ariel style - and his body will get shipped back to Serenity then wake up, much hugging and wild sex ensues. And Bai will kill himself. Because I want a happy ending, gorammit!

Or... Romeo and Juliet style: Kaylee will see him and swallow poison, then he'll wake up, see her dead, and put a dagger through his chest.

It better not be option B!

Good story! When's the epilogue? soon?

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 6:22 AM


Wow! I love the end because you can draw your own conclusions!:D Poor Simon, I think I have said that, I don't know how many times in this story! It was sad but there was a glimmer of hope, maybe. Thanks so much for sharing this story, it's wonderful!! I got a little choked up, but no, it's okay, I can handle it, I'm cool. Can't wait to read your next effort ( maybe you can go for the fluff, cause I am all angsted out now )! And maybe, just maybe, if you feel a little generous, you can put up the epilogue? Like I said before, you already wrote it, not gonna kill ya to post it!:D

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 6:41 AM


Poor Simon. The guy just never gets a break.

I'd still like to see the epilogue, even if it is sad (sadder). It's be nice to see how everyone else is doing (not just Kaylee and River, either - Mal would acknowledge and appreciate such a sacrifice as well), even if Simon is actually gone.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 7:13 AM


Okay, I'll bite. Adrian put data into the storage compartment of a cryo chamber for Simon to use once he is released from said chamber. Simon knows how to prepare a person for cryo because, according to the novelization, he is the one who put River in her box after he got her out of the academy. How Adrian will get the chamber back to Serenity it a mystery.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 7:14 AM


>Don't know what the injections held, but not likely anything lethal. After all, how many different types of injections would they need to give a guy to kill him?

Lethel injections are given in a series of specifically measured shots.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 7:25 AM


Oh... I like it. Good cliffhanger. Kinda season finale'ish. Would have worked really well if the series had gone on for a while. Perhaps you should make us wait a bit for the Epilogue, I need an "off season" to recover/prepare.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 7:58 AM



Here's my theory - Simon is dead. I wish it weren't true, but something tells me their is not sympathetic or empathetic bone in Adrian's body, especially after killing his men, "hands of blue style."

Sorry kiddies, but I don't think the "epilogue" should be considered an alternate ending.

Although, the romantic in me does agree with Mal4Prez and Anon that there's a chance those drugs were the sleep-inducing variety and those containers were cryo units. How awesome would it be if Simon was returned to the ship a box like the one River arrived in? Kind of full circle, don't you think?

Leiasky, thank you for your unbelievable characterizations, imagination and commitment to the "Firefly" 'verse. Your love for these characters and what the show stood for is evident. This is why I'm glad to be a fan fic writer as well.

My take on the epilogue - we're all big people, we can choose whether or not we should read it. But of course, the author's discretion will rule.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:05 AM


I'm thinking along the lines of temporary death a la Ariel. Also liking Clio's cryo-chamber theory.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:09 AM


> but something tells me their is not sympathetic or empathetic bone in Adrian's body, especially after killing his men, "hands of blue style."

If Adrian had no sympathy or regret for what he had done in the past, he would not have done what he did for Simon at the end. He would have simply turned him over to be tortured.

Now, whether or not he actually gave Simon the means to end his own life, or prepare himself for cryo stasis, (both of which require a carefully set number and measurement of injections) that is what I wanted the reader to determine for themselves.

Either way, Adrian was merciful in the end.

>Sorry kiddies, but I don't think the "epilogue" should be considered an alternate ending.

It is definitely not an 'alternate ending'.

As for the rest of your theories, and questions, well, I don't really want to comment as the Epilogue will answer them all.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:21 AM


P.S. the previous anonymous post was mine. Again, excellent work.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:25 AM


Yay! Epilogue(even if it makes me cry!:D)!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:35 AM


>I'll refuse to archive this otherwise wonderfull story unless there's a happy epilogue to it!!!

You're lucky its already written or I would probably rebel and not post it just because of that comment.

I like a story to evoke some kind of emotion in its readers (whether it be hate, love, tears, anguish). It's rare that I write one myself (tending to prefer much happier/ fluffier/ smuttier stories) but when I do manage to write something with a plot, I feel that it was a success if it affected someone emotionally.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 9:10 AM



Okay, you KNOW I love this fic...right up until the angsty parts, which are well-written, but devastating.

Yeah, post the epilogue IF it's happy. Otherwise, just get to work on something smutty and fluffy and plotless to make up for traumatizing us...and Simon and Kaylee!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 9:20 AM



Do you know how much work I haven't gotten done because I am constantly checking for the next installment. I loved that you posted almost two a day.

Now this. I tried writing fanfic. The only outcome I got was frustration. Please don't leave it like this...I beg you!!

I'm sorry, I now have to go and cry and put more things off at work.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 9:40 AM


I loved this entire series! Each chapter just left you hungry for more. Count me in as one who would like to read the Epilogue, happy or not.

It would be like watching the "alternate ending" on a DVD. :)

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 2:32 PM


A great conclusion, ambigious and leaving me wanting more! :D

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 2:47 PM


Ok, so some of the questions/theories I'll answer...

>And is Kaylee pregnant?

Absolutely not. 500 years in the future, oopses don't happen very frequently. Contraceptive injections are the norm and Simon IS a doctor. He knows better. My opinion, but, there it is:)

>what if the embyo implantation never 'took' on Alexandra Bai. What if Simon Tam actually IS Adrian and Alexander's child?

Would be a nice twist but no.

Very interesting theories otherwise. I've been plotting to see if I want to write another part to this story but we'll see. Long stories like this take a lot out of me.

I have a series of other stories I've been working on that are more along the lines of FrellingBlonde's S/K stories and are not nearly as angsty.

Thursday, March 9, 2006 8:14 PM


What's happening?
I told you all, badness!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 7:41 PM


At first I was all ARRGH CURSE YOUR INEVITABLE BETRAIL, then I was all, wait government issue... Boxes?!? Injections?!?!? CRYO STAYSIS THANK YOU BUDDHA *Erases from the top of his list Kill Leiasky* Just kidding, but really, why oh why oh WHY would you do this to us?? Killing Simon... just not cosher...

Friday, May 26, 2006 7:26 AM


In my mind he still has hope, still wants to get out, so he made a similar concoction to make him appear dead until the opportune moment, maybe even arming another syringe with something to incapacitate the interviewer.


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Simon and Kaylee discuss other - avenues, as they lay in bed. Oddly, this is a pretty PG story.

Simon and kaylee disturb the ship with their nocturnal activities. Post BDM. Part of a challenge table. Rated NC-17 for adult content.

Broken Wings: Conclusion (Repost)
The crew take Kaylee home to be buried and the reason for Simon's secrecy is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 18 (Repost)
Simon, Mal and Jayne have a moment with Kaylee. Inara and River are reunited with the rest of the crew. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 17 (Repost)
Simon has a conversation with Zoe, Mal and Jayne - separately. Sequel to 'On the Edge.' Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 16 (Repost)
The crew is reunited - mostly, as Simon arrives to treat the wounded. River rushes to Inara's aid before her deception is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 15 (Repost)
Simon's escape is halted by his father. But River comes to the rescue. Jayne - sees the light - far too up close and personal for his safety. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 14 (Repost)
Simon and Inara's deception is discovered. Mal, Jayne and Zoe continue to fight what looks to be a losing battle. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 13 (Repost)
Simon has some unexpected help with his fussy son and River receives another assignment. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 12 (Repost)
Inara and Simon continue their work while a message gets out to those on the front lines. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.