Fun and Games - 2.3 - Hangover: Zoe
Tuesday, March 7, 2006

The late, but still welcome thrid of an eight part sequel to "Spin the truth", it's time to show how Zoe's day went by.


AN: Yes, I know, I know, you can't believe it... even though I've been saying for so long that I've been working on it, that it's finally here, another installment. Well behold the truthfullness of it all, cause here it is. I can't say how long it'll be to the next one, but I doubt it'll take as long to do that. Remember to look out for Inara ;) Already begun it, so don't worry, it's on its way.

AN2: Many, many thanks to EngineAngel (see... even put it in bold... lol, or EA as I like to call her) for her faithful beta-ing, not to mention putting up with my insessiveness, staying up late with me to help me map these things out. I'm really grateful hun!

*** Fun and Games - 2.3 - Hangover: Zoe ***

The familliar sounds of moans and groans were what brought her out of her sleep. Zoe silently chuckled, despite feeling the upmost sympathy towards her hubbie, who by the sound of it was having a hangover from hell. It wasn't as if Wash was a whiner, heck she had seen him withstand pain before, even torture. Her mind slightly wandered back to how she had found him at Niska's complex bruised, battered and bloody. He'd barely been able to stand and he had still taken up arms to free the captain from having to suffer much more. So no matter what pain her husband was in, when it really mattered, he was more than able to push it aside.

When it didn't matter however, he could be a crybaby.

Luckily it wasn't too often an occurance, so mostly she took pity on him. Today was one of those days. She rolled over to her side and observed him with his arm over his head, trying to block out the few lights that were on in the room. Having no natural lights peaking in from anywhere and the switches being impossible to find in the dark, they had grown accustomed to sleep with a dimmed red light on. Normally the light did no damage, but for a person, especially a man with a severe hangover, it was unbearable.

- Morning, she whispered.

The only reply he managed to muster was a simple painful groan. She gave a deep chuckle at the response and placed a comforting kiss on his forehead.

- Is it really that bad?

The reply was him turning over to his stomach, burying his head into the pillow.

- Kill me now, he groaned, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Zoe had done this routine with him before, so there was no point in wasting the time. She pulled the covers aside and, in all her naked glory, stepped onto the cold metal plates that made up their floor. She had a slight suspision in the back of her head that, at this point, he had lifted his head from the pillow and was peaking at her form. The thought caused her to smile. Her husband knew the crybaby role to perfection, but as she had a clear memory of the quantities of alcohol he'd consumed the night before, she let it slide. Besides she knew very well that if she had been in any sort of simillar position, she would've been in for some serious pampering herself.

She pulled on a shirt, buttoning it almost up, not bothering with a bra for just remedy-fetching, then found one of her simplest pair of pants. When she turned around his head was back to lying face down on the pillow, as if he hadn't moved at all. She bent over and gently placed a soft kiss right behind his ear.

- Be right back, she whispered.

Taking the ladder two steps at a time, she pushed the hatch open and climbed out. Serenity was seemingly living up to her name. As it would take but minutes to find what Wash needed, she decided against closing the hatch and moved towards the kitchen. As she reached the steps leading down, she froze up.

It took just a few seconds for her to remember Mal's drag show the night before, which had ended with him passing out on the floor next to Jayne. With her being the only one on this boat with the ability to move them, she was far from surprised to see them both still sleeping on the kitchen floor. Jayne's nudity however... was new. As was the definate snuggle-ness between the two. It was almost passing as cute, in a very disturbing kind of way. As much as she both loved and respected her captain, she just knew she would have to give him hell for this.

Even as the shock had passed she just couldn't get herself to move. She felt the need to just keep observing the two, as well as the need to avoid seeing any parts of Jayne she was not interested in seeing. Luckily, any such part seemed to be very well covered by the captain's dress. She made a note to self to let Inara know her dress' whereabouts, should she feel the need to dispose of it.

Surprisingly, she jumped as she felt two arms wrap around her waist. Not since long before the war had she ever been caught so off guard. She turned around and tried to meet her husband's gaze, but failed as his attention was elsewhere. More precisely, his eyes were fixated on the sleeping couple on the kitchen floor. His mouth opened and closed like a fish caught on land. For once in his life, the comedian was mute.

- When'd... how'd... what'd...

There was no complete sentence in sight. Wash's eyes went from Mal and Jayne to Zoe, back to the lovebirds, then to Zoe again. His arms slipped away from her waist, as he brought one hand up to scratch his head, and then pointed a finger at his wife, gesticulating to her than he demanded the full backstory. Suddenly he turned around, heading straight back to their bunk. The speed he was going made Zoe wrinkle her brows in slight worry, especially as she heard a thump, which she guessed to be Wash hitting the floor. She turned to look at the sleeping couple. They seemed oblivious to the whole commotion.

When she turned back, she saw Wash crawling out of the hatch, limping towards her. In his hand, he held a capture.

The twinkle in his eyes was one of a young boy up to no good. He might as well be carrying a slingshot. Zoe shook her head and chuckled as she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen, knowing very well that once Wash was done documenting the event, he'd be in need of a remedy. The liquor had been put back into the cabinets sometime during the night. It was a pretty safe bet that it hadn't been Mal, Jayne or Wash, and thinking back to how drunk Simon and Kaylee had been, she was pretty sure they hadn't put the drinks away either. As she couldn't picture Inara with the obsessive compulsion to alphabetize the bottles, the figure behind the act couldn't have been anyone else but River. Looking over her shoulder she wondered if the young girl had been responsible for disrobing Jayne as well.

Finding the bottle in question, thanks to the alphabetizing river had done, she decided to leave well enough alone. Making sure Wash was still busy with his capture, she quickly mixed together the ingredients for a hangover cure in the biggest glass she could find.

- We should do something, Wash said. - Like put his hand in hot water or something.

- I ain't touchin' that man-ape, Zoe quickly responded.

- I was talking about Mal.

- I have a feeling Inara already has enough reasons to wanna burn that dress, lets not add the captain pissing himself to the list.

- I just hate to waste the opportunity, Wash shrugged, still capturing the event.

- I think capturing it is good enough, which by the by, I'd recommend not letting Jayne know about. Next thing you know you'll be sporting a fresh black eye.

- Like you'd let him hurt me, Wash chirped.

- Ain't your bodyguard.

- You mean you'd...

- Jayne ain't exactly known for his brains, Zoe said, interrupting him. - But he knows well enough when you're on your own.

- Can I at least do one thing, he asked, as if needing her permission.

She nodded and stiffled a chuckle as Wash bent over the mercenary and gently moved one of his arms, placing it around Mal's waist. As she moved with him back to the hallway, she couldn't resist looking back at the now even snugglier couple.

- Best not letting the captain know about this, either.


She tried her very best not to laugh as Mal stomped into the helm, as non-elegantly as he could manage without falling over. The dress was in an even worse shape than she remembered it being the night before. Suprisingly enough, however, the make-up seemed to have remained pretty intact. Zoe couldn't help to admire Inara's touch. The only thing the layers upon layers of various products couldn't hide was the dark circles underneath his eyes. She wasn't one for make-up and such, but she knew enough to realize it wasn't meant for sleeping in.

- Morning sir, she said, with as straight a face as she could muster.

Wash spinned his chair around, keeping a surprisingly serious expression for many seconds before breaking into a grin.

- Had a comfy sleep, he asked sweetly.

Mal narrowed his eyes at them both, but especially turned his gaze at the cheerful pilot.

- You saw, didn't you?

- Quite a sight, sir, Zoe stated, still barely maintaining a serious gaze.

- We always hope you two crazy kids could settle your differences and get together, Wash chirped.

Seemingly ignoring Wash's comments, Mal let his gaze wander back and forth between the two.

- Which one of you giggled?

- Sir, Zoe asked, brow raised.

- Never mind, Mal muttered.

- So's Jayne up?

Mal's expression turned to a painful one.

- I really hope not.

- I take it the honeymoon's over, then, Wash teased.

- This is the worst hangover I ever experienced, Mal groaned, clutching his head. - Look at the bright side, sir. Least you didn' get married this time, Zoe joked.

Her well-mastered stern expression was in for a challenge when an idea hit her. The idea.

- You didn't get married, right, she continued.

- Aw, Mal, Wash chimed in. - You could have invited us, you know. Here I go and make you best man in mine and in return I get no invitation...

Zoe had to resort to all her stealth and willpower not to fall over laughing.

- There was no weddin', Mal exclaimed, his eyes suddenly widening in upmost horror. - ...I think. Niao se dub doo gway you don't think we...

Zoe's battle not to laugh was lost as she and Wash both doubled over, grabbing onto whatever part of each other they could reach, just so they'd avoid hitting the floor as their limbs failed underneath them.

- Come to think of it, Zoe said, semi-sobering from laughter. - Jayne was awfully flirtatious last night.


Zoe had just finished pouring the last of the remedy down Wash's throat, when she heard Inara enter the helm.

- Um... am I interrupting anything, Inara asked, hovering around the entrance instead of walking right in.

- Truth be told, I'd welcome the company, Zoe chuckled.

- Morning, Wash, Inara chirped, possibly a little too loudly.

The only reply was a groan, followed by his hand clutching his head.

- Ah... hangover?

- That and a side order of laughter and you've got where he is now.

- Laughter, the companion asked, her brow raised.

- Mal came in earlier, Zoe explained.

- Oh, Inara said in realization. - That must've been quite a sight.

- Yeah, too bad you missed the show. I got some great captures of it, in case you're interested, Wash said, laughing loudly.

- Don't worry, I saw enough this morning to imagine it, Inara replied. - One thing's for sure, I'm never coming near that dress again.

- Had a feelin' you'd say that, Zoe chuckled. - From what I saw, I think that'd be the best. You never know where Jayne's been.

- Yeah, Wash chuckled, being their wedding night and all, who knows exactly when they passed out

Inara, who had just decided then to take a sip of her tea, started coughing and almost dropped the cup. As she got back control of her body, she stared at them both, befuddled, eyes wide, expression seeming to say what the words she was trying to sputter out could not.

- Wedding night...?

- The captain had a very busy night last night, Zoe said, as her eyes determinantly caught Inara's. - He put that dress you gave him into good use.

Inara's expression only held a hint of surprise, then a playful smile, which was quickly changed to merely an amusing one.

- I must say, when he proposed, I thought he was just joking, the companion recovered, skillfully. - So he went through with it, then. I was sure he wanted to wait for the Shepherd to do it.

- He ain't exactly a patient man, our captain. In the end he did it himself, took up place as both preacher and bride, Zoe answered, trying not to break into laughter as she said it.

- I don't know which thought scares me the most, Wash silently pondered. - Mal as a preacher, or Mal as a bride...

Zoe bit her lip, attempting to avoid the grin that was slowly but surely creeping to her face as she watched her husband suddenly shudder from whatever mental image was appearing in his mind.

- Gyaaaah... That image will forever be stuck to my brainpan!

Yes, she thought to herself. This was gonna be fun.


Tuesday, March 7, 2006 6:33 PM


squeeeeeee!!! it's up, it's up! and i'm the first one who gets to review it! shiny! well, you already know what i think. good job again kit :) characterization like usual is spot on and the humor is there too. it took a while *tease tease* but it was worth it.

keep flyin'

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 6:38 PM


OMG hysterical.

Oh, I hope you don't keep us waiting for the next one.

And damnit, I was hoping S/K had done the nasty deed at least!

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:28 PM


Long time to get up?! was so totally worth the wait!!! This was so freakin' funny! And Wash's reactions to all of it, and Zoe not being able to control her laughter..and the two of them givin the cap'n hell for all of it! LMAO! awesome...NO... FANSWESICAL JOB! (Mix between Fantastic, awesome, and hysterical) LOL

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 10:23 PM


Worth the wait

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 1:19 AM


Hehehehehe! Can't wait for the next installment, this is too funny :P

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 4:03 AM


Worth the wait. Absolutely brilliant!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 4:09 AM


God in Heaven, this is some great stuff. TYPE FASTER, GORRAMIT!!!!

Thursday, March 30, 2006 6:08 PM


mal as a bride? IT BURNS, IT BURN US!

Sunday, April 16, 2006 9:58 AM


SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! this is so ruttin' brilliant i think my head might ACTUALLY explode.


Sunday, May 28, 2006 7:33 PM


Oh pleaze...
More with the wedding details. Gotta see Jayne's reaction to all this.
And where is our little match-maker?


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