Finding Our Way - Chapter 15
Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Simon says goodbye amidst a flood of tears. Simon/Kaylee. Mal/Inara. FULL of angst.


When he returned a long while later, Inara stood in his path and glared at him. “You lied to her.”

Simon sighed, hoping Inara, of all people, would understand. A kiss and a profession of love was what Kaylee needed to remember of their last moments together. Not him being led away to an unknown fate at the hands of the Feds. “I had to. I couldn’t let her see –“

“You took the coward’s way out.” Inara snapped but then winced inwardly, her tone and words more hurtful than she’d intended.

Simon clenched his fists and steeled himself to answer. “I made the decision I thought was best.”

“Can’t leave me,” came another, weaker voice from behind them.

Regan, who had been watching the exchange silently, clutched her daughter’s hand and smoothed back her hair. “River!”

“Mei mei.” Simon hurried around Inara and checked her vitals, satisfied that they were stable. “Do you feel any pain?”

“Only in my heart,” River answered, her eyes sad. She looked around the room, her eyes taking it in as if it was the first time she had ever been there. “Can’t move.”

“I gave you something to knock out your motor functions. Moving now would put too much strain on your injury,” Simon explained as he prepped a few more medications to push through the IV line.

“Make it harder for me to stop you from leaving.” Even as a child River had always been able to see through his lies. But he had to do this for her. He had to try.

Simon glanced at Inara before pushing another sedative through the line.

“Don’t want to sleep. Don’t make me sleep!” River’s agitated condition sent her pulse and heart rate into the red and the monitor on the far wall began to beep noisily.

“Calm down, River.” Simon’s gentle hands cupped her face and he smiled sadly at her. “You have to calm down.”

“Can’t. Won’t. I saw it. Death and darkness. Coming for you. You can’t keep me away!” Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes but she couldn’t lift her hand to wipe them away.

Simon wiped away the tears with his thumbs and rested his forehead against hers. “Mei Mei. I love you. You have a chance if you go; to live. I have to give you that chance.”

“Can’t live. Not without you.” River sobbed loudly now, drawing the attention of everyone waiting outside the infirmary.

“Yes you can. And you will.” He whispered soothingly to her, as he always did when trying to quell her fears. Only this time, it didn’t work.

“You protect me, Simon. I need you. Kaylee needs you.” Her voice was a whispered plea as the medication began its work.

“You can take care of each other, mei mei. And the Captain will take care of you.” Simon pressed a kiss to each wet cheek as her eyes fluttered closed. He wrapped his arms gently around her shoulders and pulled her close, sobbing as she went still in his arms. “I love you, mei mei.”

Inara confronted him angrily the moment he stood up. “You drugged them. How could you –“

“You think it will be easier for them to see me led away?” Simon countered harshly. “Everything I’ve done has been for River. And I have to trust that the last thing in this ‘verse I will ever do for her was the right thing.”

“And Kaylee?” Inara’s eyes were blazing with anger. “When she wakes up and you are gone? What will that do to her?”

Simon turned away so she wouldn’t see the tears well in his eyes. He filled a handful of syringes, carefully labeled them with the contents and names, and put them in refrigeration. “I prepared sedatives for Kaylee and River; a weeks worth.” His tone was professional now, with no hint of an emotional connection to those whom he spoke. “Instructions on the correct dosages based on their weight should they continue to need more sedation, are here.” He pointed to the sheet where he had meticulously detailed out a list of medications. “River’s chart is here as well. Keep her sedated while she heals. Otherwise she could pull open her wound and – well, there won’t be anyone here to stitch it up again.”

“You aren’t doin’ this.” Mal stepped into the infirmary despite Zoe’s attempt to stop him.

Simon turned to look at Mal, his eyes sad. “You’re right, Captain.”

Mal was confused. He hadn’t expected Simon to cave so easily. His eyes narrowed as he waited for the other shoe to drop. “I am?”

“Shipboard relationships complicate matters.”

Inara rolled her eyes and Mal swore beneath his breath. “Don’t matter much now, does it? You two took that step. You’re already involved.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. And I’m sorry the mess my leaving will create. I never – I didn’t want this to happen.” Simon’s voice held no hint of emotion and the sudden change sent tendrils of icy fear down Mal’s spine.

“Ain’t gonna be no mess ‘cause you’re not goin’ anywhere.” Mal didn’t like feeling so helpless. But despite how he had tried to think of a way out of this, there wasn’t one. Not while Serenity was sitting on Osiris.

Simon’s eyes were hard, steely when they shifted to Mal. “My decision is made. You have a chance if I go. We’re all dead if I stay. You know I’m right. Don’t bother to argue.” He turned to his mother and Alexandra. “I don’t begin to understand what happened and why. I remember you Alexandra. I remember your visits to the estate, playing with me and my baby sister. Whatever wrong was done to you, please put it aside. Family is all we have in this life. And when it’s gone, the loss and emptiness that remains is akin to death itself. Please make it right again.” His eyes fell sadly on his mother, who had been unable to speak more than a few words since Simon had made his decision. “I ask only one thing of you, if you can do it for me, for River.” He paused for a moment. “Please give Mal whatever money you can without causing suspicion. They need it, and they’ve earned it by protecting us for so long. With it they can disappear and keep River safe.”

Simon took a deep breath and turned to Inara, his eyes desperate for understanding. “Please take care of her for me.”

He didn’t wait for her answer as he walked out of the infirmary and turned to Adrian. “I will be with you in a few minutes.”

He turned to the crew who waited outside watching in silence. “Thank you for risking your lives for us, for taking us in when we had no where else to go. I cannot ever begin to thank or repay you.” He bowed his head for a moment and sighed. “I’m sorry to leave you responsible for River’s care. I never intended to ever leave her side. But this is what I have to do – to keep her, and you – safe for a little longer. You have a chance if I go. Please don’t stop me and please don’t try to find me. Run. Take River as far away from here as you can. Go fast and far. I know they won’t find you.”

Book stepped forward but Simon raised his hand. “I don’t want to hear it. Your words will be of no comfort to me right now. Save them for the two I love most in this ‘verse. They will need them far more than I.”

Simon turned and disappeared into his room, to say one last goodbye to Kaylee, leaving everyone standing in the common room in utter silence.

“Jayne, get the guards and bring them to the cargo bay,” Mal said sternly.

“You’re gonna actually let –“

“Just do it,” Mal snapped. He slid a knife out of his boot and cut the restraints holding Adrian Bai’s arms behind his back.

“Wash get up to the bridge and get ready to lift us off this pretty rock.” He turned to Regan and Alexandra. “You’ll be getting off with your husband there.”

“I’m not leaving my daughter,” Regan insisted.

“Don’t be mistaking that I’m asking for your permission. You’re getting off.”

Alexandra confronted her husband, her eyes wet with tears. “Please don’t do this. I know you hate Regan and Gabriel, and even me for bearing them the only child my body had the strength to give. But – please don’t punish them and that child now.”

Adrian stood stone faced before his wife. “I have a duty to my government and my – .” He glanced around the room but curiously didn’t finish that sentence.” Simon Tam is a wanted fugitive and I will remand him into the custody of the proper authorities.”

Alexandra turned away. “At one time, your duty would have been to your family.”

Silence descended while they all waited for Simon to return. After a few minutes, Simon appeared, as immaculately dressed as the day he had boarded Serenity. He stopped in front of Inara and held out a data stick. “Please give this to Kaylee when she wakes.”

A slight incline of her head indicated Inara would carry out his final wish.

Turning to Mal, Simon held out another. “Give this to River for me, please.”

The Captain inhaled deeply and nodded, taking the stick from Simon’s outstretched hand. Mal swallowed hard around the lump in his throat wishing there was another way. He needed to find a way. He needed to stop this. He opened his mouth but Simon raised his hand.

“Don’t come after me, Mal.” Simon pleaded. “Please just take everyone and go.”

Mal’s understanding nod was nearly imperceptible.

Regan embraced her son tightly as he turned to her, whispering to him, begging him to reconsider.

Alexandra did the same, sinking against him as he hugged her. There were other options, they just hadn’t thought of them yet. But Simon shook his head sadly, his eyes resigned to the fate which he had chosen.

Simon squared his shoulders and approached Adrian. “I’m ready.”

“Good. I’m eager to get off this luh suh heap.” He slid his hand around Simon’s arm and led him none too gently into the cargo bay, the crew following silently behind.

The guards, once again armed, flanked their commander and not one of them looked back as Mal lowered the bay doors.

The crew watched, with varying degrees of distress showing on normally very stoic faces, as Simon was led away to a prison they feared would be worse than the most horrible death imaginable.

Mal turned to Regan and Alexandra, his short temper evidenced in his voice. “Get off my boat.”

Alexandra turned to Inara. “I will send you money and information through your Guild.” She turned to Mal. “My words may be of no comfort to you now. In my effort to see Simon, and reunite him with his family, I brought this down on you. But I will fix it. If it takes my life to do so.” Regan joined Alexandra and rested her hand on her shoulder. “If it takes both of our lives, we will get – our son back.” The women walked down the ramp, a determined haste to their steps.

As soon as the women had cleared the ramp, Mal slammed his fist into the panel and they began to rise again. “Get us out of here,” he hissed to no one in particular.


Hours later, Inara sat in Simon’s old room, caressing Kaylee’s hair as she slept. It had been a sound sleep until a few minutes ago, when the girl had started growing restless. River had been given yet another sedative when she’d begun screaming an hour prior and so Inara felt she had some time to dedicate solely on Kaylee. The mechanic would need it when she woke.

Inara looked around the room at the items remaining that were so uniquely Simon. Clothing so fine and rare on a vessel such as this, even down to the journal and the data book that rested on top of his open suitcase. He hadn’t taken anything. He’d left it all. A remembrance, of sorts, for those he’d left behind.

Kaylee stirred and stretched, moaning a little as consciousness slowly returned. She called Simon’s name sleepily and rubbed her eyes before squinting as they came to focus on not Simon, but Inara.


“Hi sweetie, sleep well?” her voice trembled slightly and she hoped Kaylee hadn’t noticed. She silently cursed the situation that had forced them to this.

Kaylee took a moment to consider her question and sat up, stretching as she looked around the room for Simon. “Simon with River? She wake up yet?”

“She did. We had to sedate her again.” Inara slid off the bed when Kaylee moved to stand. “Wait, Kaylee – “

The mechanic stretched and turned from the door, the small smile fading from her lips as she watched her best friend hold out a data stick. The implication of the simple gesture hit the young girl so hard she staggered. “No,” Kaylee whispered, backing against the wall.

“He asked me to give you this.” Tears welled in Inara’s eyes.

“No. He promised.” Fat tears rolled down Kaylee’s cheeks and her hands began to shake.

“Come here, Kaylee. Come and listen to what he had to say.”

“No.” Kaylee shook her head, whimpering as she sank to the floor.

Inara took the data book out of Simon’s suitcase and pressed it, along with the data stick, into Kaylee’s hands. “Listen to it. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” When she opened the door and slid it shut, the Companion finally succumbed to the overwhelming sadness and grief that she had held back since Simon had gone. Seeing Kaylee’s heartbroken face and the tears in her large, expressive eyes nearly broke her.

Mal stood in the hallway, his own heart aching, and watched Inara lean against the wall and wrap her arms around herself. He hurried to her side as she sank to the floor, and took her in his arms, holding her while she sobbed. They could hear Simon’s muffled voice coming from inside his old bunk and they knew Kaylee was listening to the message he had left for her.

Inara simply lay in Mal’s arms taking what comfort she could from his strength until the silence of the hallway was punctuated by a single heartwrenching scream as Simon’s message to Kaylee played to its end.



Tuesday, March 7, 2006 6:23 PM


I. Hate. You.

*bawls uncontrollably*

Fix it fix it FIX IT!

*sobs in the corner*

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 6:37 PM


*Tears streaming down my face* I second everything FrellingBlonde just said!!!

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 6:58 PM


I want him to come back!

And of course my Romeo and Juliet addled mind thinks the worst.

But, here's the rational part of my brain, what little is left of it:

He still loves Kaylee. Even if he just did something stupid and broke her heart, he still loves her, and that provides a small shred of comfort. That, and you telling me they'd be together forever, even if it was in death.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:13 PM


You're posting to fast for me! I was gonna start today from Ch 1 and see what your series is all about! I'll be back!

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:32 PM


["Fix it fix it FIX IT!"]

I am with FrellingBlond, and could you possible fix it before 6:00AM PST tomorrow? Please...pretty please. Ah, man! I'll be all a'twitter waiting to see how you conclude this in one chapter. That, or demanding its immediate sequel! Hee. Great job and I can't wait to see where you will take them next, hopefully back in each others arms;)

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:41 PM


>I. Hate. You.

Oh good. I'm glad.

>*bawls uncontrollably*

Ahh, my job is complete. Keep tissue handy for the last chapter too... :)

>But couldn't his top three percent mind come up with something better than a sacrificial lamb thing?

Of course not. Then I'd have no reason to do what happens in the next chapter.

>You're posting to fast for me! I was gonna start today from Ch 1 and see what your series is all about! I'll be back!

Take your time. It's not going anywhere:)Do let me know what you liked and didn't though :)

>and could you possible fix it before 6:00AM PST tomorrow? Please...pretty please.

You would be very unhappy if I posted the last chapter tonight. Believe me.

>Ah, man! I'll be all a'twitter waiting to see how you conclude this in one chapter.

There is an Epilogue that is longer than most of the chapters but I may not post it. It will all depend on the comments, oddly, that I get on the last chapter. I'm very eager to read what people think of it.

There will be an intro to it, and notes at the end.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:44 PM


Ooh...this is some good stuff, Leiasky! Almost makes me think you're tapping Joss's noggin for ideas ;)

But I have to agree with the masses....FIX IT! Even if it's a Blake 7 ending for the two of them...or even the whole crew! Screw the BDM! (wink)


Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:58 PM


["You would be very unhappy if I posted the last chapter tonight. Believe me."] ...Okay, now you just have me nerveous that things will not end well for our poor Simon.

Umm, on the comment section for TamSibling's lovely story you wrote, " Simon angst. I love it!
I'm all in favor of hurting Simon...just...hurt, no death..." So no plans on killing him in your own story, right? With all the build up, I think I'll feel cheated without the epilogue. Of coarse that could just be me wanting to lap up EVERYTHING you have written for my favorite couple! Well, I will check first thing in the morning and hopefully the last chapter will be there so then I can BEG for the epilogue as well;)

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 8:02 PM


>Umm, on the comment section for TamSibling's lovely story you wrote, " Simon angst. I love it!
I'm all in favor of hurting Simon...just...hurt, no death..." So no plans on killing him in your own story, right?

Not quite. I hate to read Simon death stories. Writing them I don't have (too) much of a problem with.

>With all the build up, I think I'll feel cheated without the epilogue.

Well, you might change your mind after reading the last chapter . . .:)

> Well, I will check first thing in the morning and hopefully the last chapter will be there so then I can BEG for the epilogue as well;)

I'm pacific time as well so I'll be posting it when I get to work in the morning :)

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 8:47 PM


["I'm pacific time as well so I'll be posting it when I get to work in the morning :)"]

No chance you work a morning shift at Starbucks or some other establishment that gets going around 4:30am? ;)

["With all the build up, I think I'll feel cheated without the epilogue. "]

["Well, you might change your mind after reading the last chapter . . .:)"] Hhn, your winding me up! Aside from the great story hooking me in, your comments have definitely piqued my curiosity.

["I hate to read Simon death stories. Writing them I don't have (too) much of a problem with."]

YOU ARE EVIL!;) I look forward to tomorrows chapter. Till then, great job and thanks for all the fanfiction.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 10:16 PM


If you don't fix this, I will somehow track you down and, well, you've seen war stories.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 11:25 PM


Poor, poor Simon and Kaylee! I cannot wait to read the last chapter and hey, even the epilogue deserves to see the light of day. I mean, you already wrote it, not gonna hurt to post it!:D You have sufficiently sucked us all in to your sad little tale and I can't wait to find out how it ends! Great Job!!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 1:12 AM


Excellent! I can't wait to see what happens!!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 3:45 AM


Wow... this is the closest i've ever come to actual tears whilst reading fanfic. I am very intrigued as to what will happen in the next chapter.

Also, I love the ending on this chapter. With Kaylee's anguish and Inara and Mal.

Apologies for not commenting sooner but unfortunately we're not all PST. Looking forward to conclusion although i'm thinking I might want to see this epilogue!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 3:59 AM


Good god, fix this gorram mess (PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE) ANd I will curse thy soul to the seventh pit if thou break this couple so recently united (So says one very pised dude).

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 4:32 AM


dang - I thought Mal would come up with something at the last minute. dang dang!

Scared of the last chapter but waiting with toe tapping....


Wednesday, March 8, 2006 5:06 AM


Leiasky, I have to agree with the masses here ... YOU. MUST. FIX. THIS.

Kaylee and River will not recover from this, isn't that obvious? Okay, maybe River will, but not Kaylee she's going to be a shell of the girl she once was and that's not what Simon ever intended.

Plus, it'll only make Mal resent him more as time passes and Kaylee can't move on.

Truthfully, this is absolutely heartwrenching and I commend your style and tone. Your "Simon" is spot on, for sure and I think Inara is right with him. I'm more than a little angry at Alexandra, but I'm hoping she gets hers.

Please post soon and don't even think about denying us the epilogue. :o)

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 7:31 PM


FIX IT!!!! FIX IT NOW YOU *rants in chinese* *Shakes fist in holy devine furrie, nay WRATH* FIX IT!!!!

Friday, May 26, 2006 7:14 AM


You are evil, and I like it. I saw the comments of the people freaking out above, fun times. Very good writing.


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Simon and Kaylee discuss other - avenues, as they lay in bed. Oddly, this is a pretty PG story.

Simon and kaylee disturb the ship with their nocturnal activities. Post BDM. Part of a challenge table. Rated NC-17 for adult content.

Broken Wings: Conclusion (Repost)
The crew take Kaylee home to be buried and the reason for Simon's secrecy is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 18 (Repost)
Simon, Mal and Jayne have a moment with Kaylee. Inara and River are reunited with the rest of the crew. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 17 (Repost)
Simon has a conversation with Zoe, Mal and Jayne - separately. Sequel to 'On the Edge.' Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 16 (Repost)
The crew is reunited - mostly, as Simon arrives to treat the wounded. River rushes to Inara's aid before her deception is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 15 (Repost)
Simon's escape is halted by his father. But River comes to the rescue. Jayne - sees the light - far too up close and personal for his safety. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 14 (Repost)
Simon and Inara's deception is discovered. Mal, Jayne and Zoe continue to fight what looks to be a losing battle. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 13 (Repost)
Simon has some unexpected help with his fussy son and River receives another assignment. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 12 (Repost)
Inara and Simon continue their work while a message gets out to those on the front lines. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.