The Games Men Play
Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Mal and Simon grow weary of Jayne's constant complaining, so they formulate a plan to humble him a little.


Serenity had docked at Persephone, allowing the crew a couple of days of much needed relaxation. Shepherd Book left early in search of people who needed encouragement, while Wash and Zoë made off for a room with clean sheets and a bath.

Inara had decided to take Kaylee and River out shopping in the market, leaving Mal, Simon and Jayne to see after Serenity.

Jayne having grown somewhat bored with sitting around guarding Serenity, began to babble on about there being nothing to do. Sick of listening to his rants, Mal and Simon formulated a plan to shut Jayne up, for good.

“Hey Jayne, how bout’ you, the captain and I play a game?”

“Game, fancy pants, unless it involves cards or guns, I ain’t interested in no game” Jayne pronounced.

“What if it includes alcohol?” Simon questioned, winking at the captain.

“Drinkin’ games?” Jayne replied stopping dead in his tracks. “You wouldn’t stand a chance, but if ya wanna be schooled doc, I’m for it. I could drink you both under the table”

The three made their way back to the dining room, where Simon pulled out a large bottle of the cheap rum, a shot glass, and a small platinum coin.

Simon filled the shot glass. “All you got to do Jayne, is bounce the coin into the glass, and then you get to choose who drinks. If you miss you drink”

“Sounds simple enough” Jayne replied with enthusiasm

“Why don’t you do the honors Jayne” Mal declared

“Watch this..” Kerplunk, the coin went into the shot glass with very little effort. “I choose the doc!” Jayne pointed at Simon.

Simon downed the shot and refilled the glass. “My turn” Simon easily put the coin into the glass and immediately pointed to Jayne to drink.

Kerplunk, Mal, bounced the coin into the glass and pointed to Jayne to drink. The more Jayne drank, the more he missed, and the more he missed, the more he had to drink.

Within two hours, the two on one game had produced a stone drunk Jayne and completely sober Mal and Simon. Of course Simon had made sure of this by slipping Mal a pill that would counteract the effects of the alcohol. Knowing they didn’t have a lot of time before the women returned, Simon and Mal continued with the next phase of their hastily thought out plan.

Simon grabbed Jayne’s arms, and Mal grabbed his legs, and the pair made their way out of the dining room, along the corridor up to Inara’s shuttle.

Once inside, they hastily undressed Jayne until he was buck-naked. The sight caused both to stop and laugh for a moment. “Big arms, Big mouth, not so big in other places eh Doc?” Mal joked.

Jayne stirred a little, but had not the presence of mind, nor the control of his own body to stop the inevitable.

“What about these Simon?” Mal said holding up a thong with little beads hanging off the strings. Simon nodded his head in approval trying like hell to keep from dying of laughter. The two were undecided over who should actually put them on Jayne, so it was decided they would do it together. Each with a string in hand, they pulled the panties thong up to Jayne’s waist realizing the tiny front, did a pretty good job of covering Jayne up. A laugh erupted between the two.

“He needs...stockings”, Simon poked through Inara’s chest and found a slinky pair of black silk stockings. The two quickly rolled the stockings up Jayne’s legs, knowing that they would become un-wearable afterward, and there would be hell to pay from Inara. Mal decided he would offer her a free months rent as payment; this opportunity was too good to miss.

“Hey Mal, here’s a matching bra” It didn’t really match. Simon slipped each of Jayne’s arms into the loops of the bra and pulled it up to his chest. “It won’t clasp” Simon looked at Mal. Mal grabbed a silk scarf from the chest and hastily tied the ends of the bra together up tight. As he did this, Simon stuffed the bra with other undergarments.

“There, big breasts to go with his big mouth!” Simon laughed.

“Make Up!” Mal shouted as if he were on a movie set. “Raspberry’s about that for the lips Simon?”

“I like it Mal, what about the eyes?”

“I think I like passion purple!” Mal began brushing Jayne’s closed lids with purple eye shadow.

An over-application of blush to the cheeks, and a little lip-liner and a silk shawl laid gently on Jayne’s shoulders completed the ensemble. Mal and Simon took a step back to admire their work of art. Both broke out in tears of hysterical laughter.

“He’s gonna go ape when he wakes up.” Laughed Simon.

Jayne stirred again, smacking his lips together. Simon and Mal noticed a small grin crack on Jayne’s face. “Verrrraaa…” Jayne whispered in a drunken sleep.

Mal and Simon, knowing they had to take their plan all the way, picked Jayne up again, and made the arduous trip to the sitting room. Once there, they propped him up on some pillows in a corner of the room.

“A rose for you ma’am?” Mal stepped forward with a flower from the table and placed it in Jayne’s left hand.

“Should we take pictures?” Simon inquired still rolling with laughter

“Oh yes, there will be pictures!” Mal replied “They will be the only thing to keep him from killing us when he figures out what happened, we’ll have to threaten to send them to Mr. Universe”.

“He’s not really very pretty is he Mal” The laughter had turned to painful gut wrenching howling.

With Mal and Simon, rolling on the floor in a fit of hilarity they noticed Jayne begin to stir again. Still in a drunken sleep, Jayne slowly brought his right hand up along his thigh, over his belly, and up to his chest, leaving his hand resting on his right breast. Then a smile broke on his lips, as he lay on the pillows.

“BWAAAAAAAHAAHAAHAA!!!” broke as Mal and Simon lost all control and continued to roar with laughter.

And that is how Jayne Cobb, became Jane Cobb.


Tuesday, February 21, 2006 5:00 PM


Ahhh, sfoo, my dear... I still love that last line so very much. Makes me laugh xD

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 5:01 PM


Anthing to make you laugh.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 6:00 PM


L M A O !!!!!! That's absativly posilutly helarious!!!! I LOVE IT

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 1:07 AM


Very VERY funny, but does anybody else think once Jayne gets sober again he is going to be out after revenge, BIG time? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky fromme

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 4:36 AM


Spacie, DUDE...ya did GOOD here! Few can play with humor so well and your scene-painting abilities? Excellent.

I wanna thwap you a good one for making My Jayne lacking in the tallywhacker department though, Bucko... although I do love this line: “Big arms, Big mouth, not so big in other places eh Doc?” Mal joked.

Your piece is so much fun that I'm willin' to forgive the slight to my man. Besides, in my pervy fanfic I write his Jayne Thomas big enough to counteract your heresy, lol.

I agree with Amdobell (who is a reviewer I always trust, by the way--a review by Amdo is one to be coveted, so be proud) and I think you oughta write a sequel to tell us what the Big Lug does when he awakes with a hangover.

Last note: Good touch at Jayne's groggy smiling and running his hand up his belly to breast. Sigh. Keep this up, you hear me? Like only one Hershey's kiss, this ain't enough for me (or anybody else who loves good writing.) MORE, I say! Not git to it.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 6:36 PM


This is high-larious!

"Should we take pictures?" Oh, yeah. LOL Not that pictures will save them in the end, but... yeah we need pictures. *g*

Gotta see the women's reactions! And Jayne's revenge!

"I love my captain."

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 6:50 PM


Part 2 coming tonight Luvs, but alas, Jayne won't get his revenge. Yet.

Thursday, February 23, 2006 2:35 PM




Sunday, March 26, 2006 2:58 AM


*dies laughing*



Friday, May 12, 2006 5:42 AM


Nice story man, can't wait to see where it is going, though I have some pretty interesting ideas.

Sunday, May 14, 2006 6:23 PM


I love it, excellent work, now to read the rest, laughs all round, wish i was there helping both mal and simon.

Monday, July 3, 2006 2:53 PM


LOLOLOL, oh man spacie...poor Jayne...(and that is the first time anyone has EVER heard me say that!) That was great. Rasberry red and passion purple...I think they bring out his eyes...*breaks out laughing again* sigh, hey can anyone do photoshop and make a visual to go with this story cause I'd want to see that! Just one thing that seemed a little off to me: Mal seemed a bit too jovial and a little too chummy with Simon. But great story! Oh, and I loved that last line!...anyone gotten on that visual thing yet?? :D


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