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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL
A short piece about meeting the woman of your dreams and what to do about it.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 1883 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
“Firefly” is a work of genius, so obviously it isn't mine. All hail Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. And any studio with brains enough to support them.
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THE ONLY SENSIBLE THING TO DO
I couldn't believe it. She wanted me. This beautiful, strong, intelligent and infinitely desirable woman with her glorious black curls and bottomless eyes wanted me. ME! Not at first. Obviously. Because she was out of my league and we both knew it. She regarded me with a kind of amused contempt. And whenever I felt her eyes on me, I automatically became awkard and did something stupid. The more I craved her good opinion, the less I did to earn it.
I wanted her from the very first time I laid eyes on her. It was like a kick to the stomach, it hit me so hard. So I pretended to be all professional and serious. Interested only in earning a living, securing a job.
But – slowly, gradually – the contempt in her eyes was replaced by something else. First, admiration. Because I am ruttin' good at my job. I'm cool under pressure and I can always be relied on to get it done. Then, I saw sympathy. Cos sometimes I screw up and that makes me angry at myself and miserable. I'd see her looking at me like a mother wanting to soothe away a child's pain and frustration. But then – to my intense and joyful amazement – I saw desire in her. A flicker of heat warming her gaze, making her eyelids flutter. It made me shiver and tingle all over.
And finally, love. Glittering like stars in the Black.
She was like no woman I'd ever met. And I've known a lot. Had a lot of fun, way back then. Always was a very 'up' person and women like that. Make 'em laugh and they're putty in your hands. Don't think I can remember a single one of 'em's name now. Can hardly even remember their faces. It was all very light-hearted and short-lived. A girl in every dock, that was me.
But she was something else. To tell the truth, she kinda scared me. The way she made me feel. Serious. Gorramit! She made me want stop sowing wild oats and settle down. Was I ever not expecting that! Some men are born to be husbands and fathers but I'd always figured myself more for the field-playing. Liked my freedom. Seemed to me the 'verse was way too big and shiny to get stuck in one place. Yeah, might well have been still drifting pointlessly if it hadn't been for her. But change is good.
She wanted me and I wanted her. I wanted to build something with her. Use this strange strength she gave me. Getting married was the only sensible thing to do. And everyone knows I'm big with the sensible.
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I can't believe it. She wants me. This beautiful, strong, intelligent and infinitely desirable woman with her glorious black curls and bottomless eyes wants me. How did that happen? She's out of my league and we both know it.
I have wanted her from the very first time I laid eyes on her. I felt like I'd been shot in the guts, it hit me so hard. So I kept it all business-like and serious. Tried to convince her I was only interested in the rent money, that she was just another job.
But slowly, gradually, she stopped lookin' at me like somethin' nasty she'd trod in. Her eyes held somethin' other than irritation. First it was admiration. Because I'm a ruttin' good Captain. I ain't swayed easy an' I stick to my guns. Then, I saw understandin', kindness. When it was my fault things di'n't go smooth, she di'n't automatically sneer. Instead she would give me this weary, encouragin' little smile as if to reassure me it weren't such a big thing. But when I saw desire in her, it near enough knocked me off my feet. Her - a fancy lady - looking a me - a petty crook - that way. Might not have noticed it my own self had Nandi not made them comments about Inara havin' feelin's for me. But when I took the time to look, there was no mistakin' it. Her pupils fair glowed with it, makin' me shiver and burn all at the same time.
And now there's love. Glittering like stars in the Black.
She's like no woman I've ever met before. Not that I've known many. Was always too shy of 'em before the war and too mean an ol' man after it. Fancied myself in love with a few when I was young: Luchay, Bella, Carine. I can still see their faces, remember their smiles, the curve of their cheeks and the colour of their eyes. My long-lastin' crushes from afar that went nowhere and hurt like the fires of hell.
But that wa'n't nothing compared to even the thought of her. To tell the truth, my feelin's for her kinda scare me. The way I want to hold onto her and never let her go. Forget about everythin' other than havin' her, than plungin' into the sweet, deep warmth of her and lettin' myself drown.
She wants me and I want her. But it's hopeless. Some men were born to marry and raise children an' I was maybe one of 'em. But now I'd make a terrible husband. I can't commit myself to her, nor no-one. There ain't enough of me left. Great chunks of me are still back there in Serenity Valley where they died alongside all those soldiers I cou'n't save. I can't build nothin' with her. Not when it takes me all my strength to keep from fallin' apart.
But I nearly leapt in anyway. Nearly told her all the crazy dreams she inspired in me. Luckily she had sense enough for the both of us and stopped me dead in my tracks. It was a kindness really.
She wants me and I want her. But there's only pain in that. Stayin' away from each other is the only sensible thing to do. An' I pride myself on being sensible.
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Tuesday, February 10, 2004 6:18 AM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004 9:52 AM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004 8:28 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2004 3:47 PM
Sunday, October 30, 2005 8:28 PM
Sunday, November 27, 2005 5:51 PM
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