Infection Rising

"Look, Captain, I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but I'll be fine."

"An' I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but as long as you're in the family way you'll mind the ship every time we go out on business."

Zoe and Mal stared each other down angrily. This wasn't the first time they'd had this discussion in the past couple of weeks, but now that they were at their destination it would have to be the last time. Standing on the catwalk above Serenity's cargo room, with the Mule already fully loaded with their cargo, this time the gloves were coming off.

"Does the term 'first trimester' mean anything at all to you? Nothing's getting in the way of me doing my job yet except you!"

"Does it make a difference if you get hurt during the first or last trimester? Uh-un, there ain't no way you're going anywhere but wrapped in cotton for the next six months."

"You picked a hell of a time to for that speck of chivalry to show up, Mal."

"Why, thank you."

"It's no compliment, you gorram caveman-"

"Hey, call me what you want, but you ain't going. It's final."

"So you're just going to trust Jayne to watch your back?"

"Hey, he not nowhere near half as shifty as he was when we first picked him up!"

"That's not what I'm saying! Jayne's great for blasting our way out of messes, but he's not too good at avoiding them in the first place! There's a reason we always go in with at least three, two people just can't cover all angles!"

"Now look here-"

"Hey guys?" Jayne's voice drifted up tentatively, interrupting the steadily escalating pitch of voices.

"WHAT?" Mal and Zoe screamed back in unison.

"I hate to interrupt ya'll, but I think the third person's already been decided."

"What?" Mal and Zoe were still in sync, but with puzzlement replacing a fraction of the anger.

"See for yourself." Jayne said. His voice was not one of a man happy with the situation he finds himself in.

Mal and Zoe looked over the catwalk's railing. Sitting in the driver's seat, with her knees curled up in front of her, was River.

"Oh Hell, no." Mal said, "There ain't no way-"

"You said that you wanted me to come along on jobs." River said in her singsong voice. "Besides, you already said that to Zoe."

"And a completely different set of good reasons is at work here! Jayne, I can't believe you-"

"Don't you look at me! She came in an' started fiddling with the controls all on her lonesome. I sure as hell ain't gonna invite her along." Jayne cast a nervous sideways glance at River. "'Course, I also sure as hell ain't gonna try an' stop her."

"Look, River," Mal started, the strain in his voice belying the tone of sweet reason he was attempting to adopt, "we shouldn't need your skills for today. All's we're doing is dropping off the goods and collecting the cash."

"I won't do anything uncalled for."

"That's-"

"And I drive better than you."

"Hey!"

"And there's nothing you can do to stop me from coming along."

"We'll-"

"All you're doing is wasting time."

Zoe, upset though she may have been about the captain's infuriating attitude, couldn't help but find his expression of barely restrained fury and prominent vein at his temple anything but funny. And suiting.

"Well," she said primly, "maybe next time you'll think twice before trying to stop me from doing my job."

With that, she turned on her heel and climbed the staircase back to her room.

*********************

Simon was not having a good morning. It's bad enough when your lady friend bolts out of bed so suddenly as to wake you up, but when you have to spend the next quarter of an hour trying to ignore the sounds of vomiting it's officially over the top. Kaylee came stumbling back over to the bed after a bit.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Ah, Bao Bei, that's the third morning in a row you've been ill. I really think you should let me take a look at you."

"Simon, I'm fine."

"I still think that you should let me make sure."

"I don't wanna."

Faced with the eternal dillema of the pout, Simon found his resolve rapidly crumbling.

"I, uh, I just want what's best for you. You know I do!"

Unable to keep from smirking due to her power over the guy, Kaylee decided to throw him a bone.

"Allright, but it can't take long. I want to look over the engine today while we're on the ground, make sure everything's still shiny after our big refit. And I'm serious about this not taking long."

A small bone, maybe, but a bone nonetheless.

*********************

In the interests of time, Simon had just drawn a couple of vials of blood. Kaylee was off looking into the mysteries of the engine room as he ran test after test on the blood. Nothing was checking out. He couldn't find any viruses or bacteria, or anything else that could explain an infection either. Finally, in desperation, he had just plugged in a general open-ended test and let it run. A beeping alerted him that at least one match had come back.

"Finally." he muttered disgruntledly, moving over to peer at the result.

"Lio Coh Jwei Ji Neong Hur Ho Deh Yung Duh Buhn Jah J’wohn!" The string of curse words erupted almost absently from his mouth as he stared at the result. "This cannot be happening!"

He stumbled out into the cargo hold. There had been booze here, earlier. His shock-induced need for liquor enabled his brain to barely register the cargo's absence before directing him towards the stash of Kaylee's homegrown alcohol in the galley. On his rapid way up, he passed Kaylee heading back to the engine room.

"I made us a little meal, there should still be enough for you to have a bite." she told him brightly, then noted his expression. "Is everything alright honey?"

"Ah... ah... Yes!"

"Did you find out what was wrong with me? Is that what's upsetting you?"

"Yes! No! Ah, it's..." Simon had moved past panic, shock, and bewilderment, and was currently embracing unalloyed terror. "Infection! Just an infection... in your... stomach."

"Oh, honey, it's sweet that you get all worked up for me, but if that's it I'll be fine in no time. Go on and eat up! I'll join you later."

She shoo-ed him gently towards the galley, then continued skipping along to Serenity's enigines.

I am in so very much shit. Simon's brain repeated to him continuously, as if on a ticker. A moment later, he reached the alcohol. Five thousand years of acquired human instinct told him that it was the only comfort available to him.

*********************

"Mal."

"Johnson."

There was the customary exchange of nods and casual glances that accompanied any such meeting. Keith Johnson's eyebrow raised at the sight of River.

"Zoe okay?"

"Zoe's fine. I'm just trying to show my new pilot the sights."

"New pilot? You're hiring kids now? How desperate are you?"

"Talent ain't go nothing to do with age."

"That's true enough, I suppose." Johnson gestured towards the pistol tucked into the belt of River's dress. "But does she even know how to use that?"

Mal chuckled forcedly.

"More than well enough to make me uncomfortable her even holding one. Look, we're gettin' a little off topic here, aren't we?"

"Indeed. Let's see what you've got."

"Six crates filled with the finest Paquin brandy."

"Excellent. Crack one open. That one there."

As they proceeded to inspect and 'verify' a random portion of the cargo while the rest was unloaded, Johnson whispered to Mal.

"Is your pilot still staring at me?"

Mal glanced over his shoulder. Sure enough, River was watching them, head cocked slightly to the side.

"Ah, yeah. Try not to let it bother me." he replied quietly.

"Try? That girl's really starting to creep me out."

"You don't know the half of it."

"Well," Johnson said loudly, "it seems to be just what's needed. Rob, give 'em their pay."

One of Johnson's men pulled out a small bag and tossed it past River towards Mal. Without looking, River reached to the side and caught it.

"Ah, thanks River." Mal grinned nervously. "Let's be on our way then. Pleasure doin' business with you Johnson."

"Right." Johnson was doing his best to hide his surprise. To his credit, it was almost enough.

*********************

The admittance chime sounded, which was enough by itself to identify the visitor. Any other member of Serenity's crew would have walked in and knocked on a wall while asking if they could come in.

"Come in, Simon." Inara called pleasantly. It was nice to talk with the young doctor, who was, if anything, even more cultured than she was.

The pleasant mood evaporated the instant she saw, and smelled him.

"My god, you look like you've been through all the booze on the ship!" she exclaimed.

"Nothing left." Simon mumbled in agreement, trying to decide why it was so important that he keep an arm on the wall. "I'm so in a Ri shao gou shi bing."

"Well, come in and sit down." Inara smiled her most winning smile and deliberately kept her eyebrows from rising. "Is it anything you want to talk about?"

She guided the incredibly inebriated doctor to a seat.

"Y'don' get anything... permanent from... y'know, yer work?" Simon seemed to be torn between gesticulating towards her and waving his arm to include the room in his comment.

"You mean diseases?" Inara was somewhat by the question. "No, anyone in the Companion registry has to be checked out, and giving an infection-" Simon snorted at that word, then sobbed quietly "-to a Companion will get you more than just a Black Mark in the registry. Why, did you acquire a disease?"

"Me?" Simon sputtered, "I can't... this... not me!"

"Okay." Inara said slowly. "Did you give anything to Kaylee?"

"Nononono. Well, yeah."

"An infection?" Inara probed, remembering his earlier reaction to the word.

"I told her it was 'n-'nfection"

"But it wasn't?"

"She was sick. Always getting sick." Simon looked imploringly at Inara, begging her to realize what he was trying to tell her. Inara looked blankly back. "In'n morn'n!"

It took Inara several seconds to realize exactly what had caused the doctor's distress, and then she smiled widely.

"That's great!" she exclaimed. "Did you just find out?"

Simon nodded jerkily.

"When did Kaylee realize that she was..."

Simon moaned miserably.

"Didn't. Told her was infecshen." he buried his head in his hands.

"You do know that she will find out sooner or later, don't you?"

"I always mess it up with her."

"This is hardly-"

"We finally get together, and then I get her... she won't want to be anywhere near me!"

"That's not true, she'll be ecstatic, as soon as you tell her."

Simon looked up at that.

"She won't be angry?"

"Well, you did try to keep it from her. And you did call it an infection. But once she gets over that, you'll see just how happy she can be. Just make sure you tell her soon as possible."

Inara stood up and fetched a small bottle from a drawer.

"Now take this, it'll help with the alcohol"

Simon chugged back the contents of the bottle and waited for the catalyst to go to work on his system. Inara watched him, smiling, and then spoke up again, answering his earlier question.

"And no, I don't get anything 'permanent' from my clients, all Companions receive an implant to prevent just that."

Simon looked up morosely.

"Figures."

*********************

Kaylee stood on the catwalk as River guided the Mule back in smoothly, admiring the girl's ability to pick up anything quickly. Everyone had a pleased, and slightly relieved expression, which meant that today's meeting must have gone smoothly.

"How'd River work out?" she called down happily.

"Fine." Mal replied.

"Yeah," Jayne piped up. "No rampages."

"Hey, weren't no call for that." Mal responded testily.

"Come on, tell me you weren't worried..."

While the two guys bickered on, River clambered up the ladders. She gave Kaylee a quick smile as she passed, then paused and glanced back at the mechanic.

"Remember, be nice to him. He's confused too."

And with that, she continued along her way. Kaylee was still staring after her when a cough behind her made her jump.

"Can we talk?" Simon asked nervously, gesturing towards the medical bay.

*********************

"YOU SAID IT WAS AN INFECTION!" Kaylee screamed at the top of her voice. "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF OUR CHILD? WELL? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME?"

"I'm s-sorry," Simon stammered. "I j-just didn't know what to say!"

"And lying to me was SO much better. I ain't angry now?"

"Look, Bao Bei, I'm sorry, I was just confused..."

The word reminded her of River's comment earlier. She took a breath and forced herself to be calm. Simon was... Simon. He meant well, he just had a tendency to say exactly the wrong thing first. It wasn't like he didn't tell her, or he ran away, or anything, he was just... Simon.

"Okay. I'm not happy with you, but I'm glad you told me. Just... give me some time to adjust."

Simon relaxed visibly. He spread his arms and moved forward to envelop her in a hug.

"No touching!" Kaylee snapped. "You ain't allowed to touch me, not for a LONG time, with what you already done."

"Bao Bei, I'm sorry..." Simon waved his hands placatingly. "But I am happy that we can start a family together.

Kaylee smiled at that.

"Yes, we can."

"See, Inara was right, you'd be happy once you calmed down."

Kaylee took on a fixed tone.

"Inara?" she asked.

"Yes, I uh, I got a little drunk and then I apparently went to her for advice. She told me to tell you right away."

"So you told Inara that I was pregnant?"

"Uh, yes."

"Before me?"

"Again, yes." Simon was returning rapidly to nervousness at the tone of the questions.

"In fact, after you specifically avoided telling me?

"Look, dear..."

"No, no look. Nothing. Why don't you run along back to Inara. I'm sure she can help comfort you through this difficult time. Because without her, you're going to have to get used to being VERY lonely!"

Kaylee stormed out of the infirmary, leaving a bewildered Simon standing in shock behind her.

*********************

Dinner was very interesting that evening. Mal knew something was up, because Kaylee was obviously trying to freeze Simon out. Watching the young doctor trying to get her to actually acknowledge him was amusing though. River and Inara seemed pretty happy about it all, although he couldn't say what it was. Jayne was being Jayne. And Zoe was still angry at her captain, but he'd be damned if he didn't still think he'd made the right decision.

"I've set a course for Persephone." River told him suddenly.

"Pardon me?" Mal replied, surprised. "Didn't I say that we were off to Boros next?"

"But Persephone is where our next job is. There is no point in going to Boros first if our next job is on Persephone." River seemed quite pleased with her logic, only...

"Little girl, I'll be mighty pleased if you could remind me what that job is. I'm captain of this vessel, an' far as I can recall, we don't got nothin' lined up at the moment, Boros or elsewhere."

River just sniffed and returned her attention to eating.

"Hey, I'm the captain, dammit!" Mal said indignantly. "I set the courses, not nobody else!"

That earned him glares from all four pairs of female eyes at the table. He decided, on the whole, that it wasn't worth the trouble.

"But it was good of you, anticipating me like that." he said, almost sounding like he believed it.

"Fuhn Pi." Jayne snickered.

"Hey!"

*********************

A couple of hours later, Mal was still soothing his battered ego while doing Bridge duty. There was nothing major on the scanners, although he was still getting used to the new range of them. Nothing wrong with the Alliance using whatever was on hand to repair Serenity, but the only sensor suite that they'd had was for a survey variant of the Firefly, which was substantially better than what they'd had before. Point of fact, it was better than what most warships mounted, and he was damned if he could figure out why he hadn't sprung for its like earlier. Made life a whole lot easier if you could see them before they spotted you.

He was still wrapped up in his thoughts when he noticed River sit down at the co-pilot's chair.

"So what was going on at dinner?" he asked her, trying to make small talk.

"Kaylee was getting sick, so Simon told her she had an infection."

"That's not what the good doctor's supposed to do?"

River gave him an old-fashioned look.

"Not when that's not the reason."

"So why was little Kaylee getting sick then, if it weren't no infection?"

The look River gave him could charitably be called contempt.

"If it was an infection, then it's one that every mother gets at least once."

Mal's jaw dropped. He couldn't quite bring himself to believe what he was hearing.

"Kaylee's in the family way?"

This time River didn't even bother to give him a look. She just brought up the sensor readouts and studied them, ignoring the rather shocked captain.

"Wait a minute, in the family way, and he told her it wa s an infection?"

River nodded.

"Oh, that boy is in so much trouble..." Mal chuckled evilly. "I don't think that I'll ever let him live this down."