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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR
First of all, I am not a natural speaker of English. However, I tried my best in terms of grammar and spelling. The N-Platoon is of course a funny reference to the real world - I won't spoil here ;-) By the way, this is my first fic ever. Not that it matters.
EDIT: Thanks to lvs2read I was able to eliminate most of the grammatical errors :-)
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 1435 RATING: 8 SERIES: FIREFLY
“I slapped him.”
It was cold in the valley. Zoe and Mal had one of those funny little conversations which kept them going in this war.
Suddenly someone yelled at them from the east flank.
“Another five bit the apple, Sargent!” Language changes during war.
**few hours later**
“It's getting dark Sir. Campfire?”
It never needed many words between them if it's a military topic.
“What do we have to eat?”
“Well, here are beans with onions, onions with beans and a liquid mix of both.” Zoe tossed the cans over her shoulder as she read. Mal wasn't very happy with that menu, especially the after effects part.
“Zoe, go get some wood for the fire.”
“Anything else honey? Perhaps a fresh beer from the fridge?”
**One hour later**
Mal returned with enough wood for at least five decent campfires.
“Always over the top, aren't we?”
“Guess we are.”
**20 minutes later**
“All right, everything is ready. Set it on fire Zoe.”
“Of course you. It's your turn.”
“This is really breaking my heart Sir, but you are wrong. You must have the matches since our last five star bean meal.”
Mal checked all his pockets including the smuggling ones he secretly added to his coat.
“Seems an awful lot like I don't. Must have lost them when I threw away that shackle.”
“That might not be our only problem, Sir. Someone's coming.”
Zoe was right. A person came from behind a little hill walking directly towards them.
“Doesn't look like one from our platoon.” Zoe was very cautious and put her right hand on 'the big damn gun in the ridiculous holster' as she called it.
“Yeah, but his coat has a brownish color to it!”
A few moments later the young man with the brown coat stood right in front of them. Zoe took the initiative (as usual).
“Who the hell are you?”
“Erm, Zoe, maybe this not-so-friendly attitude might not be a wise idea right now.”
Mal turned towards the stranger.
“Now, tell us who you are or I'll shoot you.”
“Very friendly, Sir.”
Finally the stranger opened his mouth:
“Are you Malcolm Reynolds?”
“Seems you found the guy.”
“Your reinforcements arrived.”
Zoe and Mal exchanged questioning looks for the next ten seconds. Then Zoe went straight forward:
“The truth. Right here, right now.”
“But Miss, it's true.”
Mal was skeptical as well. They had heard nothing about fresh soldiers.
“So, that explains that fancy clean brown coat of yours. No blood'n'no mud. Which platoon is that exactly?”
“Platoon N, Sir.”
Zoe shook her head. Mal had had about enough at this point.
“Zoe, big damn gun.”
Now with a huge shotgun pointed right at his forehead, the stranger added a little something.
“That is N for 'newbie', Sir.”
Mal practically became a question mark for the next minute while Zoe tried to keep a clear head.
“How many of you are there?” She asked still in doubt.
The newbie snapped twice with his fingers and the sound echoed through half of Serenity Valley.
“Nice show. Pity we didn't bring the kids along.” Mal noted impatiently.
“Erm, Sir...” Zoe's eyes started to glare.
Slowly a few hundred heads showed up at the horizon in the east.
Mal couldn't go on. He was speechless. The captain of the N-platoon finished his mess of a sentence
“... all newbies, Sir.”
After they made their way to the Sargent, Mal's military routine kicked in.
“Alright. I am Sargent Malcolm Reynolds. From now on, you will always obey all my orders as this woman does!”
Zoe started laughing hysterically.
“...most of the time. So, what are your skills?”
The newbies looked around like they were asked to look around.
“I am all ears!”
Finally a newbie opened his mouth.
“Well, we can cheer.”
“You can WHAT? Zoe, did that guy just say the platoon can cheer?”
“He did, Sir.”
“Shiny, a platoon of cheering newbies. What did I do wrong?”
“You wanna full list, Sir?”
“Excuse me, Sargent.” the newbie captain tipped on Mal's shoulder.
“Do you smoke? I am lighting one - would you like one too?”
“Hold on a second. You mean you have a lighter?” Mal's brain made the connection.
“Sure, Sarge. Ripped it off a drunk Alliance officer.”
The newbie pulled out a two inch flamethrower with a tiny Alliance logo in one of the corners.
“Alright guys. Join the ranks!”
A smile flitted across the newbies faces.
“Zoe, I need your knife.”
Everyone was eating their beans and having a little fun in the middle of the war. They knew what the next day had to offer to them – wounded, death, blood, pain and all the other horrific aspects of the war.
The lighter was lying on a little improvised table. Someone had scraped off the logo.
Thursday, January 12, 2006 8:44 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006 8:58 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006 9:26 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006 11:11 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006 12:49 PM
Thursday, January 12, 2006 1:45 PM
Thursday, January 12, 2006 2:02 PM
Monday, January 16, 2006 4:45 AM
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