Dinner was a rather quiet strained affair, a simple meal that Book had put together with vegetables from the Abbey. Mal, Zoë, and Wash were adjusting to the news that Mal had a daughter. Inara and Kaylee were watching Caroline marveled at the transformation that took place when about eight layers of dirt were removed; she looked like Mal, a small female version of him; the same eyes and jaw-line. Inara she wondered if the little one had the same mercurial moods as the Captain did. Book was watching Mal; and Simon and Jayne were glaring at each other over River’s head. Something about Simon saving the biggest dullest needles he had for Jayne. And River was being River; talking in circles about things that no one quite understood but her. Caroline ate with manners that were equal to Jayne’s in quality; and stared. Stared at Mal, and wondered why me made ma go weird all of a sudden. Stared at Zoë and wondered if she was the person that Zoey was named after. Stared at River wondering why she got to look messy, and why she was mumbling about beagles and holes, and broken things that love held in the air.

How do you tell someone that their mother isn’t coming for them? Pondered Mal as he ate his dinner watching his daughter at the common room table. His daughter, hard to believe that he had a daughter and one that had manners like Jayne. Book, he needed to talk with Shepard Book, he would know how to approach this situation. As everyone was finishing dinner Mal asked Book, “Could I speak with you for a few moments, Shepard?”

“Certainly, Captain” nodded the Shepard as he took his last sip of tea.

“Thank you. Kaylee, River take Caroline and show her the boat.”

As everyone left to go about their after dinner chores, tasks and other activities the Shepard and Mal headed out of the common area up to the cockpit. River, Kaylee, and Caroline went around the various compartments of the ship stopping to look at the pretty pink dress and colored lights in Kaylee’s room. Caroline climbed under the pink frothy concoction that was hanging at the foot of Kaylee’s bunk. Small places made her feel safer.

“Bao bei, how old are you? Five? Ten? Fifteen?” asked Kaylee teasingly peeking under the frothy trim.

“Ma says I’m seven. Where is my ma? Is me ma here? Or did she leave me here with the Shepard?” asked Caroline looking at Kaylee and River as she clutched Zoey even more tightly. “She done left me with the Shepards at the Abbey before. They was nice gave me apples and blueberries; didn’t stick me with needles. That done happened once, when the hun dan purple-bellies took me from ma. They said she wasn’t fit or sumpin like that. Didn make no cents to me. I don’t like needles, they hurt.”

“Qin aide wo de ma” Kaylee’s eyes just kept getting wider and wider as Caroline spoke her piece in a voice that said being dumped into an environment wasn’t that big of a deal. “Bao bei, we’d better ask the Cap’n.”

“He and Book are up on the high mountain” piped up River coming out from under the hoops of Kaylee’s dresses. “We shall have to go up on high.”

“Lead the way” piped Kaylee looking at River trying to keep the tears out of her voice. Like a little train they wound there way up to the bridge with River being the engine and Kaylee as the caboose.

Poking her head through the hatch River went “choo - choo” at the top of her lungs.

Quickly followed by Caroline and Kaylee going “hunk – a – chunk, hunk – a chunk, hunk – a – chunk.”

“Choo – choo!”

Mal and the Shepard looked up in surprise. Shepard Book was holding the letter addressed to Captain Reynolds; and Mal was pacing back and forth. Given that they hadn’t heard the train coming up the ladder-well their discussion must have been really deep and serious.

“We were just discussing you mei mei.” Book told Kaylee gently as he looked at the three faces peeking in the hatch. “And the fact that the Captain is your father.” He then handed the letter back to Mal.

Looking at Mal in surprise as she stepped into the bridge Caroline told Book very defensively “He ain’t my da; ma said that da and Zoë died in Serenity. He’s too old.”

“How old do you think I am?”

“Old, at least eighty.” Returned Caroline with the certainty that only a child can have for something like that.

“I may be old, little one; but, I’m not that old. And I didn’t die at Serenity Valley.”

Didn’t die, what did that mean? Her da was dead and gone; long gone. The little hairs on the back her neck raised Caroline clenched her fist, and clutched Zoey tighter with her other hand trying to ward off the growing sense of fear that. Looking around the bridge frantically like a cornered wild animal she wondered where was ma? “You ain my da! Whad you do with me ma? Where is she? Where are we going? Whadya goin’ to do with me?”

“You’re her father?” gasped Kaylee kneeling down to gather Caroline into her arms to try and calm her down.

“Not beagles.” reproached River looking at Wash’s dinosaurs as she left the bridge. “Holes, big holes; watch out for the holes.”

“Sssh-ssh mei-mei; everything’s going to be just shiny, Cap’n will fix it proper. Won’ cha Cap?” she said as she looked at him with worried eyes.

“Your ma’s not here little one.” Mal tried to tell her as gently as he could clutched the letter tightly crumpling it a little. “She sent you here for me and Zoë to take care of you; because she’s sick.”

“No, ma wouldn’t do that unless she was bad again. She’s been good, not screaming no more. She’s here; I know it, she’s gotta be. What did you do with her? Where’s my ma?” Caroline shook Kaylee off at the beginning of the tirade and drew her knife out of its hidey hole in Zoey where there used to be a leg. Ready to protect herself and Zoey from these people who claimed to want to help, the urge to flee took over and with that she turned and ran out of the bridge, down the ladderwell, darted around Wash and Zoë, and disappeared.

“Cap’n what was in that letter?” gasped Kaylee not quite comprehending everything that was going on. Wordlessly Mal just looked at the letter in his hand as Wash and Zoë came into the bridge. Book started to move to give Wash his usual pilots chair, which he motioned that the Shepard should just keep.

“Mal, a daughter, Zhen de ma?” asked Zoë uncharacteristically gently.

“It appears so. And we are supposed to raise her.” Mal ran his fingers through his hair, causing him to drop the letter unnoticed. “This isn’t exactly someplace safe for a five, six year old child.”

Zoe turned slightly to look hard at Wash trying to subliminally keep him from speaking about his position about child-rearing on Serenity. “Seven, she said she’s seven.” Kaylee said as she bent down to pick up the letter. “It’s a jian jiu xiu shi home for all of us; and its lots better then living with the Alliance or at the Abbey. No offense Shepard.”

“None Taken. A family is always the best place for a child to be raised”

“She said that her ma had left her with the Shepards before; and that once the Alliance had taken her. Said that her mother was unfit. Serenity’s got to be better then being brought up by the Alliance.”

“Golensa, unfit?” mused Mal.

“Sir, that does make sense with what all she said in her letter to me.” Added Zoë.

“I just can’t see it. She was like Kaylee -- always cheerful, looking at the bright side of things no matter how bad they got. A broken junky whore; it don’t make sense. She was so cheerful you wanted to duct tape her mouth shut. Don’t make sense at all.”

Reading the beginning of the letter out loud Kaylee uttered something that was now fairly familiar to everyone on the bridge:

“If you can't walk, you crawl, if you can't crawl... You find somebody to carry you.”

And she continued reading the rest of the letter to herself, in tears by the end of the letter, now understanding how a mother could feel desperate enough to send her child away.

Mal, we had one night together. One night to forget about everything happening around us. I can’t forget anymore. I’m haunted every time I close my eyes by the screams, screams of living begging to die, screams of the dead begging to live. The faces of those we tried to save, those we had to kill, and those we had to leave behind. How do you write a letter; telling a man that you spent one night with that he fathered a child? Then in the same breath ask him to be a father, a good father? I’m not capable of being a mother. I am crawling now; and don’t have long to crawl. Please, take care of our baby girl – Caroline Lilliana Reynolds – until she is able and capable to be on her own. I named her after your mother, and my mother. She is everything too me; and I must give her a future; a future she will never be able to have with a used up junky whore.

Golensa

Sir, we can’t just dump her somewhere; she needs us to carry Caroline until she’s old enough to walk alone. She deserves Serenity more then anyone else.” Patting the hull she finished “She’ll take good of her, keep her safe.”

“Kaylee, this isn’t a puppy. This is a child.”

“Cap’n, she’s not just a child. She’s YOUR daughter.”

“What can I offer her? Chances to get corpsified on a regular basis? The opportunity to be on the run all the time? To be able to eat molded protein day in and day out? That’s not the life for a child.” Thinking back to his childhood on Shadow. “A child needs clean air, open spaces, and freedom. None of which we have here.”

Speaking up for the first time in while Zoë interjected “Mal, all a child needs is unconditional love. That we can offer.”

“What kind of future did she have with her mother? Jail? Death? I don’t think she’s ever gone to school. She can be a whore when she grows up, or a bar wench.” Snapped Kaylee glaring at Mal and she stormed out of the bridge going to find Caroline.

“Well then, I guess she stays; but, just on a trial basis.” Sinking into the co-pilot’s chair and putting his head in his hands he felt overwhelmed to the point of nausea. He didn’t know anything about being a parent.

Sensing his discomfit Book looked directly at him “You’ll do fine, Captain Daddy, you’ll do fine.”