Title: The Courtship Author: Alex (alex_cat_45@yahoo.com) Type: FCHet Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: I do not own these wonderful characters! Warnings: Silly fun. Beta: Larian Elensar Pairing: River/Jayne Archive: Alex’s Story Book Author’s Note: This was meant to be very naughty but River wanted it this way. She said maybe in a month or two… Spoilers: A few for Serenity AND Firefly Summary: River wants a boyfriend. ~~~

THE COURTSHIP

“No, River! You can’t!” Simon was in her face. “You’re a kid!”

River looked at him, her dark eyes flashing with anger. “I am eighteen and I will if I want to.”

“But Jayne? He’s a brute, a big dumb brute.”

“I like Jayne.”

“You told him you could kill him with your brain!”

She grinned, not mad but never quite sane. “And I could too.”

“Why?”

“He’s big and strong and he’s the only one without a … mate.”

“But he might hurt you.” He realized how silly that sounded after he said it. River could kill him with her bare hands. But she was his sister and Jayne was just…Jayne.

River just smiled and left him standing there feeling stupid.

*

Jayne was shocked when River simply showed up in his room.

“Uh, I didn’t do nothin’.” He dropped his hands to his sides and looked guilty even though in truth, he hadn’t been doing anything.

“I have been thinking, Jayne, of taking a mate. And I was considering all the possibilities.”

Jayne stared, not sure *what* she was saying. He seldom could follow her. He wasn’t even sure what language she spoke sometimes.

“And I think that you are the one.”

“I didn’t do nothin’!” He repeated it.

She stepped closer to him. “I want to mate with you.”

“You mean…” Her meaning dawned on him. He paled. She *was* really pretty but she was…deadly.

She smiled at him as if he were a dim child and nodded. “Yes, Jayne. I want to do the nasty with you!” She laughed, that tinkling sound that was as pretty as it was scary. “But I don’t think--”

“I don’t need you to think.” She was close enough that he could feel the heat of her slender body so close.

“River…I…” She rose up on her tiptoes and kissed his bearded cheek.

“I think a courtship is in order.”

And so began a courtship of the oddest sort.

*

Mal watched as River scooted her chair closer to Jayne at dinner. He seemed petrified but she looked like she had won a lottery. She fed him tidbits from her plate and smiled at him. He just looked confused. Mal grinned and said nothing. He figured he’d know what was going on soon enough.

Simon looked mighty pissed though.

This could get interesting.

*

“Simon, she’s a growed up girl. Let her decide what to do. Jayne won’t hurt her. He’s mean and all but he’s a little scared of her ’cause of what happened at Mr. Universe’s place and all.”

Simon was in Kaylee’s bed, and for some reason, she found the whole thing hilarious. Simon couldn’t stay mad at her so he just kissed her again. The kissing led to other things and they didn’t talk about River for a long while.

“Do you think I am being silly not to want my sister to have sex with that brute?” He was lying on his back with Kaylee’s head on his chest.

“Aw, Simon, he ain’t a brute.”

“Idiot?”

“Well, maybe some of River’s smarts will rub off onto him.”

“But why would she want him?”

“He’s big and strong and well, Simon, he’s sexy in his own sort of way.”

“A sexy idiot?”

Kaylee smacked him playfully. “Really, Simon, she just wants someone too.”

“What about Mal?”

“Mal? Malcolm Reynolds Mal? You know he carries that big old torch for Inara.”

“But if all she wants is… sex,” he cringed, “then I expect Mal’s part works as well as Jayne’s.”

“Simon!”

*

River sat in her co-pilot’s seat and looked out the glass front of Serenity, lost in her thoughts.

“So tell me what is going on with poor Jayne? He seems more afraid of you than he is reavers.” Mal decided to just ask her about it.

“I’m courting him.”

Mal almost choked. “You’re courting Jayne?”

“Yep. I decided I was old enough to find a mate so I picked Jane.”

“But you have more brains in your finger than Jayne has in his head.”

She looked over at him. “Well, technically, no, but I’m not after his brains.”

Mal tried not to laugh. She looked so young sitting there with her feet up in the seat and her toes curled over the edge. He couldn’t even imagine… NO! He couldn’t go there.

“River, he’s not exactly … husband material.”

“Oh, Captain, I’m not looking for a husband, just someone to rid me of my maidenly status and someone to … like.”

“You *like* Jayne.”

Her laughter rang out. “Yes, yes I do.”

Mal just shook his head and they continued to their next destination.

*

Jayne was cleaning Vera when she showed up in his room again.

“Hello. I have come to court you. I brought some oil for Vera and I brought you an apple that I stole from the market at the last stop.” She held out a small bottle of gun oil and shiny red apple.

Jayne took them from her. “Thank you. You do know I’m way too old to court, don’t you?”

She smiled wickedly at him. “It still works, doesn’t it?”

He blushed a deep red.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Shall we go for a stroll?” She held her arm out to him and to his own surprise, he took it and they walked down to the cargo bay and strolled around.

“River, does Simon approve of this?” He wasn’t afraid of Simon but he didn’t want any trouble with Mal.

“Does he need to? I am an adult.”

“You’re young enough to be my…niece.”

“I’m young enough to be your daughter but I don’t care.”

“Vera thanks you for the oil.” It was all he could think of to say.

“Tell her she is very welcome.”

*

River decided it was time for a kiss. She took Jayne’s arm after dinner and guided him out to the cargo bay.

“Let’s sit here for awhile.”

Jayne wasn’t about to argue so they sat on a large metal crate. River reached for his hand and held it.

“I want you to kiss me.” River moved closer to Jayne and put her head on his shoulder. He managed a quick peck on the cheek.

“Not that kind of kiss. I want you to kiss my lips.” She smiled and made a kissy face at him. He kissed her, a quick touch of his lips to hers.

River was not impressed. She kissed him and in his shock, he kissed her back, a real kiss this time, not passionate but definitely an improvement over the first one.

“Are you scared of me, Jayne?”

He was but he couldn’t admit it, not to that crazy little slip of a girl. “Me? I’m not afraid of anything!”

“Have you ever been courted before?”

“No. I’m more of a slam-bam-thank-you ma’am kind of man.”

River laughed and kissed his cheek. “I gave you that chance, you know.”

He blushed, to his everlasting shame. River just smiled and moved so she could put his arm around her. He seemed content to sit that way.

*

Inara was glad to be aboard the ship again though she and Mal still seemed to be afraid to commit themselves to a relationship. They were closer and that was good. Her feelings for Mal were the most complicated ones she’d ever had. She knew it was love but she didn’t know what to do about it.

She put the thought out of her mind and thought about River and Jayne. The thought brought a smile to her face. Poor Jayne. He was so outnumbered by River. Not only was she smarter, but also she was a better warrior.

Mal had little to say about the whole thing but she was sure he had his opinion; he always did. Kaylee said poor Simon was furious. She smiled. Wash would have found the whole thing humorous. Poor Zoë, too much a soldier to let them see her pain. She should talk to her but she suspected only Mal would be able to do that without getting shot outright.

Sighing, she sat down to send a Wave to her next client.

*

“You what?” Mal was desperately trying to hide his smile.

“I want to get River a present.”

“But a gun?”

“Well, she’s really good with one and she gave Vera gun oil.”

“Don’t you think perhaps some flowers might be better?”

“Flowers?”

“Something gentler than a gun maybe. Something personal.”

Jayne’s face lit up. “My hat! I’ll give her the hat my mother gave me.”

Mal waited until Jayne had run to his quarters to laugh. The knit hat that his mother made was sort of orange with fringe and it looked rather… hideous but Jayne was proud of it. Jayne loved his mother fiercely and if he was going to give that to River, then perhaps things were progressing faster than he thought.

“You do that.” Mal said lamely as Jayne had headed to his quarters.

*

River smiled when he gave her the crudely wrapped package. She resisted the urge to delve into his head. She had not listened to his mind since she began their courtship. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Besides, he was easy enough to read anyway.

“Thank you.” She opened it and almost laughed at the ugly hat but she knew what it was and how much it meant to Jayne. “Put it on me.”

He did and then he surprised her by pulling her into his arms and kissing her in a way that made her toes curl. She clung to him for a moment and then he let her go.

“Got a little carried away. Sorry.” He was blushing again.

“Simon says we’re going planet side tomorrow. The planet has some towns. You want to go to dinner or something?” She felt a little shy now.

Jayne laughed and for a second she thought he was laughing at her.

“You know Mal. We’ll probably end up getting shot at or chased by Feds. But yes, I’ll eat with you if we get a chance.”

*

The trip down to the planet worked about as well as most of Mal’s plans but River and Jayne did manage to get dinner before they had to run in a hail of gunfire. As they hurried into the ship, they both grinned at one another before she and Mal dashed to the bridge to get them airborne while Jayne watched for attacks from the ground.

“That went rather well,” Zoë said at dinner. She didn’t say much since Wash was killed and it surprised everyone that she made a joke.

Mal grinned at her. “It did, didn’t it?”

“At least you weren’t naked in the desert, waiting for us.” Inara piped in.

“That sure was a sight to see, Cap’n.” Kaylee managed to leer as she said it.

“I try not to show my parts too often. Not sure the ‘Verse could take it.”

“I do wish we’d gotten our dessert though.” River joined in.

“How’s that courting coming along?” Mal asked, trying to keep a straight face.

River looked up and smiled at Jayne, not even looking at the Captain as she answered him. “It’s coming along quite well, sir. Quite well indeed.”

Simon’s face colored and he started to say something. Kaylee elbowed him and he abruptly shut his mouth.

*

A few nights later, River showed up at Jayne’s quarters. He was rather disheveled when he let her in and it didn’t take much to figure out what he was doing. Maybe all those little kisses were getting to him. It also did not take much to figure out he hadn’t finished.

“I can come back another time.”

He finally pulled his shirttail out to hide what wouldn’t seem to flag, even in his shocked state. River wisely said nothing.

He led her to his only chair and he sat on his bunk.

“I think it is time we moved our courtship ahead a bit.”

Jayne swallowed. His body liked that idea but his brain was sort of hung.

“Ahead?”

“Yes, ahead. We should spend the night together.”

Jayne was appalled. He knew she would eventually ask for sex but he’d rather put off thinking of it as long possible. Well, he put off thinking about it with her; Simon would kill him!

River saw the stricken look on his face and hastily said, “I don’t mean that! I mean maybe we could sort of hang out here in your bunk and sleep.”

The thought of lying in bed for hours with that lithe young body was not much comfort to him, but she ignored him and pushed him back on the bed. She curled up beside him and smiled. And promptly fell sound asleep.

*

It was noted by the crew that River had taken to sleeping in Jayne’s quarters. Most of the crew thought it amusing and one or two romantic souls found it sweet. Simon was furious and he stormed onto the bridge.

“How can you blithely let that homicidal cretin sleep with my sister?”

“Your sister is an adult, Simon, and as such, I will treat her as one.”

A nerve twitched in his jaw but he left the bridge. River popped up from under her console, where she’d been studying the wiring.

“We’re not doing what he thinks.”

Mal was surprised.

“We are courting. Jayne is a bit skittish. I think he still thinks I’m a little girl.”

Mal figured it was more his fear of her that made Jayne hesitant.

“So what *are* your plans?”

River grinned, the smile that made Mal nervous. “I’m young. I can outlast him.”

*

They had been asleep for a few hours when Jayne felt River touch his arm to wake him.

“What’s wrong?” He sat straight up, ready to reach for his guns.

“I was just thinking.”

Jayne groaned. In his experience, women who thought in the middle of the night had worrisome things on their minds, like marriage or babies.

“I think we should do what they think we do soon.”

“Soon?” His heart pounded but he wasn’t sure if it was fear or excitement.

“Maybe another month or two. I sort of like courting and I fear than when we do *that*, we may not get to court anymore.”

He thought about what she said and to his own surprise, he found he sort of liked courting too. He liked the funny things she did and said, even if he seldom understood much about them. He liked the slender warm body cuddled up against him at night. And he loved the fact that she often wore his hat when they were together. His mother would like this one, maybe.

He relaxed and hugged her close.

“Courting sounds like a fine idea to me.”

Both of them were smiling as they fell asleep.

~end~