BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ROMANCE

BELACGOD

Our Co-Pilot Tam, Part 4
Monday, October 24, 2005

The next, and possibly the last, episode. Some things are resolved; others are not.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2906    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

Saffron staggered out of the cargo pod, hands raised in the air, and looked around at the gathered crew of Serenity. “Ohh,” she said, “I'd been on that pod for days.” She took in the sight of Mal and Jayne, each with a gun trained on her. “Don't be paranoid,” she added. “I'm helpless. At your mercy.” “Not helpless. Never helpless.” River said. “That wouldn't be...you. If you were ever helpless, you'd stop being Saffron...and have to become Bridget. Or Alanya. Or Carrie.” She approached Saffron slowly. “I know your real name, but I won't say it. Yet. Do you understand, Saffron?” Saffron nodded, suddenly shaken by River's mentioning of the other names. “Don't touch my ship,” River said softly. “Don't touch my ship, and I won't touch your memories.” Saffron looked at Mal, who slowly lowered his gun. “Where'd this one come from? I don't recall her being on board your crate.” Mal shrugged. “I guess I'm just full of surprises, Yo-saf-bridge. Now how's about you start telling us where to find this treasure?” Saffron shook her head. “No, once you know you'll just dump me overboard.” “Well, I ain't letting you near the bridge, so you'll have to tell us at some point,” Mal said. “Hey,” Zoe whispered to Mal, “Maybe your girlfriend can pluck the coordinates out of the jien hwo's brain.” “No,” Mal said, “She has to tell us herself.” “All right,” Saffron said, “I'll give it to you bit by bit. They were going to Baldur. When we get there, I'll tell you more.” “Baldur...” Mal mused. “Do any of you know how to get to Baldur from here?” “Mei-yong-de,” Saffron muttered. “Border rock, in the Georgia system.” “I knew I'd heard of it,” said Zoe. “That's near where Niska lived.” She turned to Saffron. “Jien hwo, Niska's folk have a hand in this? Or whoever's in charge now?” Saffron shook her head. “I don't know. We were planning to divide up the coin there. Things broke down at a fairly early stage of the process.” “Alright, Jayne,” Mal said, “Take her to one of the empty passenger compartments and don't let her out. Better yet, let's tie her up here and you carry her there. If you get tired, call up and we'll send someone to relieve you.” “Can't we just stick her back in her pod?” Simon asked. “No way to get her out if we need to, no way to turn it off from the outside,” Mal said. Oh,” he added to Jayne, “If she offers you the ship to betray us...just decline.” Jayne raised his arms, sending the point of his gun right under Saffron's nose. “What,” he said, “You don't trust me?” Mal looked around. “Where'd we put those handcuffs from Persephone?” “They're hanging in my cabin,” said Kaylee. “I did not need to know that,” Mal said. “What? Pretty hanging mobile.” Kaylee replied. “You have a filthy mind, Cap'n.” “Just get them,” Mal said. “I promise you can have them back later. You can buy a real nice mobile with your share of the take.” “Be right back,” Kaylee said, dashing up the stairs. “Handcuffs,” Saffron said. “You really don't trust me.” “Being stripped naked and having his shuttle hijacked will do that to a man,” Mal replied. Saffron winked. “Will you forgive me if I said you looked really good like that?” “Actually, if you said that I'd have to put you in the cargo hold instead of a passenger dorm. And cuff you to the ceiling.” Saffron sighed. “Malcolm Reynolds, you're not the man I married.” “I should hope not,” he said. “That man was a real (chinese curse) idiot.” “I'm not so sure that this Mal isn't one still,” Zoe said with some affection. “I'm back!” Kaylee called from the top of the stairs, holding up three Alliance handcuffs. “Did she escape and kill you all yet?” “We're all still alive,” said Mal, holding out his hand to take the cuffs as Kaylee came down the stairs. Saffron held her arms out, looking up seductively as Mal clapped the first set of cuffs on her arms. “Sit down,” he said, pushing her to the floor and putting the second set around her ankles. He tossed the third set to Jayne. “Cuff her to something in the room.” C'mon, Yo-saf-bridge,” Jayne said, as he prodded her toward the door. “I'll go myself, I can see where I'm not wanted,” Saffron protested, ducking through the doorway. Zoe shook her head. “Anyone needs me, I'll be in my cabin trying to guess what the guay is going on.” “We talk. Now.” Inara said, taking Mal's arm. “All right, we talk,” he said. “Let's go to the bridge.” Mal, Inara, and River climbed the stairway to the ship's long neck. Simon and Kaylee were left on the cargo bay floor, standing beside Saffron's escape pod. “Good timing,” Kaylee said jokingly. “The Captain was about to tell me something River said that had to do with where we were sleeping.” “Oh, wuh de ma, Kaylee,” Simon said, “I can probably guess. This all makes so much more sense now.” “Would you mind enlightening a poor little ship's mechanic?” Kaylee asked. “She's been reading us,” Simon said. “It's not like she can just turn it off, and stop seeing what everyone's thinking. Especially if it's strong emotions. And she doesn't even have to see the person...it just comes flooding in. Anger...confusion...pain...” “Or pleasure. Shun-sheng duh gao-wan,” Kaylee said. “Back home, I had to share a room with a cousin for a year, after my aunt's house got wrecked. He'd bring home girlfriends on occasion...we put up curtains, eventually a wall...didn't help. I can't say that was a very healthy or harmonious year for the Frye household. Or fun for me. Come to think of it, I was sixteen then.” Simon shook his head. “This explains...rather a lot. Every doctor has to do a psych residency,” he explained. “I think I should talk to River again.” He looked around. “Where'd she go off to?” “Up to the bridge with the Cap'n and Inara,” Kaylee said. “Oh.”

********************************************

Inara eased into the copilot's chair. “You can't reform her,” she said. “What?” “I saw what you were trying to do. 'No, she has to tell us herself.' You can't teach a person like that trust...not at this point in her life.” “You'd be surprised at the redemptive power of getting your pi-gu handed to you repeatedly,” Mal said. “It worked for Jayne.” “Yes,” Inara said, “But do we really want her to become more effective?” “Ahh, good point,” Mal said. Looking back at her, he added “So you wanted to talk?” “Yes, Mal.” Inara looked up at River, then back at Mal. “I...there's been something I've wanted to say to you for a long time, and now's probably the worst possible time to say it, but if I don't say it now I'll never be able to.” “Well then,” Mal said. “I...do you remember all the times I kicked you off my shuttle?” “I'd be lying if I said I didn't.” “And when I left to go back to Sihnon, after the Heart of Gold?” “That was certainly a dark day in the Serenity household.” “Mal, I...” she looked back up at River, who smiled encouragingly back. “I left because I couldn't be around you anymore.” “I'm to take this as a compliment, I gather,” Mal said. “Mal, I couldn't be around you because I...I didn't know how to say that...I loved you.” The sarcastic comeback died on Mal's lips. He swallowed the sour taste and shook his head. “Well now. A man who's not me might say this is an improvement over you smacking me.” “And the man who is you?” Inara asked. “That man agrees that this is probably the worst time for you to tell me,” Mal said. “If it weren't for the fact that River's here with you I'd think you were trying to pull some Companion wiles on me. As is...” he looked up at River. “I'm powerful confused.” “I'm not trying to steal you away,” Inara said. “Quite the contrary. I'm trying to decide if I should...return to Sihnon,” she added painfully. “Whatever we may feel or have felt about one another,” Mal said, “I'm glad to have you on board and always will be.” “You're not helping, Mal,” River said. “And what about you?” Mal asked her. “Am I just a crush? Or would you stay with me through thick and thin and pass this ship on to our grandkids?” He looked at River with piercing eyes. Inara's gaze was drawn up and back to focus on River's face. She spoke softly. “Mal, you are more, so much more. I know I'm fong luh, but when I'm with you, or even thinking about you, I'm sane, everything makes sense. I don't know why—that's problematic--” “River, no one ever knows why they love someone,” Mal said. “Then it is love,” she said. “And our grandchildren can pry Serenity from my cold, dead fingers. If they ever exist. The grandkids, not the fingers. And if I'm wrong,” she added, “I won't break. I'm not that fragile.” She gazed at him. “But you...you feel--” “No, I have to say it for myself,” Mal said. “I've been a fortress unto myself for a long time...longer than either of you've known me. Almost as long as Zoe has. That's what happens when you lose a war. Malcolm Reynolds went off to fight the Alliance, and he didn't really ever come back. He didn't die...he's just missing in action, hiding out somewhere inside of me. I'm just the Captain. Malcolm Reynolds could love, he could look into the future and see something worth contemplating. And the last couple of days, when I've been with you, River, I've been Malcolm.” “And I want you to be him again,” River said. “That's it—when I'm with you, I'm River again, the old one, at least in some way.” She turned her gaze from Mal to Inara. “I love the old Mal, the one who he could be again. Are you sure you don't just love him as he is, not as he would be if he loved you back?” ************************************

Jayne shoved Saffron into the passenger cabin. “Sit tight now, until we get to Balder,” he said, fingering his gun. “Go easy,” Saffron said, nearly stumbling into the wall. “I'm no threat.” She sat on the bed calmly as Jayne cuffed her to the frame. “Don't joke me,” Jayne said, standing in the doorway. “Whatever way of escaping you're thinking of, I won't understand it enough to stop it 'cept by shooting you.” “If you kill me, no treasure.” “Wasn't going to shoot you anywhere vital,” Jayne said. “Look,” Saffron said, opening her arms as far as they'd go. “I don't have anything on me. Not a weapon, not even a hairpin. I'll let you search me, if you want,” she added lasciviously. Jayne shook his head. Saffron continued, pitching her voice low, “I don't wish to be wed to the large one...” “Look,” Jayne said, “I ain't interested in talking, 'cept about where that treasure is. And I ain't interested in playing hide-the-pistol with the likes of you.” “Oh, why not?” Saffron frowned, leaning over to show the barest hint of cleavage. “Do I not please you?” “Speaking the truth,” Jayne said, “You'd please me more if you were a mite quieter.” “Oh, so that's how you'd like me,” Saffron replied. “I can be quiet too...say,” she said, shifting her feet under the bed. “Who's the new first mate?” “New first mate?” Jayne asked, confused. “You know, 'Don't touch my ship,' gold robe, black hair, kind of pretty...” “Oh, River,” Jayne said. “She ain't the first mate. The Captain lets her and her brother stay with us. He says he's not, but I'm pretty sure he's grappling her.” He shook his head. “Good kid, if a little fong luh.” “Fong luh, how?” asked Saffron, shaking the cuff that bound her to the bed.. “She says crazy things,” Jayne said. “And does things for no reason sometimes. Cut that out.” “So the Captain's got a crazy lover, and your mechanic and the doctor got together...no one for you?” Saffron moved closer, almost whispering the last words. Jayne shook his head. “No one for me.” “Poor Jayne,” Saffron said. “Nah, I'm all right.” Saffron frowned. “You sly? I wouldn't have thought it.” “No. Not sly, and not stupid either,” Jayne said. “What are you trying to pull?” “Nothing,” Saffron said innocently. “I could try something if you like...I know some things I could try, even tied up like this.” She shook her chains seductively. “Like what?” Jayne said, standing in the doorway. “I'll just watch, ok?” “Well, I can...” Saffron leaned forward, her foot flashing out to take Jayne squarely in the crotch. The big mercenary keeled over and fell, moaning. “Dislocate my ankle. And wrist.” Saffron cracked her wrist and slid it through the cuff attaching her to the bed, and then the one around her wrists. She snapped it back together, and did the same for her ankle. “Ow,” she said to herself. “I'd forgotten how much that really hurts.” She retrieved Jayne's gun from his belt and gave him a couple of good slugs with the pommel, then crept out into the hall, then around the corner, crouching behind the infirmary wall. Satisfied that no one was coming, she crept into the infirmary and picked up a knife, then made her way into the cargo bay.

*************************************

A knocking came on the bridge door, breaking the awkward silence. “Who is it?” Mal asked. “It's Simon. Can I come in?” “In a moment,” Mal called back. “We're kind of at a sensitive point here.” “That's what I was worried about,” Simon said to Kaylee. Inara rose. “I think...I think I should go.” Mal's face drew into a frown. “Away? Like to Sihnon?” “To my shuttle. To think. River's right—I just wanted to rescue you, but she already has. And did better than I would have.” She approached Mal, and knelt to his level. “There aren't ten men like you in the 'verse. Or two. It is an honor to know you, as a friend.” Mal took her hand and shook it firmly, as if concluding a business deal. “I must admit to having held you in a certain esteem, Inara. But now...you are the strongest, most gracious of women. I hope you find what you are looking for, and that I am there to celebrate with you when you do.” He rose as Inara turned toward River. “You have my blessing, mei mei,” she said, taking her hand, “And if you ever need my help, I am just a shuttle door away.” “Thank you,” River said softly. Inara turned, breathing in deeply to hide the tears that were already beginning to form, and strode to the bridge door. She drew it open, and strode past Simon and Kaylee, then took the stairs down to the cargo bay two at a time. Kaylee turned to rush after her. Simon took the opportunity to step into the bridge. River and Mal were still gazing at each other, bathed in the light of the control panels and, he thought, a sort of inner radiance. “What...happened?” he asked. River's face brightened. “Everything is OK. I thought for so long it wouldn't be, but it is. More or less.” Mal cleared his throat. “Your sister and I have decided that together we make one healthy person, and we'd like to be together.” “Ah,” Simon said. “I just wanted to ask River--” “It's all right, Simon,” she said, turning to him. “It may have begun how you think, but there's so much more now.” Simon shook his head. “You can be disconcerting at times, River.” Panic flashed across River's face. “I have to go,” she said, and dashed from the bridge. Simon turned to Mal. “Like now,” he said.

**********************************************

Saffron crept along the cargo bay wall, staying in the shadow of several large crates. Her escape pod was where the crew had left it. She should have known they wouldn't have searched her. What luck, that these dupes would have been the ones to find her. If only she'd thought to grab a beacon from the pod. No, there was no way of knowing whether it'd be found, and it was only a short dash to pick one up and drop it through the grate into the hold. And then to the shuttle, and to call the feds from a safe distance...this would be too easy. Just one comm call to the Feds, and she'd pocket all the rewards: River Tam, Simon Tam, Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity. Between this and the treasure she'd sent crashing into Boros's wilderness, she could have enough to lie low for a time. Ohh, Saffron burned to get back at that girl! She'd almost shot Malcolm Reynolds on Ariel when he'd barely scratched the surface of her, and River Tam had gone all the way to the bottom. She had to be sent back to those who were looking for her, and there wasn't a punishment foul enough. Ten steps, and she was in the pod, drawing the beacon from its compartment and slipping back out. She raised the grate and dropped the beacon, cringing at the sound of it bouncing into the hold. She looked around. No one had seen. Then a noise from above startled her. The door from the dining area opened, and Inara Serra came rushing down the stairs. No! The Companion had bested her twice before, she couldn't let her foil her once again. And there wasn't time to make for the open shuttle. Saffron ran to the best hiding spot she could find, under the stairs Serra was coming down. It was too easy. The Companion was clearly upset, and blindly rushing ahead. Saffron reached out through the stairs and grabbed her leg, sending her flying down six steps, to land on her head in a heap at the bottom. “That's for the garbage dump on Ariel,” she whispered, then turned back to the bay. Unfortunately, she was now on the wrong side, opposite her shuttle. Just then, the same door opened again, and Saffron heard more feet on the stairs. “Inara!” the ship's mechanic called out. “Are you all right?” The mechanic was good. She probably could figure out what Saffron had done before too long. She had to go too. Fortunately, she too didn't think to look below the stairs. She was slightly more sure-footed than the Companion had been, but a slash at her remaining ankle with the surgical knife sent her sprawling as well. Free at last! Saffron ducked out from under the stairs and began to sprint across the bay. Once more the door opened, but this time it was too late. Saffron was already halfway across the bay, reaching out for the shuttle door. Suddenly Saffron felt an incredible force hit her across the bank. Jayne's gun clattered across the floor and she fell into a roll, coming up in a fighting stance. It was the fugitive, River Tam. She must have jumped from the top level! No wonder the Alliance wanted her. Saffron ztabbed at her with the knife, but River kicked it from her hand, painfully crushing her already-dislocated wrist, then launched a lightning-fast blow of her own. Saffron, now weaponless, dodged that by millimeters, grabbing River's arm and throwing her over, then backing toward the door. River leapt to her feet and rushed back at Saffron, stepping over the leg sweep the other woman threw at her to deliver a kick to Saffron's thigh, then a punch at her head. Saffron blocked that, throwing another in return. River caught that one, spinning Saffron around and hurling her to the floor of the bay. Then she was on her, grasping her wrists in her hands. Saffron spread her arms and head-butted River in the face, pulling loose as River held her jaw. Once more Saffron rose to her feet, almost at the door. “Stop,” River said, grabbing Saffron's arm. “Alexandra Petrova Smirnova, you are bound by me to stand down!” Saffron froze in shock. “I warned you, you couldn't hide from me,” River said, pulling her to face her. “You should have stopped running a long time ago...but you can't. You just have to prove you're better than everyone, you can out think everyone...but is that really what makes you better? You should learn what love is, you'd like it a lot better. How long has it been since you loved anyone?” “Stop...” moaned Saffron, her ankle giving way. River pressed on, relentless. “Your father never loved you, or your mother. Big Alliance da fei fei general. Lived on Boros. Wouldn't evacuate you when the war came there...too bad he got his head blown off by Independent bombs. And you just decided you had to make your own way. Oh my,” she said, only partially feigning shock. “You met Mal before...when he was still Mal. He was good to you then, took you prisoner, didn't let the other men bother you. But you ran away, you just had to escape from the evil Independents. That didn't get you any happier. Then you got your Companion training—ugh, such vile tastes!” River shook her head. “Some men should be wiped right out of the 'verse! But that's how you met Durran Haymer, isn't it? He rescued you too. But you didn't have to lie to make him think you were a princess, so you had to cheat him again.” “Don't...don't say it...” River crouched down, putting herself face to face with Saffron. “I wasn't even trying. I pity you. But you had to try and play me. I said I would kill you.” Saffron shook. “You wouldn't--” “Ask a lot of Reavers whether she wouldn't!” Mal said, rushing down the stairs followed by Simon. “The question is, am I going to stand by and watch or get out there and help her?” He and Simon reached Inara and Kaylee at the bottom of the stairs, each kneeling over one of the women. River flashed into motion. Before the others could blink, she had the knife in her hand and had drawn it across Saffron's face. It was not a deep cut, but it extended from her right cheekbone, just below her eye, all the way across her upper lip. Blood dripped down Saffron's cheek. River tossed the knife through the cargo bay grating, and backed away. “Everything has its use,” she said. “It all fits together...you, me, Serenity, the Alliance. All one universe. It spins. Can't you see it spinning around you? Or are you too blind to look? It's beautiful. If you pop out here, you come in there again. It never ends. Nothing ever leaves, nothing wasted. People aren't like that. People dissolve, become nothing, only their actions remain. Like a shadow on the world. Then that fades away, too. But they're all part of it too. No escape. No leaving. It all flows together, then it comes apart. All flows together. Comes apart. There are no answers. No answers.” She dropped her arms to her side and ran back through the cargo bay door, to the infirmary and passenger area.

COMMENTS

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:16 AM

TRANQUILITY


wow... Very nice! I like your River babble tactics!

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:53 AM

BELLONA


*whoops triumphantly* YAH!!! TAKE THAT ALEXANDRA!!!

b

Monday, October 24, 2005 1:43 PM

CUB


I really, really admire your pacing. Your stuff has a very nice flow.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 1:19 PM

BIZZRAT


Top Rate! Im addicted now! You cant stop writing, that would be just torture. So please go going. I wana hear more about river and mal!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 5:52 PM

BELACGOD


The "grandchildren" line is based on Lois McMaster Bujold's "A Civil Campaign," in which Aral Vorkosigan, giving romantic advice to his son, asks if his current flame is "Just another passing fancy...or is she the one who will love my son forever and fiercely--hold his household and estates with integrity--stand beside him through danger, dearth, and death--and guide my grandchildren's hands when they light my funeral offering?"

Which is about as succinct a definition of true love as I've found.
______________________________

In none of my fics will there ever be hot, smutty River/Mal sex. Nor will everything ever end well. They aren't Simon and Kaylee, they're the two most tortured, conflicted characters on the show.
_________________________________

All my fics end when their central conflict is resolved (in this case, River and Mal's romance). They may have dozens of untied strings--too bad. In this case, my next fic takes up about 18 hours after this ends, so y'all will get to see them together, but the focus is on Simon and Kaylee, with a lesser focus on River.
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I have great sympathy for Inara. I did not intend to write her as greedy, selfish, or manipulative--she merely has come to realize that she brings less than River, less persuasively. Her giving her blessing to River and telling Mal there aren't two men like him in the 'verse is surrendering the main part of why she stayed on the ship so long--she's cutting her heart out, Companion-style.
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I also have sympathy for Saffron (although I tried and failed to write a fic about the time she and Mal met during the Battle of Boros in 2507). She's too far gone to change, but was used badly during her formative years--by the time she married Durran Haymer (her first husband), she was who she is now. And she knows it--River's taunting her about not being able to love hurt her deeply.
__________________________________

Speaking of River...my interpretation of her rests heavily on the idea that she's crazy for 4 reasons: The Academy cut her brain, Telepathy/and seeing visions, the torture she underwent, and her being naturally really smart and socially awkward. A lot of her actions in this fic are explainable by the second and fourth reason. Imagine Carrie("Carrie"), Alison ("The Breakfast Club"), and Lainie ("She's All That"), as well as just River.

Friday, November 11, 2005 11:27 PM

ITSAWASH


What? YOu say this might be the end and there's still no full-on satisfaction after the long delay?

Love this line: " “Whatever way of escaping you're thinking of, I won't understand it enough to stop it 'cept by shooting you.” Good ol' Jayne. And great job writing him.


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