Mal walked down from the bridge, chuckling about the marital squabble he was leaving behind. He was halfway down the ladder to his quarters when Kaylee appeared at the other end of the hall. "Cap'n," she said, drawing his attention to her. She hurried over, kneeling next to the hatch for his quarters and resting her chin on her knees. "He still ain't stopping."

"Still?" Mal said, rolling his eyes when the young engineer nodded. He sighed and came back up the ladder.

"It's makin' everyone real uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Mal muttered. "Where is he, the kitchen?"

Kaylee nodded.

Mal led the way, turning the corner and grimacing at what he saw.

Jayne was seated at the table, his huge workman's boots planted next to his plate. He was thumbing through a faded magazine and chomping on an apple. His legs, visible between the lace of the gown and the tops of his boots, were hairy and quite frankly off-putting. He sniffed, flipping a page of the magazine and scratching his belly.

The gown was yellow, the bodice covered with fine lace. It hung off the shoulders, straining against a frame three times the size it had been sewn for. Mal clapped his hands together and said, "All right, Jayne... enough's enough."

The mercenary looked up, arching an eyebrow and ignoring the bit of apple stuck on his bottom lip. "What?" he asked. "You said no feet on the table when we was eatin'. I'm the only one eatin', so..."

"You're the only one eatin' because you're scaring away everyone else on this boat. Job in Centurion was almost a week ago."

"Yeah."

"And I said it was your turn to wear the dress, since I wore it in Triumph."

Jayne nodded. "Right."

"So... it's been a week! You can take the dress off now!" He shifted from one foot to the other. "Quite frankly, it's gettin' a bit disturbing."

Jayne dropped his feet from the table, tossing his magazine aside and standing up. He took a staggered posture, looking like the galaxy's worse drag queen. He scratched his goatee with the back of his hand and said, "Nah... Nah, I think I'll keep it on for a while more."

"You've been wearin' the same clothes for seven days, Jayne. For regular folk? That's disgusting. But for someone like you, it's almost unholy."

Jayne worked his nose and lifted his arm. He inhaled deeply, while Kaylee and Mal felt their eyes watering even from a distance. He shrugged and said, "All right. I'll wash." He seemed incredibly annoyed at this prospect.

He walked past Mal and Kaylee, who stepped aside to give him as wide a berth as possible. He stopped, thought, then looked at Mal. "You were right, Cap'n," he said. "The air flow... it is kinda nice." He reached down, grabbing himself through the material and headed out of the common room.

Mal shook his head, straightening the chairs back to their normal places. Kaylee shuddered and said, "Thanks, Cap'n. It was starting to give me nightmares..."

"Ah, no worries, little Kaylee," Mal winked. "You shoulda seen how stubborn Wash was. Like to've never got him outta Zoe's wedding dress."