Inara smiled happily as her shuttle touched down on Proetus, the next moon across from Bellerophon. It was good to be back on the Core. Not that she would want to live on the Core all the time, but a return visit of limited duration could be lovely. Like Bellerophon, Proetus was predominantly given over to one type of nature, but where Bellerophon was water, Proetus was rolling meadowland, no trees distracted from the glorious sight of the spring meadows, covered with the stars of a multitude of flowers. As she stepped from the shuttle at the arranged meeting place, the Fortunate Buddha Tea House, the scent of a thousand blooms touched her like a kiss. The Tea House, a stately pagoda style pavilion, rose out of the surrounding flowerbeds like a single, towering tree.

Having announced herself to the Tea House matron, she was shown to a delicately furnished tearoom to await her guest. Right on time, the paper screen door slid open to admit Durran Haymer, wearing a kimono. Punctual and stylish, Inara thought she might enjoy this meeting.

“Mr Haymer,” she smiled her beautiful elusive smile, “how good of you to agree to meet me. Some tea?” She turned the cup three quarters of a turn in the accepted manner and began the tea making ceremony.

Durran couldn’t remember the last time he had seen a thing as beautiful as the young Companion before him. With her huge eyes and slender neck she didn’t look out of place among the flowers of Proetus. He was charmed, but wary.

“Ms Serra, you out bloom the other Companions here as a rare orchid out blooms daisies. I am honoured to meet you.” He bowed lightly as he knelt at the low table and took the proffered tea. “However, I’m not stupid. Perhaps we could dispense with the business straight away, allowing us time to enjoy each other’s company? So, please, tell me why you asked to meet me here.”

Inara smiled lightly, “Inara please, Mr Haymer. I believe we have a certain acquaintance in common, one whom my associates and I are anxious to locate. You wife, Mr Haymer, I think when you knew her she was calling herself Yolanda. I wonder, could you help me find her?”

Durran boggled. Whatever he had been expecting Inara’s motives to be, it clearly had not been a search for his errant wife.

“I, well, I …. What makes you think that I know where she is?”

“I had heard that you kept what I am sure would be a paternal eye on her. A wise move, I must say, knowing, as I do, her ability to confound and, dare I speak plainly, swindle.”

“Ah! You do know my wife,” he smiled sadly, “However, Inara,” he smiled gently at her as he used her first name, “she is, after all, still my wife, and difficult as she is, you are right to think I care about her.” He sipped his tea lightly, reminiscently, “she is a troubled girl with a troubled history and my only concern for her is to help her reform, as unlikely as that sounds. If I knew exactly where she was I would be helping her myself. Unfortunately, I don’t know where she is, nor have any of my hirelings managed to find her. She’s elusive when she wants to be. Nevertheless, I think I know which planet she’s hiding out on. But I’m afraid I couldn’t disclose her whereabouts to anyone I thought might wish her harm.”

Inara looked at him kindly and laid a gentle hand on his arm in comfort. “Then I shall tell you exactly why we need to find her and maybe that will sway you. I will also say this. If you tell me where you believe her to be, I think I can give you some reciprocal information about the location of another item of yours you may be interested in, a laser gun of some antiquity?”

Durran’s eyes glittered and he looked up eagerly. “My Lassiter, you know where it is?”

“Not exactly, but let us say I have friends who might be able to track it down for you, for a small fee, of course and in return for the favour you will be doing us…”

“Ms Serra, I hope this is not blackmail.” Durran looked stern, but then sighed wearily, “much as I would love to see the centre piece to my collection returned, the promise of the Lassiter is not enough to buy Yolanda’s whereabouts. Tell me why you’re looking for her.”

Inara dimpled depreciatingly, ”well, Mr Haymer, it’s a matter of some delicacy. Some time ago my associates and I had the misfortune to be, shall we say, preyed upon by your wife. In the course of her scam she contrived to get herself married to one of us without his knowledge and then foisted herself upon us as his wife. This gentleman, and believe me, he is a gentleman, refused to take advantage of your wife, well, almost,” she paused, remembering the circumstances of the crew’s first encounter with Saffron. Then she continued hurriedly, “but she nevertheless contrived to gain control of the ship through her cunning arts and attempted to kill us. The gentleman involved now wishes to marry the mother of his unborn child but cannot, of course, do so until he has obtained a divorce from your wife. We therefore need to locate her and ask her, ever so politely, to provide just that.”

While Inara spoke, Durran’s stern face had relaxed and, by the time she completed her tale of woe, he was laughing gently. “That’s my Yolanda, all right! Well, I’ll tell you where I think she is, provided I have your word of honour as a registered Companion that your, erm, associates won’t hurt her.”

Inara smiled, “I would be happy to give you that assurance and, moreover, if we do find her, once we have obtained what we require, we’ll be more than happy to pass her over to you for, shall we say, safe keeping?”

“On that score,” grinned Durran, “I have a small device which might assist you in keeping track of her, always supposing you find her.”

***

Inara swaned into the galley and almost fluttered onto a chair, just as supper was getting under way. Mal turned to her and raised a curious eyebrow. She looked demure.

“The pigeon has flown the coop.”

“Hunh?” Mal looked at her uncomprehending.

“Work with me here, Mal, I’m trying something new,” she sighed in exasperation.

“What’re you tryin’ precisely, crazy talk?”

“No, I was going for subdued espionage.”

“Gotta tell you, from where I’m sittin’, didn’t take.”

Inara scanned the confused and sniggering faces round the table, “anyone else?”

“Nu-huh!” Wash shook his head, “much as I appreciate playing spy, ‘Nara, and you just gotta love all that trench coatin’ and dead letter drops, I just don’t think you’ve quite got it.”

“Well, I ain’t go the first ruttin’ clue what any a the lot a you’s on about and I don’t much care!” Jayne reached for a roll and masticated heavily.

River looked up form her plate. “She means that Saffron in no longer on Belleorphon, right?” she looked at Inara for confirmation.

“Right!” smiled Inara, “now why couldn’t the rest of you have got that?”

“*Lao tyen yeh*! Takes crazy to know crazy?” suggested Jayne, his mouth still full of food.

“Hey, that’s my sister you’re talking…” began Simon. Kaylee put a soothing hand on his arm and he was momentarily distracted by her dazzling smile.

“OK, well then, now we’ve got the talkin’ gibberish portion of the evening out the way, always saving River may wanna weigh in with some more,” Mal was sarcastic, “care to tell me where the banshee is?”

“She’s on Hangxian somewhere, probably New Peking.”

“See how easy that was?” Mal smiled, “you couldn’t just a said that in the first place?”

Inara gave Mal a withering look and said nothing.

***

Supper was over and Harriet sat at the table watching Inara prepare tea.

“So the meet with Durran Haymer went well?”

Inara considered, “Yes, very well. In fact,” she blushed at the memory, “he’s a remarkably charming man. I might even take him on as a client.”

“So, to sum up, the caper’s goin’ good?”

“Very good, I’d say.”

“Too good, would you say?”

“I don’t know. How can something be too good?”

“All I’m sayin’ is, things goin’ too good often leads to things goin’ too bad, in my experience… ‘Nara, I reckon there’s a hole in the plan.”

Inara looked a little confused, “a hole?”

“A hole!” At that moment Zoë bounced into the room, heading across it towards the cockpit. “Ah! Zoë, exactly who we need!” Zoë looked quizzical. “We appear to be havin’ an impromptu inaugural meetin’ of the Women of Serenity committee and I think you should attend. Reckon as how we got ourselves a hole in the plan.”

Zoë pulled up a chair and sat up to the table. “A hole?”

“Zoë, where’s the Lassiter?” asked Hat.

“Its in one of the smuggling holes, down in the cargo bay. Why?”

“And who knows its there?”

“Me, Wash, the Cap, Jayne. Pretty much everyone.”

Hat sat back with a look of triumph. “Ladies, that’s our hole. All we need is Jayne or, saints preserve us, Mal, getting befuddled by that *jien hwo* hellcat’s wiles and they’ll take her straight to it! We gotta move it, re-stow it somewhere less, you know, well known.”

Zoë nodded. “You got a good point there, Hat. But, where’ll we put it?”

Inara looked amused. “Lets hide it in here. Hat’s here most of the time, she can keep an eye on it.”

Zoë scanned the room. “Where in here though?”

Inara giggled, “let’s tape it under the table,” she stroked the wood of the great table gently as she spoke. “Hide it in plain sight! Who the hell ever looks under the table?”

Zoë nodded, “I’ll go get the gun then, shall I?”

Hat looked on with a satisfied smirk, “I declare the inaugural meeting of the Women of Serenity closed!” She said.

***

Zoë leant against the back of the pilot’s chair, watching her husband in action, as he brought Serenity in to land at the New Peking docks on Hangxian. “You fly this thing good, husband!”

“I do, don’t I?” Wash smiled back up at her.

“You do! But how’s about you put Serenity to bed and we go try a different kind of flyin’?”

Wash looked enthusiastic, “Really? Now? Right, engaging locking sequence!” He had half risen from his chair, an eager and devoted expression on his face, when Mal stomped on to the bridge.

“Zoë, it’s gone!”

“Gone, Sir?”

“The Lassiter, I just been to check on it and it ain’t there.”

“No, Sir.”

“No! What’d’yer mean, no? You telllin’ me you knew it was gone?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Well then,” Mal was annoyed, “d’you mind tellin’ me where it is?”

“Couldn’t say, sir.”

“Couldn’t say as in you don’t know, or couldn’t say as in you won’t tell me?”

Zoë considered, “the second one, Sir.”

Mal spluttered, momentarily at a loss for words. “Zoë, I’m yer Captain. If you know where it’s gone to, you gotta tell me!”

“Sorry, Sir, but can’t. Conflict of loyalties.”

“Conflict of loyalties? What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

“WoS, Sir.”

“Wos??” Mal boggled.

“The Women of Serenity, Sir.”

“So, you’re in a union, now?”

“Not so much a union as a committee, Sir.”

“A Committee?” Mal was shouting, “*Jien tah duh guay*! This is my boat, there ain’t no gorram committees on my boat!”

“‘Scept for WoS, Sir.”

“Zoë, I’m warning you…”

“Easy, Sir, you won’t get on the committee just ‘cos yer voice has gone really really high!” By this point Wash was doubled over with ill contained laughter.

“This is gorram mutiny! Who’s involved? I’m guessing my wi… Hat has something do with this *gou shi*?”

“Well, so far it’s just me, Hat and Inara, but I’m sure Kaylee and River’ll be joinin’ once we recruit them.” Zoë looked defiant.

Mal rubbed an exasperated hand over his eyes, “could you and ‘WoS’ at least confirm that the Lassiter is in a safe place?”

“That we can do, Sir.” Zoë nodded.

“*Ta ma duh*! consider yerself on report, Zoë, for serious insurrection. Guess I better be takin’ this up nearer home.” He stalked from the bridge.

Wash collapsed against Zoë sniggering hysterically. “You choose a fine time to stand up to the Cap, wife.”

Zoë turned a critical eye on her husband, “careful husband, WoS may take you in hand next! Come on, bedtime!” She smiled.

***

Janye was loving his part in the plan, just loving it. He yelled loudly across the bar to the barman for another drink. He wasn’t taking the looking for Saffron thing too seriously. After all, if he found her what need would he have to frequent every sleazy bar he could find and get rat-arsed? He tightened his grip around the willing young-old whore attached to one hip. He might be drunk, but she seemed comely enough, in fact, now that he came to consider it more carefully, she looked remarkably familiar. He swore.

“Gorramit, Saffron, How in hell did you get there? You ain’t the piece of tasty I had under my arm an hour ago!”

“And it’s lovely to see you too, big man!” Saffron smiled winningly. “I thought as how maybe you and I could use a chat and frankly, as I recall, first time you and me met, you were quite keen on having me under you.” Her voice dripped innuendo and despite himself Jayne grinned.

“Well, if yer’ve changed yer mind on that score, about not wantin’ to be wed to me an’ all - yeah, I heard all about that, then I could give you a trial…I hear tell there’s some awful comfy beds in this here place, at the back, behind the bar.” He gestured towards the bar with one hand whilst simultaneously leering hideously at her.

“Maybe later,” she smirked, managing to make a maybe sound like a promise, “but first, how’s about you tell me something….”

“Ohh! *juh jun shr guh kwai-luh duh jin-jun*!” Jayne was suddenly wary, “I ain’t tellin’ you nothin’ woman and it ain’t no good trying any a’ yer wiles on me ‘cos I ain’t stupid as the Cap!”

“Not a bit!” smiled Saffron sweetly, “let me get you another drink.” She beckoned to the barman. “Now, I heard tell as how you and that Captain of yours had had a little falling out.”

“Mayhap we have. Ain’t none a’ your business either way.” Jayne tried to look noncommittal and disgruntled at the same time, like a man drowning his many sorrows in drink. Acting was not his strong suit, but he felt he was playing the part of a drunk with sufficient verisimilitude. The only thing confusing him slightly was the fact that there appeared to be at least two, if not more, Saffrons staring at him. Maybe he’d taken Mal’s instructions to “play it really ruined” a little too seriously.

“See the thing is,” continued Saffron, sipping demurely at her own drink, “it’s a shiny story, you and my husband falling out over selling that grorram gun, you drinking to forget the humiliation, but it just all seems a little too convenient, you know?”

“*Shuh muh*?” Through a fog of alcohol tiny alarm bells were beginning to ring in Jayne’s heavy head. He was pretty sure this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to play out. Mal was gonna space him!

“Seems to me,” continued Saffron amiably, “its all just a little bit too handy. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I admire the planning that’s clearly gone into this. Let me think… you show up here, where I’m known to be hiding out, now only my dear Durran could have told you that, and you put it about that you and Mal have fallen out. What would I be expected to do?” she looked inquisitively at Jayne, pouting slightly. “Why!” she answered her own question without waiting for Jayne to do any more that open and shut his mouth in consternation a few times, “what else but find you and persuade you to help me steal the Lassiter back from Serenity. Am I close? No need to say anything,” she patted Jayne’s gaping cheek soothingly, “I can tell just by looking at you, I’m right, Jayne. You really aren’t that good an actor. Perhaps Mal should have sent the Companion or that cute little button of a mechanic to fool me, but you I can read like a book!”

Suddenly Saffron was all seriousness and Jayne’s expression turned from one of confusion to one of utter attention. Even in the noisy bar, he had heard as well as felt, the cocking of the gun under the table, the cold barrel of which Saffron was now holding against this leg.

“Now, Jayne, I suggest, if you want any possibility of being able to follow through with me later, you contact that *jing-chang mei young duh* husband of mine, any way you see fit and tell him to get his gorram butt down here and explain things. It’s either that or you’re going to be kissing goodbye to your man parts in about thirty seconds time.”

***

Mal threw himself angrily down the ladder into Hat’s bunk, only to find it deserted. He ground his teeth and was startled out of his reverie by a thumping coming from the other side of the wall and his own room. Swearing under his breath, he climbed back out and swung down into his bunk, stopping dead at the ladder’s end. Hat was sitting naked on the end of his bed, calmly darning what appeared to be one of his socks.

“*Wuh de ma*!” Was all Mal could find to say.

Hat looked up, unconcerned; “by now I figure you’ll know we moved the Lassiter, so I reckon you’ll be wantin’ a bit of a fight. Thought I be prepared.”

“Oh and naked is now you prepare to fight with me, is it?”

“Think you’ll find that’s naked AND articulate, Mal. And, yes, it is. Doesn’t hurt to have some diversionary tactics.”

Mal began to unbutton his shirt and undress. “So I’m guessing this isn’t a fight I’m likely to win, then?”

“See?” responded Hat, “the naked thing helps. You’re not half as mad as you were when you came in.”

“Yeah well, I’m finding it hard to concentrate,” Mal admitted, “what are we fightin’ about again, *bao bay*?”

Hat looked sweetly at him, laying down the sock and pulling him to her on the bed. “You’re annoyed,” she stated, her voice muffled as she kissed her way along his torso, “’cos WoS doesn’t trust you to come out a this caper ahead and has taken evasive action…”

“Actually that ain’t it!” Mal reached down and pulled Hat’s shoulders back up the bed so she was facing him. “*Ta ma duh*! I think I only just realised why I’m annoyed. It ain’t the women of Serenity as don’t trust me! Its you, ain’t it, Hat? You think Saffron’ll pull a fast one on me ‘cos I’ll let her. You think I can’t resist that gorram snake? That’s all manner of hurtful, Hat! Now you may think you can get round me by makin’ me forget you don’t trust me, what with all the nakedness and promise of a fall and such…” he waived his arms at her creamy body, “but I’m tellin’ you now, so listen good, you trust me! You believe right here and now that I’d never lie with another woman, that no other woman can give me my fall or I’m gettin’ dressed and I’m goin’ ta sleep in your bunk, WITHOUT YOU, the promise of a mighty fine roll in the hay notwithstanding!”

He glared at her angrily, his lips set in a firm line. Hat looked at him seriously for a long moment and then sighed and smiled tenderly at him, melting against him, her body fitting so neatly, so precisely against his that it made him gasp with shock and pleasure.

“I trust you, my Captain, I really do!” she spoke gently looking into his eyes and then kissed him softly and passionately.

At that very moment, the comm. crackled into life.

“Er, Mal, you may wanna get up here, like, right now!” Wash’s nervous voice was doing a passable impression of Scooby-Doo.

***

Jayne’s face was a worried blur and his voice was strained with unease, as he transmitted over the comm. to a hastily dressed Mal, Wash and a concerned Hat.

“Gorramit, Mal. I din’t do nothing! But Saffron here, she ain’t stupid. She knew we was playin’ her from moment one. She says as how she’ll shoot me if’n you don’t get down here, sort things out and I for one ain’t so sure she’s not being truthsome. Leastways the gun inches form a seriously key part a my anatomy, is more than a little worryin’.”

Mal frowned at the tiny screen. He stood for a long moment, arms crossed, thinking, then he sighed.

“*Tzao gao*! Ok then, tell Saffron I’ll be there in a hour. ‘Till then, sit tight and try to hang on to your manhood!”

The comm. fizzled as Jayne nodded and cut the link.

A stunned silence held the bridge for a few moments. Then Hat burst out, “Mal, tell me you ain’t seriously intendin’ to go meet that vixen?”

Wash nodded agreement, “Hat’s right, Mal, this can’t be good. Saffron will be cookin’ up some scheme, make no mistake.”

“Well, what the *guay* do you two propose? We can’t exactly leave Jayne there to have his stones shot at! I’ll be back in a couple of hours. If I ain’t…well, if I ain’t, you can be fairly sure something’s occurred. If that’s the case, come up with a new plan!”

He kissed Hat softly and ran down the steps from the bridge.

***

Mal slid carefully onto the bar stool facing Saffron. He glanced lightly at a sweaty and nervous Jayne. Clearly Saffron was that little bit too highly strung to allow Jayne to relax into thinking she wouldn’t shoot him.

“YoSaffBridge.” He nodded to her, “gotta say this is a fairly compelling way to get my attention. You couldn’ta just booked us into marriage counselling?”

“Captain Reynolds.” Saffron smiled her greeting.

Not taking his eyes from Saffron, Mal said, “Jayne, you get on back to the ship. I’d like to be alone with my wife.”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice! Bye, crazy lady!” Jayne was up and gone in seconds.

Saffron beamed at Mal. “Now we’re alone! That’s better! Lets go somewhere more private. I believe they’ve got some very nice rooms behind the bar.” Mal nodded, his eyes on Saffron’s gun and led the way to the counter.

***

Mal leant against the wall of the small and rather dingy room, arms crossed, radiating annoyance.

“Well, YoSaffBridge, you wanna tell me what this is about?”

“I thought you’d be telling me, Mal! After all it seems you’ve gone to some fairly elaborate lengths to find me.”

“Cut a long story short, Saffron, I’m needing a divorce and I’d be mighty grateful if you’d give me one, with the modicum of fuss.”

“Uh-huh!” Saffron sat on the small bed, nevertheless managing to ooze sex appeal as she did so. “So you got yourself some prairie harpy you’re wanting to be wed to, have you, Mal? Or wait, I bet its one of your little crew, so dedicated, “doing for each other” as you do, I believe, do. Let’s see now, its not going to be the Companion, too much class to wed herself to a dupe like you… Hang on! I’ve got it, the mouthy little cook. That’s her, isn’t it? I never realised you hankered for shrewish domestication, Captain. I could have cooked and nagged to perfection, if I’d a known that’s what you wanted. I mean, I seen she’s attractive and I seen you looking, but I never thought she’d …” She sighed and rearranged her clothing, so just a few more inches of bare shoulder rose above her dress. “Can’t imagine she’ll be pleased you’ve got yourself in this bit of a situation here. Alone in a room with a temptress like me, what will she say?”

Mal, who’d remained impassive and tight-lipped throughout Saffron’s monologue, opened his mouth to say, “won’t bother her, she knows she can trust me.”

“Ah, but can she though, Mal? I know part of you hankers for me.”

“All I want from you, Saffron, is a divorce. Now, what do I have to do to get it?”

Saffron pouted in disappointment, “I want the Lassiter, Mal, that’s all. It should’ve been mine anyhow.”

Mal shook his head apologetically, “can’t help you there, I’m afraid. Seems my wife-to-be got the drop on you somewhat. The women of Serenity seem to think I can’t handle myself where you’re concerned, so they’ve hidden it. I ain’t got no gorram clue where.”

“Well, then,” said Saffron, not the least perturbed, “you can stay here, sort of, though I don’t like to use such a bald term, like a hostage and I’ll pop to Serenity and find it. I’ll have to tie you up, but soon as I find it, I’ll let you…”

As she spoke, Mal let out a strangled cry. “*Tyen shiao duh*! No way, you ain’t goin’ any where near my ship or my people! I won’t be putting them in danger! We sort this out ourselves!”

“I frankly don’t see that you have a choice, Mal,” said Saffron, looking round to find something to use to tie him up. Several things suddenly happened at once. Mal lunged at Saffron, trying to get passed her to the door, they struggled momentarily and the gun went off like a firecracker in the confined space of the room. Mal dropped to the floor, covered in blood. Saffron, shaking slightly, leant over and turned his body face up. Mal was still and quiet, his carcass unmoving. She sighed heavily, jabbing at Mal with her toe. Then she turned and left the room, locking the door behind her. After all, she’d paid for the entire night.

***

It was early morning and peace reigned on Serenity. Not everyone however was asleep. Kaylee lay in Simon’s arms, tracing patterns delightedly on his naked chest. They whispered to each other in the dark. Just simple lovers’ talk of how they felt for each other and what had brought them together, little observations from their day, how Serenity still needed a new compression coil and how River seemed to have recovered from her last episode.

Suddenly an inhuman wail ripped through the ship, causing Simon to leap form his bed and pull on his trousers and Kaylee to fumble for her clothing. The screaming continued like an alarm, surely no one on the ship was still asleep?

Simon ran to River’s room, the source of the screaming. Book was already there, saying “shh child!” over and over whilst River, his arms around her, sat bolt upright in her bed, the covers thrown back, still screaming, her eyes wide with terror. Simon took one look and said, “Shepherd, you stay with her, try to get her to calm down. I’m going to get a sedative.”

As he tumbled out of the room he ran slap bang into Zoë, who looked at him with concern, “What the *guay*…?”

“River,” he explained and ran on, brushing past Wash and Hat who were also coming along the corridor to see who was making such an unearthly noise.

He returned a few minutes later. River had calmed down a little, but not much. She was still sobbing and muttering “don’t shoot, don’t shoot” to herself. Simon looked up at the worried faces of the crew.

“I can deal with her now, thanks. You should all go back to bed.”

***

All rather shaken and unable to sleep, the rest of the crew gathered in the galley. Book passed around some biscuits and made tea.

“Well, at least we’re all going to get an early start, won’t do any of us any harm.” He smiled softly.

“Girl’s a worry,” said Jayne.

“Anyone else noticed how she gets all hysterical an’ something bad happens?” asked Wash nervously. Several of the others round the table nodded agreement. “Come to think of it,” said Book, thoughtfully, “the Captain should have been back hours ago, shouldn’t he?”

Zoë looked at Book seriously, “You ain’t wrong, Preacher, I got a notion something’s happened.”

Kaylee voiced a concerned “oh no!” and Hat drew in her breath. Inara turned to her with a soft, “It’ll be all right, honey.”

“Cap’s probably just been delayed, right?” asked Kaylee, looking at Zoë for reassurance.

Zoë tried to look comforting, though she wasn’t really feeling it, “I’m sure that’s what it is, “ she soothed, “he’s just been held up is all.”

Jayne looked up and, with his usual lack of tack, stated, “don’t think that’s likely the truth of it at all. Reckon as how the Cap has only gone and got hisself kidnapped again!”