It had been two months since the eventful scenes surrounding Kaylee’s twentieth birthday party. By mutual, unspoken consent, Hat and Mal had kept silent as to their budding relationship and assumed that no one else was aware of it. Hat felt embarrassed and thought she would be teased mercilessly if it was common knowledge that the man she was supposed to hate – or at least spar with incessantly – was actually her lover. Mal, for his part, just couldn’t bear the volley of “I told you so”s he knew he’d be on the receiving end of - especially from Inara the instigator of the union. If there was one thing he hated, it was a Companion in the right!

It wasn’t as if their behaviour had changed. Neither of them was of the demonstrative affection sort and they rowed just as much as they ever had – both in public and in private. It just so happened that making up was a whole ‘Verse of fun more than it used to be. The only irritating grit in the oyster was having to sneak back to a cold bed early each morning – something that palled very quickly and made even the very enjoyable element of secrecy that little bit less pleasurable.

Hat’s alarm clock, lodged under her pillow where she knew she’d hear it, went off and she pulled herself out of a wonderful dream where she was wrapped warmly in a bed with Mal, snoring, next to her -only to discover, it wasn’t a dream at all. It was all still new enough to thrill her again each morning – but it was very hard to be that thrilled at 4.45.

“Mal!” she nudged him gently, “Mal!” He made an unidentifiable sound and tightened his grip round her waist, nuzzling at the back of her neck. “*Wei* MAL!” her voice became insistent.

“Wha’?” he mumbled groggily.

“Time to go back to your own bed. Its 4.45.”

“*Tzao gao* You know yer killing me, don’t you?”

“So you wanna tell everyone we’re up to stuff then, do ya? You really want that humiliation?”

“Not really, but . . . Hey! You really think it’d be humiliating for the crew to know you’re sleeping with me?” He sounded hurt.

“Being honest? A mite!” said Hat, “I mean, come on, Mal! We’re supposed to hate each other. I’ve jacked in all my principles to get me some Captain!”

“Your principles! Hah!” Mal was out of bed, pulling on his trousers. “What about mine? No shipboard romances, remember? ‘They complicate things!’ Remember?” “They surely do seem to, don’t they?” Hat was laughing, as Mal got lost in his shirt. “Just go do yer captainy things, will ya?”

“Now I’m up and had my first spat of the mornin’, I think I will!” The Captain lent over the bed, gathered up his lover in his arms and kissed her soundly. “Go back to sleep, I’ll see you later!”

***

Mal leant against the woolly headrest of the bridge seat and rested his eyes for a few minutes. A resting which inevitably led to visions of a scantily clad Hat, or better still, a naked Hat, cavorting through his skull. He was woken much later by Wash, wandering, yawning, onto the bridge and slumping down next to him in the co-pilot’s chair.

“Please don’t tell me you slept here again last night, Mal. This is becoming a worrying habit!”

“Nah, just got up early is all and clearly fell asleep.” Mal looked round in some surprise, “What the hell time is it, anyhow?”

“Almost 9 in the a.m.”

“*Gou shi* I really didn’t mean to fall asleep! I’m an idiot. How long till we reach Demeter?”

Zoë walked on to the bridge looking fresh as a daisy. “Morning all!”

“About 18 hours, I should say,” said Wash.

“Shiny. Zoë and me, we go in, find the bar, get the lead and get out. Don’t want to stay there any longer than necessary. I hate that gorram moon!”

“Only ‘cos last time we were there you had one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever seen a person survive, Sir” said Zoë, managing to make the “Sir” sound antsy.

“Weren’t the hangover so much as the two back eyes, if I remember rightly,” grinned Wash.

“Well, whatever it was,” said Mal, “I ain’t fixing on reliving it, if its all the same to you two!”

“You go ahead, Sir,” said Zoë soothingly, “just remember not to drink the poocheen this time, is all. Just came to tell my husband, and I’ll tell you too, Hat’s cooking up some chow in the galley, I’d move it if you wanna get some.”

“Already gone,” said Wash, heading out the door, “is it pancakes? Hope its pancakes!”

*** “So what’s Demeter like?” Simon asked, leaning across the table to reach a rice cake.

“Oh, its shiny!” Smiled Kaylee, “has a great bazaar and loads a those low down, dirty bars – Cap hates it though, don’t figure on why.”

“Perhaps ‘cos last time he was there he got sloshed and started a fight with the biggest Alliance goons I ever seen”, put in Jayne. “If it weren’t for Zoë we’d still be lookin’ for bits a him!”

“Ah, wacky fun!” sighed Wash; wandering in and sticking his nose into the pan Hat was heating on the stove. “So there is pancakes! Just as I thought. Can I get eggs with mine?”

“Yup!” smiled Hat. “But you’ll need to pass ‘em to me from the basket.”

“You look a bit peaky this morning, Hat, you don’t mind my sayin’,” said Zoë, coming in behind her husband, “you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, Just a bit tired, is all”, said Hat and then completely disproved her statement by looking a the egg she’d just cracked into a bowl, tuning green, swallowing heavily and running from the room, pushing past Mal as she ran. Mal watched her go with some confusion.

“Never figured I had quite that effect on women,” he shrugged and pulling up a chair, helped himself to a pancake.

“I think I’ll go check she’s all right,” said Zoë.

*** “Hey, you ok?” Mal had the grace to look a little more concerned, when Hat returned shakily, accompanied by Zoë, some 10 minutes later. She nodded and sank into a chair, reaching for some coffee.

Zoë wrinkled her nose. “Let’s just say Hat’s eaten something that mightily disagrees with her!” She said.

“Knew my cookin’d be the death of me,” smiled Hat ruefully. “Must have been dinner last night. Anyone else feelin’ queasy?”

Simon scanned the room. “It doesn’t appear so, but if anyone does start to feel off colour, let me know. Hat, if you stop by the infirmary later, I can give you something that’ll take the edge off the nausea. Plus, we can run some tests, see if we can pinpoint what’s causing it.”

He looked so enthusiastic Hat scowled. “You been a bit bored lately, Doc? I ain’t fixin’ to be no lab bunny!”

“It’ll just be a couple of tests,” said Simon hastily, “but it’ll be good to know what you did wrong for next time!”

“Yeah,” Mal was serious. “We really ain’t needin’ a whole heap a sick people, worst thing that can happen way out in the Black. So you two, sort it out.”

*** Hat stuck her head around the infirmary door. “Simon, you said if I came round later, you’d give me something? I’m still feeling pretty queasy.”

Simon turned and smiled, “’course, come in, Hat. Sit up on the bed and lets have a look at you.”

Hat stepped into the infirmary and closed the door behind her. “Actually, Doc,” began Hat, looking Simon squarely in the face, “I don’t think a whole heap of tests is gonna be necessary. I think I know what’s wrong with me.”

***

“Yup,” said Simon, turning back round to face Hat, “you’re definitely pregnant. Er, congratulations, I guess!”

“Thanks!” said Harriet dryly.

“Is it congratulations?” he asked curiously.

“I think so, well, I s’pose so,” said Hat slowly, “its just, well, this is gonna be a little awkward, is all.”

“I take it the father doesn’t know yet?” said Simon. Hat shook her head. “Speaking of which,” he went on, “we’ve been in the black for a few weeks now and I don’t remember you leaving the ship last time we docked, so . . “ he paused, looking at Hat, who had the decency to blush, “we have a few candidates. One’s a married man, one’s a Shepherd – and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t indulge – then, don’t get me wrong, I would be flattered, but I’m sure I would have noticed if we were having sex, so that leaves Jayne and . . .”

“Give me a little credit!” snapped Harriet, “I’d hardly mate with a half-man half-baboon! That’d be inter-species ruttin’!”

“So we’re talking. .” Simon paused and looked at her questioningly.

“Yes, go on,” sighed Hat, restlessly, “you can say it, we’re talking the Captain. We’re talking Malcolm surprisingly gorram fertile Reynolds!”

“Ah,” Simon was sententious. “and how long . . ?”

“Two months, not that it’s any of your business, Doctor.” Said Hat reprovingly.

“Yes, but I can see why you’re a little nervous, any idea how he’d take the advent of a, of a . .” Simon didn’t seem to be able to bring himself to acknowledge the idea of Mal’s child.

“A mini-Mal?” Harriet finished for him, “No, I’ve no idea and you know him, he doesn’t really talk that much about . . . and he’s so pessimistic! I mean, maybe he’d think it was great – To be honest, I think its pretty shiny,” she smiled wistfully, “a little Mal runnin’ around’d be kinda cute! But what if he thinks it’s the worse news in the ‘Verse? What if he hates the idea – I mean, we ain’t been together long – we’ve no idea where it’s goin’ and we ain’t even told anyone.”

“Well,” said Simon, “practically speaking, you know where it’s going to go in about 7 and a half months and you’re going to have to tell him soonish. There comes a point when these things become pretty obvious. . ”

“*Lao tyen* I know,” sighed Hat, her head in her hands, “but until I do,” she looked up, “this conversation is strictly between ourselves, if you want to keep yer own baby makin’ equipment!”

“Hey,” Simon was hurt, “I’d never breach patient confidentiality, anyhow.”

“So, lets get to the practicalities, give me something to stop the whole throwing up when I look at eggs routine and I’ll leave you to enjoy what’s left of your day!”

***

“So you’re ok then?” Asked Mal, leaning over Hat’s shoulder to poke at the stir-fry she was preparing.

“Yup,” Hat nodded, “Simon gave me a clean bill of health, so you can all stop goin’ on about it!”

“Hey! We’re just concerned, is all!”

“Well, no need to be, as previously stated, I’m fine. I just clearly got a lot to learn about cookin’ week-old chicken. Now you think you could round up the gang for supper?”

Mal saluted, but behind her back where there was no risk of being seen and headed for the comm.

***

“So,” said Wash, looking up from his plate “I’m thinkin’ we should actually all accompany you on this tricky “getting drunk and getting a job” mission!”

Zoë glared at him and then shot a look at Mal, “Wrong order, Husband, its job first, drink after and I’m sure me, Jayne and the Cap can manage, thank you!”

“Nah, I think it’s a shiny idea!” said Kaylee. “We hardly ever get to go out together and Demeter is such a nice place! Please, Cap’n, can we all come?”

Mal scowled, “this is business, Kaylee, we don’t muck about with business.”

“But you did say you were just going to a bar”, pointed out Simon.

“Sounds to me,” put in Inara, as she helped herself to more rice, “like more of a crowd would give you more cover, you know, more of a back story, help you blend in?”

“Oh, ‘cos a companion, a preacher and a lunatic, no offence,” Mal smiled at River, “are really gonna help me blend in!”

“None taken,” said River sweetly, and reached a roll off Mal’s plate with a cheeky grin.

“I’ll keep a close hand on River, Captain,” Simon assured him, “I think it would be good for her to get out and see something other than Serenity, provided its safe, of course. It is safe, isn’t it?”

Mal nodded, “one thing you can say about Demeter – ain’t got much of an official Alliance presence. That moon’s a bit too wild for them!”

“Well then,” said Jayne, “I can’t figure we got much of a problem takin’ them along.”

Mal glared at him, “Jayne, you ain’t helpin’ and why are you so keen for a mass outin’ all of a sudden?”

Hat sniggered, handing round the rice, “perhaps its got somethin’ to do with who’s gonna pay for drinks?”

Jayne glowered at her. “Hey, I buy my own when it’s called for! I ain’t tight!”

“’Course you ain’t, Jayne,” said Hat sarcastically, still laughing.

***

The following evening, the crew headed for the bar. They found it as advertised, sleazy, dirty and dark. What little light there was, was coming from low-slung red lamps. These gave the tables, glasses and the drinkers a faintly roseate glow. It was cosy and meant that you couldn’t really see the cockroaches, which was an added blessing. The music was provided by an odd band in one corner, but was low enough to give atmosphere yet not drown out conversation. The crew were ensconced in a corner table, with seats running along the two walls. Jayne, Zoë and Wash sat on stools, their backs to the rest of the bar. Jayne and Wash were hunched over the table, reducing the necessity to shout, but Zoë sat back and half turned, with a weather-eye to the rest of the clientele.

Mal wandered up and pulled out a stool. “Well, looks like we got ourselves a job,” he remarked casually, nodding to a couple of rugged looking men at a distant table. “We’re to meet at a rendezvous spot, day after tomorrow for further details, but its lookin’ like yer basic smuggling caper.”

“Congratulations, Captain!” Inara raised her tiny glass of gloopy pink liquor to him, “and what exciting cargo have you got lined up this time?”

Mal tapped the side of his nose, “aha! That’s for me to know, thank you! But, I’ll tell yer for nothin’, ain’t no wobbly-headed dolls!”

Inara laughed and sipped her drink. The laughter became general as everyone joked and threw ribald stories back and forth. Everyone, bar Mal who’d been forced to drink hard to clinch the deal, seemed pleasantly merry. Even Jayne was drunk enough to volunteer to get the next round. Once the chorus of amused shock and fake fainting fits had subsided, Jayne began taking orders.

“Wash,” Zoë was firm, “no more poocheen. If yer gonna drink more, will you please stick to sake – I ain’t gonna carry you back to the ship!”

“You are so mean!” said Kaylee, unaware that she was incurring the wrath of a warrior woman, “I’ve had as much as Wash an’ I ain’t the least bit drunk.”

“Well, you hold it better’n my husband!” laughed Zoë.

“Ow! That hurts!” wined Wash, followed by a quick “I’ll have a sake,” directed at Jayne.

“The poocheen is pretty gorram weak, as I recall!” said Mal happily, “same again for me!”

Hat exchanged a look with Simon, “I’ll just have a Blue Sun I reckon, thanks Jayne, what with feelin’ rough yesterday, don’t fancy alcohol!”

Jayne didn’t argue, happy that his round was going to come in cheap and headed for the bar. Zoë, however, hadn’t missed the look at Simon or Hat’s order and now she was both curious and not stupid.

“Hang on a sec . . just hang on . . . ” she began, “you were feelin’ sick yesterday and now you ain’t drinkin’ alcohol and you been lookin’ a bit different recently, one might almost say, bloomin’ . . . ”

Wash looked at his wife bemusedly and then, understanding, grinned, “There maybe somethin’ you wanna tell us, Hat?” he asked mischievously.

Hat glared at them both, willing them to shut the hell up, but now the whole table was looking curious and light was clearly beginning to dawn on several faces. Inara smiled smugly. “I wondered how long it would take . . ” she began.

Zoë cut in with “and what’s he think, then?” nodding at Mal.

Hat glared again as strongly as she could. Mal was looking on in downright confusion. A mixture of alcohol and disbelief was clearly slowing his synapses. “I haven’t told him yet”, snapped Hat, tetchily, “and this is really not the way I wanted to do it. So, thanks, Zoë, everyone, thanks a bundle!” She swallowed hard and turned to face Mal, who, in the face of all evidence as to his usual swift comprehensive skills, was still looking thoroughly bewildered. “Mal, you’re gonna be a father,” she said.

There was a pause. “Mal, say something,” Inara prompted, “Hat’s going to have a baby!”

Jayne chose that moment to stagger back to the corner, carrying a tray full of drinks, which he set down, mouth agape. “*Wuo duh ma*! Yer what?” He stared open mouthed at Harriet, “who’s is it?” followed swiftly and defensively by “t’ain’t mine!”

“Well, no,” smiled Hat, “I think I would have noticed!”

“It’s the Cap’s, of course,” pointed out Kaylee, “Come on, Jayne, don’t tell us you ain’t noticed! Hat and Mal?” she prompted, “ever since my birthday? Oh please!”

“*Ai ya*! Gorramit!” swore Hat, “you ain’t tellin’ me you all knew and we’ve been sneakin’ round like a coupla *yu bun duh* kids?”

“To be honest it was fairly obvious, even to me,” pointed out Book, “and I’m none too observant where this kind of thing’s concerned!”

“We thought the skulkin’ bit was kinda cute, so we didn’t mention it,” explained Wash.

“After all, you did seem to want it that way,” put in Kaylee.

“I didn’t know!” growled Jayne, “Why’d no one tell me?”

“Oh this is all just shiny!” sighed Hat, her glance drawn back to Mal who was still pop-eyed.

“I’m gonna be a father?” said Mal suddenly. “I’m gonna be a father!” He looked up, shiny eyed and silly smiled at Hat, who put her head in her hands.

“Oh, this is so much worse than I feared. Mal, that’s exactly what we don’t need, you gettin’ soft!”

“Well, I think its sweet,” put in Inara.

“Ain’t that,” said Mal, “Its jus’, well, its not like I was expecitn’ it, but, to tell the truth, I’m pretty pleased! I mean, I ain’t sure what kinda father I’ll make, I ain’t had much to learn from, but at least the critter’ll have you, Hat!” He stood up, leant over the table to where Hat was sitting by the wall and picked her up bodily, lifting her over the table to hug her to him, “our kid’s gonna be so shiny, I swear it!”

Then he seemed to think. He paused. “Hang on a minute, this bar ain’t safe. Fights start all the time! I was about to start one my own self! You should get back to the ship right now, this ain’t right, not in your condition!”

Hat pushed herself out of the circle of his arms and looked at him warningly. “Don’t make me hurt you, Malcolm Reynolds!“ she said.

***

“No way! We ain’t jumpin’ on this band-wagon! *Dong ma*?” Wash clicked the controls, taking the ship back in to the Black, away from Demeter and heading for the rendezvous point. “A baby ain’t a fashion statement. We ain’t doin’ the whole ‘well, they got one so we should’ thing! Its *kwong-chee duh*!”

Zoë sighed heavily and stared earnestly at her husband. “That ain’t what I’m saying. You just keep on as how it ain’t ever a perfect time but this could be . . “ She was pleading, “just think about it! We’d only need one person to look after both babies, I could still work . . . “

“And we’d also have two pregnant women on the ship at once – a wash with hormones and trouble,” put in Wash, “real tweaked fun!”

“Will you just think about it?” asked Zoë softly, “I really want this, Wash and I ain’t gonna stop wanting it, and when it happens it might not be such a good time!” she warned.

Wash looked at her lovingly, “I really want it to, you know I do, all I’m saying is, it doesn’t have to be right now, just ‘cos Hat’s pregnant!”

Mal hopped through the open door, “Hat’s pregnant? Oh yeah, so she is!” He was sickeningly cheerful. “Sorry,” he apologised, “just like sayin’ it, is all. Did ya know, Zo, I’m gonna be a dad?”

“Yes, Sir, I had heard something to that effect.”

“And I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank you, Mal,” Wash glared, “on behalf of the other men on this ship! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for makin’ all the women broody as hell!”

Mal looked surprised, “Hey? You thinkin’ a havin’ one yerself, Zoë? You go for it! The more the merrier, I say! We all set for the rendezvous?”

Wash nodded, open mouthed as Mal grinned and ran back down the steps.

“*Tyen shiao duh*! There is something really wrong with him!” said Wash “The Captain positively cheery, it just ain’t natural!”

Zoë, who’d watched Mal’s jaunty exit in some astonishment, nodded, “believe me, husband, I’m right there with you!”

***

The pick-up had been made on a lonely little, dusty and deserted moon and the crew were sitting, in soft light around the table eating supper and gently digesting both it and the revelations of the previous few days. Hat was running mighty low on food stocks, so the meal consisted of rice and protein, but everyone seemed to be tucking in anyhow.

Inara was looking down at something round and shiny in her hands. She looked up, “snow globes, we’re smuggling snow globes!” She sounded pretty amused.

Mal glanced up, chopsticks laden with rice half way to his mouth, “that we are, but not just any snow globes, mind you. These are the crème de la snow globe crème – the King of snow globes. Each one contains a replica of one of the seven wonders of the ‘Verse being, you know, snowed on.” Inara smirked.

“Well, I like ‘em!” Jayne looked up. He had somehow managed to ferret out from among the cargo one of each kind of globe and had lined them up in front of him, where he was now studying them intently, “’ticularly like the one with those bioluminescent lake thingys off of Ariel – it glows in the dark!”

“But that would never happen – snow on Ariel!” put in Wash, “its unnatural – like a ruttin’ nuclear winter! It’s scary! Plus when you turn them upside down the fake snow sticks to the glass – how tacky is that?”

Zoë screwed round in her chair to eye him warily, “You’re very “up” tonight, Husband!” she said dryly.

“I think they’re shiny!” put in Kaylee, “I love the hanging gardens of Shinon, they’ve got those gardens to really . .um . . hang!” Simon smiled over at her enthusiasm.

“Can I keep one?” asked River.

“Nope.” Mal was adamant. River stuck out her tongue at him. “Well, maybe – but only one . . and the rest of you, you all gonna put them right back, you hear?”

“Where exactly are we deliverin’ these pretties?” asked Hat, gathering up plates.

“Persephone.”

“Shiny! We really are down to brass tacks food wise. It’ll give me a chance to stock up on some provisions.”

“Uh-uh” Mal shook his head, “not after last time. You’re staying on Serenity – its too dangerous!”

Hat laughed, “Mal, don’t be so ridiculous!”

Mal shook his head more emphatically, “Nope, you ain’t goin’. I ain’t putting my wife and unborn child in the way of harm! You can give me a list.”

“Mal yer bein’ stu . . . .” Hat paused and stared, “Whoa there, mister, your wha’??”

Mal looked up unconcernedly, “I jus’ thought as how we’d be gettin’ married. After all, you are carrying my child!”

“Ever the traditionalist!” sniggered Wash.

“*Jien tah duh guay*! Mal,” Hat’s astonishment made her unsubtle, “I ain’t marryin’ you!”

“And why not?” Mal was incredulous.

“Do you really want to discuss this in front of the entire crew?” asked Hat, snippily.

“Why not? They seem to know pretty much all our business ‘fore we do ourselves anyhow!”

“Right well, I ain’t marryin’ you ‘cos . . . you didn’t ask properly . . um . . . I like my independence and oh, oh!” Hat smiled as she delivered what she clearly considered to be the clincher, “yer already married, Malcolm Reynolds!”

Book looked up, “I believe the young lady’s got a point there, Captain.”

“Yeah,” said Hat, “you wouldn’t be so much a husband as a bigamist!”

“Ohh! That’s bad, bigamy!” grinned Wash, who was loving this just a little bit too much. His amusement earned him a glare form his wife.

Mal stood up and shrugged, collecting in the snow globes, “ain’t a problem. So we just go find Yo-Saf-Bridge and get a divorce - at gun point, if needs be.” He smiled a tight “I win” smile at Hat and headed from the room.

Hat sank down on a chair and gazed after him mournfully, “Well, looks like I’m just gonna have to kill him”, she sighed.