The Yellow Polka-Dot Dress
Monday, March 28, 2005

Jayne falls asleep on the job.


Disclaimer: Firefly is the creation of Joss, not me. I just like to play around with his characters.

Summary: Jayne falls asleep on the job.

Authors Notes: Okay this is one of those stories that came to me during the wee hours of the night. Inspired by a Firefly Friday Challenge and that song about an “itzy bitzy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini”, I bring you this short little tale about Jayne. Feedback is always appreciated. =o)

The Yellow, Polka-dot Dress By KaySky

It had been nearly 72 hours since Jayne Cobb had any sleep. He’d chosen to spend the two previous nights partaking in some bedroom aerobics with a beautiful young hooker he had met at the local pub. Tonight, the third night, he wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he couldn’t.

They hadn’t realized until after they had left planet side that there was a stowaway on board. This stowaway wasn’t a good one either. He’d heard about the brother and sister fugitives and wanted nothing more than the insanely massive price tag the Alliance had placed on the Tam’s heads. He couldn’t be trusted. He must be guarded at all times, were Mal’s exact orders.

So that’s what Jayne did. He stood outside the door of the little holding room aboard Serenity. He stood there, waiting, wanting nothing more than sleep, but knowing he couldn’t have that for awhile.

“JAYNE!!” Mal screamed. “JAYNE!”

“Huh?” He rubbed his eyes, slowly allowing them to open. “What’s going on?” He said groggily.

“What’s going on?” Mal laughed. “I ain’t the one in a dress and makeup.”

“Huh?” Jayne looked down at himself. He was sporting a pink dress with yellow polka-dots. It was absolutely the most hideous thing he’d ever seen. He brushed his fingers against his lips. He felt the lipstick.

“Good morning, Jayne.” Simon said cheerfully as he walked into the kitchen. “Good morning, Mal.”

“You!” Jayne jumped up out of his seat and screamed at Simon. “You did this to me!”

“Jayne, I hope you really don’t believe I’d partake in your silly, little, childish games.” Simon said seriously, but there seemed to be something hiding behind his serious facade. Perhaps it was somewhat of a devious grin.

“Pink is your color.” Kaylee giggled as she walked into the kitchen. “Although, I think polka-dots went out of style some time ago on the earth-that-was.”

Remembering his job, Jayne turned to Mal. “Where’s the stowaway?”

“What stowaway?” Mal couldn’t help but laugh at Jayne again. His mascara was running.

“I was supposed to be watchin’ him.” For the first time he realized he wasn’t standing outside of the holding room, but standing inside the kitchen.

“The only thing you were supposed to be doing was cleaning the kitchen.” Mal continued to laugh. “I guess you feel asleep on the job.”

“Good morning, Jayne!” Wash was rather chipper as he walked into the kitchen. “That’s a beautiful dress. Where’d you get it?” Wash, too, had a rather incriminating look to his face.

“YOU!” Jayne was outraged. “You did this!”

“My husband would never do such a thing.” Zoe said as she walked into the kitchen. “Besides, he spent the night taking off clothes, not putting them on.” Zoe grinned at her husband.

“Jayne, I thought you would have known to come to me if you wanted to wear a dress.” Inara said as she paraded into the kitchen shortly after Zoe. “As a companion, I have a great knowledge about creating the right look for a certain person.” She couldn’t keep a straight face any longer. She let out a tiny laugh. “Sweetie, that dress is absolutely repulsive.”

Everyone was laughing as Shepherd Book walked into the kitchen. “Oh my, what is going on here?” The Shepherd couldn’t believe his eyes. Cross-dressing was not something he agreed with. He didn’t think it agreed with Jayne either. Shepherds weren’t supposed to be judgmental, but Jayne made one hell of an ugly woman.

“Lessons are learned everyday.” River skipped happily into the kitchen behind Book. “Today’s lesson, don’t fall asleep on the job.”

The End.


Tuesday, March 29, 2005 2:50 AM


Sweetly funny. Liked Simon's 'innocent' reaction, Wash's fasion inquiry and - best of all - Book's "Shepherds weren't supposed to be judgmental, but Jayne made one hell of an ugly woman."

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 4:01 AM


Absolutely brilliant! I laughed so much just imaginging this playing out in my head. I think the most likely culprits are Simon and River but will we ever know? And Jayne making an ugly woman? Maybe it was Mal getting his own back on Jayne for that comment he made when they were in the wagon and Mal was in the dress and bonnet. "How could you shame me in front of new folk?" Yup, payback is a bitch... Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 8:22 AM


LOL! This is brilliant! Great story!

I loved everyone's reactions. You've captured the all character voices really well!

(Mal's initial response was completely in character:)

“What’s going on?” Mal laughed. “I ain’t the one in a dress and makeup.”

Keep up the supershiny work! :)


Tuesday, March 29, 2005 9:40 PM


very funny. i liked everybody's reactions. nice little light story.

no power in the verse

Monday, April 4, 2005 9:31 AM


Okay, this made me laugh out loud! Great little story!

Sunday, May 22, 2005 7:00 AM


-giggle- That was so shiny! I loved what everyone said/did as a primary reaction. I liked Zoe and Wash's thing, that was cute. And that Book logic sounds like Book's logic. And River's comment was so . . . River! Great job on this!

Keep Flyin'!

- Pazuzu

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 7:41 AM


Great story. I had no trouble seeing it inside my head :) Very funny!

Thursday, October 20, 2011 4:30 PM


HAHAHAHA SHINY! I like Rivers bit at the endXD


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