Everyone Has To Have A Hobby
Friday, June 3, 2011

Another in my occasional, totally not MAYA pre-Rayne short tales. Written for a prompt, but I won't tell you which, yet! See the author's note at the end. Oh, and totally no OCs and set post-Miranda, so everyone can enjoy! And heed the rating, people - it's suggestive! STANDALONE


“Hey, doc.”


“That ain't very polite.”

“I’m busy, Jayne. What is it?”

“You don’t look busy.”

“I am.”

“You’re just writing.”

“That’s what I’m busy at.”

“Only most folks I know don’t write for fun.”


“Or write much at all.”


“Guess they’ve got other things on their mind.”

“And what’s on yours?”


“On your mind, Jayne.”

“Oh. Yeah. Your sis.”

“Have you been annoying River again?”


“Don't try the innocent look, Jayne. It doesn’t work.”

“That hurts my feelings.”

“You have feelings?”

“Yeah. Least sometimes.”

“Dear Buddha, the leer is worse. Go back to the innocent. And what about River?”

“She’s not ... more crazy than usual?”

“Not particularly. In fact the medication I have her on seems quite effective. Of course the results may not last, but there are some detrotriamine derivatives I can try combining with ... No, Jayne. My sister is not more crazy than usual.”

“Oh. Shiny.”

“Um, Jayne?”




“Why are you asking.”



“No reason.”

“I could ask Mal to order you to tell me.”

“There ain’t nothing to tell. I'm only checking. Seeing as she went after me with a butcher’s knife that time.”

“Well, you got your own back, didn’t you? You tried to sell us.”

“Uh ...”

“So you’re planning on cleaning your guns on the kitchen table again? Lovely.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it.”


“Never mind.”

“Jayne –”

“Thanks, doc. You can get back to your pansy ass writing again.”

“I'm not a ... Oh, go away.”

Jayne took his advice and ambled out of the infirmary, heading back to his bunk.

For a moment Simon felt a vague sense of unease trickle down his spine, but he shook it off. Jayne was obviously going to do ... whatever it was he did for hours on end – and that was better out of sight and out of mind – while River was taking a nap in her quarters. Nothing to worry about. Then he noticed a spelling mistake in his notes on Mal’s latest bullet wound, and all thought of anything untoward vanished as he quickly corrected it, tutting quietly to himself.

Jayne popped the hatch to his bunk and climbed down the ladder.

She was waiting, still in the same position as she’d been when he left.

“Well?” River asked.

“He says you’re no crazier’n normal. Which ain’t saying much.”

“I think it says a lot.” She eased her crossed legs slightly.

“Anyways, I ‘spect you were listening.”

“I’m trying to be good.”

“Can't say it’s working.” He moved further into the small room, slightly hampered by the shiny metal pole she’d somehow managed to install.

“You have a doctor’s word,” she pointed out, flexing her toes. “My brother’s word.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t necessarily believe him that it was snowing ‘less I was standin’ in a blizzard.”

She shook her head, her dark hair – shining and tangle-free for once – dancing around her naked shoulders. “I am not crazy. Not unless there’s an ‘R’ in the month.”

His forehead crinkled. “What’s the date?”

She waved it away. “Anyway, I’m sure Simon would write it down for you if you asked nicely.”

“See, I knew you was peekin’.”

Trying to be good. I'm not saying I was totally successful.” She stretched, and the thin strip of red gauze over her small breasts moved of its own accord. “If Jayne doesn’t want to be my audience, I can go elsewhere.”

He’d been staring. “Uh, no,” he said, annoyed at himself for speaking too quickly. “’Less you do,” he added, much more nonchalantly.

“I don’t.”

“Then ... no, I’ll watch. Make sure you don’t fall ‘n’ hurt yourself.”

“I never fall.” She got smoothly to her feet, adjusting the scarlet G-string around her narrow hips. “Sit down.”

“’Kay.” He took her place, somehow feeling the almost indecent heat from her body still in the rumpled sheet. She adjusted him minutely, making sure he was the optimum distance from the pole so he could get the full effect without being in danger of getting a foot – or any other portion of her anatomy – in his eye.

“You sure you know what you’re doing?”

She took hold of the pole, wrapping her pale fingers delicately around it. “I watched it very carefully.”

“You know your bro’d have a fit if he knew what you’d been doing.”

“Not doing anything. Yet.” She swung backwards and forwards.

“I mean watching porn on the Cortex.”

“It wasn’t porn. It was ... educational.” She smiled, and someone altogether uncrazy gazed at him out of her eyes. “How else would I learn how to seduce you?”

“Only Mal’s gonna space me if he finds out.” He watched her movements, finding them almost hypnotic.

“We’d better not tell him, then.” She lifted herself up with little apparent effort, until both feet were above her head, her thighs clasped around the pole. “And I have other things I’d like to try before that.” One leg uncurled and pointed at him. “But that will come later.”

“Uh ... moonbrain?”

“Yes, Jayne?”

“This don’t mean nothing.”

“You’re right. It means ... everything.” From her upside down position she licked her lips.

Cao,” Jayne whispered, and knew she was right.


A.N.: This was for the prompt from GoddessofBirth ‘River watches porn’, and I hope you enjoyed it!


Friday, June 3, 2011 8:04 PM


Oh ho ho ho ho...Simon is REALLY gonna want to not know what's going in in Jayne's bunk right now! I think for once, Simon's ignorance of the world around him is gonna be a benefit...though I gotta wonder how River got a stripper pole into Jayne's bunk, without being seen. That and how she's gonna try out some moves...crew bunks barely looked big enough to move a few paces in any direction ;D

Mucho awesome work here, Jane0904!! River, Jayne and Simon's voices were totally spot on and I could totally see Simon and Jayne taking potshots at each other like what went on here :D

Saturday, June 4, 2011 8:28 AM


=) Love it. River is such a naughty girl.

Monday, June 6, 2011 7:37 AM


mmmm....Summer on a stripper pole....

Ill be in my bunk

Monday, November 28, 2011 3:33 PM


wow....ill b in my bunk....... :)


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Now and Then - a Christmas story
“Then do you have a better suggestion? No, let me rephrase that. Do you have a more sensible suggestion that doesn’t involve us getting lost and freezing to death?”

[Maya. Post-BDM. A little standalone festive tale that kind of fits into where I am in the Maya timeline, but works outside too. Enjoy!]

Monied Individual - Epilogue
"I honestly don’t know if my pilot wants to go around with flowers and curlicues carved into his leg.”
[Maya. Post-BDM. The end of the story, and the beginning of the last ...]

Monied Individual - Part XX
Mal took a deep breath, allowing it out slowly through his nostrils, and now his next words were the honest truth. “Ain’t surprised. No matter how good you are, and I’m not complaining, I’ve seen enough battle wounds, had to help out at the odd amputation on occasion. And I don’t have to be a doc myself to tell his leg ain’t quite the colour it should be, even taking into account his usual pasty complexion. What you did … didn’t work, did it?”
[Maya. Post-BDM. Simon has no choice, and Luke comes around.]

Monied Individual - Part XIX
“His name’s Jayne?”

“What’s wrong with that?” the ex-mercenary demanded from the doorway.

“Nothing, nothing! I just … I don’t think I’ve ever met a man … anyone else by that name.”

“Yeah, he’s a mystery to all of us,” Mal said. “Even his wife.”

[Maya. Post-BDM. Hank's not out of the woods yet, and Mal has a conversation. Enjoy!]

Monied Individual - Part XVIII
Jayne had told him a story once, about being on the hunt for someone who owed him something or other. He’d waited for his target for three hours in four inches of slush as the temperature dropped, and had grinned when he’d admitted to Hank that he’d had to break his feet free from the ice when he’d finished.
[Maya. Post-BDM. The Fosters show their true colours, Jayne attempts a rescue, and the others may be too late.]

Snow at Christmas
She’d seen his memories of his Ma, the Christmases when he was a boy on Shadow, even a faint echo of one before his Pa died, all still there, not diminished by his burning, glowing celebrations of now with Freya.

[Maya. Post-BDM. A seasonal one-off - enjoy!]

Monied Individual - Part XVII
Jayne hadn’t waited, but planted a foot by the lock. The door was old, the wood solid, but little could stand against a determined Cobb boot with his full weight behind it. It burst open.

[Maya. Post-BDM. The search for Hank continues. Read, enjoy, review!]

Monied Individual - Part XVI
He slammed the door behind him, making the plates rattle on the sideboard. “It’s okay, girl, I ain't gonna hurt you.” The cook, as tradition dictated, plump and rosy cheeked with her arms covered to the elbows in flour, but with a gypsy voluptuousness, picked up a rolling pin.

[Maya. Post-BDM. Kaylee finds the problem with Serenity, and Jayne starts his quest. Read, enjoy, review!]

Monied Individual - Part XV
“Did we …” “We did.” “Why?” As she raised an eyebrow at him he went on quickly, “I mean, we got a comfy bunk, not that far away. Is there any particular reason we’re in here instead?” “You don’t remember?” He concentrated for a moment, and the activities of a few hours previously burst onto him like a sunbeam. “Oh, right,” he acknowledged happily.

[Maya. Post-BDM. A little with each Serenity couple, but something goes bang. Read, enjoy, review!]

“Did we …” “We did.” “Why?” As she raised an eyebrow at him he went on quickly, “I mean, we got a comfy bunk, not that far away. Is there any particular reason we’re in here instead?” “You don’t remember?” He concentrated for a moment, and the activities of a few hours previously burst onto him like a sunbeam. “Oh, right,” he acknowledged happily.

[Maya. Post-BDM. A little with each Serenity couple, but something goes bang. Read, enjoy, review!]