Archangel – Chapter Seven Author owns no rights to Firefly, and no copyright infringement is intended ---------------------- Jayne was packing when there was a timid knock at his door. He opened it, not quite surprised to see Kaylee there. “Hi, Kaylee. What’s up?” “Can I come in?” Kaylee asked, and Jayne nodded. She descended into his room, and let the hatch close behind her. “Might not be a good idea,” Jayne snorted. “Mal and Zoe might think I’m attackin’ ya, or some such.” “I ain’t worried ‘bout them,” she waved a hand. “You, I’m worried ‘bout.” “Me?” Jayne was puzzled. “I ain’t done nothin’. . .” “That ain’t what I mean!” Kaylee stamped her foot on the floor. “I mean I’m worried about you.” “I’m fine, Kaylee,” Jayne assured her. It was awfully close in here, Jayne thought to himself. And ai ya but she smelled good. Like fresh fruit on a summer day. “No, you ain’t,” she told him flatly. “You’re leavin’, and that ain’t right, Jayne.” “It don’t mean nothin’s wrong with me, Kaylee,” Jayne smiled. “Just time for me to move on, s’all.” “I don’t want you to go,” Kaylee said plainly. “We need you, here, Jayne.” She looked him directly in the eyes, never flinching. Jayne suddenly found it hard to breathe. Was it really that hot in here? “Kaylee, I need to be somewhere else,” he forced out, almost gasping. “Been here too long. Mal and Zoe, they don’t want me here, and I done run outta patience. That’s a bad thing, Kaylee,” he told her pointedly. “It don’t make you a bad man, Jayne,” Kaylee insisted. “We need you. If you go, then Mal will have to hire another gun hand, Jayne. He can’t be without one, the kinda jobs he’s like to take on. He’ll hire someone new. Someone ain’t as good as you, someone we can’t trust. Someone ain’t family.” “Kaylee, he don’t trust me,” Jayne resisted the urge to laugh. “And I ain’t family. Not to any of them, even if I am to you.” He wanted to look away, to avoid her pleading gaze, but found he couldn’t. Dammit this ain’t fair! he raged inwardly. “Ain’t I enough, Jayne?” Kaylee asked, stepping closer to him. Jayne almost choked. It was really hot in here. Good thing he was leaving, seemed like the climate control on this bunk was on the fritz. “Kaylee, you’d be enough for any man, less’n he was a blind fool,” he said suddenly, unable to stop himself. Then, before he could say anything else, Kaylee stood on her toes, and kissed him. Right square on the mouth. Jayne was stunned. Kaylee was kissing him! Kaylee! Was kissing him! Before he even realized he was doing it, he wrapped his arms around her and was kissing her back. There was fire between them, a heat Jayne had never experienced. The likes of which he never knew existed. Kaylee was completely lost in Jayne. She kissed him as if her life depended on it. She’d never known such passion, such fire, in her entire life. Her arms came up of their own volition, circling his neck, and she leaned into him, longing for contact. Neither knew how long they stood that way. Finally they surfaced for air, each breathing hard, each wearing a look of stunned disbelief. “Kaylee, I. . .” “Jayne, I. . .” They both stopped, then broke out laughing at their attempt to talk over each other. Kaylee leaned her head against his chest, trying to regain her balance. She felt light-headed. “Jayne, you do so kiss’em on the mouth,” she breathed finally, and he chuckled. “I never said I didn’t know how,” he told her, hands now rubbing her back gently. “Just said I didn’t.” “I’d have to say you know how, sure ‘nough,” Kaylee giggled. “Might have to try that again,” she looked up at him, batting her eyes. “Kaylee, this can’t be,” Jayne said suddenly, stepping back. “This just can’t be.” “What?” Kaylee was stunned. “Kaylee, I ain’t. . .I ain’t fit for any woman, let alone you.” “And why is that?” she demanded, defensive of him, now that she knew he wasn’t rejecting her. “Kaylee, I just ain’t,” Jayne was fighting to keep his calm. He wanted to rage at the world, to shake his fists at the heavens. Why offer him the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the universe, knowing it was something he could not have? “Jayne?” Kaylee walked forward, laying a hand on his arm. “Jayne, what’s wrong?” “Kaylee, I got problems, okay?” Jayne told her carefully. “Problems that no woman like you ought to ever be saddled with. That’s all.” “What kinda problems could keep two people from bein’, Jayne?” Kaylee asked softly. “I. . .Jayne, I think I love you, ya know? And I think you love me back. Do you?” “I’ve loved you since I first set eyes on you,” Jayne told her, refusing to look at her. “Hadn’t oughta tell you that, I guess. True, though. But can’t nothin’ good come of it, Kaylee. Just take my word for it, okay? I ain’t nothin’ but trouble. And you don’t deserve that.” “Reckon I can be the judge o’ what I deserve my ownself,” Kaylee almost huffed, and Jayne laughed softly in spite of the pain. “Reckon ya can at that,” he nodded. “But not this. Kaylee, I. . .I’d give anything was it different. Anything. But it ain’t. It would be the worst sort o’ wrong for me not to be honest about it. And this ain’t. . .it ain’t a good idea. Not for you. And you mean to much to me to risk you like that.” “I can’t believe you’re sayin’ this,” Kaylee was almost in tears. “I. . .if you really love me, Jayne, you’d stay with me.” “I can’t, Kaylee,” he told her. “I wish I could explain, but I can’t. Not even to you. But I’m goin’. Ain’t got no choice.” “Well, if you’re goin’, I can’t stop you,” Kaylee told him, retreating to the ladder that lead out of the hatch. “All I can do is ask you to stay. Will you at least think on it? Please, Jayne?” “I can’t,” Jayne managed to choke out, still not able to look at her. Kaylee climbed out of his bunk, walking straight to her own. She was devastated. Behind her, for the first time since long before he’d gotten the letter telling him about the death of his mother, Jayne Cobb was crying. -------------------- River watched silently as Kaylee crept across the hallway, from Jayne’s bunk to her own. The little genius was sad. Kaylee was her friend, and it hurt her to see Kaylee in pain. How long had she been in love with Jayne? River tried to think how long she had been aware. At least six months, she decided. Likely she was attracted to him before Simon showed up. Simon was such a boob, River sighed. When he and Kaylee had gotten together after Miranda, River had assumed that the two would stay together. But poor Simon couldn’t leave the Core behind, couldn’t stop obsessing over his mei mei’s health. Couldn’t open his heart as well as his mind. She knew there was another reason the two had parted, a larger reason, but she still felt guilty. River was sad for Simon. He would miss so much in life, because of her. Because of his need to keep her safe. He either could not, or would not, accept that she was safe, now. Able to care for herself. And safe with people that treated her like family. Cared for her like family. She needed to run Simon off, she decided. Make him leave the ship. She giggled aloud at the mental image of her chasing him down the ramp with a broom. He could go back to the Core, now. He could return to the life he missed so much. He could keep it, so far as River was concerned. She would never go back. Simon could, and would do well. He would have a bright future. But there was no future for him and Kaylee. River was sure of that. Whatever future might have been was gone, now. Kaylee had eyes only for Jayne. And Jayne was leaving. She frowned at that. Her thinking had come full circle, back to it’s source. Kaylee was hurting. Ensuring the auto-pilot was set, she left the bridge, walking straight to Jayne’s bunk. Without even thinking, she entered the code to over-ride his lock, and when the hatch hissed open, started down the ladder. --------------------- Jayne looked up sharply at the sound of his hatch opening. Before he even thought about it, a pistol was in his hand, aimed at the door. River turned from the ladder to look straight into the barrel of that pistol. “Are you going to shoot me?” she asked calmly. Jayne’s hand trembled, and she realized that he was deciding. 'This might not have been a good idea', the thought formed slowly. Finally, Jayne lowered the gun, sighing. “You know I ain’t,” he told her softly, tossing the gun onto his bunk. “I ain’t never done nothin’ that hurt you, wasn’t aimed at your brother.” He means Ariel, River suddenly realized. She nodded. “No, you have been a friend to me, Jayne,” she told him. “When I had no right to expect it, in fact. I would be your friend in return, if you’ll let me.” “Don’t need any friends,” Jayne replied at once. “But,” he added, seeing the hurt in her eyes, “I appreciate the offer,” he smiled. “It was a sincere offer,” she assured him. “I saw Kaylee leave you a little while ago. She was crying,” she added. “I know,” Jayne nodded, not looking at her. He’s been crying too! River realized with a start. What could make Jayne Cobb cry? “Jayne, you could stay, you know,” River tried. “No, I can’t,” he replied automatically. “I got to leave, and I got to do it now.” While I still can, he didn’t add, but he did think it. “Why is that an issue?” River asked, looking at him closely. “While you still can.” “Don’t,” Jayne warned, still not looking at her. “Don’t do it, River.” “I won’t,” she promised. “But I can’t help but wonder, Jayne. She loves you. And I know you love her. More than anything. Even Vera,” she added with a grin. He snorted. “Even Vera,” he surprised her by nodding. “Which is why I have to go, River. Now why don’t you see to your pilotin’, and let me pack.” “Want to know why, Jayne,” she insisted softly. “Someone will have to care for her when you are gone. That will be me, in all likelihood. I need to know what to tell her.” “Tell her what you want,” he shrugged. “Make her hate, me, if you can. It’s better that way. I would, but. . .” “You can’t,” River finished for him, and he nodded. “I can’t. I just can’t,” he finally looked at her, and she was unsurprised to see his eyes were red, and swollen. “Jayne, too much pain can make you irrational,” she soothed. “You must share it, allow others to help you. Just as all of you helped me. I can help you, Jayne, if you let me.” “You can’t help me, River,” he smiled softly. “If you could, I promise, I’d tell you everything. But you can’t. No one can.” “How do you know, unless you try?” she reasoned. “Allow others to try?” “Others have tried,” he did surprise her that time. “And failed. There’s no help for me, anywhere, nizi,” he shrugged. “None. Not even you, genius or no” he grinned. “Tell me,” she insisted. “Tell me what. . .” “No.” His voice was flat, and brooked no argument. “You don’t need to know, and it won’t help.” “Please let me try,” River pleaded. “If nothing else, do it for Kaylee.” Jayne stiffened at that, and River tensed, afraid she’d pushed him too far. “I’m doin’ what I’m doin’ for her, as much as anything,” he told her coldly. “She don’t need to be with me. Period.” He looked at her, his face softening for just an instant. “It ain’t safe.” River nodded, accepting defeat. She turned to the ladder, starting up. She stopped, looking back over her shoulder. “She deserves to know, Jayne,” she said quietly. “Whatever it is, she deserves to know.” “It ain’t about what’s deserved,” he growled. “If we all got what we deserved, then none o’ us would even be here.” The statement shocked her. “Go on, River,” he told her gently. “And. . .thanks. It means a lot, you comin’ down here. You can’t help me, but it means more’n you’ll ever know that you was willin’.” “If you change your mind, come find me,” River nodded, and left, the hatch closing behind her. Jayne fell onto his bunk, and lay there for a long time. He didn’t realize he was tired, until sleep claimed him. ------------------- Kaylee lay on her bunk, crying softly. What was wrong with her? First Simon, and now Jayne. Was it her? No one on the ship knew it, but the problems between her and Simon hadn’t all been over River’s health issues. Some of them had been her’s. Kaylee couldn’t have children. A minor injury when she was a child had been mis-diagnosed. She had a hernia as a young girl, and the doctor had decided it was the early stages of an ovarian disorder that could be fatal. He had removed her ovaries to prevent the onset of the disease. Only afterward did another doctor realize his mistake. By then it was too late. Kaylee would never be able to conceive. It was one of the things that had driven her to the black, when the chance was offered. He siblings all had families of their own, and she never would. Yes, she could marry, and even adopt children. But she would never know the joy of carrying her own child. Simon had not taken the news well. She hadn’t expected him too, of course, but she’d been surprised by his attitude. If anything, she expected him to console her about it. But that had not been the case at all. Instead, he had callously remarked that she should have been ‘up front’ about the ‘situation’ before they had become ‘involved’. ‘In the core,’ Simon told her, ‘no woman would engage with a suitor without disclosing that information. It would make production of an heir more difficult.’ Kaylee had been thunderstruck. She’d never once even considered that Simon would react the way he had. She had run the gamut from disbelief, to anger, to sorrow. Once he had finished his spiel, she had turned and walked away without a word. Simon had come to her, later, trying to apologize, but the damage was done. Her image of Simon was destroyed, and no amount of apologizing or begging could ever restore it. In her grief, Kaylee had fallen into the same routine as everyone else, numbing her mind with one menial task after another. Anything to take her mind from the hurt she felt. Somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love with Jayne. He had always been there, watching over her. Making sure she came to eat, that she didn’t need help. Going with her to get parts, without her having to ask. Taking her to shops when she wanted to go off-ship. Never hovering, never encroaching, just there. Now, when she had finally had the courage to act on her feelings, it was the same story over again. Jayne hadn’t rejected her because of her, true. He blamed it on himself. But the pain was still strong. She wondered what it was that was so bad that he wouldn’t stay with her. Why was he so determined to go? And if he was determined to go, why not ask her to go with him? She’d hate to leave, she admitted. But if Jayne really loved her, and she was almost certain that he did, why not ask her to come along? She sat up at that. Why did she have to wait for him to ask her? Nothing said she had to wait on him. She sat back on her bunk, back to the wall, and pondered that. She had never, not once, felt the same passion, the same fire with Simon that she had when she’d kissed Jayne. Not once. It had been like her soul had caught fire, consuming her from within. She yearned for the feeling again, even now. How could any man that made her feel that way be bad for her? She couldn’t understand. Finally, exhausted, she lay back on the bed. She had another day before he left. Maybe she could find some way to convince him to stay. If she couldn’t? Well, if she couldn’t, then maybe it was time she left Serenity too. If she happened to go where he went, what of it? Just coincidence, Jayne, that’s all. Smiling at that, she drifted off to sleep.