Jayne opened the door to his room and peered out into the corridor. It didn’t look like anyone was about, but that couldn’t be guaranteed. He’d waited for more than a couple of hours after everyone seemed to turn in, but … still, he could be doing this for the rest of the night. Which was crazy.

He closed the door again. Gorramit, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. It was only talk, when it came down to it. They’d just been chatting over a coffee in the yellow drawing room, and he’d happened to mention he’d always wanted to try it.

“Just something I … I don’t know. Appeals to me somehow.”

Freya looked at him over the top of her mug. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“It’s kinda been at the back of my mind. Close proximity, ‘n’ all. If’n you don’t mind.” He almost squirmed in his chair.

“I don’t mind. I think it’s a nice idea. And no-one’s ever gonna find out from me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Well, it crossed my mind. I mean, if Mal learned I’d -”

“My lips are sealed.” She smiled and took another sip. “So, tonight? After everyone’s gone to bed?”

“Probably best. Don’t fancy anyone walking in while I’m getting down to it …”

Now he leaned on the back of the door, his eyes closed. What the hell was he doing? If anyone ever did find out, he’d never hear the end of it. And Mal’d be … well, furious was probably not the right word. But certainly he’d think his territory had been invaded, and by Jayne at that. Could be messy.

He almost headed back towards his bed, then shook his head.

“What are you?” he said to himself. “Man or mouse?” He could do this. He was Jayne Cobb, mercenary, man of action, killer and deflowerer of virgins. Well, one, that he was aware of.

Opening the door he looked out again, then stepped into the corridor. Just a few steps down there, and maybe paradise awaited. He grinned, his blue eyes glinting with mischief. Yeah, Jayne Cobb on the prowl.

Strolling along the hall like he owned the place, he came to the doorway and felt a thrill comprising 50% trepidation, 50% anticipation, and 10% orneriness. No-one ever said Jayne didn’t get his full share, and then some. He touched the handle, feeling the metal cool and slick under his fingers.

“Still think this is a good idea?” he asked to no-one in particular, then quickly answered himself. “Hell, yeah.”

Opening the door he stepped through. There … open, waiting, inviting … just what he’d imagined.

Perspiration immediately sprang out on his skin, pooling between his shoulder blades and down his belly as he advanced. So hot …

Reaching out, he ran his hand down the smooth side, along the curves, all the way up to …

He grinned. Monty sure had a taste for the absurd. Dolphin taps, indeed. Turning one on he watched as hot water poured into the bath, steam rising to join the warmth in the bathroom. Stepping back from the edge, he looked around, taking in every detail. The door to the bedroom next door was closed, but that didn’t matter. Freya said she’d spend the night in with Ethan, give him some privacy so he could relax and try out the bath for as long as he wanted.

And he did want. If it was as good as reported, it was something he wanted to try with River when she got back. He groaned as his body reacted the way it always did when he thought about the young psychic. Her coming back had better be soon, otherwise his right hand’d be worn away.

He went through the various jars and bottles, sniffing experimentally at a couple, then sneezing when one got too far up his nose. Nah, they were too girly. Except maybe that one. A golden colour, the liquid seemed to ooze in the bottle, and the smell was more masculine. He grinned. Maybe that was Mal’s. Prob’ly not something he actually bought for himself, but maybe Frey got it. The grin got wider. Yeah, might be worth smelling like a harem’s eunuch just to annoy the Cap. He poured a generous amount into the fast-flowing water.

Better get ready. Quickly stripping out of his clothes, he listened carefully at the door for a final time, then turned back to the bath.

And stopped.

Bubbles. Lots of bubbles. In fact, more bubbles than he’d rightly ever seen before. And they were coming out towards him.

He knelt on the step and reached into the mass of foam to the tap, turning it off with a jerk. Then he waited. Well, no new bubbles at least. He rubbed a handful between his fingers. Felt okay. Be a pity to have to pull the plug and start again. Leaning forward he touched the surface of the water. That felt pretty good too. Just cool enough to be bearable. He grinned. Time to get wet.

He swung his legs over the edge, and they disappeared into the high froth. He could tell his feet were in the water, and he eased himself into the bath. Huh, deeper than it looked. He kept going until the water was up to his chest and he was sitting on the bottom, surrounded by bubbles.

Sighing, he let the water hold him, and he stretched out, laying his head back in the scented water. He closed his eyes, imagining River next to him, her lithe body all wet and limber, maybe even oiled a little. He grinned. Her fingers on his thighs, his hips, running up in small circles around his nipples, smoothing out his wet chest hair, before reaching down to put her mouth on his …

He opened his eyes with a start. Someone was in the bath with him. Except there wasn’t anyone, not that he could see. Pushing the bubbles to one side, he checked carefully, even reaching down into the water to make sure no-one was hiding. Nope. No-one. He was alone. He glanced down at his manhood. ‘Cept he didn’t think he had been, all thick and heavy, floating up towards the surface.

For a long moment Jayne pondered just getting out and drying off, but the water still felt good, and the smell of that bubble bath was getting better by the moment. Hell, he’d locked the door, hadn’t he? And there was nobody else around, was there? Maybe he was just tired, and he’d begun to doze off.

No worries.

He lay back again, his ears under the water, and closed his eyes. Immediately he felt the touch of fingers. Jerking up, again he searched, but again there was no-one.

“Jayne Cobb, either this place is haunted or you’re having some kinda fit,” he told himself. “And if it is ghosts, then Frey ain’t mentioned it. If it’s a fit … well, it don’t seem to be too bad.” Experimentally he closed his eyes, and once again there was the feeling of fingers on his skin, of a tongue running over his chest, of breath blowing across his nipples …

“Well, if you’re a ghost, I don’t think I mind that much,” he growled. “’Cause you do seem to know exactly what I … wuh duh mah!” He screwed his eyes tightly shut, not wanting to lose the sensation, as each and every one of his nerve endings began to fire simultaneously, and he began to see stars …

---

The next morning Jayne was sitting at the breakfast table, idly crunching his way through half a loaf of toast, when Inara and Freya walked into the room, the former somewhat het up over something.

“I know I had more than that,” she was saying. “I didn’t mean to leave it in the bathroom, but … anyway, half of it’s gone now.” She saw Jayne. “Oh, good morning.”

“Morning,” the big man said, spraying crumbs then wiping them from the cloth. “Sorry.”

Inara lifted the lid from the serving dish and put two spoonfuls of scrambled eggs onto a plate. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind so much, but it was a gift. An expensive gift.”

Jayne wondered idly what she was talking about.

“How expensive?” Freya asked, her eyes flickering to Jayne for some reason.

“Two hundred credits an ounce.”

“Oh.”

“It’s only produced in small quantities, and meant to be used sparingly. It’s said to have an almost hallucinogenic quality, but I have to say I’ve never found that myself. I like it because it makes such nice bubbles.”

Jayne, his hand reaching for the last of the toast, sat dead still.

“Hallucinogenic?”

“Apparently it’s supposed to show you your greatest desire. The most I’ve ever got from it is clean.” She glanced at Jayne. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, sure, fine,” he mumbled. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

“Because you’ve got your sleeve in the butter dish.”

“Oh, mao xingxing de gaowan,” he swore, then looked up guiltily. “Well, if it weren’t so gorram cold here I wouldn’t need to be wearing long sleeves.”

He saw Freya staring at him, then there was a familiar itching in his mind. Her eyes widened.

“Jayne, did you …” She began, then stopped, changing what she had been about to say in mid-stream. “Eat all the toast?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Looks like I did.” He grinned apologetically, snagging the last slice. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Inara said. “I’ll ask Mrs Boden for some more.” She went to the door.

“Did you do that?” Freya hissed as Inara stood talking to her housekeeper for a moment.

“Didn’t know it cost that much.”

“Jayne -”

“Don’t tell her. I’ll never live it down. Bubble bath …” He went pale.

“What did it look like?”

“Huh?”

“Just think it.”

Inara came back and sat down.

“Um, Inara,” Freya began, shooting Jayne a glare.

“Yes? Oh, there’ll be more toast in a minute.”

“What? Oh, good. But that’s not … was this stuff in a sort of triangular bottle? Gold colour?”

Inara’s eyes widened. “That’s the one.”

“Oh. Then it’s my fault. I should have said. I knocked it into the bath and before I knew it, half of it had run away. I’m sorry. I had no idea it was such a favourite.”

Inara stared, then shook her head. “No, it’s fine. Honestly. There’s plenty for several more baths, and … it’s just bubble bath. I’m sure I can find something equally nice for a much smaller price.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am.” She smiled. “Now, you’d better have some food, otherwise Mrs Boden will be angry with you, and I’ll have to tell Mal you’ve not been eating right. And in your condition, too.”

“Well, maybe just a bite.” Freya stood up and walked to the dresser, catching Jayne’s eyes as she went. “You owe me,” she mouthed.

He nodded. He knew he did. Big time. Still, he had to ask. “’Nara, is this place haunted?”

The ex-Companion looked at him. “Not that I’m aware of. Why?”

“Oh, nothing. No reason. Just thought I heard something last night.” He nodded and stood up. “You know, I feel like taking me a walk. Either of you ladies fancy coming with me?”

Both declined, so he hurried out of the room, feeling Freya’s eyes on his back the whole time. Climbing the stairs to get his gun - experience telling him never to go anywhere without at least one of them - he paused outside the bathroom door. Glancing back down the stairs, he grinned. Hell, they were gonna be some time. Certainly long enough for him to put some of the gold stuff into another bottle and take it back to his room. He had a fancy to keep it until River came. Maybe they could have a long, hot bath together …