TITLE: "MULLING IT OVER" AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL FANDOM: "FIREFLY" PAIRING: Jayne. Simon. RATING: PG-13 **SLASH** Implied not graphic STATUS: SEQUEL to "HEARTBREAK" ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where. FEEDBACK: Welcomed. EMAIL: AlisonMDobell@aol.com WEBSITE: None. All "Firefly" stories archived at Fireflyfans.net

SUMMARY: "Jayne thinks about how Simon is acting and decides to spell things out for him." The usual disclaimers apply. The characters and 'Firefly' are the property and gift of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"MULLING IT OVER"

"Firefly" story

Written by Alison M. DOBELL

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People think I'm slow which I ain't. Leastways not that way. Just like to mull things over. I know I ain't as bright as some but I ain't stupid either. Find the doc lookin' at me in a way that says he would like to get closer. Take a fork in the road that would lead no doubt to some mighty fine sex but leave a whole rack of other things broke that maybe can't be fixed. He ain't realised it yet but I've seen the look in the Cap's eyes. A sadness of the heart an' soul that just rips right through me. He thinks he hides it but I've learnt to read him pretty well.

We're in the kitchen now. I been cleaning my bowl like I always do. Never wise to waste food not when you don't know how shiny the work's gonna be or even if the job'll go through. This thing with Simon is a complication. A temptation I ain't about to fall for an' not 'cause I'm afraid of Mal. I ain't. Besides, that look in his eyes says he won't interfere. Won't fetter Simon nor neuter me. Gorramit, might be easier if he did. At least I wouldn't be the one makin' a decision I don't wanna make.

Simon smiles. Gorramit, he is so *swai*. We're alone. He moves closer. His eyes bright, almost feverish. Our eyes lock an' the heat is so fierce he almost burns a hole right through me. "Seems to me ya ain't thinkin' too clear, doc."

"Simon. Call me Simon."

"Whatever ya wanna offer I ain't buyin'."

"You don't know what I have to offer."

I shake my head. "*Wo zhidao* an maybe once I'd a jumped at the chance but not now. I got a place on this boat an' for the first time in a long time feels like home, *dong ma*? Ain't gonna mess that up just to get laid." I take a breath as he sidles up against me. "Simon, stop."

He freezes.

"I know ya been with the Cap..."

He seems to sigh in relief as if to say *is that all?* "*Fang xin* Jayne, that's over." Simon rubs his hand over the front of my shirt, a confidence in his eyes that says I won't refuse.

"For you maybe but not the Cap."

The doc's surprised. I stop his hands from slidin' lower.

"I like Mal. Even like you kind'a when ya ain't bein' all prissy. Cap's been decent to me an' I respect him. Doin' this would only mess him up worse than Niska did an' I ain't ever gonna hurt him that way."

I see the look of stunned surprise on the doc's face. "You're wrong, Jayne."

My voice softens. Not with lust neither though the doc is a handsome man. I resist the urge to lick my lips. Don't wanna send the wrong signals. "No, I ain't. Cap has feelin's for ya, Simon. Even if he never says it I can see it in the way he looks at ya, how he behaves around ya, an' how all that is changin'."

Simon frowns. "Changing?" "Yeah." I pause. "The way it does when a heart gets broke."

A hiss. Eyes widen. He gets it now. Then I moved round him, rinsed my dish and left. Everythin' I told him was true. I didn't wanna mess this up. Ain't never had any call to cherish friendship with no one before. Thought it was a gorram weakness. Baggage to carry that would only weigh me down. Always took care of myself. Made things shinier. Easier. But gorramit life was also a hell of a lot lonelier. Mal changed all that. Gave me work an' a home. I also liked a whole lot that I came under the umbrella of his care same as the rest. I might be hired muscle, a gun for hire, whatever you wanna call it but I was his as surely as the deck beneath my feet an' I knew it. I mulled over everyin' Simon had said an' that I'd seen. A slow dull ache throbbin' into life in my chest like a heart attack buildin'. A wish smothered so it could not betray me. I blink rapidly for a moment. If ever the Cap were to look at me the way he looked at Simon I would hold on to him so ruttin' hard his ribs would crack an' never let him go.

All it would take would be a look. Until then I would hang on to our friendship with both hands 'cause whether or not anythin' was ever likely to happen between us we was family. An' that sense of belongin' meant more to me than anythin' I'd ever had before.

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*swai* = handsome/snazzy *wo zhidao* = I know *dong ma* = understand? *fang xin* = don't worry (lit. ease your heart)