TITLE: "ENOUGH" AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL FANDOM: "FIREFLY" PAIRING: Mal/Inara RATING: G STATUS: First in a pair of short songfics. ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where. FEEDBACK: Welcomed. EMAIL: AlisonMDobell@aol.com WEBSITE: None. All "Firefly" stories archived at Fireflyfans.net

SUMMARY: "The Captain reflects on his relationship with Inara". The usual disclaimers apply. The characters and 'Firefly' are the property and gift of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"ENOUGH"

"Firefly" story

Written by Alison M. DOBELL

* * * * *

"I can see her lyin' back in her faded dress In a room where ya do what ya don't confess Sundown ya better take care If I find you bin creepin' round my back stair Sundown ya better take care If I find you bin creepin' round my back stair..."

"Sundown" - sung by Gordon Lightfoot

It hurt. Puttin' so much into those few words then bein' cut off, no air in my lungs, no blood pumpin' into my gorram heart. Just stunned with pain an' sorrow 'til I could hardly breathe. An agony so deep. I was all kinds of raw an' not strong enough to fight her. All it took was for me to confess how I was feelin' a mite 'truthsome'. Her words still rang through me like a hammer strikin' a ruttin' bell.

"I'm Leavin'."

Losin' Nandi wasn't bad enough, I had to lose her.

"She's bin lookin' like a queen in a sailor's dream And she don't always say what she really means Sometimes I think it's a shame When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain Sometimes I think it's a shame When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain..."

I can't help it. I think back on previous conversations. Hug myself with the moments of peace we stole between conflicts an' misunderstandin's. The quiet seconds of calm which fell over us like a hush of heaven as we lurched from one ill chosen sentence to the next poisoned barb. All because she couldn't bury the lie an' tell me plain an' I couldn't leave it alone. Gorramit I want her so much. Love her so deep. Hate all the wiles an' frippery that ain't nothin' but the mark of whoredom on somethin' that should be so much finer. It hurts me an' the wound I carry will never heal.

"I can picture every move that a man could make Getting lost in her lovin' is your first mistake Sundown ya better take care If I find you bin creepin' cround my back stair Sundown ya better take care If I find you bin creepin' round my back stair.."

Makes me so ruttin' mad seein' her sell herself off to men who wouldn't know a single thought that passes through her head nor an honest emotion if it fell on 'em like a gorram asteroid. That *wangba dan* Atherton Wing was a case in point. I could hardly believe the way that *hundan* treated her at the shindig. Treatin' her like property, his to pick up or discard with no mind given to how precious she is. How much he should treasure an' honour her. All that filth in his eyes disguised with manners that don't mean a thing. He don't even see her yet she goes with him. His coin makin' him worthy of somethin' he can never deserve. Him layin' a hand on her was the last straw. Ain't no man alive I'll take that kind of offence from whether she allows it or no. Fought a duel to save her but lost her anyway.

"I can see her lookin' fast in her faded jeans She's a hard lovin' woman, got me feelin' mean Sometimes I think it's a shame When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain Sundown ya better take care If I find you bin creepin' round my back stair Sundown ya better take care If I find ya bin creepin' round my back stair Sometimes I think it's a sin When I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin' again."

"Sundown" - sung by Gordon Lightfoot

So I hide it. Bury the emotions that wed me to her tighter than a band of gold. Live the lie to preserve the status quo while hatin' each minute of it. Sometimes I see the truth shinin' in eyes I would die for an' another crack seals the fate I cannot escape. She stayed. Can hardly believe it an' *tianna* I don't wanna jinx it. Didn't even have to plot an' scheme in the end to keep her though she ain't ever been mine. Just backed off an' gave in. Steppin' back from a precipice that would have destroyed me. I won't look at her. Can't look. A little spark of happiness I keep hidden from her eyes to cover a world of pain an' sorrow lost in mine. One day maybehaps that fine veneer will crack an' a little of it will shine on me. 'Til then I'll keep on flyin'. It ain't much but she's still here an' for now it's enough.

* * * * *

CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)

*wangba dan* = bastard *hundan* = asshole/bastard *tianna* = oh God!