Ticket Word Count: 440 per Word Pairing: Mal/River Rating: NC-17 Summary: Post BDM. Mal gets a ticket to go on a very special trip. Author’s Note: This little fic came from a little chat me and LadyyLunawere having. What can I say, I’m evil.

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them. Please don’t’ take away my shiny toys Captain.

Special thanks: to LadyyLuna who helped inspire this story. Dedicated to justslumming and apckrfan whose stories have always put smiles on my face of late.

Copyright (c) May 2007 Patricia Flynn

Wuh de ma Mother of God * * * * * * * * * * * * * Mal wandered down the crew hall. The walls, furniture, equipment of his ship was his home and those on it, well, they were his family.

Speaking of his family, where was his gorram crew. Mal wandered first to the cockpit. Empty.

Next he was in the kitchen. Also vacant.

As he wandered back to the engine room, it was then he heard a murmuring coming from the cargo bay.

Mal leisurely made his way down the steps, through the common area and past the med bay, when Jayne came into view.

Jayne was seated on his weight lifting bench, staring are something going on in the middle of the room.

"Jayne?"

Jayne turned his head to Mal and spoke, "Why would anyone want to rut with crazy?"

"Huh?"

Jayne just turned back to continue looking at whatever was going on in the middle of the room.

Mal strode up the steps and then stopped, shocked in the doorway.

In the middle of the room stood River, naked as she'd been in the box. Arms extended out, while Simon, Kaylee, Inara and Zoe painted on her in red. Their bodies blocking most of her from his view.

"Wuh de ma!"

Mal strode forward furiously as he pulled his coat off. His intent to cover the girl when Simon stopped and turned to look at him.

"She's an emotionally traumatized seventeen year old girl." Having spoken, Simon turned back and continued painting.

Now Kaylee spoke, "She is a beauty, isn't she?" Then turned back to her work.

Zoe turned her head, "You sure about this, sir?"

She resumed her work, as Inara dropped her brush and walked up in front of him. "How could you, Mal?" She slapped him and than ran crying toward her shuttle.

Mal gazed briefly after her confused before turning back to the spectacle in the middle of the bay.

Just then, the remaining three dropped their brushes and walked away.

Mal could see that they had been inscribing Ticket to the Special Hell in Chinese all over her body.

Now River spoke, "Knows you want her. But you need to understand. Can't get into the Special Hell without the ticket. If the ticket doesn't go with you, you can't get in."

Just then Mal woke up startled in his bunk. His breathing labored as if he'd run a long way.

Disturbed, Mal rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. His attempts thwarted by images of River's pert youthful body dancing in his mind.

Down in the passenger dorms, River smiled in her sleep.