Stang (Chapter 11)
Friday, June 1, 2007

Pre-BDM, still pulling less than legal jobs, Mal adds an old friend as a new crewmember while someone else stows away. Someone River knows. Mal/Inara, Simon/Kaylee, Zoe/Wash


Almost to the end..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This here’s a stick up!” Jayne barked as they all fanned into the bank, guns drawn. Zoe and Ru shot out the cameras while Jayne took out a man who whipped his pistol.

“Now listen up!” Mal hollered. “Best for all of ya if you count the stitches in your shoes. You look up and play hero we ain’t the type to be merciful.” He lied as he approached the teller. “Good afternoon, I’m lookin for a safety deposit box owned by a Mr. Jackson Roads.” He spoke quickly as his crew prowled around to make sure no one acted out. “You open up that box and give us the goods and we’ll be on our way. Easy as pie, no one gets hurt, won’t see my ugly mug ever again. Shiny?”


The captain pulled back, furrowed his brows and gave the fat man a confused face. “Huh?”

“Sheriff’ll be here soon and I ain’t afraid of dyin.” He mumbled bravely. “I’ll be seein’ the pearly gates for standin up to you while you’ll be in hell gettin yours.”

Malcolm Reynolds rolled his eyes. “Lao-tian-ye... Why are you religious folk so optimistic?” Lemme tell you a secret…” With one swift move he knocked the man out with his gun. “We got ourselves a hitch in this plan.” He said while turning around to his team.

“What now?” Zoe asked what was on everyone’s mind.

“Jethro here’s a bible man, wouldn’t give me the box.”

“So you knocked him out?” Jayne huffed.

Malcolm squinted his eyes as if he was thinking it over before dryly responding. “Yes… appears to have gone that way.”

“We could have tortured him!” He exclaimed in agitation.

“Sorry, we’re gonna have to figure out another way.”


"I ain't gonna torture 'im!" He raised his voice sternly, making Jayne's face sour. "Now, got ta git that box."

“Manually go through all of them?!” His second in command thought out loud. “Sir that’ll take forever and who knows how many keys are in those boxes. We need one specific key.”

“Let’s take ‘em all.” Jayne replied.

"Like that's a better plan?"

Ru walked past them and leapt over the counter. “I’ll do it.” Holstering her guns she took out her knife.

“Do what?” Mal quizzed. “Cuttin on that man ain’t gonna do a licka good if he’s out and I jus said no..”

She searched around and found a panel that slid to the side, revealing the computer system. “You guys cover for me.” Ru announced as she took off her left hand’s glove, turning her wrist up.

“But why…”

The woman cut the artificial skin at her wrist open with the knife, gritting her teeth to the pain the sensors were firing off to her brain.

“Shen-sheng de gao-wan." All of their mouths dropped.

Putting the knife in its sheath she pressed her palm flat against the computer’s face. Suddenly a piece of metal shot out of her wrist and connected into the computer. She bared her teeth and shut her eyes as the connection put her in the mainframe.

“What the hell is that?!” Jayne grimaced.

“She’s looking up the accounts.” Zoe said in awe.

“Better do it swift.” The big mercenary rumbled as he looked the other way. “Don’t got the luxury of waitin’ and pissin’ around.”

Suddenly Ru opened her eyes and the connector retracting into her wrist and she relaxed. “Box 361.” She heaved, looking exhausted as Jayne and Zoe ran off to get the box. “Mal, I got something else.”

He grabbed her and helped her stand. “Looks like you need a rest.”

“I don’t do that too often.” She retorted while trying to keep herself up straight. “Listen, I was in the cortex, authorities won’t be here for five minutes and there’s a bigger payoff.” Her voice lowered so none of the patrons could hear. “In the vault, there’s two sealed Alliance marked boxes… five hundred thousand credits in cash each, unmarked, untraceable.”

Malcolm’s eyes doubled.

She put her glove back on and ripped a strip of her shirt to tie it to her cut wrist. “I say we load ‘em up and give ourselves a bonus. Shiny?”

“Sheng la-shi. Tan-lun yi hao tian wei wo-men." He said in awe. “Sounds like a mighty nice plan to me.” Patting her back as they went to the vault. “Good work mei mei.” Jogging off he went into the vault that was open as a woman was inside. “You best close your eyes ‘mam.” He told her while finding the boxes. Picking them up they hauled the metal crates out and put them by the front door. “O-k ladies and gents.” He raised his voice. “Who’s going to be kindly enough to let us barrow a hovercraft or two?”

No one spoke.

“There are four outside, and I know some of you fine fellas in the expensive suits surely didn’t ride over on a horse.” After several seconds he exhaled as no one was going to help. “If I gotta search ya for keys there's gonna be trouble." He threatened, pulling the pin back on his gun in an intimidating manner.


"Gonna get nowhere with these…”

“Whoever gives me their hovercraft gets sex.” Ru announced.

All of the men looked up at her.

“Really?!” Jayne hollered from the safety deposit boxes.

Two men lifted their keys up.

With a smirk she strode over and grabbed the keys, tossing a pair to Mal. Then bending down she grabbed a young rich man by this dapper bow tie and hauled him up, dragging him along and out the door like an obedient dog on a leash. “Load up the boxes Mal.”

“What about me?” The other man asked as he lay on the floor.

She stopped and gazed at him. “Thanks for the offer, but I ain’t to reward you with that weddin’ ring on your finger. When you get outta here tell your wife how much you love her k?” Leaving to go outside she pulled the man in her keep over and pinned him against the wall, looking into his eager eyes as Malcolm strapped the boxes down on the hovercraft. As soon as the hovercraft was loaded up she reached into her bra and pulled out a fold of bills. Taking out one hundred in credits she pressed them into the confused man’s hand. “There you go, now go out and yourself a nice whore.”

He looked down at the cash in his hand, his face blank as dejection crept up on it. “But…” He looked up to the thieving vixen in disappointment.

“I said sex, Stud, didn’t say sex with me.” She patted his shoulder, smoothed his tie out with a smirk and turned around and jumped in the hovercraft to see Mal roaring with laughter.

“Dammit girl, if ya ain’t done split my sides.” He wiped a tear from his eye.

“Laugh later Capin’ you still gotta job.” She grinned wickedly over the rumble of the engine as the hovercraft lifted up and she put it in gear. Just then, Jayne and Zoe appeared with the key as Malcolm got in the other hover car and revved it up. Zoe went with the captain, while Ru frowned as Jayne clambered into hers, excited about hearing her just mention the word sex.

“LET’S GO!” Malcolm motioned as Zoe steered their car off.

“Don’t even think about it.” Ru told Jayne.

“What?” He grinned coyly, as coyly as a box-dropping-ape-thing-gone-wrong could.

Ru put the craft in gear and floored the accelerator, slamming Jayne into his seat and showing him exactly how a fighter pilot drove.


“You know Shepard.” Wash began as he, Inara and Book were all gathered in the kitchen, Kaylee and Simon had rather quickly left. There had been some excuse about how she needed help with something in the engine room, which had been followed up with Simon’s less than intelligent ‘really?’, and finished with Kaylee elbowing him in the ribs and pulling him along. It wasn’t their finest hour, and Wash had managed to get a few jokes out of it. However now they were all settled around the table, enjoying some saki. More or less Wash and Inara were enjoying the saki while Book was brooding over his. “That saki don’t taste good when you do nothing but stare at it.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed.

“What’s on your mind?” Inara asked, taking a sip.

“River said something a few days ago that I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around.” He sighed, tapping his fingers on the table, wise eyes creased.

“You know, I find myself unable to wrap my mind around most of what River babbles.” The pilot quipped. “However I think all normal people are that way.”

“No, she said something out of the Bible, 1 Peter.” He explained “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”

Wash and Inara leaned in, confued yet curious.

“It’s a reference to the devil, she said it several times when our prisoner was having his episode.” He laced his fingers together. “I think she was referring to him actually, which is what intrigues me.”

“Do you think he’s dangerous?” the companion asked.

“I don’t know.” The preacher shrugged his shoulders, obviously intrigued at this Biblical connundrum.

“Word is he’s a pretty amicable guy.” Wash informed them. “Simon thinks he went nutzo as some kind of effect of having all of that stuff removed from his neck. His brain was purging itself… I dunno the doctor used lots of fancy words but apparently it was just a one time deal.”

“What Simon thinks though and what is fact regarding him could be very different.” Inara told them both soberly. “We don’t know anything about this man.”

“Zoe talked to him, so did Mal and Ru and they all said he was pretty decent. Little on the creepy side.” He gestured with his hands. “But I think now only Jayne’s convinced he needs to be shot.”

There was a beeping coming from the bridge.

Wash got up and left the group.


Zoe and Mal watched as Ru got to the barn first. They smirked as she showed off by spinning her hovercraft to a stop. As the first mate pulled up next to her, Jayne fell out of the craft and threw up as his driver leapt out like it was nothing.

“You know, we might need ‘im for the job.” Mal announced dryly as Jayne was groaning and clasping his stomach.

“Men jus’ don’t take a ‘lil ride like they used to.” Ru deadpanned as she walked past Jayne who rolled over to lay flat on his back as the other three went to the barn.

“Well let’s see what we’ve got here.” Malcolm took the key and unlocked the barn.

The horse snorted at him.

The women made a face.

“What is it?” Jayne muttered as his head was still spinning.

“Why couldn’t it’ve been a beagle?” The captain whined.


Kaylee had her coveralls down to her hips as she was lying on Simon in her hammock.

Laying there lazily, his hands on her back as neither had been sleeping well and where now subject to dozing off as they comfortable. The objective as they had left the group, had been to find a place were they could do some kissin’, but since they were so tired, they were reduced to cuddling. Which neither didn’t mind at all. They fell asleep, and Simon woke up only once as her hand and moved across his chest. He was so tired though as River could have him up all day and night, that he didn’t even think of the compromising position he was in with the mechanic. Nor did he think about all of his proper guidelines as his mind was warm and fuzzy with thoughts of Kaylee. So instead of freaking out he yawned, looked down to see her out of it, pulled her a little closer and drifted off again.

Something started to make an odd sound.

They stirred, Simon stretched and found Kaylee’s face on his chest as she yawned.

“Hey.” She smiled drowsily. “Why do we always end up sleepin?”

He shrugged his shoulders and pushed the hair out of the green eyes. “Isn’t this the third time since Canton?”

“Guess you’re comfy.” Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes she got a better look at how cute he was waking up.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been described that way.” Carefully sitting up, holding onto her so she wouldn’t fall off, Simon suddenly realized he was in the hammock, with one very adorable and snuggly mechanic wrapped up in his arms.

Kaylee was oblivious to it as she focused on the noise and Serenity. Untangling herself from him, she got up, signaling for her Simon Pillow to stay down as she wished to tinker then return to her comfy spot. However, as she checked Serenity, something didn’t look right as she went over and inspected a part of the engine.

“What’s wrong?” Simon saw something on his clothes, and titled his head down to discover he had gotten a nice, Kaylee shaped impression of grease pressed onto his white shirt. Complete with handprint of her palm on his chest.

“Engine’s shut down.” She raced over to her com. “Wash?”

“We’re land-locked!” He announced.

“Shei-me?!” The mechanic blurted.

“I called Zoe.” Wash told her. “But I’m getting a signal that says someone’s coming into atmo right on top of us.”

“River.” Simon jumped out of the hammock.




*Lao-tian-ye: Jesus

*Shen-sheng de gao-wan: Holy Testical Tuesday

*Sheng la-shi. Tan-lun yi hao tian wei wo-men: Holy shit. talk about a good day for us.

*Shei-me?: What?


Friday, June 1, 2007 9:48 PM


Hmm,..lost some pointage with a couple of spelling errors, but I definitely thought this was a brilliant chapter:D

Ru was brilliant here, TuJiaoZuo! Especially when she psyched out the bank customers and scared the lunch right out of Jayne with her piloting:D


Saturday, October 8, 2011 2:12 PM


Bahahaha this chapter made me LOVE Ru!!!!! :D and the Simon/Kaylee was ADORABLE!!! *sigh* they can never be alone too long. But not having a calm moment for too long is one of the many joys of Serenity, it'd just be boring otherwise!:D


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