Word Count: 1255 Spoilers: Allusion to post BDM. Characters/Pairing: Mal/Inara, Zoe/Wash Rating: PG A/N: Well, it's been forever and a day since I've posted something. Written for homespun's 'Mal is Dead' challenge - so, obviously, character death follows. Many thanks for the challenge, dearest!

When You Can't Do That… by 2x2

"No! Let me go!" screamed Inara, fighting the arms the pulled her back behind cover, beyond reason as she struggled to get to his side.

"Inara! Inara!!" The crack of Zoe's palm against the Companion's soft cheek sounded loud as a gunshot, but it had the desired effect as the other woman went still in shock

"Mal…" she whimpered, struggling again but Zoe shook her head and grabbed the woman's arms.

"Listen to me. Inara! Listen to me. You put it out of your mind!" she shouted, her heart closed to sympathy as the other woman's face crumpled.

"I can't—"

She shook Inara, hard, cold eyes meeting wet. "Don't you *dare* make his death mean nothin'," she growled, fully aware of the gasp of anger and hatred the other woman directed her way and not caring, knowing Inara needed that emotion right now to keep going. If that meant she would have to bear the brunt of the Companion's grief, so be it.

"You can go ahead and hate me all you want," she said. "Just so long as you take that hate and that anger and you use it, Inara. Use it to survive, use it to drive you. Use it for revenge. Just don’t let it pull you under, or it'll drown you. It'll drown us both."

"Are you speaking from experience," the Companion spat coldly.

"I am," Zoe replied, colder.

Inara's gaze wavered, the grief that she fought to control flashing over her face as she swallowed, but it was enough. She drew in a shuddering breath and the steel that Zoe had always admired in the Companion was back, stiffening the woman's spine and resolve.

And then they were moving again, which was all that mattered at the moment.

They crept from building to building, slipping through the night with a degree of stealth that impressed even the former Corporal who had always had a gift for moving silently when needed. She was surprised and relieved to find that Inara was just as noiseless, the years the woman had spent perfecting the grace and beauty of her movements adapting perfectly to their quiet flight.

Through it all, Zoe could feel the twin stare of Inara's eyes upon her, and she lamented that things would never again be the same between them. But how could they? He was dead.

She would see to it that the Companion survived, but after that…

They spent the night in that silence, neither of them speaking as they crossed ground that was broken by shattered buildings and lives, until at last they won free of the city and found cover in the wilderness.

When Zoe finally felt confident that they were far enough away for a break, they found a clearing and made what camp they could. She built a small fire and they shared a flatpak of water between them without words, both of them lost to their thoughts as the moon rose overhead.

"We left him," the Companion whispered bleakly after long minutes of silence, her throat scratchy with unshed tears.

Zoe stared into the fire, her nerves stretching to the breaking point, holding desperately to the last vestiges of her control, jaw clenched tight against the tide of emotion the threatened to swell up and overwhelm her.

Inara glared over at her, her eyes glittering with hatred. "We left him!" she said again, her voice rising with her anger.

"I know!" Zoe said through her teeth, still not meeting the Companion's gaze, but it was too much. She felt a ball of grief expand in her throat until it was choking her, her muscles tensing with the effort to hold it in, and she ducked her head, her lips and chin trembling.

"We left him there, to die in the street alone," Inara hissed and Zoe closed her eyes, her husband's voice drifting through her memory – there's a credo among people like us. Leave no man behind. She hated him in that moment; Mal. Hated him for the promise he'd extracted from her, for the choice he'd forced her to make, sacrificing his life for Inara's. It didn’t matter that rationally she knew he'd been dead before he hit the ground. Leave no man behind. She should have been there, at his side, dying if need be. But she should have been there. Instead… She lifted her head to stare at the woman across from her, her eyes filled with just as much hate and disgust as those that looked back.

"Get some sleep," she ground out, getting to her feet angrily, needing to be away from the Companion, to put some physical distance between them for a time.

"Where are you going?" Inara asked almost accusingly as Zoe picked up her rifle and slung her ammo bag over her shoulder.

"To walk a perimeter," the Corporal said, eyes hard as though daring the other woman to say anything further. They held the stare until Inara finally turned away and curled up beside her log, pillowing her head on her fists to lie staring into the orangey depths of the fire wordlessly.

Zoe turned and stomped away into the trees.

She walked the perimeter, ensured all was safe and no one was searching for them. Four times she walked it; four times before she broke, alone, in the middle of the night amidst the trees.

She was back before the dawn, rousing Inara from her uneasy slumber beside the dying embers of their fire. The Companion lifted her tear-streaked face, her eyes red as they met those of the first mate compassionately. "He made you promise to save me, didn't he?" she rasped, her voice barely more than a whisper, the answer apparent in the way Zoe turned away and began packing up their negligible gear. "I'm sorry. You should have been there with him," Inara said, her words heavy with emotion but free of the accusation they'd held the night before.

Zoe shook her head, toeing dirt over the coals. "Wouldn't have mattered," she replied, glancing at the other woman, her eyes holding the truth of what she said.

"I know," the Companion admitted, her face contorting as she struggled with her grief.

The corporal felt a stab of sympathy for the other woman, finding her hatred and anger had faded through the night, transforming into a deep, aching sadness. She didn't hate Inara. She was grateful to the woman for making the last years of Mal's life as happy as they were, for letting him know a taste of what she had found with her own heart. He'd given his life to save hers, to save both of them. How much harder would it have been to watch him destroy himself if Inara had died and he'd survived? To become a shell of himself – myself her mind echoed – without her – without him?

"Come on," she said softly, stepping over the fire to offer a hand to help the other woman up. "We have to get back to Serenity."

After a moment Inara took her hand and pulled herself to her feet stiffly, wiping at her tears. "What are we going to do?" she asked Zoe in a small voice.

"Survive," the first mate replied, nodding with conviction, one hand on the woman's – her friend's – shoulder. She picked up her gear, and with a look to the sun, set off in the direction she knew Serenity would be waiting.

Inara stared after her, then drew in a deep breath, and followed.