The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Monday, February 5, 2007

A mislaid message prompts a big misunderstanding between Serenity’s mechanic and the big merc.


Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss. Rating: PG-15 for profanity, references to things socially unacceptable. Setting: Post series, in my AU, after Kaylee has left Simon for Jayne Pairing: Jayne/Kaylee

A little one-shot prompted by Squish’s request for stories for the FireflyHolidays comm over at LJ. Comments are sincerely appreciated.


The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Jayne was always leaving things in his pockets. Kaylee’d learned to check the big man’s clothes when it was her turn to do laundry after the time he’d left a handful of ammo in the knee pocket of his brown cargo pants. Made a hell of a racket bangin’ around in the washer, they did, and she was just glad they never made it into the ship’s flux-fueled dryer.

There was also the time when Wash had laundered the pants in which Jayne had cached a note with the combination for a bank job they were doin’, and it emerged as illegible, smeared bits of lint stuck to everything. Mal was not amused.

She’d picked up a pair of Jayne’s fatigues from the pile of dirties to toss into the washer and wasn’t too surprised when the crunched up scrap of lined yellow paper tumbled to the deck. “Hmm… wonder if that’s important?” she mused, nibbling the corner of her pretty mouth. “Guess I better check.”

She teased the crumpled wad open and flipped it writing side up. The rough printing could have come from no one on board other than Jayne.


The little mechanic shook her head and read it again, suddenly feelin’ cold and sick. She knew the kind of women the big merc went with, and truth to tell, she should have considered this possibility before gettin’ intimate with the man. She and Jayne hadn’t been sweeties all that long, but surely he wouldn’t have knowingly… not if he was… and why the dì yù was he waitin’ to tell her?

Oh lord, what was she gonna do? If she went to Simon, he’d need to test her to treat it properly and then he’d ask who she’d gotten it from and learn that she and Jayne were sexin’ one another. He’d be hurt and probably tell the captain and there’d be hell to pay. Might even get Jayne tossed off the boat.

On the other hand, if the gou tsao de chou wang ba dan had passed on what the note implied, well then, she might well space him her own self!

She stormed out of the utility closet and down to the cargo bay where the merc was gettin’ in his daily workout. He’d just finished a set of curls and sat down on the weight bench to take a long pull from his water bottle when a smart smack caught him across the back of his head. The water bottle went flying and he whirled round to face his assailant.

“Ruttin’ hell, girl, what’s your problem?”

“I think it’s more like ‘our’ problem, Jayne,” she said, pointedly, her little heart-shaped face flushed with anger.

Jayne scowled and rubbed the back of his head. “Ow - that hurts!”

“Good!” Kaylee planted her fists on her hips and glared up at the big man now towering over her. “Serves you right, you thoughtless hún dàn. Don’t you know you ain’t supposed to go sharin’ that stuff?”

“What stuff? Have you lost yer mind?” He shook his head in frustration. “I got no idea what in the dì yù yer talkin’ about, Kaylee.”

She pulled the note from her overalls and held it up in front of him. “When was you gonna tell me?” Her voice was stiff with fury.

Jayne reached out and snatched the note from her. “Ya weren’t supposed to see that. Was gonna be a surprise,” he pouted.

“Well, that it was, gorrammit.” She frowned and crossed her arms over her bosom. “What were ya thinkin’, Jayne, givin’ me somethin’ like that, somethin’ you got from somebody else.”

The merc looked at her quizzically. “Well, babygirl, I had to git it from somebody else to have it to give to ya. Yer always sayin’ I never give ya nothin’ and I figured this was somethin’ you’d really like.” He scratched nervously at the nape of his neck. "Kaylee, I know I ain't real good at this romancin' thing. Never had much cause to do it before. But you ‘least gotta give me credit fer tryin’.”

The outraged mechanic just stomped her foot. “If this is your idea of romancin’, then maybe we’d best part ways, Jayne Cobb! I played around my share, just like you, but I never got the clap before.”

Jayne jerked away. “Ai ya, girl, you got the clap? Why didn’t you say somethin’? Ni juede wo hen ben ma? I sure as hell wouldn’t a been sexin’ with ya if I’d a knowed that.” He glared back at her.

“If I got the clap, you mo qing de yao guai, it come from you! Ain’t been with nobody else goin’ on near six months.”

Jayne’s jaw dropped. “Kaylee, I ain’t got the clap. I didn’t give ya the clap.” He waved the note at her incredulously. “You ain’t makin’ no sense!”

He turned and walked over to pick up his water bottle. The girl was temperamental – hell, all women were - but for the life of him, the merc couldn’t understand why she’d concluded he’d given her such a thing. He’d just wanted to do something to please her and now the whole business looked to have blown up in his face.

The big man was often the object of blame and ridicule on the ship and he was plumb tired of it. He turned on Kaylee and irately shook the water bottle at her as he loudly and definitively announced, “Fer the last time, I. Ain’t. Got. The. Clap!”

“Hey!” Mal’s irritated voice echoed off the bay walls from where he stood above them on the catwalk. “Somebody wanna tell me why you two are makin’ such a fuss about a social disease on my boat? Jayne, I’d expect such a thing from you, given where you play, but Mèi mei, I’da figured you had more sense than to go slummin’ with that, that… with him.” He pointed at his mercenary.

“Best take your dumb selves down to the medbay and get the doctor to treat you both.” He shook his head in utter disgust and announced over his shoulder as he headed back toward the bridge, “An next time, for pete’s sake, use a little sense about… that stuff.”

In the resounding silence that followed, the pair faced off, boots planted well apart, arms crossed, regarding one another warily. Big, fat tears welled up in Kaylee’s dark eyes and rolled down her full cheeks as her lower lip quivered.

Jayne Cobb was as cool as ice in a firefight, handled himself with consummate skill in a brawl, but seein’ his ai ren in tears just undid the man.

“Kaylee, darlin’,” he spoke hesitantly, “I truly don’t know what all this fei hua is about. All I was wantin’ to do was to git ya somethin’ special fer Valentine’s Day. Didn’t have no idea I’d left that note in my pants, nor that you’d find it.”

Although was nearly the middle of February, their last two jobs had gone bad, and Kaylee hadn’t even thought about the holiday. The significance of Jayne’s note abruptly hit home. “Tzao gao!” she groaned, and plopped down on the end of the weight bench. Mortified, she covered her wet and scarlet face with her hands.

“The V.D. means Valentine’s Day, don’t it?”

“That’s what I been tryin’ to tell ya, darlin’.”

“Oh Jayne,” she murmured, “I been such an idiot.” She looked up at him and asked, “Can you forgive me, bao bei?”

He sat down beside her and slid a massive arm across her trembling shoulders, pulling her close. “O’course I forgive ya, babygirl, just so’s you don’t go smackin’ me in the back a the head again. You got a hard li’l hand fer a woman.”

They sat together quietly for a few moments, until Kaylee’s inherent curiosity got the better of her. Leaning her head against his chest, she gazed up at him and asked, “You gonna tell me what you got me?”

Jayne thought about it for a minute. “I know Valentine’s Day ain’t ‘til the end a the week, but after all this gos se, might be best to just show ya. Come on…” He stood and held out his hand, then led her back to his bunk.

Following Kaylee down the ladder, he latched it shut, then turned to face the eager young woman perched expectantly on his futon. He smiled sheepishly.

“Didn’t have no way to wrap it up fancy for ya, but I guess that’s not important. How ‘bout you just close yer eyes, dong ma?”

Kaylee was puzzled but decided to play along. Presents were always good.

“Okay, eyes closed.” She could hear him opening his locker, then the sound of gear and clothing cascading onto the deck as he rooted around for the surprise.

“Hold out yer hands, now.” He placed a flat, rectangular box in her grasp.

No longer able to contain her excitement, Kaylee stared, mouth agape, at a large box of premium chocolate-dipped cherries. Real Chocolate, the label said.

“Lord, Jayne, you musta spent a gorram fortune on these!”

The big man grinned proudly. “Only the best for m’girl. I tried to get chocolate dipped strawberries but seems they don’t make ‘em. Spoils too fast or somethin’.”

Kaylee tore the cellophane wrapper from the box and quickly pulled the lid off, then popped one of the dark, sweet spheres into her mouth. The expression of utter sensual pleasure on her face as her eyes fell closed and she swirled the treat upon her tongue was enough to get Jayne hard.

She savored the succulent sweetness, then quickly reached for another cherry, only to have Jayne’s hand snake out and stop her.

“The candy’s only part of the present, ‘Kay,” he told her.


He grinned down at her, a wicked twinkle in his bright blue eyes. “The rest is how we’re gonna eat it.”


The end


Monday, February 5, 2007 6:09 AM


>The merc looked at her quizzically. “Well, babygirl, I had to git it from somebody else to have it to give to ya. Yer always sayin’ I never give ya nothin’ and I figured this was somethin’ you’d really like.” He scratched nervously at the nape of his neck. "Kaylee, I know I ain't real good at this romancin' thing. Never had much cause to do it before. But you ‘least gotta give me credit fer tryin’.”

By this part in the story I was laughing so hard that no sound was even coming out any more!

Also, loved Mal here. Perfect!

Monday, February 5, 2007 12:32 PM


Soon as I saw what you had the note say, I got a feeling something like this would happen, hisgoodgirl;D

Definitely gotta agree with girlfan...was struggling not to bust a gut over the line about giving Jayne credit for trying to give Kaylee a gift for Valentine's Day when Kaylee thinks he gave her gonorrhea:D


Monday, August 22, 2011 3:10 AM


needed a good laugh about now. Thanls for sharing!


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