Mal lifted the bottle and poured a large slug, somewhat unsteadily, into his mug, then topped up the one opposite him.

“… ‘n’ that’s when he decided I was old enough.” He laughed. “Damn thing was five times my height, and he expected me to ride it.” His laughter grew. “Biggest fengle horse you ever saw, and me a squirt no higher than my knee. I thought I was done for, and no mistake. But Gil, he lifted me up onto that monstrosity, settled my feet into the stirrups, and led me around the corral.” He hiccupped slightly. “I was only five, I didn’t know Horace was the gentlest horse you’re ever likely to see.”

Mal took a mouthful of liquor, wiping his chin where he’d spilled a drop, still grinning.

“Course, once I figured out they weren’t gonna kick me to death or stomp me into the dirt you couldn’t keep me away from ‘em. Got me a sweet little ride for my eighth birthday, and from then on I was out with the men whenever I could, if I wasn’t at my lessons or doing chores.” He smiled lopsidedly. “A great one for lessons was my momma. Said it was the best way for a man to improve himself, that and cleaning out the kitchen stove. She sure made me tired before I went to bed every night.”

His smile took on a wistful touch. “Used to sleep in the roof, had a window and everything. I’d lay there awake and look at the stars, wondering who was out there, what kinda adventures they were having. Used to dream sometimes of floatin‘ amongst ‘em.”

He leaned forward, staring into his mug. “Never thought I’d be out there. Always knew how my life was gonna turn out. My Ma’d stake me to a place, probably adjoining hers, and I’d build a house, white picket fence, the whole deal, and get me a herd. Get me a wife too, and half a dozen fat children. All boys. ‘Cept for maybe one girl, just for me to spoil.”

He choked for a moment and drank quickly, swallowing back thoughts of other children.

“But the war came and I decided I had to do the right thing. My momma waved me off, standing watching me until I was out of sight, and probably then some. I could still feel her eyes on me as I boarded the transport, finally leaving Shadow to see the stars at close hand.”

He looked at the woman opposite. “Wish I coulda told my Ma how I felt. That I loved her, and that I’d miss her. When I heard about what the Alliance had done, the way they’d scorched the place, all I could think was that I hadn’t got a chance to tell her.”

Emptying the mug down his throat, he let the heat build in his belly before refilling it. He gestured to the other cup but she shook her head.

“All the more for me,” he grinned, his emotions on an alcoholic switch-back. “Hell, but those stars were pretty. I guess you forget when they’re what you see most times you look out a window, but I just kinda fell in love with ‘em. Course, hardly ever saw ‘em for the next six years, ‘cept when we were travelling between battlefields.”

His words were slurring a little now as the drink finally began to befuddle his brain, and he shook his head to try and clear it.

“Then I saw this boat. Just sitting there, like nobody loved her, out on the edge of the yard. The owner didn’t even show her to me, but I knew when she told me she was the one I wanted. Just like … only this time I listened.” He sat back. “Bought her with the compensation the great Alliance paid for the loss of the ranch on Shadow.” He waved the mug, spilling booze on his hand. “I’d never’ve taken it, you know, if Freya hadn’t told me to screw them for every penny I could. Didn’t get anywhere near what my home was worth, a’course, but it was enough. Enough to buy me a piece of my sky. Been there ever since. Still flying.”

He stopped talking, his eyes unfocused as he remembered, and Zoe looked up to see Freya standing in the doorway.

She got up and crossed the galley floor quietly. “He’s okay,” she said, looking back at her captain then at Freya. “He gets like this, once in a while. ‘Bout once a year, less since you’ve been in his bed, and not at all since you got married. But I guess it‘s time.” She sighed. “Some of the stuff I’ve heard before, but there’s always something new. Things he’s never told anyone.”

“Not even me,” Freya said, nodding, remembering a conversation she and Mal had had not that long ago.

“He needs to get it out of his system.”

Freya nodded. “I understand.” She smiled a little. “Just make sure he gets to bed at some point, dong mah?”

Zoe sighed. “He usually ends up under the table, sleeping it off like a little boy, but I’ll try.”

“No. In which case, just … put a pillow under his head.”

“I can do that.” Zoe looked at the captain’s wife. “He’s okay, you know.”

“I know.” Freya stroked the mound at her waist. “Take care of him.” She glanced across once more at her husband, then slowly made her way back down to her bunk, leaving Mal to the ministrations of his other woman.