Mal Love Bots for Sale! (3/?) Word Count: 1,749 per Word Rating: PG-13 Author’s Note: For damiarvn, srichard, obsidianagirl Summary: For clarification, this little series is post BDM and Inara has left again. I’ll admit to being lazy (actually, my muse just didn’t’ want to go there) and not wanting to deal with the entire Mal/Inara issues, but in this they tried to work it out, I mean really tried, but well, Mal was Mal and Inara was Inara and it just didn’t work. River has also managed to get some measure of control against the crew on the ship. Not a lot mind you, but enough to block them a little bit. Also, I promise I will try to keep the cliffy’s out of this one, but I’m not promising anything Sid!

Places Mal Love Bot orders for all her shiny reviewers from Chapter 1 & 2. You know who you are.

* * * * * * * * * * *

“You know what.” Simon stiffly replied. His hands were balled into fists at his side.

“I really don’t.” Mal’s face was the picture of confusion as he stood up. “You and River sleeping in her bed last night.”

Mal’s face brightened considerably at this. “Oh, that.”

“Did you enjoy molesting my emotionally traumatized, underage sister?”

“First, she’s eighteen and if memory serves me, that’s the legal age of consent on every known planet and moon in the verse. Second, it was her idea. Third, what happened or didn’t happen between me and River is none of your gorram business.” Mal replied smugly, as he folded his arms over his chest.

“I…you…”

One part of Simon’s brain registered that Mal was way too happy about this conversation while another part told him that it was the captain’s perverse nature that made him act this way. Simon’s rage once again took prevalence and his right fist launched itself at Mal’s face.

Mal was prepared for it and he caught Simon’s arm and twisted it behind his back.

“Now Doc, I guess you need to have a discussion about the birds and the bees with your little sister then. Otherwise, leave me alone.

“I just came to tell you I’d need your supply list tomorrow when we stop on New Melbourne.”

Mal released him and left the room.

Simon stood there breathing hard, frustration written in every line of his body. His mind raced over the confrontation and found no satisfaction in it, he picked up a tray and was about to throw it across the room, when something Mal had said caught his attention.

He needed to talk to River ‘about the birds and the bees’. Oh God.

Simon’s rage left him in a huge whoosh as panic and anxiety gained supremacy. He collapsed against the med-chair and stared dumbstruck at the wall.

* * * * * Mal grinned as he entered the kitchen. Now that the Doc was confronted with the fact that River was an adult, maybe he’d stop complaining.

Fixing himself a cup of coffee, he carried it with him up to the bridge to check the Cortex and Serenity’s course.

River skipped happily into the dining room. It was her turn to fix breakfast and she’d had a wonderful nights sleep.

The smell of protein bacon and eggs frying, quickly had the crew assembling. Simon was the last to arrive and he watched pensively from his chair as River joyously went about her chores.

Sighing dejectedly at her antics, he then turned to glare at Mal as he walked in.

Mal just raised his eyebrows with a superior air.

Cowed but not beaten, Simon turned to give Kaylee a morning kiss. He’d talk with River later, much later.

“What’s crazy so happy about?” Jayne grumbled as he began to shovel his food into his mouth.

“Flew like a bird away from the demons, safe into daddy’s arms. Rose like a phoenix from the flames over and over again, in pain and delight, all night long.”

Simon choked on his eggs.

“Sounds restful.” Mal acknowledged with a satisfied smile.

River beamed in response.

Simon glowered as he stood abruptly.

“River, I need to talk to you in the med-bay now.” Simon stalked out of the room.

River wore a bemused look as she followed him out.

Simon paced around the room as he waited for River. His mind was a confused bundle of pertinent facts and anguish. His sweet, little sister was having sex. The idea of that scared him and infuriated him simultaneously.

River entered the room cautiously. Simon had been projecting anger and anxiety as she walked in. She wasn’t sure what was wrong but finally managed to shut his thoughts out.

“Simon?”

Simon really hated having to talk to her about this but it was his responsibility as her doctor and brother. Taking a deep breath Simon began.

“River, you know that when two people love each other very much, they express themselves in physical ways.”

“Like you and Kaylee. Rutting in the engine room, kitchen, and med-bay.”

“I…uh…” Simon was momentarily distracted, “rutting is not the word for what Kaylee and I do. Its called making love.”

River just nodded, hoping that he would get to the point soon.

“Anyway, when two consenting, mature adults love each other and decide to have sex…”

River realized where this talk was heading.

“I know all about copulation. Mom talked of women’s temples and how men worship at them. Learned the facts from a book at the Academy. Over 100 positions in the Kama Sutra, Kaylee would like to try…”

“Do you know what your doing?”

River gave him her ‘you’re an idiot’ look.

“I mean, I saw who was in your bunk last night. I’m not sure that…”

River grasped his hands and turned beseeching eyes on him, her face awash with panic.

“Don’t tell. No one will understand. Must keep secret.”

“Oh mei-mei, I don’t know how long it’s gonna remain a secret, but I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“Not even Kaylee.”

Simon smiled indulgently. “Not even Kaylee.”

“Swear.”

“Swear on my dedicated source box.” Simon invoked their childhood traditional promise.

Grinning, she kissed his cheeks and flitted way.

Just then it struck him, his brat of a sister had gotten him to swear not to tell anyone about her and Mal.

“I heard that.” River’s laughing voice carried in from the cargo bay.

Simon’s shoulders sagged. River and Mal were sleeping together and there was nothing he could do about it. Or maybe there was? Simon smiled in satisfaction.

* * * * * Mal lay on his bunk staring at the ceiling, thinking about River.

He remembered it as if it were yesterday, when he first kicked open that crate to see her curled fetal-like in it.

The rage that coursed through him at the thought that that prissy, high-class doctor had bought her. He planned on tearing him limb from limb. Then only to find out that she was his sister.

Then later that same day as he watched her sleep in the infirmary, all he could think was that she was a living example of what he had fought so desperately for in the war.

Her craziness and childlike behavior over the months after that until Early had shown up. She’d understood how he felt. He might have been groggy when she’d said it, but he’d felt she was reading his mind when she’d said ‘You crawl inside me uninvited and you hurt my crew’. She’d said it with all the anger he’d been feeling at the time.

Then at the Maidenhead when she’d been triggered, all of a sudden she wasn’t Simon’s crazy little sister anymore. She was something more. Something that the Alliance had crafted to kill and destroy and dear Lord, how he had dreaded and loathed the thought of actually having to be the one to pull the trigger and put her down.

Later, watching her slumber, chained in the pantry like some wild creature. The thought of what had once been a little girl turned into a ruthless killer twisted his gut something fierce.

None of that compared to that moment on Mr. Universe’s moon, when he’d stepped out of the lift to see everyone there but her. He’d felt like he would never be able to breath again.

Never mind the sword he’d taken to the gut, that feeling of total loss and emptiness was about to do him in when the blast doors opened and there she stood in all her bloody glory.

At that moment, he could breath again and all he wanted to do was fall at her feet to worship her as the death goddess she was. Fate had other plans because as he was about to walk towards her, the purple bellies burst into the room.

He’d watched as she eyed them then turning back to the crew, to him, for instruction; then her fingers tightening on the blades, preparing to deliver death to the soldiers who threatened their family.

It was then he knew she was his kind of crazy, but she was seventeen and he quickly squelched those thoughts. Those thoughts were part and parcel of that piece of him that had been hidden and protected since the war.

He’d already made enough mistakes with his crew. He didn’t need messing up the youngest member of his crew to add to his list of sins. So he’d turned back to his obsession with Inara and he’d really tried to make it work.

If he was honest with himself, he really hadn’t given it everything. That part he’d buried was a vital piece to making any relationship work and since he couldn’t give that to Inara, he’d destroyed them and chased her off again.

Now with what was happening, maybe, just maybe, his little albatross was ready and able to accept that piece of him. * * * * * Simon explained to Kaylee that he was concerned about River and wanted to be close by and so would be sleeping in his old room for a few days.

Kaylee had pouted for a few minutes until Simon assured her that it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be taking her to bed every night. Kaylee beamed, then told him she understood and that she was sure he’d make it up to her.

The first night he peeked in to see River sleeping all alone curled up into a ball.

With his door open, he retired to the bunk.

When he checked in the next morning, there was Mal spooned around his sister.

Figuring he’d slept too heavily, so the next night he slept across her doorway, after again checking to ensure that she was alone.

Morning brought the revelation that that idea hadn’t worked. River was draped over, what appeared to be, a fully naked Mal.

Furious but not beaten, Simon decided to rig a string from her door into his cabin attached to some empty cans. He set it up so that if her door opened even an inch, they would hit the floor and cause a terrible racket.

He fell asleep that night confident that Mal wouldn’t see his contraption and he could catch him in the act of sneaking in.

The next morning Simon had to admit defeat. He’d open River’s door after disabling his alarm to get an eyeful of Mal’s naked ass.