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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - DRAMA
I can't believe that he's really gone now [is it really so hard, now?] It feels so cold now, without him here [Did you ever try to make it warm for him?] River is broken by his death [As if you aren't]. I want to forget... [...but a part of you really doesn't want to, right?]
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 1161 RATING: 8 SERIES: FIREFLY
She paced restlessly upon the deck, a little outside of the engine room. A frown split her normaly cheery face in two. Her eyes were red; it was obvious that she had been crying for a few hours, but the reality was a few days. Her hands nervously clasped and unclasped behind her. "I still can't believe he's gone," she said to the empty, silent hallway.
Is it really so hard for you? She tried to drown out that annoying, all too truthful voice that made itself in the everpresent, and growwing back of her mind. It continued onwards, oblivious to her greatest try at sequestering it for good. Can you honostely say that you can't go on?.
She didn't answer, as answering a voice in her head was not considered entirely sane by the folk in the 'Verse. Instead, she unconciously started rubbing her arm, in the false hope that the friction between her skin and the fabric of her coveralls would give her some extra warmth. Serenity was awfully cold now, with... him gone. She didn't look up when Inara poked her head in.
The Companion had seen better times, for sure. Her eyes, while not as bad as Kaylee's, were obviously all dried up now, some inflamed red making itself past the makeup that she so cautiously and stubbornly applied every morning. "Mei-mei, you can come in now."
Kaylee tried to smile, but could only go so far as to wipe most of the frown off her face, giving her a thoughtful expression. "Thanks, 'Nara, but I think that I'll wait a litte longer. Don' wanna hurt 'im none just cuz I'm so sad."
Inara nodded sagely. "Of course. Remember, mei-mei: Me, Mal, and Zoe are always here to help you. I know it hurts, but it will all be okay in the end." She pulled her back.
"Yeah, it hurts, 'Nara," whispered Kaylee to the cold, empty hallway. "Too much for you ta know."
Ah, but doesn't the pain recede every moment you dwell on it? Does it not get easier to bear? She went back down the hall, not bothering to go to her room. There was something she needed to do. You know that you don't want to.
She came to his room, pausing a moment at the doorway. She heard crying. She entered cautiously, eyes casting about for who she knew was there. "River."
She was hit worst. She saw im die. The rest only saw the body. She saw the blood. She saw her retribution. She felt the misery of having him die because of her. She sobbed all the harder at her name. Kaylee sat down next to her. The younger girl shyed away as if she would be burned. Or would burn her. One never knew with a reader.
She searched for words to comfort the girl. She had refused to eat, and had been crying nonstop for three days straight. See? She grieves for him the way you can not.
She instead simply hugged River, enveloping the wiry frame in her arms as she shook and sobbed. Her eyes watered in pain. "I know."
River didn't respond, simply sobbing into the older girls arms as she wet Kaylee's sleeves with her tears. Kaylee repeated her mantra over and over again. "I know, I know, I know."
Abruptly, River lashed out blindly, striking Kaylee on the cheeks. "NO!!! You couldn't know! You didn't love him! You never let him! YOU NEVER LET YOURSELF!!!!" She jumped away, launching herself lightly from the bed. Anger glazed in her eyes, blind and fiery.
She sees through you, Love. Kaylee reached out her hand. River glared at her and ran from the room.
Kaylee let her hand fall, tears runneling down her cheeks one by one by one. No sound escaped her, and she reached inside her deep pocket. She pulled out a single red rose. It's thorn pricked her slightly, letting a few small drops of blood well up. She paid it no heed.
She placed the rose in front of the picture of Simon that was by his bed. Blood fell onto it as she pulled her hand away.
When Kaylee sat down to dinner that night, her face was devoid of emotion. No pain, no hurt. No love, no laughter. Your true face..
"Maybe your right," she whispered to herself. Mal didn't smile at her.
"Mei-mei. Your a bit late," he said blandly. That was fine. He was never one to let others know how bad he was hurt deep down. "Foods gettin' cold."
"Sorry, cap'n. Had a few things to think on." Curt question, curt answer. She didn't look at River, and didn't make eye contact with any of them. No one questioned why. She sullenly poked at the lo mein on her plate, few of the noodles leaving the plate and fewer still reaching her mouth. Pity, they hardly ever had anything so solid as this. After ten minutes, she pushed her plate away.
She stood up and left. No one looked up from their dinners.
It was at times like these that Kaylee wished that Jayne was still alive. He really knew how to lighten up a situation, even if it was to the detriment of her rapidly diminishing child mind. Damn merc... course he had ta die in a heist. Even when Simon told him he was gonna die, he just laughed and asked for a last bottle before he went. Simon didn't need to remind Mal that they were low on meds again ever again. You cried like River did, then. Not like now. Maybe you didn't actualy love him. Only you know the real truth.
"Biu zhui," she said out loud. Her bunk was empty and cold. Serenity always seemed so cold now... never could get her to seem warm. Too much blood... bad blood, had run in these here halls. They was all older now, but Mal showed it worst. Gray topped his entire head, and a widows peak ran on either side. Wrinkles lined his face. Prolly why he decided to take Xander on ship. Young kid, marginally good with a gun when the need came. Couldn't be more'n twenty. He wasn't one to worship them for what happened on Miranda six years back. Or to curse 'em, either.
It was amazing, really, how bad their luck had been after then. Badger was driven offa Persephone. Reavers... well, they was always moving outwards, even more so after the Alliance had nearly collapsed from all of the riots on Ariel and Osiris, among others. Kaylee sighed. That was probably why Jayne died. Three bullets to the chest, and one that grazed his neck. Simon hadn't the supplies to save him then. He had beat himself up over it, despite all of Kaylees efforts to get him out of his funk. Was he just a toy for your pleasure to you?
"Please... bui zhui. Please. I don't need this now." No nagging voice answered her.
Still... maybe River was right. Oh, sure, she had said she loved him. In bed, though. After their nights together. But... did it really make her love him? She found herself wishing for the inner voice to speak again.
Four days ago, Simon Tam was killed on Greenleaf in an Alliance raid. His body was commited to the Black, all resplendent in white cloth. Burial at sea. Maybe he'd run into Jayne's body, which was also out there.
Jayne Cobb was killed three years ago, covering for Mal and Zoe in a failed attempt to liberate some supplies from a small town out on the fringe, which was owned solely by Patience. She had moved beyond the borders of Whitefall, now. Less and less room for the likes of Serenity to wiggle pass each day.
It was so cold. Kaylee let her arm drop down off her hammock, tears welling in her eyes.
Sunday, January 14, 2007 2:40 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007 2:41 PM
Monday, January 15, 2007 7:49 AM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007 5:14 PM
Saturday, February 3, 2007 12:59 PM
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