BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

TAMSIBLING

A NEW DAY, ch. 31: Time to Say Goodbye
Thursday, October 19, 2006

Set after A NEW BEGINNING. The outbreak rages and Simon is pulled in too many directions. S/K, R/J, M/I


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3410    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

A/N: Well, as you might guess by the title, the speculation of who will die is ended with this chapter. I'd say enjoy, but that'd just be disturbing.

Thanks to Leiasky for the great beta!

***

A NEW DAY, ch. 31: Time to Say Goodbye

***

“River?”

Jayne’s voice was barely recognizable it was so hoarse and raspy from the coughing and distress his throat and body had been under. But River heard it and was leaning over him in an instant, a cool hand to his forehead.

“Hey you,” she murmured, trying to keep her tears in. She was so grateful he was alert; it had been days since he’d been able to speak. “How’re you doing?”

Shaking his head, he breathed in to talk again and it lit off another coughing jag. Helping him sit up, River sat behind him and held his shoulders as he coughed, his hand coming away bloody. With a weary sigh, he sagged all of his weight against her, and murmured, “Not so good.”

Nodding once, River held him for another minute and then gently eased him back onto the cot. Sitting beside him, she whispered, “I know, baby, I know. But you’re going to be okay. Simon’s taking really good care of you.”

Reaching for her hand, River gave it to him, and watched as he again blinked his tired eyes open in her direction. “I’m sorry, River,” he murmured, his voice coming with even more difficulty as his body again fought to stay awake.

Shaking her head, River felt her tears come lose as she asked, “Sorry for what? You’ve don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“For leavin’ ya,” Jayne rasped, coughing again. “For leavin’ ya alone, I din’t know I would. I don’t wanna.”

Taking his face firmly in her hands, River whispered fiercely, “Then don’t, Jayne Cobb. Do you hear me? Don’t. Stay with me. Please,” she whimpered as he again fell unconscious. Glancing to his monitors, River’s breath caught in her throat and she prayed that Simon would return soon.

***

Simon had ushered Kaylee and Daniel into the school and gotten them settled, when Mal approached him. Looking concernedly over the younger man’s shoulder to his family, Mal asked in a low voice, “They gonna be okay?”

Following his gaze, Simon told him, “I certainly hope so. Danny’s the one I’m really worried about. His chest and ears are infected.”

Digesting this info, Mal asked, “Hey doc, ain’t there a test or somethin’ you can-“

“Simon!”

River’s pained cry ripped through the room like a knife, stabbing Simon squarely in the heart. Bolting past Mal he was to her side in a moment, Kaylee quick on his heels, despite how tired she was. As Simon knelt at Jayne’s side, he immediately saw what had his sister so upset – the man was fighting to breathe and losing.

Looking to Mal, Simon ordered, “I need that tray, against the far wall, now.”

As the captain went in the direction he’d pointed, Simon looked back to Jayne, laying him flat and trying to ignore his sister’s whimpering. Kaylee had wrapped the young woman in a tight embrace and was trying to calm her, but it was no use. River could feel, more than any of the rest of them would ever be able to see, how severe Jayne’s condition was. As Mal returned with the tools he needed, Simon spoke to his sister in even, authoritative tones. “River, I’m going to help him breathe. He just needs help to breathe. Okay?”

River nodded once, but could not speak. She could only focus her eyes on Jayne’s body as it struggled to take in oxygen. She could only focus her mind on his pain as his body felt as though it were drowning in disease. She could only focus her heart on his because they were two parts of one whole.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetie,” Kaylee murmured to her, trying not to watch as Simon shoved the tube into Jayne’s mouth and hooked him up to some kind of machine. “He’ll be okay.”

Shaking her head, River still could not speak. She didn’t know that, Kaylee didn’t, Simon didn’t, and worst of all, River didn’t. As soon as Simon had determined Jayne was out of immediate danger and he’d cleared the man’s cot, River flung herself forward, crying over Jayne as Mal, Kaylee and Simon all watched helplessly.

“Simon?” Kaylee’s voice, heavy with tears, pulled Simon’s eyes from his sister’s shaking form and when he turned to her, he saw that those tears had filled her beautiful eyes. “He gonna be okay?”

Shaking his head, Simon told her quietly, “I don’t know, bao bei.” Taking her hand gently, he said, “But I need to get you back to bed.” Looking once more to River, Simon looked as though he might say something, but Mal’s hand to his arm stopped him. “I’ll stick close,” the captain told him.

Nodding his gratitude, Simon guided Kaylee back to her cot and with a heavy heart Mal took a seat opposite River, watching over her.

***

In another two days, Kaylee’s rash had appeared, but her other symptoms were lessening, easing Simon’s worry. Half of the school was now empty as a few more people were well enough and no longer contagious and therefore allowed to go home. But there were still a few people in danger, Jayne and Daniel among them.

Simon had been unable to remove the intubation tube from Jayne’s throat, meaning he still needed the help of machines to breathe. And while that normally wouldn’t have bothered him as much, the fact that Jayne’s lungs seemed to be filling with more fluid, instead of draining of it, was of great concern to him. Plus, the man’s fever had yet to break, and until Simon saw it fall back under a hundred, he wasn’t going to consider his brother-in-law out of the woods.

And he was growing a bit concerned that his sister was also falling prey to the same illness. Her already pale skin had sallowed over the past few days, her eyes sunken into her head, any of the light they usually possessed gone. She refused to let Simon examine her, refused to so much as talk with him when he was tending to Jayne. He guessed that she was worried he’d be too distracted, worrying about his mei mei, instead of trying to save her husband. But Simon knew he would work himself into an early grave if it meant his family – his whole family – would be safe.

Daniel was another matter entirely. His entire head was throbbing and there was little Simon could do for him. He had already administered the maximum amount of antibiotics his body could take and while his ears were still infected, his rash had gone. But his fever too, was still dangerously high and Simon was monitoring him closely.

And Simon was tired. Exhausted, actually. As his weary gaze circled the room, he saw the people before him, some marginally sick, others dangerously so, and their families surrounding them, and felt his heart grow heavy. He had done all he could, that was the truth. He had tapped out all of his own medical supplies, knowing that should anyone so much as need an aspirin in the next few months, he’d be hard-pressed to accommodate them. But it was his job, part of the oath he had taken so many years ago on a planet so far from this one. However, his commitment to health had not changed.

Which was why his sister’s pain and his son’s affected him so. Simon was of course concerned about Jayne’s condition. He had seen plenty of cases of pneumonia that patients did not rebound from, and as the days dragged on, it became more apparent to Simon how severely compromised the big man’s immune system must have been. But what worried Simon even more was his sister’s stability. She was not doing well, and everyone could tell. He and Mal, an even Kaylee when she’d felt up to it, had sat with River, trying to comfort her, distract her, anything to take her mind off of Jayne. But with her innate stubbornness she had simply pushed them away, staying by Jayne’s side, no matter what. Rubbing a hand across his brow, Simon did not want to think about what would happen if Jayne didn’t make it.

Turning back to the front of the room, he was about to check on a patient, when Daniel’s pained cry reached him. “Daddy!”

Rushing to his son’s side, Kaylee was already there, trying to comfort the boy, but he was sobbing heavily, his body curled into the tighest ball while he pressed his hands to the side of his head. “It hurts, it hurts,” he kept whimpering, causing Kaylee’s own eyes to fill with tears.

Glancing to Simon as he approached, Kaylee moved out of his way, watching nervously as he worked. “Danny, sweetheart, you need to let me take a look,” Simon told him calmly, trying to pull his hands away from his head.

“No, it’ll just hurt more,” he moaned, yanking his hands from Simon’s grasp.

“I know, buddy, but I have to see what’s wrong, or I won’t be able to stop it from hurting.” Simon reached for his instruments, never far away from just about any of the cots around the room. Turning back to him, he saw that Daniel had still not moved his hands and so with pleading eyes he turned to Kaylee.

Nodding once, she bit her lip and moved forward sitting on his other side. Pulling him up and into her lap, Kaylee whispered into his hair, “I know it hurts, baby, but daddy’s gonna help. He’s gotta look at your ears, okay?”

Daniel leaned heavily against his mother and let her move one of his hands, allowing Simon the chance to take a look inside the boy’s inflamed ear. “Ow,” he hissed, as the cold plastic of the tool slid into his ear canal.

“It’s okay, buddy,” Simon murmured, not at all liking what he was seeing. “It’s okay. I’m just going to check the other one now, all right?”

Shifting him in her lap, Kaylee gave Simon clear access to their son’s other ear. Once Simon had pulled away, Daniel wrapped his arms tight around his mother and she rocked him for a bit, murmuring to him, “That’s my good boy.”

Simon returned in a few minutes, a syringe full of something in his hand, and taking Daniel’s arm, injected it quickly. As he nodded off to sleep, Kaylee laid him down gently and Simon came around to stand beside her. Looking to him with tear-filled eyes, she asked, “Is he gonna be okay?”

Frowning, Simon told her, “His ears are in really bad shape. They’ve never been this bad before.”

Rising, Kaylee stood before him, fisting her hands in his shirt. “But you can help him, right? He’s gonna be okay?”

Sighing, Simon told her quietly, “I’m giving him all the medicine I can, but until his ears drain, there’s not a lot we can do.”

“Well, when’s that gonna be,” Kaylee asked, risking another look over her shoulder at their now sleeping son.

Taking her face in his hands, Simon said, “I don’t know, Kaylee. The infection has to run its course.”

“He’s hurtin’ so bad, Simon,” she breathed, hating to see her children in pain.

“I know,” Simon whispered, pulling her close. “I know.”

They stood in the embrace for a moment, before the sound of Mal clearing his throat interrupted them. Turning to face him, Simon saw the alarmed look on the man’s face and asked, “What is it?”

Glancing over his shoulder to where River sat with Jayne, Mal told him, “I think River needs ya.”

Furrowing his brow, Simon stepped away from Kaylee and asked, “Why? Is Jayne?”

“Oh, he ain’t any better, but she’s …” Mal trailed off uncertain of how to finish his statement. He didn’t like the feeling that he was ratting on the girl, but gorramit, he cared about her and if that meant getting Simon over there to give her some help, than so be it. “She’s soundin’ a mite like she did when you first brought her on board,” he admitted.

With a heavy sigh, Simon murmured, “Crazy.”

Nodding once, Mal said, “I hate to say it, but, yeah.”

Looking to Mal with a weary gaze, Simon pressed a kiss to his wife’s cheek and moved towards his sister. As Kaylee made to follow, Simon told her, “Stay with Danny. I’ve got this.”

Making his way through the rows of cots, Simon approached her cautiously, listening with a heavy heart as she muttered incoherently, drawing lazy circular patterns along Jayne’s arm.

Kneeling beside her, Simon placed a light hand to her knee and whispered, “River?”

She cocked her head in his direction, but did not meet his gaze. “She listens, but she doesn’t comprehend,” she said faintly, her hands never stilling.

Placing his hands over hers, Simon said softly, “Mei mei, I think we need to go for a walk. Get some fresh air. What do you say?”

Shaking her head, River told him, “No. Fresh air has germs, not good for healthy people.”

Swallowing hard, Simon look to Jayne’s unconscious form and back again. Taking a guess, he asked her, “River, do you know something? About what’s happening to Jayne?”

“He’s going to fight,” she told him, finally bringing her eyes to his. He inhaled sharply as he saw the tears she had welling there. “He is. He doesn’t want to go, so he’s going to fight.”

Reaching up a hand to her face, Simon whispered, “Of course, he is, mei mei. He can’t leave you.”

This statement seemed to release something in River and she lunged forward tightly grabbing at Simon’s shoulders. “Help him, Simon,” she begged, tears running in steady streams down her face. “Please, I can’t be alone.”

Pulling her into a hug, Simon blinked back his own tears at her distress. “I will, mei mei, anything and everything I can, I promise.”

River nodded once and then buried her face in his shoulder and cried, like she had so many times before and knew she would so many times again.

***

“Rylee?”

Inara had searched the entire house for the girl and come up empty. Circling back through the downstairs, she saw Mimi playing quietly, and glimpsed the twins asleep in their bassinet. Deciding to look again, Inara mounted the stairs and called for her.

“Rylee?” She wasn’t in her room, Inara’s room, Simon and Kaylee’s room or River and Jayne’s room. Passing by Daniel’s door, Inara could only shake her head at her shortsightedness, and with a sigh, she pushed it open.

Sitting on Daniel’s bed, picking at the threads in his afghan was Rylee. Looking up at Inara’s entrance, the woman’s heart went out to the girl as she saw big tears well in her eyes and run down her cheeks.

Moving towards her, Inara sat down and said, “I’ve been looking for you, little one. You scared me.”

Shrugging, Rylee muttered, “Sorry,” her eyes again falling down.

“It’s almost time for lunch,” Inara announced, holding out her hand to the girl. “You want to help me?”

Shaking her head, Rylee sighed heavily and said, “No, I’m fine.”

Fearing the worst, Inara inched towards her and placed a hand to her forehead. “Are you feeling all right, sweetie? You’re not sick are you?”

Shaking off her hand, Rylee said sullenly, “No, I’m not sick, Danny is.”

“Oh,” Inara said quietly. “Is he really sick,” she asked, guessing that was the reason for the child’s seclusion.

Nodding once, Rylee said, “Yes, but you already knew that. Why are you asking me?”

“Because I’m thinking that maybe you know something more than you’re letting on,” Inara told her, not at all surprised when the girl raised wide eyes to her. “Do you?”

Holding her gaze for a moment, Rylee finally admitted, “Danny’s going to be fine, although his ears are going to hurt for a while. But Uncle Jayne …”

Rylee let the statement taper off and Inara felt her heart constrict in her chest. “What about Uncle Jayne, sweetie?”

Blinking back fresh tears, Rylee whimpered, “I don’t know, I can’t tell if he’s going to be okay or not and that scares me.” Crawling towards Inara she hugged the woman around the neck, no easy task with her very pregnant belly in the way.

Running a hand down her back, Inara tried to soothe her. “It’s okay baby. Your daddy is taking really good care of Uncle Jayne.”

Pulling back from her, Rylee gave her a skeptical look and said, “But daddy doesn’t even like Uncle Jayne.”

Smiling at the child’s assessment, Inara admitted, “Well, that may be true, but your Aunt River loves your Uncle Jayne and your daddy loves your aunt, so he’s going to do everything he can.”

With a heavy sigh, the little girl again buried her head into Inara’s shoulder. “I just want everyone to be better and come home,” she whined.

“Me too, baby,” Inara told her. After they had sat in silence for a few moments, Inara finally said, “All right, well it is lunch time, so let’s go get something together. Okay?”

Rising slowly, Rylee was to the door, when she looked back and realized Inara was not following her. Noticing the look of pain on her aunt’s face and the odd way she was holding her stomach, Rylee asked, “Are you okay, Aunt Inara?”

Looking to the child with wide eyes, she said calmly, “Rylee, honey, I’m going to need you to go to the school and get your daddy and Uncle Mal.”

Her eyes widening, Rylee finally felt it. “The baby?”

“Apparently, today’s the day,” Inara murmured, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed. “Can you get them for me, baby?”

Nodding once, Rylee charged towards her aunt and kissed her cheek and then waved after as she fled from the room. “I’ll be right back.”

As Inara felt a contraction come and she started to breathe, she could only hope that the child’s sense of urgency and her new baby’s matched.

***

“Daddy!”

Simon felt his heart plummet to his chest as he heard Rylee’s voice cut through the room. Looking up wearily, he saw her charge towards him, a wide smile on her face. Kaylee immediately stood at her approach, concern on her face.

Reaching Simon, his daughter tugged on his hand and said breathlessly, “Daddy, it’s Aunt Inara! The baby’s coming.”

“My god, what else can happen today,” Simon muttered, as he turned to collect the necessary things.

Mal’s ears perked up at the sound of his wife’s name. Pressing a quick kiss into River’s hair, he hurried across the room and kneeled in front of Rylee. “What is it, darlin’?”

“The baby’s coming,” she repeated, now grabbing for Mal’s hand as well as her father’s. “Come on!”

Mal scooped the girl up and headed quickly for the mule, while Simon hung back for a moment to gather his med kit. Kaylee followed him, placing a hand to his shoulder. “Sweetie?”

Turning to face her, Simon tried to smile, but he found it difficult. There was so much going on, too much, and he was responsible for too much of it. “It’ll be okay, Kaylee,” he told her softly, placing a light kiss to her cheek. “Inara may be in labor for a while. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Glancing across the room to his sister and Jayne, Simon told her quietly, “Check on her for me?”

Nodding once, Kaylee tried to blink back her tears of worry. Watching as Simon left, she couldn’t help but feel for him. He was tired, more tired than she had ever seen him and she knew that all of this was weighing heavily on him. Turning back to sit beside her son, Kaylee ran a hand through his hair, having no choice but to smile at his face as it looked so peaceful in sleep, so much like his dad. His dad who was trying so valiantly to help everyone, to save everyone; it wasn’t fair. Kaylee knew that despite all Simon had done the worst wasn’t over and she feared what would happen should more bad pile on her husband’s strong, but already beleaguered form.

***

“Okay, Inara, you’re doing really good,” Simon coached, noting her dilation and marveling at how far along she already was. It had only been four hours since her water had broken and Simon guessed in another two the baby would be ready to come.

Panting heavily, Inara fell back against the bed and Mal, as he sat behind her, trying to support her as much as possible. Her head resting on his shoulder, she looked to him with tired eyes and murmured, “I think two is good, don’t you?”

Smiling at her, Mal kissed her and whispered, “Whatever you say, darlin’.” Looking down at Simon, the father-to-be asked him, “You sure everythin’s okay?”

Nodding once, Simon told him, “Yes, everything looks great. And Mimi’s birth was also fairly quick, so I don’t see why we should expect anything different the second time around.”

Leaning back in his chair, Simon yawned mightily, getting a raised eyebrow from both his friends. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, his cheeks flushing. “I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep this past week and a half.”

With a sympathetic nod, Inara asked, “How is Jayne?”

As the younger man grimaced she got her answer. “Not good,” Simon confided, rising to stretch his aching legs and back. “His fever refuses to come down and the fact that I can’t get him to breathe on his own worries me. Plus, there’s evidence of fluid getting trapped between his lungs and his chest cavity and not only is it painful, it could affect his other organs.” Turning back to them, he said quietly, “I’m not so sure he’s going to make it.”

Inara’s eyes filled with tears at this assessment, but whether they were from sadness at his statement, or pain as another contraction took hold, neither Mal nor Simon would ever know.

Letting out another scream as her muscles tightened and her body tensed, Simon returned to examine her, hoping that the baby would come sooner rather than later so he could get back to the school.

***

River had not moved from Jayne’s side for days. She had watched with each passing minute as his body had tried to fight for breath, felt his lungs and his heart fight to keep going, heard the sound of his labored aspirations as they wheezed through the machines at his side.

Running a hand through his hair, River had no more tears to cry, even though the sadness she felt was immeasurable. She watched him now, his breathing shallow, his heart rate dangerously low, his fever still alarmingly high, as his fingers and lips turned blue, his body’s lack of oxygen becoming more and more apparent. She wished she knew what to do, but for all her intelligence, all the things she had been programmed and primed to accomplish, she could not fight this, she could not fight death.

She wanted to give up; her own body was struggling not to give in, not to deflate and wither away. She hurt everywhere, every muscle, every bone and she wished she could die – she wished she was the one who wouldn’t live through this, not Jayne.

Without a sound, River curled up onto the side of Jayne’s cot, molding herself into his side as she had done almost every night since they had been together. Placing a light kiss to his warm cheek, she murmured against his skin, “I will always love you,” before snuggling in close, one arm across his chest, the other pillowed under her head and her eyes locked on the side of his face.

***

“She’s kind of ugly,” Mimi said, standing on her tip toes to get as good a look as she could at her new baby sister, currently cradled in her mother’s arms.

Looking to her, Mal scooped the girl up and placed her in his lap, giving her a much better view. “You think so, huh,” he asked, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Well, you weren’t as beautiful as you are now when you were born, either.”

Giggling as her father tickled her lightly, Mimi reached out a tentative hand and laid it against the baby’s soft tuft of black hair. Looking to her mother, she breathed, “You okay, mama?”

Covering the hand she had laid against the newborn’s head, Inara blinked back tears and told her, “Yes, baby, I’m fine.”

Mal leaned in and kissed his wife and his baby girl, and then looked to Simon who had just returned after cleaning up. “Thanks, doc.”

Smiling wearily, Simon told him, “Well, I’d say Inara is a pro.”

Returning his smile, Inara sank back against the pillows a bit and told them both, “Yes, well, be that as it may, this pro is more than likely retiring.”

As they shared a chuckle, Simon took a moment to breathe and realized as Rylee raced into the room, it had been the wrong choice. “Daddy, you’ve got to hurry!”

Kneeling in front of her, Simon’s heart beat heavily as he noted the tears in her eyes. “What is it, sweetheart,” he asked concernedly.

“It’s Uncle Jayne,” she whispered, her body shaking involuntarily as she felt the waves of distress and anguish coming from both her uncle and her aunt.

His eyes widening, Simon grabbed for his bag and looked back to the little family. “I’m sorry, but I have to-“

“Go, Simon,” Inara told him, her own eyes again filling with tears. “Go, we’ll be fine here.”

“Yeah, we got this doc,” Mal affirmed.

Nodding once to them, Simon kissed his daughter on the top of the head and rushed out of the room. Rylee followed him to the top of the stairs, her shaky hand against the railing as she murmured, “Doesn’t matter, not any more,” and then sank onto the top step and buried her face in her knees, big sobs wracking her little body.

***

The machines at Jayne’s side were going crazy, all the alarms and whistles sounding as they signified the distress the man’s body was in. Kaylee didn’t know what to do and had never felt more grateful when she saw Simon run into the room. River remained at Jayne’s side through all the commotion, never removing her arm from his chest, never even looking at anything or anyone else but him.

Simon breezed past Kaylee and tried to assess his patient, tried to silence the angry noises that were screaming Jayne’s death. He checked his pulse which was weak and thready, checked his breathing which was almost non-existent, checked his brain function which had slowed. Pulling out a diagnostic tool he rarely had reason to use, he watched as it brought back readings which caused his stomach to churn. Multiple organ failure had claimed Jayne’s body and Simon watched in horror as his kidneys and liver shut down, guessing that his lungs and heart would be close behind.

Blinking back tears of his own frustration and uselessness, Simon rounded the bed, administering a drug into Jayne’s IV line that would at least make him more comfortable. Looking to River, who still had not moved, Simon’s heart broke even further. Resting a light hand to her shoulder, Simon leaned down to her and whispered, “Mei mei.”

“It’s okay, Simon,” River murmured, her eyes never leaving Jayne’s waxy face. “Can’t save everybody.”

At her words, Simon felt a sob rise to his lips and he fought hard to swallow it back. Kaylee reached for him, but he shrugged off her touch, not wanting nor deserving any comfort right now. Without another word, he simply turned and treated the next patient and then the next, grateful as he circled the room that no one else was in danger of dying. He could not lose another person today, not when losing Jayne would so irreparably damage his baby sister and the rest of his family.

***

A/N 2: I did not kill Jayne because I could ... it was actually a very hard decision for me to make, however, after all River did, fairly selfishly to try and have a child, I felt that a price needed to be paid. Love it or hate it, but at least let me know what you think!

COMMENTS

Thursday, October 19, 2006 6:02 PM

MANICGIRAFFE


Yikes. THat's one hell of a price. I was looking for River to have to live with bitter disappointment, NOT lose her husband.

You're evil. Evil evil evil.

Did they manage to save any of Jayne's baby batter (did I just say that?)? I bet Simon's take on the whole surrogate thing just changed.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 7:19 PM

BLACKBEANIE


Why are you continuously breaking my heart!

Thursday, October 19, 2006 7:22 PM

ECAMBER


Hated it. Abso-effing-lutely hated it.

Seriously, what is with this karma thing? River has to pay for making a decision that led to some seriously eff'd up circumstances which she had NO control over and THAT is why Jayne had to die (in your eyes)? Hell, I don't even think her decision was wrong! She made the best decision with the information she had. My opinion? Simon should have died. You want to talk about karma as being the logical system for why you did things... that bastard put her through the wringer... AFTER the wringer she survived at the Academt. BS. Absolute BS.

Because while everyone else gets to have a family and children and love (the romantic kind, not that family stuff that comes with Simon, et al), she gets... what? Nothing?? Oh right. She gets to be a widow, with no children, and watches on at a distance to M/I and K/S and their families as they grow. Super-effing-duper. Bet River would be feeling so blessed to have THAT in her life and not the things she dreamed.

Pissed. I'm royally pissed because there is nothing to make up for this.

I'm not even rating this because it wouldn't be fair. Why? Because you have written an incredible story, no matter how pissed it makes me. Because you write engaging and tender stuff. Because you, as an author, don't deserve it.

But the logic here? The outcome? Purely 1 in my ratings book.

Pissed. Sorely pissed. (of course that wont' stop me from reading the rest. I'll just piss and moan the rest of the time).

Thursday, October 19, 2006 7:55 PM

GRYFFYD


You know that feeling you got when Buffy found Joyce dead on the couch? That kind of void in the pit of your stomach?

Well congratulations, you've managed to hit me with that.....................

Damn you to HELL!!!

But finish the story first... :)

Thursday, October 19, 2006 8:32 PM

SUZFROMOZ


wow - now is the time to bear in mind that earlier comment of mine about it being a compliment how emotional people are getting about your story. :)

Very well written. Funny, I wasnt all that moved about Jayne's death. Maybe because im sick and feeling fuzzy headed, maybe because Im not reading it at night, in the dark in a quiet house, like usual, but am surrounded by distractions.....

I thought it made sense to the story.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 8:32 PM

SBZ


Um...yeah... have to agre with ECAmber.

River gets TOTALLY SCREWED AGAIN!!! For what... let's tally all the ways: Academy screws her up for the rest of her life; loses her baby; discovers she can't have a kid; wants to pursue what Academy did to her but brother freezes her out and blames her; vaccine never made; Jayne dies; has no chance at all for kid without husband. That's 7 things, I might have forgotten some. And to add insult to injury, she's surrounded by sickengly happy, lovey dovey, highly fertile people - I totally expect her to leave Serenity and start a new life for herself, I don't see how she could possibly stay with them and constantly be reminded of everything she's lost.

Another kick in the stomach, another thing taken from her (though it's no one's fault, except maybe the big lug's for thinking a disease wouldn't attack him cause he's all macho and shi*), another excurciating loss.

A price for bad decisions? Umm... if the world really worked this way, people like Bush wouldn't have made it past the first term in office. Things like Rwanda and Darfur, and Hitler and the Nazis, wouldn't have happened, cause karma would have kicked them in the ass before things could progress to that point of all encompassing evil.

I have maintained from early on that River didn't directly cause any of the events of this story. I still do. It's impossible to draw a direct causal link between one person's poking around for a vaccine to a kid's abduction.

If anyone deserved to die for stupid decisions, pig headed, irrational, unfair behavior, it's Simon. He was an utter ass - I get it, protecting his family and all that junk, but he took it to an extreme with his self-rightous, sanctimonious posturing... like he'd never made a bad decision, put people in danger. If he'd been smart he would have taken his family somehwere else way earlier, the life on Serenity is not one to raise kids in. Something bad would have happened eventually.

With that said, can't say I'm surprised that Jayne died, figured he would as soon as it was obvious he was acutally sick. You said only original characters counted as BDHs so Danny was never in the running (have some sympathy for the kid, I used to get awful ear infections).

You know, I wouldn't be so mad if not for that last Author's Note. It would have just been one of those things, sometimes crappy things just happen to good people. I wouldn't have thought of it as some weird karmic justice, cause as I said, I don't believe it exists. I would have been sad and miffed but not angry. But you justifying it as a price for bad decisions!? WRONG! That doesn't fly for me, not in the context of this story.

Anyway, don't take this all the wrong way. I'm just venting, voicing an opinion, giving you your much asked for feedback. But a little advice, in the future, keep your justifications to yourself unless someone outright asks, kay (cuz honestly, your A/N likely wont accomplish anything other than to alienate some readers thus shotting yourself in the foot)? And even if people do ask, a lot of times they don't really want to know.

And was anyone else heartbroken when River said "It's okay, Simon. Can't save everybody." I was.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 9:07 PM

MANICGIRAFFE


Holy crap, people. I give you serious credit, TamSibling - methinks you struck a nerve.

But hey, let's back this truck up a sec. Did River get screwed in every way possible? Oh yeah. Did she deserve to lose her husband? Absolutely not - no one deserves that. Is it fair? Not in the slightest.

But if we really do wish to count karmic points, River has spent the entire trilogy racking up negatives.

Every move, speech, and tearful glance she gave was crafted to get her what she wants. At no time was her consideration for anyone but her. Who manipulated SImon agaonst his wife to get him to do what she wanted? Who contacted Daddy when it was a forseeable consequence that the blue-hands would come after them? Who consistently defied her brother's specific request to leave him alone? Who used Kaylee as an end-run around her brother making a true decision about risking HIS family once again? Karmically speaking, if anyone deserves a price, River's it.

And I feel a special need to defend Simon (Lord, he's not even real, but I still feel protective). I'm not getting where he went wrong.

Honestly, ever since the crew found him on Osiris and dragged him back to Millie's, he was doomed. Stuck between a sister that has absolutely no problem beating on his sanity until he gives in, and a wife who has no problem saying whatever she can to hurt him when he dares to not do exactly what she thinks he should (which is an oft overlooked character flaw of Kaylee's, kudos for exploiting it). Under the circumstances, he made the best choices he could, taking into account EVERYONE'S position, not just his own. His behavior was rarely irrational - in fact, he often spent too much time thinking while I'm sitting here fuming and wanting him to tell the girls to stuff it while he solves the problem for them. Again.

I really did think you'd kill Simon, but not because he deserved it, but because he needs an actual escape from the women in his life. They don't trust him, consider him, and in many cases actively make his life harder as he tries to balance two vindictive ladies who won't let up. As I said before, his death would be a mercy for him.

All that aside, I am a little bummed at the karmic price. I actually liked Jayne (good Lord, I'm getting soft) in this. Much like movie-Jayne vs. TV-Jayne, he seemed to make the leap from "cold hard cash" to "protect the family". I'll miss him. I was hoping more for a "life lesson" for River, something like "using and abusing your loved ones doesn't get you what you want, you brat."

Either way, I have no problem with the concept of karma coming back to bite someone in the ass. At this point, it's all a matter of who we think deserves it. Or maybe no one deserves it and shit happens to the nicest people.

We got two more chapters, right? Tally ho!

Friday, October 20, 2006 1:27 AM

AMDOBELL


While this a superb story, really beautifully told, it is also incredibly heart breaking. While I see your perceived reasoning in killing Jayne it isn't right. *HE* didn't deserve to die, where is the karmic balance in his life? River will never recover from the loss and neither will all those who love her as self obssessed and deluded as she has been if you are talking about punishing River don't take it out on Jayne. And poor Simon, the man has been run ragged. I would have thought that as people started to recover some of them would have had the grace and gratitude to want to stay and help thus relieving some of the incredible burden he is under to help EVERYONE. Usually at traumatic times like these, it brings out the best in people. It hurts to think that with all his efforts to save people he doesn't even know not one of those recovering wants to stay and help him with the others. Ingratitude sucks but losing Jayne will suck even more. Love your writing, think I need another box of tissues (sniff). Ali D
You can't take the sky from me

Friday, October 20, 2006 2:02 AM

TKID


This chapter was heartbreaking. Poor River, and poor Jayne. River's lost so much, she's going to need all the family she can get right now. Will you have her mother show up? And how will Simon respond to all this? I know how Kaylee will handle things, but Simon might overreact from imagined guilt.

On the author's note, I'm not one to ascribe to bad-things-happen-to-sinners type of thinking. Measles isn't some divine form of retribution for selfishness (and if anything, Jayne's been the least selfish of all the adults). Earthquakes & tidal waves aren't God's commentary on a country's political system. They're simply bad things happening to good people.

Gonna miss ya Jayne.

Friday, October 20, 2006 3:00 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


Taking his face firmly in her hands, River whispered fiercely, “Then don’t, Jayne Cobb. Do you hear me? Don’t. Stay with me. Please,” she whimpered as he again fell unconscious. Glancing to his monitors, River’s breath caught in her throat and she prayed that Simon would return soon.
~ Though I am not too much of a fan of Rayne, which I told you when I started reading this series, this was a very wrenching scene, as I can see and feel both of their hearts breaking with the revelation that he might not make it (of course I already know that he won't)

River reverting to being Crazy was a very nice touch.

“Rylee, honey, I’m going to need you to go to the school and get your daddy and Uncle Mal.”
Her eyes widening, Rylee finally felt it. “The baby?”
“Apparently, today’s the day,”
~ When it rains, it pours. Damn.

Friday, October 20, 2006 3:52 AM

TAMSIBLING


Okay -

Author's Note at the end: Bad idea.

I did not mean to set off a fire storm ... truly, I was simply responding to previous comments by some folks that I was simply killing Jayne "because I could."

I agree that bad things happen to good people and there is no reason. Jayne was simply the most vulnerable. His immune system was weakened by the drugs he was taking for his shoulder and his body was already having a hard time fighting infection.

I suppose I was trying to justify my decision to kill a BDH before the fact so that it would cut down on the amount of flaming I got after the fact (Yes, I am aware of the irony). :o)

Leiasky - You were right, I will forever defer to your wisdom on taking so much to heart.

I really, really appreciate everyone commenting. I understand that this trilogy has been a roller coaster of emotion and I'm glad that you all have stuck with me. I hope I haven't alienated anyone for good as I have quite a few stories "banked," but if I have, I understand. If you have any additional things you'd like to discuss, don't hesitate to PM me.

Thanks again! Happy Friday!

Friday, October 20, 2006 4:14 AM

ELOISA


I'm with ECAmber and sbz.

I don't agree that River's done much wrong during the whole story, as I've said in comments to earlier chapters. Yes, she took a risk contacting Gabriel. Life is full of risks. (Nobody seems to have criticised Cadie for calling her and precipitating the whole Rylee situation anyway, as I recall.) She took far more numerous and far more serious risks getting Simon out of the Blue Hands' clutches and back to normality in A New Life. This is the end of it for her - I agree that she has to leave the rest of them right now to enjoy their happy little lives and cut them off completely before they mess her up any further by saying something trite like "Life goes on" or "Don't worry, we still love you".

Sure, kill Jayne to screw up River's head even more - it is very interesting to do to story characters (and evil and cruel and fun and all those other things we throw at authors just before the "Write More!"). In that respect it's a great decision story-wise, though all the other posters' comments about it being sad, tragic, heartbreaking and so on completely apply. Just... don't do it for reasons of self-imposed superiority.

OK, stopped now.

I find this very well written, technically speaking, and as above would agree with your plot decision if not for the sentiments you expressed in your last A/N.

Friday, October 20, 2006 4:43 AM

LEIASKY


I was sick last night or I'd have commented sooner. Wow, look at all the negative comments. Damn, talk about this chapter getting to everyone. I dunno. That's the mark of a good writer to me.

All I can say is that wait for the end, folks. This story has been written and done for months. It's not over yet.

I don't see at all where Simon is to blame but my judgment is probably quite clouded by the fact that he's my favorite character. Even when beta'ing this, I wasn't sure who she was going to kill until the end.

River did need to pay a price, I do agree with that. And she has. She's manipulated people to get her way even though she was in pain from the loss of her baby it was no excuse for how she behaved.

I believe there were little clues as to the outcome of HER life, scattered throughout this and maybe the previous chapter.

Friday, October 20, 2006 5:53 AM

BRITCHICK


Well, I hated Jayne dying, but I love the story and I think you tell it brilliantly.

It's *your* story, don' [t change direction just because it upsets a few people. If they want to write it differently, they are very welcome to write their own fics.

Friday, October 20, 2006 11:25 AM

SBZ


It's not TamSibling's decision to kill Jayne that rankles me. It's his/her story and s/he is entitled to write it however s/he sees fit. And I don't take issue with TamSibling's personal reasoning for why killing Jayne off served the story - I never would criticise any author for their choices in regards to a story, even if I don't like the direction it takes the narrative.

I take issue with that reasoning being stuck at the end of the story and thus colouring how I see the whole thing.

Like I said in the last post, without the A/N I would have seen it as one of those bad things that just happens to good people. That's what makes this world so hard to live in, because stuff like that happens all the time with no rhyme or reason. The A/N just changes everything, and I unfortunately can't unread it.

So, bring on the next chapter and lets see if this whole mess is made any better for the rest of out BDHs.

Friday, October 20, 2006 12:33 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Holy shit! This is some mighty dark water we're entering with the BDHs and their families :(

I really don't know where I stand concerning River and the concept of karmic payback for her actions via Jayne's death. Honestly, no's been a saint anywhere in this series. River's pulled some mighty selfish shit, but one has to remember she's fighting to regain something that was stolen from her. I can't imagine anyone here, especially female, that would give up if options supposedly existed to allow them to procreate after illegal experiments were done to them. River's only crime is having a psychopathic father who sees his children as nothing more but pawns for his own end. We have zero clues that Gabriel wouldn't have eventually found Simon and his family, even if River had stopped looking. Cuz Simon would have had to order important medical stuff sometime down the road, so Gabriel could have tracked him down through that.

I think this is a sign that TamSibling has stuck with the vision Joss had presented us with and was working on when everything went to go se. Wash’s death in the BDM proves that these characters are vulnerable and subject to horrible actions taken against them. We have been given a highly plausible story line where a lot of issues left under the surface during the series and move – Simon’s inability to extricate himself from being crushed between Kaylee and River emotionally, the lengths the Hands of Blue and the Alliance is truly willing to go to achieve a goal, the essentially selfishness of human nature when something is stolen from us and we want it back, the inexplicable bad timing of events that change our lives – have been deeply explored and brought to a climax.

As much as I wish it wasn’t the case, Jayne’s death serves a greater purpose here, just as Wash’s did in the movie: to force the remaining characters to re-evaluate themselves and their behaviour, to cause serious personal changes in how their interact with the ‘Verse. Whether the death is justified or not really shouldn’t enter into the equation, since I doubt anyone – even River, Cadie and Rylee – could have foreseen exactly what the actions taken by each character (based on the information they had at their disposal), so things like Rylee’s kidnapping, Simon’s potentially life-changing injuries or Jayne’s wounding are a result of disparate elements coming together at a culmination point.

BEB


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