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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR
Inara tells a story about how Jayne saw her slinky things much to the rest of the crew's amusement. Sequel to 'Candle Wax'.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2001 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
For those of you who would like to see the prompt table I'm working from Go Here.
These stories are all standalone's unless otherwise noted.
Thanks to Tamsibling for the beta.
Note: This is the sequel to: ‘Candle Wax’. Best to read that first.
“Ta ma de hun dan!” Jayne’s growl echoed around the galley as Inara laid down her cards, indicating she had lost the game. They’d agreed on three more hands to round out the night. Jayne had managed to win one and lose the other, insuring that his little embarrassing story would not be told. But then Inara had just lost, to Simon’s win, and as the mercenary glared at the prissy doc and the bubbly mechanic bouncing excitedly beside him, Jayne knew his secret was about to be revealed.
Kaylee turned to Simon and batted her eyes. Her fingers curled around his wrist and she leaned close, her eyes and her whole demeanor begging him to ask Inara to tell them how Jayne had ever seen her ‘slinky’ things.
While Jayne drained his drink quickly and poured himself another, Simon turned his head and met Kaylee’s eyes.
“Doc, you either need to ask ‘Nara what we all know lil’ Kaylee wants you to ask, or kiss that smile off ‘er face.” Jayne took another drink. “An since we all know you ain’t got the stones to kiss ‘er, hows about we all just listen to ‘Nara’s tale.”
Simon knew exactly what Jayne was trying to do, and so did Kaylee. She leaned away a bit and licked her lips, clearly indicating to him that just this once, she wanted him to ask the question and not give in to Jayne’s goading. She wanted that first event to be a private one, and looking at him now, she realized with excitement spreading throughout her body, that so did he.
Inara demurely folded her hands in her lap and when Simon finally tore his eyes from Kaylee, simply nodded in her direction.
“All right. Well, it was the middle of the night –“
“Ahh, as all fairytale love stories begin,” Wash added, wrapping his arms around his wife’s waist and kissing her cheek.
“This ain’t no love story,” Jayne growled, leaning back in his chair, arms crossed defensively.
“No, most definitely not,” Inara tried to hold back a smile but failed. She paused and looked around the table, noting the eager looks on everyone’s faces – but Jayne’s. “Anyway, Jayne came knocking on my shuttle door –“
“What part of don’t service crew don’t you understand?” Mal said to Jayne, the tone in his voice betraying his annoyance.
“Weren’t goin’ for servicin’,” Jayne scowled, and took another swig of his drink.
“Wanted to read him a bedtime story,” River said with a smile, earning a skeptical look from Simon, a giggle from Kaylee and a squint from Jayne.
“Ah,” Simon turned his complete attention on the mercenary, unable, or just plainly unwilling, to swallow the sarcasm creeping into his voice. “Is that what it’s called nowadays?”
Jayne sneered at the prissy doc, unwilling to let the little man get to him. “Yeah. Been so long for you, I hear, be amazed ya even remember how.”
“Boys, please,” Wash stretched out the hand not currently wrapped around his wife’s waist. “’Nara’s telling us an embarrassing Jayne story. Don’t interrupt.”
“Yes, it’s shaping up to be the best one of the night,” Mal added, his tone taking on a sarcastic tilt. “Too bad it’s the last one.”
Inara continued, completely unfazed by the crew’s continued interruptions and Mal’s obvious jealous remarks. “He had a – rash, you see.”
“Did you?” Wash stared wide-eyed at the Companion. “See, I mean? He showed you?”
A soft smile graced the Companion’s lips as she shifted her eyes toward Jayne. “Oh, yes. It looked quite painful.”
Kaylee pursed her lips and regarded Jayne with a confused look. “You was hurt? Why didn’t you go to Simon to fix ya up?” She squeezed the doctor’s wrist and turned such a wide, happy smile on him that it was difficult to arch his neck around her face and regard Jayne.
“Yes, why didn’t you wake me in the middle of the night to treat your rash?” A hint of a smile caught and held on Simon’s face.
“You would have laughed in his face. Inara wouldn’t laugh,” River added dryly.
“Until he left, that is,” Wash chuckled, clearly pleased with himself.
“She’s always laughin’ at me,” Mal leaned back and crossed his arms.
“No, I fight with you, there’s a difference,” Inara shot a quick glance at Mal before returning her gaze to the rest of the crew. “Jayne had been out – visiting and –”
“Yeah an overheard you tellin’ lil’ Kaylee somea your schoolin’ stories.” Jayne shot toward Simon, hoping to divert some of the attention off himself. “I swear ya talk too much. No wonder ya ain’t gettin’ laid.”
Simon rolled his eyes and didn’t dare look at Kaylee’s face, knowing the expectant look he would find there. No one would understand why he hadn’t taken that final step yet, and the more days that passed, especially since he’d been shot, he had to wonder himself.
“Not everyone can be so confident as you, Jayne. I mean, with the having to go to the whore’s and all to get some yourself,” Wash quickly defended Simon as he noticed the younger man sit quietly beside Kaylee.
“Anyway,” Inara continued, eager to take the heat off poor Simon. He’d been getting along so well with Kaylee lately and she didn’t want anyone to give him a reason to back away from the smitten mechanic. “I noticed he was walking a little – uncomfortably, so when I finally got out of him what was wrong and where this rash was located, I was able to prescribe a remedy. It’s not entirely uncommon for me to see such a –”
“Yeah, so she gave me some this cream and all was good,” Jayne moved to stand up, eager for this tale to be finished.
“Not all good yet,” Kaylee insisted. “How’d he get a rash and where was it?” She turned to Jayne who shifted uncontrollably in his seat.
“Someplace private, no doubt,” Zoe concluded with a grin. “If he’d just been out – visiting.”
“Oh!” A wide smile spread across Kaylee’s face and her eyes danced playfully. “So, what’d she do to ya, Jayne?”
“Never heard tell of one of Jayne’s whore’s mis – handling him.” Wash laughed but was quickly shushed by his wife, who was now engrossed with Inara’s story.
“Couldn’t handle your woman?” Simon added with a grin, wanting, needing, to get another jab in toward the man-ape.
“You’re one to talk, little man!” Jayne shot back at Simon, giving him, and then Kaylee, a pointed look.
“Well,” Inara smiled around the table. “She apparently needed –“
“Wanted! I don’t need one a them things to satisfy my women!” Jayne added quickly, feeling the need to defend his manhood.
Inara forced the smile from her lips. “He had a few telltale burns and a rash where she had placed a rather tight strap and ring around –“
“It was some newfangled thing I ain’t never seen an’ it was too small,” Jayne protested, puffing out his chest. “Gorram woman underestimated my –“
“River go to bed,” Simon said instantly, not wanting his sister to hear the rest of this conversation.
“I know what he was wearing, Simon. Just because you don’t like –“
“River –“ Simon turned steely eyes on his sister, his jaw set. He pointedly ignored the gaping look Kaylee gave him.
“Want to stay.” She crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly.
Simon relented, needing no more of his sexual secrets revealed tonight. He was already unnerved enough by Kaylee’s full attention now directed at him, he didn’t even want to contemplate how River knew some of these things. And he most definitely would need to discuss tact with her in the future.
Inara shrugged giving Jayne a pitying look as she let a small smile spread across her face. “I couldn’t let him suffer.”
“So you touched his man parts?“ Wash gawked and looked around the table. “Of all the men on this ship, Jayne’s bits are the last on the very short list of parts I thought ‘Nara would be touching first.”
Jayne was incensed. “Well, I – needed some help – to - “
“That why you smelled good for that while?” Kaylee asked as realization dawned. “I remember wonderin’ if ‘Nara was ‘round but she was off with clients.”
Jayne wrinkled his nose at the memory. “It stunk somethin’ fierce.”
“How’d they get it off? If it was too – small?” Kaylee asked curiously, Simon blanching beside her as he prayed Jayne didn’t answer. Her hand was still wrapped around his wrist and now her thumb was brushing maddeningly against his skin.
Jayne snapped his mouth shut and took another long swig of brew. Mal found himself holding his mug tightly between both hands, hoping the next words out of Inara’s mouth would not be what he thought they would.
But they were.
“They didn’t,” Inara revealed. “I did.”
Ta ma de hun dan - mother humping son of a bitch
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