The floor is cold as I sit upon it, leaving a spot of desolation on my back. Cold... the abscence of heat. Death, the abscence of life. I hear them, looking for me. No, not all of them. Just Simon and Kaylee. They're working together, for only the second time. They became closer after Tracy's death, closer than ever before. I close my eyes as they mist over again, trying not to cry. But the pain is too much. I don't think I could face it again, losing control of myself again to... her. The beast locked within me. I always fight her, constantly. In fact, that's what makes me crazy. Phoniex, the bird that rises from the ashes of its pyre, young and renewed. Eternal. Their is a Phoniex inside of me. But I am not eternal, I am no immortal being. I cannot rise from the fires of my demise. I can feel my final rest drawing ever closer, lurking inside evry shadow. And, when it comes, I will not fight it. But Phoniex will. Soon, there will be no more "River Tam". Only Phoniex, this animal I have become. No one else can see, this dark inside of me, no one will ever tame this animal inside of me. This beast, only bent on its survival, its preservation... its renewal. It has taken hold of this girl and made her its captive. I seek only a single moments clarity. And, in that single, solitary, blessed moment, I can set myself free. Sometimes, I ask myself, "What would happen if I died?" And, I answer, "I will be free of my prison." Phoniex doesn't like that. Phoniex will never give me that moment where I can end this evil nestled within me. But, I will never stop trying. Simon and Kaylee get closer to me, looking through all the rooms for me. They mean well. But, every time Simon gives me a smoother, every time Kaylee smiles, I sink deeper into this Hell that I willingly became a part of. One day, soon, I can, and will, be free. Just that one moment, and I will slay the phoniex, and set free my soul from my Earthly vessel. But, until then, I am a slave to myself. Because, Phoniex, the very worst part of my soul, is me.