Apple Bits and Dignitaries
Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Kaylee tries to have a conversation with Simon while Mal and Wash are out on a job. Oneshot set during 'War Stories'.


Title: Apple Bits and Dignitaries

Rating: PG

Synopsis:. Kaylee tries to have a conversation with Simon while Mal and Wash are out on a job.

Author’s Notes: Takes place during the episode ‘War Stories’. Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. Only done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful ‘verse Joss Whedon created.


Kaylee wandered into the passenger dorms, intent on seeking out Simon to maybe sit down and chat for a while. While Wash and the Captain were out delivering what was left of their stolen medicines, she found herself with nothing to do. And since she had recently had some success with cornering the shy doctor into some interesting conversation, she thought she’d give it another try while it was still nice and quiet.

“Hey Simon, what ya doin’?” Kaylee’s bubbly smile and cheery demeanor instantly tempered Simon’s disgust at having to clean up the mess his sister had made of his bed.

“Oh, River decided the apple bits looked better all over my bed than in her stomach where they belong.” He chuckled to himself. When had he become sarcastic when annoyed or frustrated?

Kaylee stepped into the room and glanced at the bed. “Oh. She was doin’ so good earlier.”

Simon pulled the linens off the bed and offered her a small smile. “She told me you two were playing.”

Kaylee smiled sheepishly. “Was fun.”

Simon deposited the sheets in the basket reserved for dirty clothes and turned back to Kaylee with a sincere smile. “Thank you.”

Kaylee met his eyes until he looked away uncomfortably, searching for new bedclothes. “For what?”

“Treating her like a normal girl.” Simon unfolded the sheet and moved back to the bed. “I can’t even really do that. Not anymore.”

Kaylee could detect the sadness in his voice and moved forward to help him make the bed. “Oh, that ain’t true. It ain’t hard.”

“It is for me,” Simon sighed, swallowing the uncomfortable excitement that spread through his body as Kaylee helped him. “I’m trying everything I know to help her. But I remember how she was when we were growing up. She’s so different now. And – I don’t think – I mean –“ Simon trailed off, not sure how to admit that he was afraid he would never be able to cure her. Failure wasn’t something he was used to and it angered and frustrated him that he couldn’t help his sister.

Kaylee reached out and touched his arm, trying to reassure him. “You’re doin’ a good job with her.”

He met her eyes and smiled gently. “Thank you.”

The made the bed in relative silence until Kaylee broke it with a large smile and a conspiratorial wink. “Did you know ‘Nara has a female client here today?”

Simon raised an amused eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah, she’s real pretty too. They looked so glamorous together.” Kaylee’s wistful voice sent tremors of - something down Simon’s spine and he suddenly wished he could give this pretty girl a life full of every comfort imaginable. But it was unlikely he would ever be able to give anyone, especially someone as deserving as Kaylee, that kind of life ever again.

Kaylee chuckled, drawing his eyes to her pretty face. “Sent Jayne right to his bunk, too.”

“That is a rather – disturbing thought, all things considered,” Simon admitted with a grimace of disgust. Thinking about Jayne in any way, shape or form wasn’t one of Simon’s more enjoyable past times, and thinking of the man-ape being so hot and bothered by seeing Inara with another woman that he’d had to retreat to his bunk, made Simon swallow back an even more revolted comment.

“Aw, c’mon, Simon, it’s kinda natural, ya think about it.” Kaylee shrugged and then giggled when Simon’s eyes widened as he clued in to what she was saying. “Gotta do somethin’ with all that – energy.”

Simon turned away and swallowed thickly. This wasn’t a conversation he should be having with Kaylee. Not now. Not when he was in no position to do anything about his own pent up – energy. He’d taken care of that on his own far too often as of late.

Kaylee’s eyes swept down Simon’s back to settle appreciatively on how well his pants hugged his backside, while he nervously fiddled with trying to fit the bed linens into the smallish basket he used for dirty clothes. “Oh, c’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never –“

Simon whirled on her, knowing exactly where this conversation was headed. They were standing in his bedroom, making his bed, and it would be far too easy for him to let his barriers slip just once and lower her onto that bed. “Kaylee – I’m not sure this is an appropriate venue for –“

“Yes it is. And yes you have.”

They both turned to see River standing in the doorway, staring down her brother as if daring him to say something.

Kaylee’s eyes widened as she glanced at Simon out of the corner of her eyes, and River clearly picked up the mechanic’s thoughts wishing he’d let her help him release all of that pent up tension and energy.

Simon scowled at River. He didn’t know what was worse. That River knew he engaged in such activities or that she’d just told him she knew while standing right next to the one woman on the ship he’d gladly let help him with that little issue. This was definitely not a topic he was going to discuss with his little sister. And certainly not in front of the pretty mechanic.

“It’s a natural bodily function.”

Simon silently cursed her ability to pluck thoughts right out of his head as his sister regurgitated what he was thinking at that very moment. He struggled to keep at bay the hot flush he knew was tinting his cheeks.

“River –“

An open com line interrupted their staredown as Zoe’s voice echoed through the ship. “Everyone to the galley, we’ve got a situation.”

Simon exhaled a breath of relief and River rolled her eyes at him. As he passed Kaylee and ushered River in front of him, she leaned back and whispered, “Have to talk about it some time.”

Kaylee glanced back at Simon’s bed and then appreciatively at his backside as she followed behind the siblings, eagerly plotting just when exactly she would have the chance to bring up this rather entertaining topic with the swai doctor again.



I'm taking a break from my series for a while. But I promise I'll get back to it. Leighkohl and I are just having too much fun writing little missing scenes.

There will be a sequel to this one.

Like it? Didn't? Leave a review and let me know.


Tuesday, May 30, 2006 6:34 AM


River is the best bratty sister ever! I love how she announced that yes, Simon has pent up energy, and yes he takes care of it! Poor SImon! Kaylee reassuring Simon that he is doing a fine job with River was nice too, boy needs to hear once in a while! Great Scene!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 7:18 AM


Anytime you get Simon talking about sex, you know it's gonna be a good time! Especially when River shows up with a healthy dose of the truth. Excellent scene!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 8:06 AM


I could totally picture this...

Simon speaking of such was hilarious. Too bad it was at that moment that Zoe cut in. Argh! I was really looking forward to reading his stammers and such.

Looking forward to the next part.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 8:24 AM


Yeah, stammers would be nice, on account a he does it so much. And River was great, i can see her doin' that to her poor bro. Shiny


Tuesday, May 30, 2006 9:15 AM


Apple bits on the bed instead of in the stomach...

Jayne being forced to his bunk...

Oh the visuals you do give!

Thumbs up and I was totally thinking what River said.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 2:02 PM


great but are u sure "pent up energy" as u put it is a pg rateing?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 4:02 PM


*gasp* sequel?

I like this, Simon being ackward is my favorite thing ever!!!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 4:52 PM


I feel so sorry for Simon some times.
He's not smooth with the ladies... And River just doesn't help. She tries...

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 7:12 PM


ROFL....Simon's awkward phase is just so hilarious! The guy's got the full package for attracting the ladies, but he just can't collect!

And River? Oh...she's a wingman gone wrong!



Tuesday, May 30, 2006 10:05 PM


This is the best missing scene I've ever read. i love how you've used small peices of the ep to tie it all together!

Wonderful, but that ain't unusual.


Wednesday, May 31, 2006 4:07 AM


This is a perfect little scene showing just how uncomfortable Simon is and how much he wishes he weren't. I love the fact that Kaylee can literally get him to talk about anything ... even when he wishes she couldn't - that is so true to the series (a sake story comes to mind).

And I for one cannot wait to read the sequel - poor Simon and his manly urges!

Wednesday, May 31, 2006 4:44 PM


Love this series

Thursday, June 1, 2006 6:47 PM


Yay for River's entrance, *They both turned to see River standing in the doorway, staring down her brother as if daring him to say something.*

Good story and I want to read the next one. I only missed 3.


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Simon and Kaylee discuss other - avenues, as they lay in bed. Oddly, this is a pretty PG story.

Simon and kaylee disturb the ship with their nocturnal activities. Post BDM. Part of a challenge table. Rated NC-17 for adult content.

Broken Wings: Conclusion (Repost)
The crew take Kaylee home to be buried and the reason for Simon's secrecy is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 18 (Repost)
Simon, Mal and Jayne have a moment with Kaylee. Inara and River are reunited with the rest of the crew. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 17 (Repost)
Simon has a conversation with Zoe, Mal and Jayne - separately. Sequel to 'On the Edge.' Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 16 (Repost)
The crew is reunited - mostly, as Simon arrives to treat the wounded. River rushes to Inara's aid before her deception is discovered. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 15 (Repost)
Simon's escape is halted by his father. But River comes to the rescue. Jayne - sees the light - far too up close and personal for his safety. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 14 (Repost)
Simon and Inara's deception is discovered. Mal, Jayne and Zoe continue to fight what looks to be a losing battle. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 13 (Repost)
Simon has some unexpected help with his fussy son and River receives another assignment. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.

Broken Wings: Chapter 12 (Repost)
Inara and Simon continue their work while a message gets out to those on the front lines. Sequel to 'On the Edge'. Cannon pairings.