Life’s Too Short- Part Eighteen B

Author’s Note: Okay, this is R, folks. By the way, so I don’t get any complaints about people who are healing from torture engaging in the following activities, this all takes place several days after Mal and Inara are rescued. That might not have been clear in part A, and I’m sorry for that. But everything is healing nicely, and there are no big wounds anyway.

“Have you seen River?” “No. She came to see me during the night, though.” “Yes, I know. I can’t seem to-” “Where’s my pilot?!” “I don’t know, Captain. She isn’t in her room.” “Gorram girl, wakin’ me up an’ then vanishin’…” “She woke you up, too?” “What?” “Simon, what’s goin’ on? Where’s River?” “I don’t know! No one seems to know where she is!” “Mal, could she have gotten into one of the suits?” “I dunno. Don’t think so, Zo, but-” “What’s for breakfast? And has anyone seen-” “No!” “Hey, there, Nara, do you know where the Albatross is?” “Mal. Everyone. There’s something I need to tell you.” * * * * When Inara finished, there was dead silence on the bridge. Simon’s hands were on his stomach. He looked ill. Mal’s face had gone white, his eyes almost frighteningly bright blue. Zoe remained calm, but her fists were clenched to the point of near breaking the skin. Kaylee’s eyes were filled with tears. Jayne was staring at his hands. Inara looked around at the various stages of disbelief and horror, and walked quickly from the room. The emotions were overloading her too fast, and her still-frail body couldn’t bear it. Also, she knew perfectly well the rage she would be met with from both Simon and Mal, and possibly even Jayne, and Inara was running from that too. She pressed her fist to her mouth, holding back bile. Simon didn’t move. He felt that, if he moved, he would shatter into a million pieces. He remembered his sister’s words to him the night before, and felt a sudden fury of impotence. He couldn’t do anything, could he? Not a gorram thing. She’d told him he’d done all he could, but Simon knew that it was a lie. He just wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t good enough to help her. And now she’d gone, all alone. His mei mei. The little girl who had sat in his lap when they were children, reciting poetry into his ear as he braided her hair. The budding twelve-year-old who had begged him to take her to salons in the city and museums of Earth-That-Was artifacts in the South Side. The torn, heartsick teenager he’d rescued from hell and brought to purgatory. The healing young woman he’d shared a new heaven with. River. Sister. Friend. Gone. Kaylee held tight to Simon’s hand, her heart breaking for him. And for River, her friend. Her sister, too, now. After all this, surely they were sisters. She also felt a low, tugging ache for herself: River hadn’t said goodbye to * her *. She’d woken everyone else up, and talked to them, and given them advice, but she hadn’t said a thing to Kaylee. Jayne didn’t know what to think. He’d known it was coming. He had a memory of a dream, seen through a mist in his brain, of soft words and tears on his face. He remembered the kiss. They hadn’t gone further than that, but he would always remember the kiss. He didn’t know what to feel, so he refused to feel anything. Passion, sure. Hate, fury, lust, of course. But he’d never experienced true loss before. Mal. Bad, in the Latin. That’s what she’d said about him once. Before he became her Captain Daddy. He felt bad now. Felt terrible. Felt like ripping someone apart. He should have known. Damn it, he should have known! But he’d gone back to sleep. Why the hell had he gone back to sleep? Mal pounded his fists against his knees, biting his tongue. Bad. Zoe wanted to scream. But of course, she didn’t. The girl. She’d done things for her, things no one else could do. Made her believe that Wash was out there, waiting for her. And now she was gone to sacrifice herself for them all. Weren’t right. Weren’t just. Life ain’t fair, Zoe told herself. It just ain’t. But River’s words echoed in her head. Sometimes, just sometimes, it can be. If you make it. She decided that River wasn’t going to die. Zoe would not let her. “We’ve got to go after her.” Simon had his head in his hands, but his voice was steady. As if he found it obvious that there was no other choice of action. “We’ve got to go after her at once.” “Bi zui,” Mal snapped, but there was no real bite in his tone. “I’ve got to think.” “About what,” Simon asked loudly, raising his head. “It’s River! She’s gone after those bastards, and we have to get her back!” “Doctor, I am well aware of what your sister has gone and done.” “I don’t think you do, Captain,” Simon said, emphasizing the title. Mal lifted a hand sharply, and Simon fell silent. The room vibrated with words left unsaid. Kaylee gave a little gasp and stood. She went to Mal, but he didn’t look up. With another gasp/sob, Kaylee ran from the room. She went to the kitchen, because that was the direction Inara had gone, and saw the older woman lying on the couch where she’d slept the previous night. Inara’s eyes were closed, and her face was pale and serene. Kaylee rushed into the room, and stopped dead. There, on the table, was a note pinned down with a single, luscious strawberry. Out of season. She went to it slowly, and picked it up. The berry was soft and perfect, a deep red in color. She read the note aloud. “Didn’t want to interrupt your dream. Love you, sister. River.” Kaylee couldn’t help but smile. She remembered the dream River was referring to. Inara smiled too, albeit sadly. “Hey, you,” she said without opening her eyes. Kaylee went to the Companion, kneeling by the couch. “Want some?” She offered the strawberry. Inara opened her eyes and turned to look at the girl, shaking her head. “It’s all yours, sweetie.” Just as she spoke, loud footsteps burst into the kitchen area. Inara sat up with a wince, and bravely lifted her face to meet the onslaught. “Kaylee, you’n Simon go with Zoe to the bridge. See what you can do about finding where she went,” Mal said without looking at any of the mentioned persons. His eyes remained fixed on Inara. Kaylee clutched the strawberry and her note in her hands, and exited with a worried look at the Captain and the Companion. They were staring at each other, seeing nothing and no one else. Simon, who had followed Mal, turned with a pale glare and stalked from the room. His rail-straight back promised more repercussions to come. Zoe met them in the hall. Jayne had disappeared to his bunk without a word. When the room was empty, Inara spoke. “Well, Mal? Say it.” His jaw tightened. “You were awake,” was what he said. “When she left. You were awake.” “Yes.” “And you let her get into your shuttle and leave.” Each word was coldly enunciated, something Mal only did when he was bent on mayhem. When he was simply mad, he tended to drawl his speech with a lazy kind of insolence. Now, his tone was icy and clear. Inara didn’t back down. She folded her hands in her lap, mirroring his calm, cold voice. “Do you honestly believe I could have stopped her?” He narrowed his eyes, standing with his arms folded. “What did she say to you?” “What?” “When you talked. Before she left. What did she say?” Inara fumbled. This was an unexpected attack. “Nothing of importance,” she rallied. Mal nodded. “Nothing of importance,” he muttered. “Fe hua.” “Mal, I had to let her go. She believes she’s doing the right thing, and I’ve come to trust River when it comes to that sort of thing.” “I know that,” Mal said quickly, almost impatiently. As if the whole thing about letting River go had been a lead-up to a bigger issue. Inara swallowed a tingle of fear. “Then why are you here? Shouldn’t you be Captaining your crew? Trying to find her?” “They don’t need Captaining.” An unusual admission. “I don’t believe you.” “What?” “She did say something of importance. She said it to me, and I’ll bet she said it to you.” He was still enunciating his words carefully, but the coldness was gone. He was searching her face, her eyes, and seemed to find what he was looking for. “I- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Inara said, standing. “I think I’ll go to the bridge and-” She tried to move past him. Mal caught her arm gently, walking her into the hallway. “Inara, listen to me. We are going after River. The people we’re up against are different than what we’ve been up against before. There’s something about them… about him. Jennings. Anyway, what I’m tryin’ to say is, we may not… I may not come back. I’ll get that girl back here if it kills me, and it just might this time ‘round. So I’m gonna take one piece of River’s advice while I can, before I lose the chance.” “Mal?” He was leading her to his bunk. Oh Buddha preserve her, he was taking her to his bunk. Inara felt she should object. They were scared. Worried. Still healing. Mad. Sad. Hurting. This was no time to- but he was opening his door and lowering her down the ladder, and she was letting him. “Now I know I ain’t done this in a while, but-” His mouth closed over hers, and she forgot her reasons to object. Mal fell backwards onto his bed, and rolled sideways so that Inara and he were on their sides, hands cradling faces. Inara continued the roll until she lay on her back, and Mal braced himself on his forearms. She unbuttoned his shirt, fingers lightly caressing the bandages on his chest and stomach. He shivered, pressing kisses to her cheeks. “You know,” Inara breathed into his mouth, “it’s a little like touching a mummy with all these bandages.” “Shut up, woman, you won’t find no necrophilia here,” he breathed back. She chuckled, and it was a throaty, liquid sound that went straight to his groin. Mal had often wondered what it would be like to do this with Inara. What a piss-poor imagination he had. Oh, well. He slid his hands up under her own gauzy shirt, feeling rough bandage and smooth skin. The contrast was intoxicating. Well, just about everything about her was intoxicating. Inara’s hands slipped lower, to his trousers, and he groaned. “We- we don’t have much time,” she murmured between kisses that were growing fevered. “Next time I’ll go slow,” he replied, shoving her wide harem pants down while avoiding brushing against any of the bruises on her lower abdomen. She laughed again. “Next time. I want you, Mal,” Inara said. The words aroused him more than anything he’d ever heard before. “I need you, Inara,” he said. The words aroused her more than anything she’d ever heard before. She knew he didn’t just mean sex. “Oh God, I need you too,” she gave him as his hand slid between her thighs. “You need God, or you need me?” He asked it with a smile in his voice, but she was serious when she replied. “I need you.” He slipped his other hand to the back of her head, cradling the base of her skull as he kissed her. Her hands ran along his back, feeling the muscles tighten and coil where there weren’t bandages. He winced with pain, but the pain was run through with glory and so he bit back a yelp. Inara loosened his trousers and slid them down his legs, her fingers brushing against him as she swallowed his gasp. She wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing him into her in one, hard stroke that shook her to the core. She grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him as hard as she could, and Mal let her. He flipped over onto his back, bringing her around on top of him. “I don’t want to hurt you ever again,” Mal whispered as he thrust into her. Inara panted, feeling her body build and push towards release. “Me either,” she said on an exhale, staring into his eyes. “We will, though.” “I… I like you,” Mal said. Inara rolled her eyes fondly at him. “A lot.” “I have- to quote- River,” she gasped as he trailed kisses down her throat. “You’re such- a boob-” “All right,” Mal shot back with a grin. “In defense of- my honor-” as she returned the favor, “and to show- I am in no way like- that doctor- I love you,” he finished in a near whisper. Inara came with a cry that Mal swallowed with his kiss, and he followed seconds after. They lay trembling in their sweat and sex-smells, still connected. Inara felt tears course down her cheeks. “What did you say?” She buried her face in Mal’s un-bandaged shoulder, afraid to meet his eyes. He swallowed, suddenly terrified himself. “I said… Inara, I’m in love with you. It’s been driving me insane.” She beat lightly on his chest and he yelped, stilling her hand with her own. When she looked up, though, her eyes were shining with joy. “Just like you to temper it with a phrase like that, you crazy thief. But,” she said in a low voice, “I love you too.” Mal closed his eyes, trying to hide the relief. He wrapped his arms around her, content to steal the moment as long as he could. Thief indeed. “You know it won’t be easy,” he had to say. “We’ll still fight.” “I know,” she replied soberly. “A lot. It’ll be incredibly hard, actually. But I want… I want to try.” “Then we’ll try,” he told her softly. “We’ll try.” Suddenly, the transmitter over his bunk beeped on. There was a rush of bass non-noise, and then words. “Sir, we’ve got a wave coming through,” Zoe said flatly. “It’s Jennings.”

TBC: Jennings and Mal have a friendly chat, and the others discuss some things. Also, we find out just what River’s doing. Sort of. Can’t reveal all my secrets, can I?