CHANNAIN'S BLOG

Channain

Awaiting My Campaign Apology
Wednesday, November 3, 2004

This isn't what you think. I'm not here to rail against the idea that we're about to spend the next four years going from hell to blacker than hell. I'm not even here to discuss how the Arab world must be having some shiny big damn victory parties, since our boys will be staying over there and relieving that entire region of any responsibility whatsoever with regard to Iraq. I certainly have no intention or plans to move to Canada anytime soon either - everyone I'm related to and hang out with would never come visit me, so why bother? I could go off on how I now feel like I'm spending an inordinate amount of money obtaining a college degree that I probably won't be able to use by the time I get it. Actually that's not such a bad thing - my friend's son and I can go work together at the same coffee shop once he gets his BA. We'll have a lot of fun with that, so it's all good.

Nope, I'm here about the campaign advertising that Minnesota was ruthlessly bombarded with during the two most monstrous campaigns it's ever been my misfortune to witness. The television ads were relentless and caused the mute button on my remote to all but scream in agony from overuse. My mailbox nearly toppled to the walkway in front of the house, over laden with four-color ads that probably cost the ever-loving moon. And I've never gotten so many phone calls from kind campaign volunteers in my life. President Clinton even called my cousin. We listened to it, but I don't remember what he said.

Will our President follow up this bru-ha-ha with a television message thanking us for our patience? Will the other guy come on and follow it up? How long will we hear, "I'm So-And-So and I approved this message" on the radio before we finally drive off the nearest bridge in utter despair?

Both campaigns visited us so many times that it got so that we went from saying "he's here AGAIN!?!" to "Oh, yeah, he's here again." Will either of them even remember where Minnesota is this time next year?

In my career development class, we've been told that following an interview we're supposed to send a follow-up letter. I would like mine on White House stationary and DFL stationary with the following:

Dear Swing-State Voter - Thank you for your patience during the recent campaign. Please accept my sincerest apology for the media bombardment that you were forced to endure. Above all things, we appreciate that despite our pervasive rudeness, you took the time to go out and vote.

Again, Thank you and God Bless


And if it comes with the signature(s) stamped instead of hand-signed, that's okay too.

The campaigns are over, the election is finished. Now the real fight begins - day-to-day survival in a struggling economy and coping with the sight of yellow and American Flag motif ribbons multiplying by the day. What will the historians say?

I'm Channain, and I approved this message.

COMMENTS

Thursday, November 4, 2004 6:14 AM

STILLSHINY


(raising a glass) here here Channy!

Thursday, November 4, 2004 4:55 AM

ASTRIANA


I agree with you, Channy. I'd gone from being amused at some of the stuff I was seeing to dodging anyone unfamiliar who rang my doorbell. I actually have an online friend whose daughter didn't open the door for these folks. Fifteen minutes later, she checked to make sure they were gone, went to get the mail, and was cornered by them outside her own front door. The harrassed her about registering to vote - until she told them she was only 15 YEARS OLD... At which point, they asked to speak to her parents... *sigh*

By Tuesday, I'd actually gotten to the point where I put up a "no politics" sign on my desk because I was so far beyond overwhelmed.

I'm Astriana, and I approved this message.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004 10:23 AM

UNCHARTEDOUTLAW


I hear Vancouver is nice this time of year. Amen, Chan. California didn't have as much bombardment as other states, but I too am glad it's over.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004 10:16 AM

BROWNCOAT1


I for one am glad it is over. Now I can watch TV free of the agony of the bombardment of mud slinging campaign ads.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004 10:13 AM

CAPNRAHN


I am Captain Rahn and I fully endorse this message.

Now off I go to go pack my bags and emigrate to OZ ... after swilling down a deadly amount of Everclear.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004 9:44 AM

ZARK1976


very well thought out entry. You've got my vote.


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