Sunday, October 11, 2009

Well, now that I've posted my latest chapter, I feel like I can maybe admit to some stuff here without it sounding too much like whining, or like I'm making excuses to not write.

I'm not exactly normal, as some of you who have talked to me over e-mail can attest. I'm struggling against some mental illnesses that make it hard for me to be functional day to day. Anxiety is the big, BIG one. Even simple tasks that most people wouldn't think twice about are formidable for me, like calling a stranger for business over the phone, or even driving somewhere in a car. There are times when my life becomes a complicated dance of avoidance and fretting, to be overcome only by sheer personal force of will.

Most times, I fight this by keeping my life as settled and organized as possible. I do everything in manageable, incremental steps, plan everything out to the last detail, and I schedule ahead of time all chores, errands, recreation, business, and etc.

This last week, at work, there were some major last minute changes in plan for something I'd been working on that left me scrambling for transportation. There was panic. And I think worrying about this trip, even in the weeks before, had bled some anxiety and anxiety derived depression into my attempts to write at night and on the weekends. This plus not sleeping well and getting headaches, plus other things constantly coming up on weekends needing attention (like the termite thing), made it difficult for me to concentrate when I did have time to write, and was making me having to put aside pre-scheduled writing time. This made me frustrated, and therefore gave me MORE stress, from something that I normally do to try to unwind.

Anyway, having posted this chapter, I feel a lot more calm. I'm even going on a drive today, to practice, which also helps with driving related anxiety. I guess I just wanted to share that I'm feeling better. And perhaps, big picture, that doesn't really make much difference. But at least I have that.

Writing on next chapter will commence either Monday or Tuesday, depending which day I'm not watching the new episode of Castle. :)


Thursday, October 15, 2009 2:43 PM


Ooh, which one? The Zoe and Wash? The Post-movie? More of The Misfortune? I know you said that one was discontinued, but you might come up with some more ideas for it someday.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 1:34 PM


I'm having the cliched "dark and stormy night" here...maybe that will lead to writing. I'm glad you are doing well.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 2:51 PM


Thanks everyone for your support. For the record, this had been a much better week, and I've already started writing. Tonight in particular will be a good night for it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 1:49 PM


Hey! Good for you for having the courage to be so honest about what you are struggling with. I'm glad you are feeling better, and I hope that knowing that things do, on occasion, get better is helpful the next time things aren't so great.

I'm sorry to be such a tardy commenter, school has been keeping me busier than usual. But I wanted to send you some good thoughts, FWIW!

Monday, October 12, 2009 10:35 AM


*encouraging slap on the back*

I sympathize. There is an infinite supply of stress in the world. You will never run out of it, but you will develop coping mechanisms. Some coping mechanisms are actually disguised stress. My favorite is over planning. It helps, but turns back to stress when anything deviates from the plan. And that's a fairly reliable occurence.

Life gets in the way, and writing is a great alternative to life. I prefer the illusion of life to the real thing most times, which is why I need you to keep writing!

Best wishes.

Monday, October 12, 2009 3:50 AM


*hugs* Hope things get better. Take a deep breath and go on with life. *hugs again*

Sunday, October 11, 2009 11:11 AM


Just logged on to send you a hug. Sorry I haven't been around to read your latest chapter - I was enjoying belated birthday celebrations over the weekend just gone - and I really hate to rush reading your work, so bear with me and I'll be properly with it tomorrow. Also - have another hug why don't you?


You must log in to post comments.