brownquotes "heart of gold"
Monday, February 2, 2009

Heart of Gold
[Mal practices cocking and aiming his gun in the dining area when Inara comes up behind him.]
Inara: Hi.
Mal: BWAH!
Inara: [laughing] Sorry! Didn't mean to startle.
Mal: You didn't! I was just, uh… "BWAH!" That's more like a… It's a warrior like… Strikes fear into the… hearts of… You know, not altogether wise, sneaking up on a fellow when he's handling his weapon.
Inara: I'm sure I've heard that said. But… perhaps the dining area isn't the place for this sort of thing.
Mal: What do ya mean? It's the only place with a table big enough.
Inara: Of course. In that case, every well-bred petty crook knows that the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.
. . .
[Inara departs. Mal melodramatically draws his gun.]
Mal: Bwah.

[Inara answers Nandi's vid-transmitted appeal.]
Inara: It sounds like something this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but…
Nandi: If they got guns and brains at all.
Inara: They've got guns…
. . .
[After Inara signs off…]
Inara: I suppose you heard most of that?
Mal: Only because I was eavesdropping.
. . .
Inara: I'll contact Nandi at once, but you will be paid. I feel it's important that we keep ours… strictly a business arrangement.

Jayne: Don't much see the benefit in getting involved in strangers' troubles without a up-front price negotiated.
Book: These people need assistance. The benefit wouldn't necessarily be for you.
Jayne: That's what I'm sayin'.
Zoe: No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated, this job is strictly speculative.
Jayne: Good! Don't know these folks, don't much care to.
Mal: They're whores.
Jayne: I'm in.

Inara: Nandi, this is Malcolm Reynolds.
Nandi: I appreciate your coming.
Mal: Well, any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.
. . .
Mal: I'll introduce you to the rest later. They're good folk.
Jayne: Can I start getting sexed already?
Mal: Well, that one's kinda horrific.

Kaylee: Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all.

Simon: Isn't there a pregnant woman I'm to examine?
Wash: [to Kaylee] You'd really lie with someone being paid for it?
Kaylee: Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know, examine me.
Jayne: Whoop! My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly around the room, there's so much tasty here. Ooh!
Wash: Would be you get your most poetical about your pecker.

Kaylee: Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty.
Wash: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
Kaylee: 'Cause I'm pretty?
Wash: 'Cause you're pretty.

Mal: Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?
Inara: Will you wash it first?

Mal: Nothing worse than a monster who thinks he's right with God.
. . .
Nandi: Captain Reynolds, it took me years to cut this piece of territory out of other men's hands, to build this business up from nothing.
Mal: Nandi…
Nandi: It's who I am, and it's my home. I'm not going anywhere.
. . .
Mal: Well, lady, I must say — you're my kinda stupid.

Wash: Well, I'm not sure now is the best time to bring a tiny little helpless person into our lives.
Zoe: That excuse is gettin' a little worn, honey.
Wash: It's not an excuse, dear! It's objective assessment. I can't help that it stays relevant.
Zoe: I don't give a good gorram about relevant, Wash, or objective. And I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it. [tenderly] You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that child one day. Period.

Nandi: Truth is, I expected a whole lot more of you to be takin' payment in our trade.
Mal: Well, we're an odd conglomeration. Got a preacher, a married fellah, and the doctor… well, he'd have to… relax for thirty seconds to get his play. That'd be more or less a miracle.

[Simon and Inara tend to Petaline during her contractions. River waits at her feet like a catcher.]
Inara: How many babies have you actually delivered?
Simon: As the primary? This would be the first. You?
Inara: My first, too.
River: Mine, too.
. . .
River: Who do you think is in there?

Mal: Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make.
Nandi: Maybe I should get the Shepherd.
Mal: Well, I ain't sinned yet. And I'd feel a little more than awkward if he were here when I did.
. . .
Nandi: Malcolm, I been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you my guns.
[Mal kisses Nandi, then draws back for a moment.]
Nandi: You okay with this?
Mal: I'm just waiting to see if I pass out. Long story.

[Nandi's girl Chari reports to Ranse Burgess on Mal's defensive preparations.]
Ranse: Earned yourself quite a bag of silver, little kitten. But I got a… few more chores in mind before you get any.
Chari: I'm ready.
[He turns to speak to his men.]
Ranse: Now, Chari here, she understands a whore's place, don't she? But Nandi, and those others, they spit on our town! They've no respect for the sanctity of fatherhood, or… decency, or family! They have my child held hostage to their decadent ways, and that I will not abide. We will show them what power is! We will show them what their position in this town is! Let us all remember, right here and now, what a woman is to a man!
[He turns back to Chari, who stands facing him.]
Ranse: [whispering intensely] Get on your knees!

Inara: So you took to bed with Nandi. I'm glad.
Mal: Glad?
Inara: Yes! She's a dear friend, and probably in need of some comfort about now.
. . .
Mal: So, you're okay. Well, yeah. Why… why wouldn't you be?
Inara: I wouldn't say I'm entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste.

Kaylee: Cap'n seem a little… funny to you at breakfast this morning?
Wash: Come on, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one.

Book: Girls, nobody's going to die!
(Cut to Jayne.)
Jayne: There's people gonna die.

Jayne: [over radio] Whoa, now, girl, that is just plain dirty.
Mal: Jayne, you aware your radio's transmittin'? Cause I ain't feelin' particular girlish or dirty at the moment.

Jayne: Mal! Looks like we got some imminent violence!

[Ranse is on his knees before Petaline, who holds her infant son.]
Petaline: Ranse, this is Jonah. Jonah… say "hi" to your daddy.
[She shoots Ranse.]
Petaline: Say "goodbye" to your daddy, Jonah.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009 4:05 AM


Thank you for making me giggle this morning, even though this is generally not a happy episode, it still has some great one liners.


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