The Dark pt.2
Tuesday, January 29, 2008

First there were the headaches, the searing, burning and stabbing pain all through out my head. Crippling and making me weak, but I kept it to myself. I hide my pain to keep my freedom, for my parents would have locked my up and watched with bided breath if I showed any sign of illness. So great was their fear of losing me. And trapped in box with only candle light to comfort me was too terrifying to consider.

So I forced a smile to run in my fields and hideaways in the sweet starlight forest above. And I got to be with Them. They began to visit me more frequently and our love trust only grew. Even when the sky began to pale around the edges they where with me, even when I had to say good-bye I could feel them with me.

Soon though, the blinding headaches turned to nausea, and hiding became increasingly difficult, but I still did. I ate very little to fight the nausea and sickness and without fail I began to slowly loss weight. With that my parents began to allow the slightest worry cross their mind but thought it was simple teen rebellion, using my body to hurt them. The Doctors just told me to eat more, that it was silly to ‘starve’ myself, thinking the Dark had made me angry. No one saw that it was my body rebelling against me.

What pained me the most where their repercussions. As my body turned against me I could not always make it out into the Dark, and that sadden me the most. But soon it did not matter, because soon They began to visit me even in my home. They came even in the punishment of day. Even when the waves of nausea crippled me to my bed I had some one to hold me, They laid with me. And when I was antsy and unable to sleep in the Sun shadow they danced with me, read with me and simple whispered with me through the heat of the day. Often I didn’t even need to call for them, when pain hit me they where there to hold my hand when I needed it.

When I could make it out I was more subdued, unable to race in the night as I use to. The nausea kept me from dancing and frolicking with weakness and kept me from playing like a child with hunger. But still the Dark offered me so much. In the quiet stillness I could hear the whispers of life past and prayers weeping for their creator. In the twinkle of the starlight above I could watch my companions dance in passion and see how nature danced with them. And as the night expanded around us U could hear the softest sound of the purest part of my friends.

It is truly amazing how much strength you find you possess in the light of sickness. And it is amazing how well you can hide your weakness and sickness when no on one is truly looking. And it is scary how easily one can lie to themselves about the truth.

Yes, my sickness progressed. From headaches and nausea came the weakness and insomnia, for all the sickness sleep invaded me. Then came shakes and chills. So quickly did my down fall come, before long I could not walk.

And I could hide no more.

The Doctors poked and prodded, my Parents fritted and cried, but they could find nothing wrong. For all the tests and questions, there was nothing for them to find. Desperation flooded their actions and words. They became increasingly invasive.

For awhile after then I was condemned to live in the hospital. With nurses forgetting more than once about the lights and the sun pounded mockingly on the windows all sending me into unknown pain. Where medicine was forced in me to make me sleep or to try to heal me and tests where run one after the other and no food could encourage me to eat. And I was alone.

The hospital was my hell.

Even in the haze of drugs though I learned I wasn’t alone. On the edge on my consciousness I felt Them. In the day I would catch o glimpse of them in the halls, behind the nurses, hiding in the shadows, form the sight of anyone but me. At nigh She or He might visit, to whisper love as laid beside me. Some nights none came, but still their sweet music filled my ears. Even in Hell their love found me. And it kept me strong until the time came.

The doctors finally gave up.

Oh, they never admitted it, not out loud to me or my parents, or I think even to themselves, but they did. After the second time the nurse turned on the burning lights in error they sent home when the burns healed. They gave me none descript meds for my illness and told my parents I would be safer there. Swore they would continue to run tests, they would figure out what was wrong.

But the never said they would heal me.

Not long after I came home it happened.

I woke one night after one of my few restful days to find Them there. All of Them. Every one I had meet some I haven’t and She and He at either side of me. No word was shared, but she swooped down and kissed me softly and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. From the back a bundle was passed forward and the presented me with the most wondrous item on earth. A dress like Theirs made of soft moss and dew, that seem to glow in the dark room. Happily I slide It one and joined them.

Oh how we celebrated my joining. Suddenly I was filled with new strength and health. I felt more than human I felt right. We danced an played and explored and travelled like never before. I was whole again.

Before I knew the sky grew lighter and lighter and I turned to leave.

They held me put. I stared in wonderment as the shook their heads, and the sky grew lighter. The first brilliant rays hit me and our eyes filled with tears. I turn towards the shinnying beacon of light and color and turn back to them and slide into their embrace.

“When” I whispered through my tears.

“Before the break of night” He replied in my hair.

“Come” She whispered stroking me back, “Come home, come home with us. So much more awaits you”

I don’t know, even to this day, if the sun truly is as a first saw it, or if that was the projection of my own death.



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