NRKANGEL'S BLOG

nRkangel

A Friend, a Cat, a Sorrow and Search for Meaning
Friday, August 6, 2004

This is not about me for once. Normally I cringe at my blogs because I feel a little self-conscious and narcissistic about always being my own main subject. Yeah, yeah, I know all the arguments about why that's a kind of idiotic way to feel, but feelings don't ask for explanations...

I think that's why I enjoy reading everyone else's blogs so much. It's nice to be outside the faint guilt of looking at myself in a textual mirror. Besides, I like knowing that others have the same kinds of feelings and issues and trials and tribulations and events and worries and blinding moments of happines and....well, you get the picture.

*twang!* (The sound of a guilty conscience being plucked like a nearly naked chicken.)

WARNING!

The subject of this entry is going to be very sad and painful. If you find it hard to read about the euthanization of pets, then please skip this and I'll write something more upbeat later. I promise. (I'll need to do that if only for myself. I'm feeling a little heartsick at the moment.)

First let me say that the author of the following letter is a friend of mine. She's one of the most fantastic people I've had the pleasure of knowing and, if you follow the thread of her "live-journal" blog, you'll also see that she's one of the best writers you'll ever read. (When I finally get back to who I thought I wanted to be when I was growing up, I sincerely hope that that version of me can write as well as she does.)

For those of you who want an inside view of this person, here's the link to her journal:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/deckards_sixth/403896.html?nc=28

This will show the posting of her letter and connect you to her other entries. For those of you who just want to read the letter, here it is:

Quote:

Current mood: heartbroken
August 5, 2004

Ms. Christine Benninger
President
Humane Society of Silicon Valley
2530 Lafayette Street
Santa Clara, CA 95050

Re: George (Animal ID 433547)

Dear Ms. Benninger:

I am writing to you regarding a cat I brought to your shelter this past weekend. His name was George. According to your staff, he was euthanized yesterday, one day prior to receiving his examination and adoptability evaluation, because of stress he experienced while at your facility.

I brought George to your facility last Saturday, July 31st. It was not a decision I made lightly. I am well aware of the risk of euthanization at your facility, unlike your sister facilities in San Mateo and San Francisco. I remember expressing my concerns to the receptionist on duty that afternoon.

George was a Russian Blue snowshoe, about 6 months old. He first appeared in my neighborhood about three months ago. I believe he was abandoned. George was not feral. He’d been on the street for a few months, but that didn’t stop him from trying to come into my house on a daily basis. He was a brilliant cat: social, intelligent, vocal, playful. He didn’t like to be touched or handled when he was eating—he would scold you with a mouth full of food if you tried. He liked toys; he knew what a cat tree and a litter box were for. He always knew when I picked him up that I was taking him back outside, but he would always come back. He needed to be outside. It was like breathing to him. Any potential adopter would have had to allow him to be an outdoor cat at least part-time. My point of all this is: he was adoptable.

I have four cats of my own. I had been putting out inquiries to friends and coworkers for the last couple of months, but to no avail, so I decided to bring him to you. As I noted before, it was not without much apprehension. The girl at the counter Saturday afternoon assured me that George would get excellent care, no matter what his outcome. I could not afford the $50 for a callback, so she explained that I could call to check on his status for free by using his Animal ID number. I called to check on him three times this week. I called Monday morning, and was told there was no news on him. I was also told that he was scheduled for an evaluation and adoptability examination by Wednesday, and to call back Thursday morning. No one had claimed him yet, and he seemed to be doing fine. I called again Wednesday morning just to check on him and was told he’d received his FVRCP vaccination the previous day. Again, there was no other news, and I confirmed again that I should call Thursday morning to find how his exam and evaluation went.

This morning, I called, and was told that George had been euthanized last night at 9:00 due to “stress”. There was no other explanation in his computer file. I did not realize that there was a possibility your staff could or would euthanize him so quickly, with so little explanation, and prior to his exam. If I had known, I would have come to get him, to bring him back home. I would have never trusted your staff with him. I would have found a way to take him in myself and give him a chance.

I am writing you to try to find out what happened to George. It sounds as though he was euthanized before his examination. I want to know why. I want to know whether he had any social interaction during those days he waited. I want to know whether he was comfortable, or whether he lived in fear for five days before being euthanized. Lastly, I want you to tell me why I should ever consider relying on the HSSV again for help in such situations, because I believe that you failed us both. I cannot describe my heartbreak. I thought bringing George to you was the right thing to do. I believe now that it was the wrong thing to do.

Please, when you respond, do not give me a standard, rhetorical answer. This cat was special. Leaving him at your facility was incredibly difficult--he howled when we walked in the door, and I cried the whole time while I checked him in. I didn’t want to leave him alone in there, and he didn’t want to go. I thought I was doing the right thing. I realize you see hundreds of animals in your facility, and I realize that giving people a phone call when the possibility of euthanization comes up is difficult when you add more people into the picture. However, I think I was different. I was hanging on every status report. I mean, I called three times in five days to check on him! Was there no mention of that in the computer? Is there no alternate way for people like me to catch these animals in a safety net so they don’t end up lost in the shuffle and dead?

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,



When you love people, you cannot help but feel hurt when they hurt. You take some of their pain and wish that, by doing so, you could make theirs less burdensome and agonizing. It never seems to work that way, though. Pain worships at the pantheon of disease, spreading and multiplying itself. Somehow sharing it never seems to make it less than was. However, sharing pain like this does have the ability to make us closer to each other. That is it's only virtue and, perhaps, that is a worthy balance to strike. Fortunately, she also has a great guy that she's with that is there for her. Read her post event entries. You'll see what I mean.

In all fairness, I know that there's a lot that's not been said about what might or might not have happened at the Humane Society and some of you may feel compelled to make a case on their behalf. I ask you humbly - Please don't. Time will bring what perspective is needed.

Thanks for your patience.

Audrey? I love you, kiddo. This one's for you.

Hanging by a Thread
- by Jann Arden

A Post Script to the Story:
I recevied an update that you might be interested in. It doesn't help with the loss, but as I say, time brings perspective to nearly all things: http://www.livejournal.com/users/deckards_sixth/404952.html?mode=reply

COMMENTS



POST YOUR COMMENTS

You must log in to post comments.

YOUR OPTIONS

OUR SPONSOR